


Half-Life: Chances

by lechechu



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alien Flora & Fauna, Alien Planet, Alien Technology, Alternate Universe, Angst, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Drama, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Outer Space, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 123,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24265894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lechechu/pseuds/lechechu
Summary: The Combine have won. Yet will the remaining resistance find a new life to call their own out in celestial nothingness?
Relationships: Freeman - Relationship, G-man & Gordon, G-man/Gordon, The G-Man & Gordon Freeman, The G-Man/Gordon Freeman, gman & gordon, gman/gordon
Comments: 56
Kudos: 97





	1. Apprehension

Space.

The unforgivable. The unknown darkness that holds many secrets to the greatest minds of every generation. Stars, planets, nebulae, galaxies, pulsars, black holes - it's there. The cold vacuum, the empty silence. A place that doesn't care for any life, nor holds any virtue towards those who explore it. A place of life; nuclear fusion, the birth of any temperature-ranging stars, it is a beauty one cannot fathom to miss. Yet, while there is birth, there is also death. Planets that collide in a fierce storm of debris, stars that explode once their timer has clicked dry. There is beauty in death. And the whole cycle begins again. And it has... for many millennia. 

Within the pitch darkness, floated a ship. Colorless, cold, large, but no larger than a city. Orbiting an exoplanet in which they sought to conquer, to colonize - to make home. Earth was done for; they had lost. A battle fought for the longest months against an alien empire turned fruitless in the end. Yet, they had been doomed since the beginning. 100 years ago, it had been decided - any remaining life was to seek refuge somewhere else; to seek into the darkness that was unforgivable space. With hopes - if they could  _ ever _ hope now - to return back to their old world and take back what was rightfully theirs.

With the various beeps and tones of the computers, the dark halls of the colorless ship were empty. No one bustled about, no mumbles or laughter of any kind. It was about as empty as the universe outside of it. Yet, settled upon a room was a dimly lit computer, built into a console with nearly 100 different buttons; confusing to one that had no proper training. The computer gave off a blue hue, with the occasional flash of red to signal that it was ready for any giving of assistance to those who were aboard. A simple clock was displayed on the screen, counting down with only a few seconds to spare.

**00:00:00:00:00:03**

**00:00:00:00:00:02**

**00:00:00:00:00:01**

**INITIALIZING DEACTIVATION OF HYPERSLEEP AND HABITATION PODS**

**GOOD MORNING**

With a strong, loud beep from the systems, the room was bathed in light to reveal the details of the walls, as well as the various pods that laid against a support module to keep the carriers alive throughout the journey. Shall it malfunction, there wouldn't even  _ be _ a journey at all. Soft hisses came from the capsules, one by one the pressure evened out to prevent their bodies from succumbing to sickness or drastic injury. It was almost like being at the bottom of the ocean, and that too was dark and unforgiving. Once the pressure evened, the lid slowly rose open with a creak, revealing the bodies laying motionless within. Clothed in a simple tank top, or even shirtless, a wire was present to have stuck itself into their skin. Monitoring all heart rate and blood pressure - luckily slow and normal - the bodies continued to lay there, their eyes closed, as if the pods weren't even open to begin with.   
  


As the long minutes passed, some of them began to stir. The pale bodies slowly came to sit up in the cushioned capsule to get a feel of being finally awake after what felt like the longest sleep they had in their entire lives. Their eyes took time to open, as the bright room left twinges of pain to them and their heads. At least it simulated sunshine, even if it was artificial. Unfortunately, no vitamin D was given off - they would need to find sustenance elsewhere. They were asleep for a long time, much longer than anyone had gone for. 100 years... their friends back home were most likely deceased, as unfortunate it sounded. With a soft groan and a shift, a pink flush came across his soft, bearded face as forest- green eyes finally opened but settled on the bare backside of one man in the pod beside his.

"... God, it’s like 115 degrees in here. Or maybe it’s just that I'm smoking hot."

"... Really Barney? 100 years of sleep and that’s the best joke you got…?" Slowly sitting up in her pod, the young woman with black, short hair kept her eyes closed, voice obviously as hoarse as the one called Barney that spoke. Gritting his teeth, the unfit man cursed under his breath some before scratching the top of his head. Everything felt slow at this current moment; hardly a need to be fast. Yet, their muscles lacked the ability to move a mere few inches before ultimately giving into exhaustion. Half-asleep, most probable. 

“It’s the first thing that popped into my head Alyx, I’m not Ricky Gervais.”

“Who’s Ricky Gervais?” Alyx squinted her hazel eyes before hearing Barney give an exasperated sigh.  _ Uncultured _ , she was; perhaps being that she wasn’t really able to talk during those times. Comedian of the old world, one of Barney’s few favorites. The bearded scientist then gave a tired chuckle, ignoring the slight discomfort in his abdomen.

“Don’t make him irritated this early, Alyx, his brain can’t hotwire the few neurons left in him.” Gordon slowly scooted out of his habitation pod, ignoring Barney’s conflict and musings of giving Alyx a history lesson. Of course, the young woman had ignored him too, obviously too exhausted like the rest of them. However, it was surprising that Barney was the quickest to come to - almost as if he had taken a caffeine pill before entering their century-long sleep, if that was even possible. Did they even have caffeine pills still available in the old world? Surely the Combine didn’t mass produce them. They never slept - well… maybe besides the CPs.

“Stop rubbing in your mass capacity of neurons, Gordon - I’m a simple man. I like simple things.”

“Government conspiracies and absurd cat photos aren’t simple things.”

“They are a lifestyle, there’s a difference!” Barney defended himself before shaking his head and finally gaining the momentum of getting out of his own habitation pod. With a soft groan, Gordon rubbed at his face; forest eyes blinking to examine the place they were in. Right - still aboard the starship. It was Combine territory - yet thankfully with the scientists’ smarts, they were able to redesign it to fit their demands. After all, it was this or fight a battle they couldn’t win. They went completely off the radar - to make sure the Combine overworld didn’t track their position. Easier said than done. Yet, how did they come into possession with the ship?

Gordon then turned to look behind him as he heard shuffling of bare feet along the tiled floor, spotting the broad, bare backside of the man who made it possible. Of course, not many of their crew were happy to have him on board - considering his vague choices of being on their side or the opposing force. Forest-green eyes settled upon the name that was outlined on the side of the pod he emerged from -  _ Alek _ .

The Freeman glanced back to the half-naked man as he was still trying to adjust to being awake. He himself was probably not used to sleeping for such a long time - if he even wanted to sleep. He could easily jump forward through time, or backwards, without a care in the world. Yet, maybe 100 years capped over his limit. 99 years, not 100. Still… he seemed rather  _ different _ compared to when he last saw him. 

Catching sight of his deep blue eyes, Gordon then swiftly looked away as the other took notice of him staring, before gazing to his older colleagues who were finally up and moving around. Seems like the best thing to do was to get dressed, as most of them were half-naked and obviously delving into the change of temperature now that they were awake. Barney no longer complained of it being scorching hot, and instead covered his bare chest to keep a bit of warmth left to him.

“Come on, let’s get dressed while we still have dignity.” The one called Eli spoke out to the remaining members of the resistance. Sure, it was awkward being in their undergarments around each other, but they were friends. Right? At least close enough to garner acceptance to the difference in size. 

What that size was - up to anyone.

Quietly, they entered their respected divergence of locker rooms; men’s side - women’s side to the left and right. Of course, they only had two women on their team. Alyx of course, and another fellow scientist, Judith Mossman. Gordon didn’t have much conversation with her, considering some questionable things she’s done in the past, but never saw her as an enemy. However, that mindset was perhaps the opposite for Miss Vance. Gordon watched as Alyx moved past Judith, hardly skimming her by yet shooting her a look as if her very presence tainted the atmosphere hanging in the room.

She had every right to be angry; working for the opposing force as a double agent didn’t exactly wane her chances to being accepted amongst the crew. That was including of a different individual as well. The man supposedly named  _ Alek _ ; as Gordon stepped into the men’s locker room, his forest eyes caught sight of the man he was staring at before. He was managing his own jumpsuit - a complete difference in attire of what he was used to wearing. Blue tailored suit, shined Oxfords and a vintage royal purple tie. 

Now reduced to a simple gray and black bodysuit with less than satisfactory black boots. He looked more appropriate to be a maintenance worker than a government official. Well, they  _ all _ were. The Combine didn’t have much fashion sense, or at least the ones who supplied the ship did.  _ Alek _ looked rather dismissing of the attire, yet chose to wear such unremarkable pieces of clothing. After all, it wasn’t like he packed a suitcase full of his fashion essentials. If so, that was a complete miracle; they left in quite a hurry back on the old world.

With the sound of the zipper closing with a rapid velocity, Gordon snapped out of his minor trance and moved to a spare locker, retrieving his own unremarkable attire as well. It was getting colder, the more he stood out in the open - so this all worked out. At least a suit like this was easier to put on, unlike that of the H.E.V. - sometimes it took an hour on a bad day; 30 minutes on a good one. Of course, that didn’t stop Freeman from trying to break the record at some point. Seeing how fast he could get the armor, or if he could beat a timer before the 15-minute mark.

Never succeeded, but it was always fun to try.

“How in the hell do you zip this up?” Gazing over to his buddy, Gordon couldn’t help but to snort lightly to Barney’s attempt to pull up the zipper located on his backside. If he actually took time to look around, the zipper was supposed to go on the  _ front. _ Deciding to play along and help him, the bearded scientist pulled the pin upwards to help him before going back to assemble his own jumpsuit. 

“Think I might need a bigger size.”

“I think you might need to rethink how you wear it.” Gordon stated as Barney shot him a confusing look before gazing around at the other’s within the locker room, who simply gazed back to him with an amused look. It took him a second to realize that he had indeed worn it backwards. Yet, now the zipper was stuck and couldn’t be pulled down by his willpower alone.

“You set me up!”

“Good morning, Barney!” Gordon grinned and dodged a left boot that was thrown at him by the former security guard, snickering some before eventually deciding to help his friend after some much desired whining. Eli chuckled and shook his head, zipping up his suit before closing the locker door.

“I’m keeping tally, Barney - Gordon’s offsetting you by two now.”

“Oh come on! That’s no fair! I don’t function right if I don’t have coffee first!” 

“ Excuses, excuses .” Chiming into the conversation, the one called Russell grinned and settled a hat upon his balding head, before gazing to one individual who scoffed and groaned to their loudness. Obviously, someone else woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Arne Magnusson, a fellow colleague that also worked at the Black Mesa Research Facility - before everything went to hell and back. 

“Are you all always this  _ loud _ ?”

“We’re just having a bit of fun, Magnusson.” Eli closed his locker door before gazing as the prickly scientist simply rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Fine. No one grants me a moment’s peace but by all means, shoot out my eardrums with your constant scratching on chalkboards.” Squinting their eyes in confusion, the 5 of them gazed to each other momentarily before going back to redressing appropriately. Must be an old saying, or perhaps their voices actually sounded like scratching on chalkboards; well, to him at least. Tying up his boots, Gordon then glanced upwards as Alyx came into the room - already prepared and dressed for their new lives aboard the ship. 

“AH! A girl!” Covering his shame, Barney cowered away before Alyx snorted lightly and rolled her eyes.

“Ah, _bigfoot_! But no, I came to tell you guys that… well, as the established  _ communications-officer-slash-medical-officer _ , you’re all required to visit the medical bay for check-up. Got to make sure some of you didn’t lose too many brain cells when coming out of hypersleep.”

“ Ah! Good thinking! We could be a ticking time bomb to our internal organs exploding from atmospheric pressure change and artificial gravity. ”

“... Great talk, Russ.” Alyx stated before eventually leaving the locker room, along with a few men from theirs. Isaac Kleiner, who was Gordon’s old mentor, as well as Magnusson and Russell - Barney and Gordon trailing close behind. Of course, before Eli had decided to join them, took this opportunity to approach the one named Alek. Deep blue eyes settled on heterochromia ones - eyes that held distrust and concern for the apparent captain aboard this ship. Captain, commander - either way, it was Alek who held the keys to their freedom.

“... I assume this mission isn’t entirely ours to govern.” Lingering their sight a mere moment longer, the government man then gazed down to his boots, tying them in a correct fashion that best suited for walking in. Eli crossed his arms some as the other didn’t respond to him. Nonetheless, he had never responded to much accusations in the past - he was an observer; perhaps it was his job to create total ruination before collecting data from observance of them picking up the pieces. A practical sandbox to delve into scientifically improbable scenarios becoming probable. 

He was the metaphorical master to the rats that begged for cheese; which in this case, was the observer that held the keys to their survival while also dangling them over a pit of death. Alek’s  _ employers _ had granted the ship for use, much to Eli’s complete worry. The probability of being thrown into another Black Mesa scenario was likely however not common to come by. This ship would be a nightmare, and knowing the pale man’s presence on it only left a sour taste in the scientist’s mouth. The little he did know was all bad.

“You may be our observer, but I’m going to be the one watching you.” Eli spoke quietly, the sour taste leaving his mouth with a bit of irritation as Alek simply ignored the other once again, closing the locker after giving one solemn look to the former Black Mesa employee and leaving the other to delve into his own conspiracies revolving around his presence. He couldn’t stop the suspicion; that was way beyond his control - yet what he could do is keep a hand out of it. Adding more would spoil the consequences.

Meanwhile, Gordon decided to stop by a certain room after traversing the ship with Barney; it was the first time they were seeing it to it’s full extent. While it wasn’t as big as say… the  _ Borealis _ , in terms of length - but rather the amount of technology available for their use. Among this ship, correctly labeled as the  _ Undulatus _ , was a functioning laboratory. Quite fitted with the right equipment for analyzing foreign objects and miscellaneous that they would come across on their travels to the nearest exoplanets. 

“Spiffy.”

“It’ll get the job done, that’s all I care about.” Gordon tenderly ran his hand over a light fixture that was hanging overhead, pressing the small button located on the side. With the light turning on, the Freeman smiled as it was in good stature for appropriate examinations of samples. The usual equipment he’d seen at the old Research Facility, only more upgraded and intune with easy use. Deep down, the bearded scientist felt excited to discover and analyze anomalous materials.

“Just like old times, huh?”

“... yeah.” Forest-green eyes gazed to the various beakers and vials available for use before his hand ultimately shut off the light overhang. Barney watched his buddy, crossing his arms as he then gazed around the lab that he was going to be working in. While there were no windows to broadcast artificial environments of the outside world or replications of Earth’s natural phenomenons - the walls were the same color as Black Mesa’s. It was a resemblance that left a certain chill deep in Calhoun’s bones.

“Same walls.”

“... Guess they don’t have a thing for interior decorating. You would think after 100 years, they’d spice up the place.”

“At least it hits close to home.” Barney quietly stated, before relinquishing in the silence that came across the two of them. Slowly turning to lean against the lab table, Gordon felt the slight sensation of deja vu; of course the walls reminded them of Black Mesa because it’s how everything started. The beginning of the end - how could they not remember? 

“100 years… still think anyone’s around back there?”

“... Would be a hell of a generation if so. Living in a world of toxicity and suppression from the Combine - I’d imagine hell’s a better place than that. But, we’re talking  _ 100 _ years, Barney. Our lifespan is drastically cut in half by what we went through - those who live to be 100 must be saints.” Gordon sighed heavily and adjusted his glasses before crossing his arms. Forest eyes gazed to the floor as Barney came to lean against the table as well.

“Maybe it’s good that those people died. I mean, I know that sounds morbid but… they missed out on total hardship and torture that… death is practically an escape. I mean look at Kate… I-I’m glad she’s not in this.” Barney inhaled deeply, gazing around the lab as Gordon patted his shoulder. His old lover - from the old world. Gone but absolutely not forgotten.

“I get what you mean. They’ll live with us in memory and… all we can do now is hope that the planets we come to discover is a place we can restart again. Who knows, if the Combine comes knocking again… we’ll be ready. Hell, maybe we can even find a scientific cure for aging at a rapid rate and live long enough to fight alongside our offspring.” Gordon shrugged lightly before glancing over to his buddy as he scoffed in slight amusement and most likely disgust. 

“We don’t have many choices to choose for re-populating the human race, buddy.”

“... Well… yeah, you’re right but I think we can look past that if it means for the sake of survival, right? After all… we’re-- potentially the  _ only _ ones suitable for… _ you know _ . Like I said, for the sake of survival.” Gordon lightly pulled on the collar of his jumpsuit, leaving Barney to chuckle and nod at the awkwardness of the conversation. 

“Has Eli pushed it onto you yet?”

“... He may have mentioned it once. But I don’t see… Alyx, in that way. She’s nice but, I don’t know. It just feels awkward.”

“Sake of survival, buddy.” 

“I’ve had enough of this conversation.” Gordon got up from leaning against the table, causing Barney to burst out laughing. It was all in good jokes, yet there was that subtle feeling; this was something they would eventually have to talk about - if they manage to find a planet with the right atmosphere and sustained ecosystem to support their life. Once that would arise, soon the conversation will -  _ doing their part _ for the good of humanity. 

Still didn’t make it any less awkward. They were friends, old colleagues and somewhat strangers at the same time - of course it wasn’t comfortable to talk about. Reproduction itself wasn’t a topic that ever crossed Gordon’s mind before, even back on the old world. The realization only came once the message of the Suppression Field was now deactivated in City 17. His old mentor had broadcasted it to the remaining resistance fighters - quickly urging them to get to business before the Combine could cease their numbers from growing once more.

And then again when Eli reminded Gordon himself to do his part once at White Forest.

Caught him off guard - wasn’t a topic he was used to hearing. Lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his throat, Gordon decided to check more around the laboratory to see what else it had to potentially offer - yet most likely tried to find a way to disguise the blush that creeped along his cheeks. His fingers numbed and warmed, making it hard to get a good grip on the cabinet handles, as they kept slipping. Taking a small breath, the Freeman pulled open the drawers before gazing inside, spotting nothing in particular value, except maybe a clean lab coat.

Deciding to try it on, Gordon smoothed out the fabric once he slipped it over his shoulders, turning around to let Barney see. Of course, he gave a thumbs up - as now it was completely deja vu. This was the equivalent of Black Mesa - no windows to the outside world, similar walls, similar  _ demeanor. _

“Suits you better than anyone else, buddy.” 

“Even if I’m wearing this fashionless jumpsuit underneath?”

“Surprisingly… it’s alright. I thought it was going to look ugly, but well… I guess function over fashion, right?” Barney snorted lightly as Gordon simply chuckled and smoothed out the fabric once again. Sure looked strange on the outside, after all, the jumpsuit was a bit bulky looking to begin with. Now it just seemed like Freeman stuffed a bunch of napkins underneath his lab coat. Looking up from his body, the bearded scientist then paused upon the figure peeking in from the glass window on the door. Alek, was it?

Deep blue eyes looked him over, almost examining him like he had done so many times before. The two stared at each other, as Barney finally followed his buddy’s eyesight, catching the government man peeking in on them. Eventually the man had turned to leave, most likely headed towards the medical office for the checkup Alyx wanted them to do. Barney gave a soft chuckle at the strange behavior before turning back towards Freeman.

“So this is the guy that you said was watching you before. Looks like he’s still made it his mission to observe you.”

“... M-Maybe he was just looking for someone else and just happened to recognize me. I mean, we’re all pretty slow this morning - I’m sure he’s still trying to adjust from being asleep for a long time. He probably forgot who I even was for a second.” Gordon lightly shrugged and turned towards a small mirror that was settled upon one of the tables to gaze at himself.

“Or maybe your suit is really goofy and he was having a tough time understanding how you could look so boxy.” 

“Thanks Barn.” Deciding to take off his lab coat, Gordon then threw the clothing at his buddy, leaving him to cower and chuckle some before someone had come through the lab to examine it. Gordon’s old mentor, Isaac Kleiner. At least, he still looked the same as when they left - in fact, they all did. Gazing to the two, Dr. Kleiner had then approached them.

“Well Gordon, is this anything of what you were hoping for to do research?”

“Not exactly, just doesn’t feel the same if you and Eli aren’t here.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be around to peek in every once in a while. After all, we’re your superiors and even if we’re not in Black Mesa, it still applies today. I imagine Magnusson won’t be too happy to share the lab with you, or at least partly happy. Designated spaces might be a good tactic for avoiding confrontation - I know he’s not much of a sharer.” Adjusting his glasses, the old scientist had then looked to Barney as he scoffed and crossed his arms.

“A hoarder is more like it.”

“Now now, Barney - we’re all hoarders in some way or another. Our labs aren’t as big as they were before so we have to make compromises.” 

“What about you, Dr. Kleiner? Are you sharing another lab with Eli?” Gordon had asked, moving to lean against the table alongside his old friend, taking back the lab coat he threw at him earlier. Isaac lightly hummed before pointing towards the door.

“Somewhere a few doors down, me and Eli haven’t discovered it yet. Even if we won’t be working in the same room, we’re still relatively close to one another.”

“Good thing too, you might need to hold Gordon back at some point so he doesn’t blow a hole into Magnusson’s skull once the realization hits that he’s asinine. I obviously can’t be caught in the line of fire, I got other important things to be done. Like lifting boxes… and guarding the nearest soda dispenser in the café.” Barney snorted and chuckled, groaning as Gordon had sucker-punched him in the arm, leaving Isaac to shake his head at their jokes. 

“Barney, you’re tasked with the mission of keeping us safe in case we run into any trouble. You’ve protected us well back on Earth, it only makes sense that you protect us here.” Adjusting his glasses once more, Kleiner watched as the dark-haired man smiled and shifted in his step some from the compliment.

“Oh, Dr. Kleiner, don’t feed his ego too much, he’ll explode.” Gordon grinned and yelped as he was also sucker-punched before the two had managed to call it a truce. Speaking of exploding, perhaps it was best to head down to the medical office for a checkup like Alyx said. Russell…  _ did _ put some interesting thoughts into their minds back at the locker room - and it was slowly eating away at them no matter how many times they tried to ignore it. Of course, Alyx didn’t make it mandatory but Russell’s words sure did.

Putting away the lab coat, Gordon took Barney along with Dr. Kleiner to see if they were indeed alright to be upon this ship. Who knew how long they were going to be on board, and if they would be able to find a planet able enough to support them. However, the first order of business was to make sure their internal organs weren’t a ticking time bomb.

At least getting the ‘green light’ from Alyx would set their minds at ease. As they left down the corridor together, Eli had managed to snag Isaac away from the line momentarily, as he had been wanting to talk with him. Things were going to be different now, and of course he had every right to be wary of the government man’s intentions while they were on board. His  _ employers _ had lent this ship for their use, however he doubted they’d be able to use it to its full potential. 

Being 100 years away from Earth, not knowing if the Combine were right behind them did spark some worry in Eli’s mind. They had barely managed to escape at the last minute, as the alien empire grew too strong after the debacle with the Borealis. Of course, the Combine had not mastered teleportation like they had, so maybe it would take quite a while before they could catch up. Yet, if they managed to find a planet out in the middle of nowhere, who is to say it won’t be occupied already? They knew aliens existed - with Vortigaunts being their main source of evidence since the Black Mesa incident.

Now, a complete changeover had been made. While they were enemies before, they were allies now. The remaining Vortigaunts had bought the humans time for escape before an all-out force could wipe them clean. Still, that didn’t cure the worry that still stuck within their minds. This ship didn’t belong to them - no, it belonged to  _ him _ and his  _ employers _ . Glancing to the back of Alek’s head, Eli squinted his eyes as he was waiting amongst the other crew members to get a check-up.

Still that poised nature, but unsure of what lies deep in his mind.


	2. Something Secret Steers Us

“Hey Gordon.” Watching the bearded scientist finally come in after a 20-minute wait, Alyx lightly tapped her nails against the table as he approached with a gentle nod of acknowledgment. Gordon gazed around momentarily before humming to himself. It was quite more spacious than his lab - then again, this was the medical bay. Of course, it had to be more spacious to house any people who undergo major injuries or get exposed to harsh environments. Which, if they were going to explore these exoplanets, having a medical wing was definitely going to help. Yet, they weren’t entirely qualified to be medical doctors. Scientific doctors yes, but actually performing surgery on someone wasn’t in their field. 

“So, let’s get the basics out of the way; do you feel like your internal organs are going to explode?”

“No.”

“Good, then we’re getting somewhere,” Alyx snorted lightly, “I’m sorry, Russell can be a bit… different, I guess? Truth is, he’s always been like that. I’m sure he doesn’t notice I mean - it’s good that he speaks his mind or whatever he’s thinking, but sometimes it can get a bit insensitive. Had a few rebels come in here afraid because they were feeling their heartbeat getting too fast. Just anxiety but… still - better to be safe than sorry.” Pulling out a chair for the physicist to sit on, Alyx grabbed hold of a small machine and wheeled it over.

“Blood pressure check. I guess. I’m still learning, and thankfully one of the other rebels stepped in to help. They were a nursing assistant before the Combine took over City 17. Still don’t know why I was labeled for medical assistance though. I should be alongside dad and Dr. Kleiner. To be frank, I should have Mossman’s job.”

“What is Mossman’s job?”

“She’s _Communications_. Which doesn’t make me feel any better. I mean… you were there, we heard the conversations she was having with Breen before everything went to hell. Can she really be trusted in keeping our surveillance under rep?” Wrapping the sleeve around his arm, Alyx tried to remember what button to push before managing to get it right, having Gordon relax his arm in her hold.

“I guess we’ll just have to keep our minds open to anything. Mossman may have been a double agent but she did help us out in the end.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t forgive everything.” Alyx stated before looking as the medical rebel brought in another patient to check over. Gordon glanced over to the next patient that was brought in, feeling a certain spike in his own heartbeat once deep blue eyes settled on his green ones. Right, he was still here. The government man took a seat, across from where the bearded scientist was, just allowing the rebel to check his eyes for any redness or inaccurate dilation.

Hearing a beep of the machine, Gordon snapped his attention to it as Alyx moved to see what it read. It would appear his blood pressure was slightly elevated now, but it was no cause for concern. Yet, the Freeman knew the reason for his elevation. He felt fine just a second ago, until the government man had walked in. Forgetting some of her tools, the Vance descendant had moved to go grab them, as the physicist simply kept his eyes to the individual getting checked before him. The gentle drone and rumble of the ship as they drifted through space left an even more awkward silence. 

“... So Alek’s your real name?” Gordon tried to make conversation, to break that uncomfortable silence, lightly shifting in his seat as the bureaucratic man simply gazed to him upon the question. He gave a subtle nod; so small he mistook it for merely a shiver as a stethoscope was pressed against his exposed back. The cold metal traveling along his skin couldn’t stop the goosebumps from spreading along his arms - a reaction the bearded scientist could understand. 

“... What does it mean?”

“ **_... Man’s defender._ **”

“Is it… Russian?”

“ **_Yes._ ** ” Quietly humming to himself, Gordon lightly rubbed the back of his head. He couldn’t remember any time that he had a conversation with the government man, aside from cryptic messages designed to get him to a certain place - or even during his travels - would spot him in places he couldn’t necessarily reach. Now many others knew of him, including the daughter of Eli. Yet, there was something strange about him. Almost as if his other self was completely gone. He appeared… _human_ , in a sense. At least more human than he was previously before.

Was this his form previously?

Once Alyx had returned with her tools in hand, Gordon unzipped his jumpsuit some, to allow her to take his temperature, as well as hear his heart and lungs. The bureaucrat stared; deep blue eyes tracing the outline of Freeman’s chest and abdomen. He was toned - most likely due to carrying pounds of equipment to aid in his fight, yet he still looked scrawny compared to himself. Alek used to be in the military, and typically had a good body to endure some harsh environments of his own. Yet, there was a clear difference in their body types - posture included. The bearded scientist was sort of hunched over, while the government man was straight and poise.

“ **_... You’re in pretty good shape for a man of science._ **” Gordon glanced to the government man momentarily before gazing back at Alyx as she wanted to check his eyes. No redness, or inexact dilation - perfectly healthy. Seemingly, it went over his head, and so the pale man tilted his head some to the side. 

“ **_How does one manage to stay looking relatively good in response to complete chaos?_ **”

“... Well, maybe all the running and dodging managed to keep me in shape. That and well… back at Black Mesa, you had to be within range of average fitness to wear the H.E.V. suit, otherwise it wouldn’t necessarily help you. Since those who wear the suit are exposed to certain elements and environments, I doubted they’d let someone of subpar fitness to be in those situations to begin with. It was a rule - made mandatory.” Gordon lightly grunted some as the cold metal of the stethoscope finally touched his backside, causing him to flinch slightly at the shock. 

Goosebumps began to spread along his arms and chest, evidently showing the sensation that crawled along to expose his erect nipples. Covering his chest a little as he was in front of two women, Gordon thought that now was the time to be modest. Lightly clearing his throat, the Freeman then began to put back on his suit once he was allowed to, and for the government man’s show to be over - unfortunately. He was certainly curious among other places of Freeman's body, though of course this examination wasn’t necessarily prone to discovering that. 

“ **_I’m sure you’re prone to acquiring… much needed stamina in times of certain need, do you not? If not for a fight, then for other exhausting activities._ **”

“Well… sure, working out does use up a lot of stamina, but it helps build it u--”

“ **_\--I’m referencing sexual relations, Mr. Freeman._ ** ” The room fell silent; no one had expected those words to escape this man’s mouth - as no one has ever heard him talk in such a way. Cryptic speeches, not… _curiously_ wondering about the Freeman’s sex life. Alyx gave a glance to Gordon, who was trying hard to subdue the blush that crawled along his face before a soft chuckle finally released from his throat.

“... Yeah, I-I guess that’s good to have too, for those situations…” Lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, forest eyes then soon settled upon the government man’s feet. Sure felt awkward now - considering the idea of sex and reproduction was still floating around. To save humanity and feel good doing it. Still, it didn’t help that everyone kept nudging him towards the one woman who was clearly in the room. 

“ **_Even if it is for the good of humanity, surely you have your preferences, yes?_ **” 

“Well… uhm… I guess?”

“ **_I will assume that your preferences are to be catered to someone of your… delight, and availability to get you taken care of. Most do not fit that outline, yet it’s better to broaden your horizons._ **“

“Are… a-are you referencing yourself?”

“ **_Perhaps. Though of course, your duties are to ensure humanity’s survival. I for one cannot give you the benefit, but rather the… pleasure, of attuning to your needs should you grow tiresome of repetitive actions._ **” Gordon sat there with his mouth agape, hardly finding any chance to close his mouth as the government man zipped up his suit after he was finished being examined.

“... I…” The Freeman managed to choke out, forest-green eyes following the bureaucratic man’s direction as he made his way towards the door. Pressing the button, Alek then gazed over his shoulder at the individuals who were left speechless, before softening his expression.

“ **_A mere joke. Do not take it personally, Dr. Freeman._ **” With those words escaping his mouth as he left and for another patient to be brought in for examinations, Gordon couldn’t remove his eyes from where the man went, even if he was no longer there. Did the other just come onto him or was it really a joke? 

“... _Okaaay_ , well, that was random.” Alyx softly hummed before glancing back to Gordon and removing the stethoscope from his backside. It was a good thing too - as Freeman's heart began to jump wildly in his chest. Even if he was freezing cold with half of his jumpsuit off - it sure felt warmer than the New Mexico desert. Given the ‘okay’ from Eli’s daughter, the bearded scientist slowly slipped his jumpsuit back on, zipping up the pin and gripping the material lightly.

It felt certainly strange now.

Once Gordon mustered up the courage to finally leave the medical bay, he was still clearly out of it. Barney had tried to get his attention, already examined and green-lighted for his vitals being normal and average, yet saw the state that his buddy was in. Had something gone wrong? Did Alyx discover something she wasn’t supposed to? Or was Russell right and his heart was on the verge of exploding? Following him back to the laboratory, the dark-haired man watched as the Freeman went over to the table and leaned against it, almost as if he was exhausted simply from that walk alone. 

“Are you okay?”

“... It was a joke, right?”

“What was?”

“What he said.”

“What who said? Buddy, you’re kind of weirding me out - what happened in there? … Did Alyx put the moves on you before you could do it?” Squinting his eyes and lips curling into a smug smile, Barney then watched as Gordon finally turned back around, eyes widened and a clear blush across his cheeks.

“... no. She didn’t do it - the _captain_ did.”

“... What?”

“... Alyx didn’t flirt with me. Alek did.” Gordon vented in lightly upon the realization, forest eyes examining the lab room they were in before ultimately closing. He pressed his face into the palms of his hands, obviously embarrassed that he didn’t catch it sooner. Referencing his toned body, asking if he had stamina for knocking boots and even going as far to signify his availability in case he grew bored of repetition. 

It had to be a joke, right? He did say it was a mere joke, but deep down, those eyes he gazed at held something else within. A matter of truth, despite the clear difference in rank between them. Not only that, but the fact that he was his observer, his employer, dealmaker, _whatever_ … and still had the gall to flirt with him - even if he hadn’t done it previously before. This man was certainly different now, and to Gordon it was _terrifying_. 

Sure, the embarrassment and bashfulness came and went but now the panic began to set in. If he had not stated it being a joke, what would Alyx think? What would anyone else think? The main person who was the proprietor for ruining their lives was flirting with one of his subjects. Before Barney could sprout any mocking phrases, he immediately rushed to Gordon’s side once he went down, falling flat onto his bottom as anxiousness took him over in one fell swoop. His legs felt weak, shaky, as if he was completely walking on stilts or was a deer on ice.

“Woah, okay, I think you need a bit of a reality check buddy; it was a joke. There was probably nothing to it, so just breathe, okay? Maybe Alyx should re-examine you just to make sure she didn’t miss anything.” Holding onto his hand as Gordon leaned against the lab table, hyperventilating - Barney soon sat down on the floor with him, wondering if he should definitely call for Alyx to assist. It wasn’t usual for him to see Freeman have such a massive panic attack, especially if it was sparked by something such a jokeful flirting.

Considering that Barney had done it before in the past, plenty of times, he thought Gordon would catch onto it right away. Yet, of course, Barney wasn’t the one who did it this time - it was that odd man named Alek who did. He couldn’t imagine what he could have possibly said to the Freeman, only that it managed to completely wipe him out. Now he was a silent but chaotic mess, lying on the floor of his laboratory trying to keep himself from passing out.

“Okay buddy, it’s alright, just breathe. Look at my mouth, follow my breathing.” Trying to get the other to calm down, Barney began to breathe in and out with his old friend, as Gordon did as the other told him. He watched his mouth, trying to copy the former security guard’s ventilating, starting to slow down and recuperate. What seemed like the longest minutes of his life, the bearded scientist’s heart was no longer beating rapidly, returning to a normal, yet elevated state. He wasn’t out of the blue yet, as Barney could tell by the shakiness in the other’s hand while holding it.

“Do you want a hug?” Speaking gently, Barney then shifted a bit closer to the other as Gordon pressed his ear to the other’s chest, forest-green eyes rolling back and closing as his buddy embraced him. No words of jokes or mocking tone came out of the former security guard’s mouth, as he knew how exhausting they were. He had a few of his own in the past, but mostly handled them due to his ex-girlfriend having them quite a few times in their lives. He was only lucky that the same tactics he used for her managed to calm the Freeman down as well; everyone was different.

He sat there, quietly with him, listening to the Freeman’s soft breathing as he slowly came down from the heightened sensitivity, feeling his fingers tenderly curl and clutch onto Barney’s jumpsuit as he leaned against him. If the Captain did indeed flirt with Gordon, surely not many would be too happy with it, his employers included. The difference in rank, as well as what had occurred in previous times only garnered suspicion towards the government man.

Yet, deep down, Gordon felt confused. What had compelled Alek to make those flirtations towards him? Was he trying to lighten the atmosphere, knowing that they were to work together in trust and respect despite the post-apocalyptic events made true by him? Or was this a diversion? To have others think about something else while he tampers in his own mission? What that mission was - completely unclear. However, the fact that Alek’s flirting managed to make Freeman completely caught off guard and endure a panic attack left him to be even more confused.

Why react that way to begin with?

Him and Barney used to play-flirt all the time, it made for some interesting jokes; why was the government man flirting with him give completely different results? Gordon sat there, confused, exhausted, having the urge to enter a deep sleep in hopes of recovering what energy was lost. Being on board the Undulatus was already stressful enough as it was - this was a completely new experience. 100 years in the future - the Freeman couldn’t even imagine if anyone else from the old world survived and was trying to reach out to them, or even if there was other life among these planets. 

Perhaps all of these realizations kept crashing down on him, and Alek coming onto him was the cherry on top of a steep incline of excessive, apocalyptic cake. With the gentle ticking of an internal clock located by one of the panels on the wall, Barney finally gazed down to his buddy, softly huffing in amusement as Gordon was already on his way to falling asleep. Nonetheless, the former security guard’s bottom was starting to ache from the tiled floor, and his legs were beginning to enter that tickling, static feeling of being asleep. 

“Gordon… come on, go find your hab suite and get some rest. I can’t sit here all day, my ass is killing me.” Barney lightly shook the physicist leaning against him, to which Gordon finally managed to will himself to sit up. Still, the exhaustion was increasingly difficult to manage, as the Freeman couldn’t stop his eyes from closing and opening. Deciding to help him up, the dark-haired man hooked his arm over his shoulder to keep him upright, moving to leave the lab after shutting off the lights. 

“Come on, I’ll help you. Can’t have you collapsing in the middle of the hall.” Wrapping his left arm around Freeman’s waist to keep him up, Barney helped him down to the residential wing, where most of the crew were destined to have their rooms to occupy. Of course, they were small - not the usual standard apartment complexes they were used to. This was indeed a ship, but not Titanic. 

Finding a room that was unoccupied, Barney had carried him inside, gazing around the dim, colorless room. Not the best arrangements to live in, but at least it’ll serve its purpose. Taking him over to the small slab of a bed, the former security guard had gently laid Gordon down, pulling down the zipper of his jumpsuit some - so he could be more comfortable, before tucking him in with a blue-ish gray blanket around his shoulders.

“If you need anything, ring for Alyx or me. We’ll come, okay?” Receiving a light nod in response, Barney then removed Gordon’s glasses from his tiresome face, setting it aside on a round end table next to the bed. He had survived through a lot more than anyone here - and it would make sense if he was feeling a lot of pressure now. He had worlds on his shoulders, now he was going to be looked up to for steering humanity in the right direction once more. 

He felt bad for him - as this was something Barney couldn’t possibly think of to pay back the debt. They owed him a lot, and it was surprising that Gordon didn’t keep a tally. He was never like that to begin with; the Freeman always seemed to lend a helping hand despite not receiving anything in return. He saved Earth once, attempted twice to, and now… everything seemed to be falling apart and Barney knew he was blaming himself. If only he was a bit quicker in thinking, or possibly found an easier route that could get them to safety much more efficiently - he knew what he was thinking. 

None of that ever mattered, as long as Freeman was safe and sound along with the rest of their close friends. He hated that Gordon blamed himself for most things out of his control - the Resonance Cascade was probably a major contribution. He was the only one in that test chamber that day, only he would know what went wrong but that was the point - he _didn’t_ know what went wrong. A standard test for a non-standard specimen. He didn’t know that it was going to be the kickstarter for this whole abomination. 

Some doubted his skills, his contributions for the good cause; the resistance - some believed he was only making it worse. Barney felt like he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was only trying his best. Most thought he was dead after Black Mesa, for good reason. He hadn’t shown his face for 20 years, then popped up completely unscathed and unchanged since the last time he saw him. Apparently, that man - the one who had supposedly flirted with him - dealt a hand into the matter. While he didn’t completely understand it, he was going to believe him. After what he’s seen out in the field, in the streets of City 17 and behind the curtains of the reigning Civil Protection, he was ready to believe anything. 

They relied on him more than they relied on themselves.

Barney released a heavy sigh as Gordon finally succumbed to exhaustion, his face planted into the pillow and curled up in the fetal position for comfort. Dark circles; and he was starting to finally sprout gray hairs upon his goatee and auburn hair. Of course, he definitely needed a shave and a haircut; perhaps he could offer to do it for him - just to maintain a good look about him. Maybe cut off pieces of the past to ensure a hopeful outlook for the future. 

Lightly patting his shoulder, Barney then slowly turned to leave his suite, in order to let Freeman rest in peace. Closing the door after himself, the former security guard blinked as the same man he witnessed before - and the one Gordon had talked about - was walking down the opposite end of the hall, supposedly looking for a hab suite of his own. He watched and waited to see where he would go in, only for his mind to get confused as he left down another corridor. 

Well, he was the captain, maybe these rooms were too unfashionable for his liking, or too small. He was rather tall, considerably so, due to his posture of respect and authority. He was definitely… on the _scary_ side, as it was unclear what this man could be potentially capable of. Other than causing a world-ending apocalypse.

Shaking his head free of thoughts, Barney had decided to find his own room to call his own, before eventually making his way back to Kleiner’s lab. Perhaps he should let him know about Freeman’s panic attack and to advise him how to handle it in case it sprouts again. He wasn’t prone to it like his ex-girlfriend, however this could be the start of them. There was no telling what was going to happen in the future, so it was just wise to alert others of some potential changes with Gordon’s mental stability. 

Meanwhile, in the room he was left in, Gordon quietly shifted in his bed, curling up more in his fetal position, drastically trying to shield himself from the strange feeling that began to arise around him. He felt watched - in a sense, yet he hardly felt uncomfortable. It was more along the likes of acknowledging the presence, but not necessarily feeling threatened by it. Lightly submerging his face in the nylon blanket, the Freeman released a small noise from his throat upon the gentle touch to his head. Fingers parted and tenderly moved some unforgiving strands away from his forehead before thumb caressed against his temple.

Was he dreaming? 

Yet, the touch felt ultimately real. It never threatened him; never struck him to be of hostile intent. It was just… _lingering_ , caressing him in a lulling manner. Soon, Freeman found himself to enter a deep sleep, however the ghostly hand was still present among his head. Dreams sprouted like wisping flowers, full of color and prosperity unlike he’s ever seen before. The flowers merged with one another, like reverse cell division, the beginning stage of evolutionary life. 

Until all there was left was one. 

One single flower in the midst of darkness. Unsprouted, unbloomed, unrecognized. It wasn’t until a mere moment later did that flower finally peek, petals unfurling into a display of thousands rather than the original nine. Similar in image to that of a lotus flower, yet with petals formed by the millions, likened to that of some complex geometrical shape, rotating like a spin top with no intent to stop. They didn’t spin in the same direction however; each layer was given their own route, their own chaotic destination. 

The hand upon his head didn’t cease to leave, providing that gentle comfort he rather needed. Was this lotus indicative of himself? Despite his lonesome state - he was merged with millions? Unsure of the meaning to such a dream - if he could even call it that - only left more desired questions than completed answers. A gentle static began to fill the physicist's ears, as finally the ghostly hand removed itself from caressing his temples, and instead found himself to be within that darkness.

Dressed in the H.E.V. suit, as if this was a particularly normal day to complete. He gazed at himself, flexed his gloved fingers before forest-green eyes settled upon a door in the middle of that perpetual dark. He tried looking around it, wondering if it was some sort of joke, or prank. Slowly approaching up to the gray door, Gordon curled his hand around the handle, unsure of what was to be incorporated upon the other side. He pulled the handle down, and with a soft click came the sudden peek of white light through the cracks.

Gordon pushed it open, squinting his eyes to the aching brightness that filled his vision as he stepped through, enshrouded in white. Blinking a few times to adjust himself, the Freeman vented in as he was out in a field of tall, dry wheatgrass under a blue sky. Clouds drifted as if they were on sea, slowly moving from their original destination as a tender summer breeze rustled the grass around him. Was this Earth? Surely not, Earth was most likely a wasteland by now, completely stripped of bare essentials for human life. Yet, there was a certain calm. 

Freeman slowly turned to examine the environment around him, growing confused as his eyes settled upon a lone shed in the middle of this scenic nowhere. Lightly approaching up to the shed to read the signs upon it, Gordon blinked as it was in English for him to understand. Shock warning? Electric shed? Was he back in America? Oklahoma? Washington? Michigan? Just where in the hell was he? He couldn’t recall other places having vast wheatfields such as this. As the summer breeze rustled through his auburn hair, Gordon then took it upon himself to sit amongst that wheatfield, gazing upwards at the clouds that passed him by.

Oh, how he missed Earth.

To feel the sunshine on his face, or the breeze caressing his face; the sounds of birds chirping to one another, and of course the colors that the world had to offer. From the vibrant blue in the sky to the brightest white in the clouds - to the beige, comforting tone of the wheat blowing with the wind, rustling against one another in gentle greeting, or a prosperous wave to onlookers. Yet, he was the only one here.

Who knew what was hidden at the edge of the fields - would there be endless destruction or would there be nothingness? Would mother nature reclaim what was rightfully hers or tenderly caress the infrastructure of mankind’s inventions? A small part of him wanted to see beyond those barriers - to gaze into life’s greatest curiosities. If this was indeed a dream, then he knew it would end before he got started, thus simply laid back into the cover of the tall wheat; submerged in that nature. He stared up at the sky, gazing to the clouds that partially covered the warm sunshine in their fluffy shapes.

Calming, the total opposite of what he would come to believe was the end of the world. There laid no evidence of the Combine existing amongst this illusioned world, yet there was no evidence of human life either. Surely he would see the city sights in the distance, or at least the sound of distant traffic busily crossing the interstate to unknown destinations. It was just him, the shed, and the endless infinity of wheat.

He couldn’t help a tear to escape his left eye, rolling down his temples and dripped into his hair as he gazed upward, wishing that he had one more chance in saving humanity - or at least stopping that test from ever happening. Quietly removing his glasses to wipe more tears that threatened to escape, the Freeman then slowly sat up onto his bottom, the top of his head barely visible through the thick beige forest around him. 

Yet, as much as he thought he was alone, came the sudden sound of a door opening. He was about to gaze back at the shed until he was promptly whisked away and back into his own reality. He stared at the wall beside him, curled up in his bed as the blue-ish gray nylon blanket was now partly off of his body and dragging on the floor. What that place was, he had no clue, but that dream state was the most peace he ever felt.

He laid there - relaxed - yet found himself to be in discomfort. Gordon touched the back of his head, wondering just what exactly was stuffed within his hair strands that made him feel itchy. Once his fingers curled around the object, he pulled it from his head - mind feeling at ease - yet feeling his heart drop once forest eyes began to examine it.

A strand of wheat.


	3. Discrepancy

Collapsing against the wall, the government man softly panted and tried to keep himself upright, as exhaustion crashed over him like a pail of water. Where his energy had gone; indispensable. Alek pressed his forehead against the wall within the blank corridor, trying to manage the shakiness that came across. His legs wobbled some, fingers twitching as they searched for potential support; deep blue eyes closing to subdue the sickly feeling within his stomach. 

He hadn’t felt this way in a long time; practical years since then. Was he hungry? Malnourished? After all, 100 years could take a lot out of someone who wasn’t used to it. Of course,  _ anyone _ wouldn’t be used to it - yet here they were. Lightly gripping onto his jumpsuit, Alek tried to calm his shaky breathing. Perhaps it was just a momentary happening, his body adjusting to being in a quite different environment than what he was used to. How this environment could be any different - he wasn’t too sure. All he knew was that he was feeling the effects of something he shouldn’t be.

Managing to overcome the fatigue, the government man then slowly leaned away from the interior wall, continuing on his walk down the corridor. He was aiming to find his quarters, a place to occupy that was more spacious than the rooms in the residential wing. Like he was going to be accepted among them either; he knew the suspicions were only beginning to arise and it was only a matter of time before they’d be full force.

Heading to the upper decks, the government man accomplished his goal, finding the captain’s quarters to be through a pair of double doors. It looked more like an intergalactic hotel room, furnished with modern mixed with antique design. A complete difference to the dull walls downstairs. The room was a creamy white mixed with mahogany brown, yet the lights outlining the fake scenery display allowed him to change the hue of those walls. A mix of purple, or blue, or potentially red, depending on the desire he wished to convey.

Deciding on the color purple, Alek then moved to feel over the bed, fingers dipping into the mattress to test how soft and lush it was, and if such a sleeping arrangement would be comfortable. Soon, he moved to lay down, gazing to the ceiling above before releasing a relieved sigh from his lungs. Much better than the residential wing. Most likely the other crew members won’t like him living in such luxury, but he’ll see about that.

Sitting up on the bed, the government man then glanced at the pair of black-rimmed reading glasses upon his nightstand, moving to pick them up between his fingers. He didn’t recall ever having a pair of glasses in his life - aside from maybe shades for those bright, summer days in City 17, or his eyes were particularly sensitive from being outside all day observing different subjects. Placing them onto his face, Alek blinked lightly before getting up from the bed and moving over to a mirror upon the wall, observing himself.

It sure felt strange.

He looked like a completely different person. As he tilted his head side-to-side, only one thought came to mind. Right hand came to his face, touching over the stubble that was beginning to sprout through; definitely would need a bit of cleaning up to do. Lightly quirking his lips, the pale man then took the glasses off to set it back down to the nightstand and moved to check the bathroom. Flipping the switch, Alek sighed quietly as he had a fully functioning bathroom, with some essentials that would come in handy with keeping maintenance.

A razor, aftershave, some other bare essentials.

Now he was sure at least some of the other members had access to these same items. After all, they were going to be living together for quite a long time - it only made sense to keep hygienic. Deciding to do just that, Alek moved over to the shower and turned it on, letting the water warm up before he would jump in to clean off those decades-long stresses. He gazed at himself in the mirror, starting to slowly pull the zipper down from his jumpsuit to expose his bare chest. 

Suit off and crumbled to the floor, Alek then moved to enter the chamber and closed the glass door behind him, inhaling as the hot water cascaded down his frame, pressing his hands against the wall. With every drop did the stress leave, massaging him free from internal turmoil. Deep blue eyes closed as the government man hung his head, allowing the water to soak into his hair and caress his scalp, along with the back of his neck. 

Relaxation at it’s finest. 

Moving to stand upright, the pale man then grabbed for some soap to pour into his hands before eventually running his fingers through his hair with the suds. The feeling of his fingertips working his scalp with such finesse only left the government man to roll his deep blue eyes back, releasing a soft hum that was stuck in his throat. Of pleasure, calm, delight; Alek began to clean up fairly well, hardly missing any spots as the bathroom began to fill up with steam, hiding any shame that exposed itself. The mirrors fogged with that heat, droplets rolling down into oblivion upon the glass door.

What might have seemed like a few hours at best that passed within, Alek emerged from that chamber, soaking wet as water caressed along his toned body, falling with that artificial gravity that kept them from floating off into nothingness. Wiping the mirror free of steam with his hand, the government man slicked his wet hair back, venting in lightly. The years had definitely sloughed off, revealing the weathered face of his distant past self. He could call that shower the fountain of youth, but he knew there was no youth about him.

Touching along his chin, the bureaucratic man then took this opportunity to rid himself of the stubble that poked and prodded the fingers that grazed by. Covering his jawline with shave cream, Alek took hold of the razor and gazed at the blade locked into place in a stem of chrome - before eventually bringing such an object to his face, working in a downwards fashion. Scooping and swiping away the excess foam that gathered the tender chips of facial hair. Repetitive motions followed, a known habit or learned skill to avoid leaving cuts or scars, preventing damage to a piece of artwork.

He rinsed the razor clean before doing the same to his face to wash free of leftover cream before gazing up to the mirror, examining his face for any missed spots he could quickly correct. Fingers traced over the aged lines around his mouth and cheeks - spotting no imperfection of remnants still among his canvas. Satisfied with the job well done, Alek applied the ever stinging aftershave before drying his hair with the towel stacked in the small cupboard, hardly finding it necessary to cover his shame. After all, he was in the comfort of his own privacy, there was no need to be bashful.

Leaving the warmth of the shower, Alek tenderly cleaned his ears with the towel as he moved towards the wardrobe by his bed, opening the doors to gaze inside. Surprisingly, he discovered another outfit, aside from that bulky, loose-fitting jumpsuit that the rest of the crew were doomed to wear. However this suit was different - form-fitting and seemingly better suited for the ship’s apparent captain. Black with white trim for the closure of the shirt, likened to that of a military jacket; 6 decorative buttons along the chest length. Trousers similar to his previous navy-blue suit, yet this time colored black and simple - with adjoined Oxfords of the same neutral and gentle shine.

To be a captain, one must look rather presentable.

Dropping the towel from his hands, the government man then moved to dress himself, as the temperatures were starting to wear thin and spread goosebumps along his body. They didn’t figure the ship to be this frigid, however this ship wasn’t exactly suited for human travel. It was meant for the Combine, the previous alien empire that reigned hell upon Earth and its final stand. Now everything was likely gone and they were stuck here - and unfortunately Alek couldn’t remember much of what happened on the Borealis.

A cosmic bang of some kind, knocked the ship clean apart - causing the Bootstrap Device to activate it’s final warp. The next thing he knew, he was lying in a field, being woken up by some consistent yelling of the Freeman. Screaming, no, but rather the call to retreat as the Combine began their descent and take over, presumably having enough of the human race as a whole after their attempt to destroy them. He couldn’t understand why he was amongst them - among their desperate scramble for survival. 

Had his employers sought to continue their observance? They delved in a hand to supplying such a ship - was there something more to it? Alek continued to dress within that time of thoughts, tying his Oxfords in the usual way he knew how - presentable and graced. Once the outfit came together, he stood in front of the mirror to look at himself; the complete difference a change of wardrobe could manufacture. 

Certainly felt odd, knowing that his navy-blue suit was no longer available for him to wear and now he was reduced to threads such as this. While he didn’t necessarily like it, the outfit was starting to grow on him. Perhaps his posture made work of it, allowing that certain authority to speak out through those mannerisms. He smoothed out the fabric some before blinking as he heard ruckus outside of his door; voices he could recognize. 

The daughter and father Vance, and the newest face he acquainted to Judith Mossman.

Stepping outside of his quarters, deep blue eyes gazed to his left as the three of them were standing amongst the hall, as the Vance descendant was visibly angry with the Communications director. It was just the first day, and they were already at each other’s throats. Perhaps it was wise to keep these two as far away as possible.

“Now Alyx, stop. If you want to help with Communications, you can work alongside Judith.”

“What an idea. Then maybe I can keep an eye on her so she doesn’t call the Combine to trail us. I won’t ever feel comfortable with her doing surveillance either. That should be my job. She could easily spy on us from any direction she pleases.” Alyx crossed her arms as Eli got in between them, to provide a barrier in case these girls ever decided to throw punches or start pulling hair. Lightly sighing, Mossman had crossed her own arms and furrowed her brow some in disappointment.

“Alyx, really, that was in the past, can’t you just drop it?”

“You put my dad in danger,  _ three times _ , and you’re expecting me to throw a forgive-and-forget-party? You’re delusional.”

“Alyx please, we shouldn’t be fighting amongst ourselves on this ship, we’d be no better than the Combine.”

“Finally something we can agree upon.” Alyx squinted her eyes at the red-haired woman before looking to her father as he tried to calm her down. Spotting the government man at the corner of his peripherals, Eli then narrowed his own eyes at him before stepping forward some. Perhaps he took notice to the wardrobe change, and felt it was intimidatingly reminding just who they were under.

“Aren’t you going to interfere,  _ captain _ ?”

“ **_I prefer to stay out of family matters ._ ** ”

“Oh,  _ now _ you stay out of them.” Eli huffed before blinking as the government man turned to leave, and moved to catch up to him, limping due to his missing leg. He wasn’t finished with him yet, following him down the corridor before eventually catching Alek’s attention and forcing him to stop upon the hand that grabbed his arm.

“You’ve got some nerve acting like you’re free of the problems you caused. Well you’re damn wrong,” Glancing to the hand that was gripping onto him, Alek then shrugged off the appendage before deep blue eyes stared into heterochromia ones. He didn’t necessarily like being touched without his permission, especially if one intended to do harm.

“I heard what you did back at the medical office, to Gordon. Haven’t you ruined his life enough? Forcing him to adjust to extreme measures and subduing him to you and your employers’ demands for a goddamn data analysis to our world’s end. Listen, you better stay away from that boy if you know what’s good for you. I may be missing a leg, but so help me God I will shove it so far up your ass you’d be acting like a scarecrow.” Lightly blinking to Eli’s threat, the bureaucratic man then slowly folded his hands behind him, before secretly crossing his fingers.

“ **_It is not in my jurisdiction to get involved with crew members on an intimate basis, you wouldn’t need to worry about such … primitive, actions... but rather the actions of your daughter’s behavior are coming to a close._ ** ” Eli had blinked at his wording before eventually directing his attention back to his daughter and Judith, heading back over to stop their fight from escalating. He didn’t know what they possibly said to each other, yet it was up to him to stop it at once. Lightly moving his crossed fingers back into a fist, Alek had then turned on his heel and left down the opposite end of the corridor - avoiding the sensitivity that was among that group. 

Still, what had compelled him to nullify the promise with crossed fingers was unknown. Sure, he didn’t see Gordon as much of anything except for a client caught in the wrong place at the right time - yet there was a certain,  _ sensitive _ moment about him. Was it his diminished attributes of being something otherworldly, or was it perhaps the moment Freeman had come to his aid those years ago? With the thrum of the ship’s internal reactor, the government man headed back to the lower decks, spotting a discussion of two scientists who were standing around the main directory’s console for scoping out planets.

Deciding to approach, the government man had grabbed their attention; even though they had never truly spoken on friendly terms - or even bad terms - ever before. Russell and Isaac Kleiner, was it? While he didn’t know exactly upon Russell’s role in the resistance, Alek knew Isaac fairly well upon reports. Previous mentor of Gordon’s during his semesters at M.I.T., responsible for recommending his status to Black Mesa’s administrator Wallace Breen, and fellow colleague in Sector C Anomalous Materials to work alongside with. 

However, Russell’s report came thinly discouraged.

He was only responsible for taking care of Alyx during some time before point insertion of the Freeman; a rather brilliant hacker and decryption of Combine technology. Useful, but not in the same terms of either the Vance descendant or Gordon. Throwing him in the middle of the ring wouldn’t likely keep his survival - but perhaps decoding information suppressed behind barriers in binary was a talent not easily able to come by. A bit of a talkative type, and definitely morbid when not called for - likened to that of a different subject he’s come into contact with before.

Similar, but vastly different.

“ I’m guessing you heard the news so I’ll just get right to it. Isaac and I have been examining the planet closest to our orbit, likely we got caught in it’s outer gravity field before we were subsequently awoken this morning and forced to engage autopilot, so we didn’t promptly crash and burn while no one was manning the controls. Seems to have a relatively stable atmosphere, though the readings we’ve pumped out can’t definitely determine what it’s made of. Might be a good place to start, it seems to have a decent supply of water to harbor life. If you’re willing, might have a bit of a go. ” Russell began to explain, allowing the captain to step forward and take a gander at the readings of the exoplanet they lingered outside of.

Stable enough to descend into, however with the Undulatus itself wouldn’t be wise. If the gravity was denser than the ship could handle, it would be rather difficult getting back into orbit. They needed something with a good amount of power and fuel, something to withstand the environment.

“ **_What transport do we have for travel? Something fuel-efficient and able enough to withstand entry and exit._ ** ”

“ Uhh… there’s a scout ship available in Loading Bay 3. Should provide an easy transport with minimal difficulty to manage. ” Russell glanced at the schematics of the small ship within their possession, reading over the data provided as he searched the manifest for transport ships. 

“ **_Then advise your research scientist to prepare for the drop._ ** ”

“You can’t,” Blinking at the voice, the government man turned to look as the one called Barney came up to them, softly crossing his arms, “He’s asleep right now, he had a panic attack about an hour ago and I don’t think it’s wise for him to be out in the field just yet. He needs rest.” 

“ **_... Very well, then you shall be his replacement. Prepare test kits and the ship for descent._ ** ” Alek watched as Barney gave a subtle nod and moved to head down into the lower decks to get suited up, knowing this travel could possibly take a few hours. They needed to be safe and careful, otherwise the whole mission would be a bust. This was going to be the first planet to observe and discover, so deep down Barney couldn’t help but feel a little nervous.

What were they to expect down there? Russell had stated it contained water, yet how stable would the atmosphere be? The planet seemed a bit too out of comfort from its surrounding star - a distance that wasn’t exactly prime for colonizing easily. 2 astronomical units away, which would cause for some dropped temperatures. However, as he was thinking over the process of getting them down there, the government man couldn’t help but wonder what caused Gordon’s panic attack.

Was it because of what he said?

It was true, he was flirting with him, yet didn’t exactly expect Freeman to take it so seriously to heart. Their relationship wasn’t too stable since the beginning, after all it was a strict employer-to-employee conduct. Still, if he had suffered a panic attack from it, Alek couldn’t help but to feel responsible. Perhaps when he awakes, he could apologize, even if it wasn’t necessarily in his nature to account for his actions. After all, his employers were watching their every move - not even just them as well.

Eli was adamant on keeping the government man in line, thus would probably advise his daughter and Judith Mossman to keep a close eye on him through surveillance. Everyone had their suspicions, and being in an enclosed setting will only heighten those feelings within. Forced to live among each other like his past actions didn’t matter - in Alyx’s words - didn’t call for a forgive-and-forget-party. Unless they were to mutually agree to work together to find another planet to colonize and call their own, he was stuck in the same situation.

The least he could do was provide basic authority and observe, like usual. This ship belonged to his employers and by damn if they were going to endure a complete turnover of events within. They could only hope to find a planet suitable enough to inhabit before the knives begin to sharpen.

Heading down to the docking bay to get dressed into a space suit of his own, the government man looked over the materials that were prescribed for them. Not entirely similar in a way previous astronauts would wear for space travel, but still held the same function. Protecting the body from the harsh elements of background radiation to the toxic atmosphere of the unknown. Alek could recall the moment the space race took effect; millions around the world watching the first man step on the moon. While some doubted it’s credibility, all he knew for sure was how far they have come.

Now they were stepping foot on another planet; awaiting to see what discoveries - or horrors - were before them. Would alien life be present and greet them at first entry, or would they respond in a way that dignified a response to intrusion? They were 100 years away from the planet Earth, and among exoplanets that drifted by in their own prevailing solar systems - anything could happen.

Hearing a box drop off to his left, Alek glanced as Barney sighed in relief at carrying such equipment all the way down to the loading bay; most likely hauled from Freeman’s laboratory. The former security guard lightly adjusted his jumpsuit before deciding to open the containers of what they contained.

“Grabbed as many test kits as I could, since you didn’t specify how many we actually need. I’m no scientist but there seems to be a bit of little understanding of how to actually use these - some of them come with little machine things for… I guess instantaneous results.” Approaching up to the items he had brought over, the government man picked up one of the plastic packagings and glanced at the machine within. Geigers, for one. Right, radiation could come into play here for human life, too much can be deteriorating. Setting down the device, he then moved to look at the other test kits; packages filled with test strips and test tubes, most likely to observe the acidity or pH of water. 

Drinking acid is something they’d want to avoid.

“ **_Seems to be the basics, we’ll only need one per container. Adding too much weight to the scout ship will use excess fuel upon re-entry to the atmosphere. We want to avoid using it as much as possible, otherwise… I’m sure you can understand the alternative to being fuel-less._ ** ”

“Yeah, let’s not overload then.” Barney rubbed the back of his head before gathering one package per container. A machine to test the radiation, test tubes with adjoining test strips, a few batteries to keep their suits charged and online, as well as a back-up oxygen tank in case they wanted to go planet-walking. 

“ **_... What did Gordon have a panic attack about?_ ** ” Taken aback by the sudden question, Barney gazed momentarily at the government man before returning his vision back to the package he was trying to open. Fingers curled around the plastic as he tried to pull it open, mentally cursing as a pair of scissors would have been easier to access.

“It’s _Dr. Freeman_ … and I’m pretty sure you know the reason for that.” Reminding Alek of the respect to be given to his buddy, Barney finally managed to pull apart the plastic after some struggle, taking the machine out to place it among the other materials they were to load onto the scout ship.

“... Even if you were the cause for it, I think I should still tell you to be prepared in case he has another. Panic attacks aren’t something he can just get over easily - it’s damn right terrifying. It’s like activating your fight or flight response but you’re petrified as all hell. The only thing you can do is hope for it to pass and reassure yourself or have someone else help with getting back to reality. Yet, afterwards, it can be extremely exhausting. I don’t think he’s had a panic attack before, especially not to this degree. But when there’s one, there’s going to be another - you best be prepared to help with it if he’s around you.” Barney educated, looking to the spacesuits they were to dress into.

“Don’t touch him before asking. Always ask first - usually awareness of his surroundings are blurred and if someone’s touching him, god only knows how much more panicked he’s going to feel. Get him to breathe with you - you don’t want him passing out from hyperventilating. Lastly, be prepared to potentially carry him because he’s going to feel weak afterwards. Maybe even sick, so don’t scold him for it. You could potentially send him into shock.” Beginning to put on the space suit’s pants, Alek listened to what Barney was telling him. While they weren’t exactly friends - or good acquaintances for that matter - the pale man took in every word. 

“ **_And you aren’t a medical officer, why?_ ** ”

“... Me? No, can’t handle having lives in my hands. I rather throw myself to the fire than dangle someone over it.” Slipping the space suit’s chassis onto his body, Barney vented in as war had definitely taken a toll on him. Having someone’s backside in comparison to patching their wounds felt like no competition. Alyx - knock on wood if she ever had to be placed into that situation would be anxiety-inducing. Something that the former security guard couldn’t hope to imagine how he would react behind those frontlines. 

The stress would kill him, just like it was for aging him. Gray hairs were alongside the top of his head, and would not cease to grow any larger if their lifestyle didn’t change. He wanted gray hairs because of age, not the exposure to death. Now their lives were at stake, just for a simple test gone wrong. A test he had a hand in for destroying their very way of life. Alek stood there in silence before slowly moving to put on the suit over his clothes, thinking about the words that echoed in his mind.

_ I rather throw myself to the fire than dangle someone over it. _

It was true, he caused the Resonance Cascade by switching out the previous sample they were to test upon, under the guidance of his employers to spark interest in that particular facility. Even so, some were already suspicious of his actions beforehand, like the father Vance. Had the years already passed them by? To Alek, it only seemed like a mere 48 hours ago that he delivered that crystal and watched Freeman slot it into the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. A perfect environment for a perfect catastrophe. Still, deep down, there was a slight moment where he remembered the spark of dread within.

Such destruction, a hidden adversary to suddenly sprout up from his stoic containment. Why did he feel such an emotion? Alek paused in his dressing, causing Barney to gaze at the other in confusion. What could he possibly be thinking about? His face gave off no particular clue as to what; a whole barrage of ideas that could mean particularly anything.

Deciding to load the materials onto the ship as Alek continued to slowly get dressed, Barney glanced inside the scout ship and its small interior. It was likely only going to fit them and some equipment, hardly a ship for taking more than three people at best. While they had no astronaut training, the former security guard did have it on good authority that entering the exoplanet’s atmosphere was going to be particularly similar to leaving theirs back on Earth. 

Likened to that of a roller coaster, just with more danger attached. They could explode, or compress from dense gravity - the planet wasn’t particularly bigger than Earth, in fact it was a bit smaller, from Russell’s fed data. Still, all planets weren’t the same, with different attributes, and it was up to them to figure out what mysteries they held. While Gordon could easily put his diploma to good use and come along, Barney couldn’t risk his friend enduring another exhausting event. 

Once they would return from the planet - safely, he hopes - then perhaps the Freeman could dive into the scientific discoveries they’d bring back in those test kits, allowing full reign of any scientific anomaly he’d come across that’s ripe for examination. A new planet - that in itself was exciting. They were doing something that should be written in history books, perhaps after they deal with the situation of the Combine. 

Managing to snap out of his small trance, Alek entered the small scout ship and overlooked the controls, trying to familiarize himself with the console as Barney climbed in after loading it with supplies they’d need. Closing the door, the former security guard watched as the government man managed to turn the ship on, the sound of the engine filling the cabin. Placing on their helmets to muffle much of the noise, the two began to strap themselves in.

[ Barney? Alek? Can you hear me? ]

“Loud and clear Russell.”

[ Ah good, the Communications are in prime order. Now if you’re ready, we’re going to start depressurizing the loading bay and deactivate the ship’s autopilot so we can turn the Undulatus at an angle best suited to drop you in. Should take about 5 minutes. ]

“Go for it.” 

[ Perfect. Depressurizing… now. ] Feeling the scout ship shift a bit in its position, Barney lightly closed his eyes momentarily. While this was indeed going to be likened to a roller coaster, it still didn’t feel as familiar. They were going to be dropped onto a new planet, of course they should feel nervous. Tightening the seatbelts across his chest, the government man made sure his helmet was locked into place, getting a readout of his tank levels that popped up on the visor. Feeling another shift of the ship, Barney shifted in his seat, feeling a bit lighter in his weight. 

Zero gravity was now accounted for. 

[ Deactivating auto-pilot and preparing for launch in T-minus 20 seconds. ]

“ **_... I’m spotting some formations of intermittent electrical pulses in the atmosphere, is that moving in a westerly direction or eastern?_ ** ” Glancing at the airlock doors that slowly began to open below them, the government man adjusted himself as the scout ship turned upside down within its carrier lock, preparing for the drop. 

[ Uhh… looks to be moving in an easterly direction. Storm system is probably developing about 20 miles off of the drop point. ]

“ **_Adjust the Undulatus headpoint peak downwards at about 2 degrees. If we drop now, we’ll follow the rotation of the planet’s axis and land straight into it; we want to avoid turbulence._ ** ” 

[ Yep, right-o! Adjusting! ] 

“I guess that’s why you’re the captain.”

“ **_Any aversion to potential stranding is something we should take note of. The scout ship’s exterior walls can act like conductors if it comes into contact with the storm - if we angle ourselves further western, we’ll fall before being caught in the planet’s rotation and land just before it, that way we have some leeway._ ** ” Alek began to explain, leaving Barney to glance outside into the vacuum of space.

[ Disengaging carrier lock in 3… 2… 1. ]

_ Launch. _


	4. Reclamation

Grunting as they were dropped upside down, Barney gripped onto the handles of his seat after disengaging from the carrier lock, watching them drift out into space. Gripping onto the controls, the government man clenched his teeth shut to prevent them from chattering too much as the cabin vibrated and groaned from the descent. It was only a matter of time before they would level out, and could loop upright to fall with the curvature. Waiting for that smooth transition, Alek tenderly shifted his fingers, keeping an eye on the readings upon the console.

Feeling the sudden shift of re-established gravity, the pale man then gripped the wheel and pulled upwards, hard enough to spin their ship right-side-up before they began to fall with the counter-clockwise revolve of the exoplanet. Similar to going around a loop upon a roller coaster, there was that sense of suppressed g-force before their descent returned to being turbulent and shaky. At least they could properly register their position now, making it easier to spot the storm that grew in the distance within the atmosphere.

“ **_Approaching upper atmosphere - registering no complications and no external readings._ **” Opening his eyes to gaze out the window, Barney vented in as they dropped towards the blue-ish gray atmosphere. Deep down, his heart was ready to implode; unsure of what may lie before them, or even how their bodies would adjust within the scout ship.

“E-English, please.”

“ **_No damages inflicted and no lifeforms, Mr. Calhoun. We’re most likely too high up still, but as of now, nothing conclusive._ **” Alek grunted as they were now starting to feel more pull due to gravity as they now were within the thermosphere. Glancing here and there to the screens, the government man took a deep breath to relax his nerves. Nothing still, as of yet, but they were rapidly descending - a bit more faster than he would have liked. It was no cause for concern, yet they would need to level out sooner or later.

Otherwise the potential to burn up was probable. Barney closed his eyes once more to the hard shift of the cabin, descending through the rather opaque layer of clouds. No storm clouds, thankfully, but clouds nonetheless. Glancing up to the readings, Alek vented in.

“ **_45 seconds until the mesosphere. Russell can you still read?_ **”

[Getting a bit of interference, likely due to cloud cover. You’re still on our radar.]

“ **_How’s that storm looking?_ **”

[You’re in the clear. Likely will have about 4 hours to walk before the next wind shifts.]

“ **_Good, we’ll be transferring back real-time data once we get to land._ **” Feeling a rough jostle within the cabin, Alek sighed as they finally entered the mesosphere. Only one more to go before they would really start feeling the pull of gravity, and the need to adjust their angle. Taking a practical nose dive was dangerous; gliding would lessen the impact and heat upon entry. 

“ **_Radiation check._ **” Taking hold of the Geiger counter, Barney turned it on and tried to steady his hands to get the readings.

“The points are lessening but they’re high right now.”

“ **_Microsieverts. It’s because we’re still high in the atmosphere. Radiation from the system’s star is still breaking through._ **” Alek gazed at the readings and began to count down the amount of seconds before he would need to stabilize the scout ship. Deep blue eyes gazed at the dials before watching the needle take a sudden shift, using the opportunity to pull on the wheel once more, beginning a gradual glide out of the cloud cover to reveal the surface blow.

“Jesus…” Barney sighed in relief as the cabin was now lessened to mere vibrations instead of hard jolts, saving his bottom from enduring any more aches. He gazed out the window, gasping in slight surprise at what he would believe to be an endless sea. Water galore, yet dark and murky. However, what surprised him the most was the lack of a place to land. Was this really all there was? Just water?

“I’m not seeing ground anywhere, are you?”

“ **_No. We’ll get closer and inspect, might be some elevation to dock the ship onto._ **” Gliding the ship further down through the stratosphere, Alek gazed to the outside and back to the readings upon the dials, spotting nothing out of sorts. The more they descended did they make out the small indentations within that murky water, similar to submerged sandbars when the sea level is too high. Deciding to check the Geiger counter, Barney noticed how the levels practically dissipated to average, nothing to cause for concern. It was similar to readings back on Earth, perhaps even less due to the distance they were away from this system’s star.

Finally entering the troposphere, Alek pulled the lever to bring out the ship’s landing gears, preparing to land upon one of the submerged sandbars. The government man glanced to the dials momentarily before they reached the surface, slowing their descent to carefully land. Staring out of the window, Barney inhaled deeply as they finally settled and Alek turned off the engines to conserve fuel.

“ **_We’ve landed. Getting real-time readings of outside temperature, gravity is definitely running the course. Feels a bit denser - perhaps 1.2g. Temperature is… estimated 59 degrees. We’ve landed on some sort of sandbar, can you confirm, Russell?_ **”

[ Yep! Calculating the trajectory you took on the way down - safe travels, boys! ]

“Think you’re supposed to say that _before_ we left, Russell.”

[ Yeah well, just sort of slipped my mind really. It’s just exciting really, another planet! You’re on another planet! ]

“Yeah, well, don’t get your hopes up yet, we still have to see if this planet is even stable enough for us to live in.” Barney unclamped the seatbelt that was practically choking him from the entry into the atmosphere, feeling more heavier than usual. Glancing outside of the window, the former security guard sighed as everything was gray and murky, hardly a place that seems liveable. Turning to Alek, he watched as the pale man unstrapped himself from his seat as well.

“Russell, is it safe to go outside?”

[ Uhhhh, relatively? I mean, you do have a storm headed your way, but I’m calculating an estimated time of 3 hours and 23 minutes before it’s arrival from the west. Plenty of time to take more readings and samples. ] 

Tightening his helmet, Barney then watched as Alek depressurized the cabin to equal the environment, waiting for the go-ahead to open the hatch door. Hearing a beep in return, the government man glanced at Barney as he settled a hand on the hatch door, nodding in response with the former security guard before pushing it open. Already the cold temperatures hit them, leaving Barney to shiver some. Slowly climbing out, Alek gazed around to the nothingness among their location, sitting on top of their scout ship to take in the new environment.

“See anything?”

“ **_Murky water, gray skies. Nothing much to signify land masses._ **” Alek spoke out before glancing over the edge of their scout ship. It was tough to see much more into the dark water, perhaps caves or tunnels submerged within. Slowly stepping off of the vehicle, the government man lightly blinked in surprise as the water wasn’t what he was expecting. It was more of liquid sediment or quicksand but wouldn’t trap him in. Was this what the planet’s crust was like? Just a thin layer of sediment and water? 

Lightly feeling his foot around the unknown terrain, Alek then gazed to Barney as he stuck his head out, shivering lightly. Even with their suits on, it was still rather cold. Perhaps the atmosphere wasn’t suitable enough to allow more sunlight in; due to the distance from the nearby star, the temperature was even more dropped. There was no telling what the seasons were like, and depending on the liquid element surrounding them, it most likely rained here a lot. 

“Jesus, it’s cold. These suits don’t protect against cold climates.”

“ **_Russell, have you discovered anything about this planet through the mainframe of the Undulatus?_ **”

[ Let’s see… let’s see… EX-9880, is supposedly it’s technical name. Nothing much here speaks of significance however. Looks like the Combine wrote this off as a no-go. ]

“That means we do.”

“ **_Not yet. It’s plausible they didn’t dig deep enough… or rather hardly dug at all._ **”

“Well, we’re here, so might as well do some testing.” Going back inside to retrieve a kit, Barney handed some test materials down to Alek to have before climbing out of the scout ship as well, landing onto the murky water. Lightly shifting his boots, Barney hummed at the strange sensation before looking upwards as he heard thunder rumble in the distance. 

“ **_Be careful of where you step. There’s a possibility of a drop-off._ **” Giving a nod in confirmation, the two had begun to split directions, using their tools to take readings of the air and water; or so they believed. What the tests read was nothing short of surprising. The liquid in which they thought was water - methane. How was that possible? This planet’s temperature was above the desired storage capacity of it being a liquid, it should be a gas. Were their readings right? It was rather cold out, but their gauges read 59 degrees Fahrenheit, 15 celsius. Taken aback by the confusing readings, Alek then moved more away from the scout ship to take another sample.

With another strike of confusion.

“ **_Liquid oxygen…?_ ** ” Gazing up to the skies as another rumble of thunder sprouted off in the distance, Alek then glanced back to the test strips. Was their equipment working right? Looking to where Barney was, the government man then paused as he heard a noise off behind him. Looking around the dull environment, the pale man lightly breathed into his helmet upon the strange, intervaled ticking. The thunder was hardly the source, as it rumbled clearly in the distance, however, this noise was… _enticing._

Slowly moving through the sediment and liquid, the government man tried to pinpoint where the source was coming from. It didn’t resonate towards the ground, or underneath, but rather in the atmosphere - likened to that of a ticking clock, or a piece of wood against an empty, plastic barrel. Rhythmic in nature, yet no origin. Have the Combine set up potential drills here, and they were still in use? 

“ **_Russell? Are you hearing this?_ **” Alek blinked as he received no answer, wondering why his radio produced only static. Trying once more, the government man then paused at the static producing the same rhythmic sensations - out of the transmitter rather than the receiver. Something was definitely going on here, and it was a wonder if the former security guard was experiencing the same thing. Yet, as the pale man turned to look, his heart dropped as he was in the middle of nowhere - as if he walked too far, or a thick fog rolled in to prevent him from knowing where the scout ship was.

There was no fog. He was alone.

Lightly swallowing, the bureaucratic man had tried to radio Barney or Russell for the matter, only getting the same intervals of sounds from each of their transmitters. He didn’t want to panic; it solved nothing - perhaps the scout ship had a cloaking device of some kind, and it was accidentally activated by the security guard when he returned. It had to be plausible, Combine technology was advanced yet… not that advanced. Glancing back to the direction he was walking in, did Alek halt in place once more.

Rhythmic intervals now heightened in tone and volume, Alek gazed up at the structure before him - screens of crystal circulating in various directions, creating a sphere that reflected the environment around them. His legs stayed frozen, mind unsure of the sight before him was even plausible. Likened to a geometric glass ball with glass screens caught in it’s buoyancy, it shined within that dim, neutral light, remaining just a few feet away from the government man’s position. The pulsating sounds that emitted from such an object could be felt in tune with his heart, hardly slowing or increasing the rate.

Deep blue eyes stared to his mosaiced reflection within, seeing multiples of himself with illuminated eyes overlooking the outside world from their distorted realm. With those intervals, was the sound of a radio frequency similar to a pulsating quasar, a heartbeat of the universe; hydrogen times pi. Slowly raising his hands to touch his helmet, Alek had disengaged the lock, a burst of steam to emit from the valve as he exposed himself to the elements. Hitching his breath to the lack of stable oxygen within the atmosphere, the government stood and held his helmet within his hands, staring up at the rotating sphere.

A cold breeze rustled the pale man’s hair, any water or sweat that lingered dried and iced, a small layer of white to be present among his locks. Lips turning blue from the sheer cold drop of temperature and lack of breathable air, Alek watched as the sphere slowly drifted to approach him, emitting no sounds other than the heartbeat of pulsations. The distance closed, before he was finally submerged in that realm, the glass forming around him likened to the very same water that he stood in. 

Lightly opening his eyes, Alek vented in as air returned to his lungs, yet he was left in darkness; perpetual. Deep blue eyes tried to adjust to the vantablack, trying to make out any outline of a familiar figure. Did his employers seek him out, perhaps to speak with him upon something? Or had he done something wrong? The government man gazed around in the realm of nothing, before eventually pausing upon the sound of Oxfords approaching in. 

They echoed in that remote environment, before pairs of illuminated eyes gathered to circle him, approaching with little intention to halt. Feeling his heart beginning to throb with uncertainty, Alek vented out as they crowded around him; the cold exterior of those shadowed bodies delivering shivers to his very core. Struggling lightly, the government man hitched his breath as the silhouettes merged with him - implementing a twinge of pain to send his nervous system into complete chaos. His veins burned and froze, transparently pumping translucence as he fought the unknown. 

Slowly coming to a halt in his struggle, Alek then soon dropped to his knees upon the exhaustion that took over. He had lost parts of himself; parts that were taken away in that wreckage of a teleportation mishap. The Borealis - it ruined him. And now, he felt _whole_. Deep blue eyes illuminated within that same darkness, cosmic dripped and rolled down his cheeks - an excess byproduct. Recalling memories came with ease instead of barricaded obsessions, like that of the moment of Freeman’s intervention to him taking more damage than needed.

Punishment, for allowing the Alyx Vance’s escape. 

Heartbeat pulsating in his ears, the government man watched the memory from a third point-of-view, watching himself grab hold of the Bootstrap Device before it’s final warp, bringing the Freeman and the daughter Vance to safety before the Borealis could cease to be against the Combine Overworld. A fizzling match head to a flame.

Why he felt compelled to delve in their survival - he did not know. Only that the Bootstrap Device collided with his very being as a side effect, relieving him of the caricatures of his transcendence. Then, he had become Alek - the very man he had previously taken his life away. A debt to be never repaid. It was then that Freeman had come to his aid, calling for retreat - even if he had ruined his life since the very beginning. Trees… lots of trees, running and screaming voices of incoherent noises. He could hear the refusals of letting the government man among them, as he was swiftly dragged away from the scene.

Gordon had no obligation to save him - yet did anyway. 

Slowly weaving in and out of unconsciousness, Alek soon crashed to the floor, flat on his face. Unmoving, and drifting in that darkness did the silhouettes dissipate and returned to their cosmic shroud. He should have known of the splits being a side-effect, a device so powerful to have competition with an entity with the same amount of unknown. A collision, stronger than any force the universe could garner in it’s vast way of unrecognized undocumentation. 

[ So how’s the planet so far? ]

“Pretty murky, gray, hardly a place I think the resistance can even live on. It’s damn freezing, and there’s no source of adequate oxygen amongst us. For god sakes, this whole place is filled with liquid methane!” Stepping through the sludged element, Barney waved the Geiger counter around, humming as the radiation levels were still in the clear, yet oxygen availability was zilch.

[ I mean, technically it’s the first planet you’ve stepped foot on. It’s going to have it’s ups and downs. Hey! Maybe there’s an entire underground club network underneath all that nasty, icky, tar! Just gotta know the password. ]

“Oh yeah, what’s the password, _Tar Bucks_?”

[ Did you… did you just make a _pun_? ]

“Yeah? What are you going to do about it? I’m stuck here on this lame planet, freezing my ass off and I’d kinda like a beer right about now.”

[Thinking about alcohol again, Barney…?]

“Hey hey! There he is! You’re awake! How do you feel?” Barney paused in his rant and smiled upon hearing the voice - albeit tired - of his buddy. Gordon chuckled lightly over the line before eventually breathing in deep as Russell allowed him to have the reign for communications. He could use a bit of rest either way, after all, research needed to be recorded and analyzed.

[Tired… but I’ve slept long enough. How’s the expedition?]

“Oh, it’s terrible! We landed on a planet full of liquid methane and it’s fucking freezing out. The Undulatus is _way_ more warmer than this place. I don’t think we’re going to get far if we decide to stay here, buddy.”

[If you’re cold, you can always stay in the Nautilus...]

“What the hell is the Nautilus?” 

[-It’s the damn scout ship!\- It’s the scout ship, Barney - the one you just descended in?]

“Oh. Right.” Looking back at the ship, Barney had chuckled lightly. Still, who gave it the name _Nautilus?_ It sounded more fitting to be at the bottom of the ocean rather than on an exoplanet. Well, an exoplanet full of liquid methane wasn’t exactly being at the bottom of the ocean, the gravity sure felt like it. The suit felt 10 times heavier within the past hour, or perhaps it was just the former security guard being out of shape.

[ Came to inform that you’re running out of time, next storms gonna come up on you in about 35 minutes. ]

“35 minutes? I thought you said 3 hours and 23 minutes!”

[ Yes! … _2 hours and 48 minutes ago_! And I’m not a _meteorologist_ , I don’t control the weather. _If meteorologists actually control the weather_. Not… not dictate where the climate’s gonna be happening-- look, just make your way back to the Nautilus and give a call to Alek. I’m sure he’s ready to go home too. ]

“Fine, give me a second.” Barney collected his things and started to make his way back to the scout ship, growling as the sludge was making it hard to trek through. He could swear that the gravity was increasing in density, as he was starting to sink more into the tar than he had been before. He attempted to call Alek, only blinking in confusion when he received no response through the radio, only static.

“Alek. Come in Alek, it’s time to go home.” The former security guard approached the scout ship, blinking as more static returned to his receiver. Did he go too far? Rolling his eyes, Barney then climbed up onto the Nautilus, blinking as he couldn’t find the government man anywhere, and instead a looming thunderstorm in the distance.

“He’s gone…”

[ What? What do you mean he’s gone? Where did he go? ]

“I don’t know! I didn’t keep him on a leash! He’s just disappeared! Oh god, you don’t think he fell somewhere, do you?”

[ I don’t know! I’m not there! But you better find him quick, that storm’s coming up to you fast. ]

“Shit… Alek!” Calling out into the nothingness, Barney set the test kits inside the cabin, wiping away some sludge from his helmet’s visor that was kicked up from the increasing winds. Waiting on the other end of the line, Gordon tenderly rubbed his chin as interference from the storm was placing their whereabouts in a scramble. Where could Alek possibly have gone? The Freeman then glanced over to Judith as she came to assess the situation, trying to keep the signal strong by rotating the Undulatus’s radio communications satellite as they drifted in orbit. 

[There-- is. Whe-- been--]

“Did you find him?” Trying to get an answer, Gordon sighed in frustration as the signal kept cutting out, only for slight worry to start setting in, as Russell was tracking the storm’s path. They didn’t know what to expect of this storm; the temperatures were dropping by the second - they could potentially freeze to death if they didn’t find shelter, or get out of there.

[Som-- wron-- he’s--]

“ Barney, you’re breaking up, come in. What’s going on? What’s wrong? ” Russell blinked as the radio had turned to mere static, gazing slowly over to Judith and Gordon as he didn’t know what to make of the situation. Quietly listening to the white noise, Gordon furrowed his brow upon the sounds he was hearing, touching Russell’s shoulder.

“Do you hear that?”

“ Hear what? ”

“Turn it up.” Glancing to Judith, Gordon watched as she turned the dial clockwise, listening as the white noise began to get louder. However, within that shroud of static came the pulsation of some kind of chirp of frequency, increasing in intensity. Slowly gazing back to Russell, the two had stared to each other, furrowing their brows in confusion; intervals. 

“ It sounds like… a _heartbeat_ . ”

“... Harmonics? … Can we identify the source?” Gordon stood there as Russell typed on the console, trying to pinpoint where the sound was coming from. The bearded scientist waited and watched as the other tried to patch in the location, growling lightly as the storm was making it difficult.

“ Whatever it is, it’s doing a damn good job evading the tracker. ”

“Potential electrical interference from the storm? It should be crossing over them right now, right?” Judith chimed in and glanced at the data that Russell decided to record analysis of, trying to get a conclusive identification on the source. Gordon lightly crouched down to save his legs from locking up, turning up the dials some more to hear it clearly.

“ If it was the storm, then it wouldn’t be in intervals like that. It should be a sporadic frequency. ”

“Maybe we’re hearing some off-set magnetic interference of the planet’s gravity field, or maybe a ghosting mass relay from when the Borealis was destroyed in the Combine’s border realm. It could potentially reverberate the space-time continuum to produce sound into our dimension.” Judith watched as they tried to come up with theories upon the sounds they were hearing, as Gordon focused his attention to the intervals of frequencies.

“ 100 years out here, I doubt it’d be this clear, if not scrambled by dark energy or even background radiation from existing black holes and supernovas. It would have to take a pretty damn good and accurate path to make it all the way here with no interference whatsoever. The chances of that actually happening are… _astronomically_ slim. The chances of winning the lottery are more statistically promised than that-- ” Pausing his words as Gordon shushed their argument, the room had gone quiet, awaiting to hear what the physicist had to say, listening as the intervaled frequency had stopped.

Looking at the readouts of data that were still being scrambled, Gordon glanced back to the radio transmitter, lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth. Checking the storm’s location, Russell glanced as it was now over the team’s position, leaving a heavy feeling at the back of his mind. Did the storm…? Pausing the grim thoughts, Gordon flinched as the pulsations returned before stopping after a certain number of times.

“... 7.” Gordon softly spoke as the pulsations began again, leaving Russell to quickly note down how many have passed before stopping once more.

“15.” Writing down the series of numbers the pulsations began to interval out, Gordon looked over as all of them were now counting in silence. Judith watched with concern and curiosity; could it be morse code? No, the intervals didn’t dictate the right stops in between, and were consistently in the same frequency instead of different tones. After what seemed like a long minute to pass, the signal had finally cut to silence, white noise to fill the communication room.

“7,15,18,4,15,14.”

“ Coordinates? Longitude, Latitude, Altitude? ”

“What kind of coordinates are those?” Judith asked and crossed her arms as she and Russell began to bicker again about the series of numbers that they recorded, unsure if it could be coordinates or a code. Gordon stared at the numbers, trying to dive deep into his mind upon the reason why those intervals placed such an elaborate set of them. He was a theoretical physicist, yet the theories he thought weren’t conclusive. 

“ We have to try and get into contact with them, maybe find a way to reroute their ship’s controls to the Undulatus so we can bring them back. ”

“We can’t put them at risk, you couldn’t take the ship off without them. I think… if we still have their last known coordinates logged, we should wait until the storm passes.”

“ That could take all day! They could be stuck out there for hours! And Barney’s last log of the gravity drastically increased when that storm came over the area. 1.6gs. Compared to the 1.2g they arrived in. If it gets any denser, they’d be stuck in tar for god knows how long. The Nautilus wouldn’t ever be able to get out of it unless we sawed off the damn thing. ”

“They’ll make it…” Judith and Russell had gazed over to the bearded scientist as he looked over the series of numbers he had written down on a piece of paper. 

“ How do you know? ”

“... It’s a message.” Gordon had then set down the piece of paper and began to write on it once more, leaving the two to watch with curiosity, looking over the bearded scientist’s shoulder. Once he finally allowed them to see, did they finally grasp onto the realization of what those numbers meant; they could be coordinates, or a code… or they could be their respective numbers of the alphabet. Seven, fifteen, eighteen, four, fifteen, fourteen.

_G O R D O N_


	5. Research and Development

“ I got it! I got it! I’m patched in! ” Scooting out from underneath the console, Russell removed the screwdriver from his mouth and sat up onto his knees, watching Gordon bring up the scout ship’s mainframe. Lightly tapping his foot impatiently, the bearded scientist then leaned forward to read off the diagnostics. If the ship was too damaged, they couldn’t turn the controls over and bring them back home. They would be potentially stuck there until the storm passes - rendering them to use another scout ship to extract them.

“All systems normal; no sign of internal damage to the inner core reactor but there’s temperature shift to the exterior plates of the mainframe.”

“ They must be getting hit bad. Scout ship can’t handle much more of a temperature flux, they’ll crack like ice. ”

“Is there a way you can warm them up from here?”

“ I-I… _might_ be able to but there’s no telling if the controls can be turned over to a manual drive for the Undulatus. Even if I could, I don’t want to potentially cook them alive if they’re inside. ” Standing up to save his knees, Russell typed along the console, reading the diagnostics as well as the readings from outside of the cabin. Gravity was definitely increasing and the temperature was slowly creeping towards the limit. 

“Oh, we  _ have _ to get their frequency back. They’ve been in the dark for too long, we need to know what’s going on out there.”

“ How? The radio signal went dead 6 minutes ago and I’m trying every angle the topside dish has got. ” Quietly thinking to himself, Gordon tapped at his chin, beginning to pace to cure himself of the anxiety that began to spout within. He didn’t want anyone to die, especially not now; especially not his buddy Barney. Halting in place, the Freeman then turned towards the hacker.

“What if  _ we _ angle ourselves instead? The Undulatus is pointing it’s satellite straight at the storm, that’s why we’re not getting anything conclusive. If we move away from our current position in orbit, maybe we catch the tail end of the storm and allow the frequency to cut through. Too much cloud cover and electrical impulses will only scramble it.” 

“ ... It’s worth a shot. Nothing much else we can do. ”

“Contact Magnusson and Dr. Kleiner to see if they can put the breaks on the Undulatus and steer it against the grain. Going with the storm will only waste time.” Giving a nod in agreement, Russell ran off to give a message to Gordon’s old colleagues, as the bearded scientist stared at the radio that played the previous frequency. Nothing but static; scrambled white noise of the silence that came from the scout ship.

They had to be alive, he knew they were still alive. If that delivered message said anything, Barney and Alek were hanging on tight, awaiting for them to solve the problem of getting them back home to safety. Still, that didn’t stop Freeman from feeling anxious once more. Before the signal had cut out, Barney had made note of something being wrong - when he had found Alek. Just what might have gone wrong? Once Russell returned from telling the others to move the Undulatus, did Gordon pray for that white noise to speak out in a familiar voice.

Forest-green eyes momentarily glanced to the piece of paper he wrote the series of numbers on and their respective meaning before glancing back to the readings of the Nautilus. Temperature was still getting cold, creeping towards the danger zone. He bit the inside of his cheek a bit too hard from nervousness, lightly using his tongue to wipe away the blood that seeped forth. It wasn’t until the sound of the white noise warped and distorted that caught his attention, as the bearded scientist moved forward to the transmitter.

“Barney? Barney, do you read?” Gordon vented in as more distorted static came through, turning the dials to focus on the frequency in hopes of clearing up the scramble. He spoke again, waiting for any sign that his colleagues were still alive. Alyx had entered the room, after hearing the news that they had lost contact with Alek and Barney some time ago. It was definitely scary to think about, after all - she was partly raised by Barney during City 17, and he always looked out after her. Now they were in a predicament. The daughter Vance gently touched Gordon’s back as she approached, lingering by the console as Freeman tried to get into contact again.

The two stood there in silence, overlooking the various buttons and readings that were fed back to them upon the Nautilus’ current state; starting to freeze. Alyx lightly crossed her arms and looked down - as this was perhaps the most stressing moment in their lives. They didn’t count on everything being a factor for things to go wrong, and now they were paying the price. Gordon mentally prayed to hear Barney’s voice, staring intently at the radio as Russell gazed to the timer to make note of it.

They have been on the planet for approximately 4 hours, and lost contact within the last one. A grim feeling came across the room, the small thrum of the Undulatus’s reactor engines providing the break in the silence. Gordon twitched his fingers as his hands were planted on the console, forest eyes never straying from their radio transmitter. Quietly opening his mouth, the bearded scientist spoke out again into the microphone, for Barney to come back to them. Tranquility remained, only for the white noise to suddenly spark.

[Nice of you to call back.]

“ YES! ” Russell called out and threw his fists in the air as the people in the room all collectively sigh in relief, leaving Gordon to close his eyes as anxiety slowly withered away from the brink of his mind. Still alive and still kicking. Alyx cheered and gave Russell a high five as it managed to work, as Judith came to see what the readings were like for the Nautilus. Relatively fine, but they weren’t out of the woods yet.

“ Okay so wait wait wait, before we do anything else, Barney where are you? ”

[We’re in the scout ship right now. And we have a bit of a situation.]

“What’s wrong?” Gordon blinked and leaned forward a bit more, hoping that the radio signal wouldn’t cut out as it was starting to get static over the line. At least he managed to hear Barney’s voice - just hearing him meant that he was alive.

[It’s Alek. His suit helmet isn’t delivering oxygen like it’s supposed to. I had to drag him in here to escape the storm because the bastard wouldn’t stop passing out. He’s practically drowning in this place. The thing is I have no clue what to do because I can’t find anything wrong with his damn suit!] 

“ Is there a leak in his lines? Or a stripped valve? ”

[I have no idea! But I’m afraid of this guy passing out and not waking up again that I don’t know where to begin for CPR! You guys gotta do something quick to get us back up there!]

“If he’s passing out, he's asphyxiating from lack of oxygen in his blood. We need to do something quick before he starts getting damage to his brain. I’ll prepare the med bay and a stretcher when you bring them up to the loading bay. Tell him to monitor how long he passes out. Anything more than two minutes, he could be going into cardiac arrest and needs to perform resuscitations.” Alyx then moved to rush off to the medical office for preparation, as Gordon moved aside as Russell took the microphone.

“ Okay, Barney, you need to monitor him closely and keep an eye on your clock. But now I need you to divert controls from the Nautilus to the Undulatus so we can manually take over the scout ship and bring you back home. There should be a button that disables auto-pilot; I need you to turn that off first. ”

[Got it.]

“ Next, look for the panel with the chrome-tipped switches. There should be 18 little knobs of ‘em. ” 

[Yeah yeah, I see them.]

“ I need you to flick them in the order I say. Are you ready? ”

[Yeah yeah, go ahead, I’m ready.]

“ Okay, first row of 6: down, down, up, down, up, up. ” Russell waited for Barney to put the switches into their correct positions, venting in as static was beginning to make their return. Despite it however, they managed to hear Barney give the okay that he flicked the first row to their correct standpoints.

“ Good, now the second row of 6: down, up, up, down, up, down. ” 

[Down, up, up, down, up, down. Okay, done.]

“ Last row: Up, up, down, up up, up. ”

[Up, up, down… okay, finished. A green light turned on, is that supposed to happen?]

“ Yes perfect! That means you still have function in the controls. Now if you’re on the passenger side of the Nautilus, there should be another panel of three, relatively square, red buttons on the roof almost near the hatch door. Push the middle one. ”

[Red buttons… Okay I pushed it and the ship made this weird noise and shifted, is that bad?]

“ No, you’re fine, just stay focused. Alright, last thing you need to do is tell me how much fuel is registered in the scout ship. There should be a screen in the middle of the console to tell you. ” Russell moved to bring up a chair to sit in as his back was starting to ache from leaning over the console. Gordon softly rolled his shoulders as well as he was hunched over too, watching the situation unfold. 

[Alright I’m looking and… I see 86.63 percent.]

“ 86.63… okay, we might be able to work with that, it’ll be tough getting out of the gravity but they should still have fuel left to spare to get them out to the exosphere. If we can, we can try and position the Undulatus to basically grab them out of the air. We’ll dock them into the carrier and get Barney back into the airlock for depressurization. ” 

“And get Alek medical help.” Gordon added, as Russell began to work his magic, diverting controls over to the Undulatus’s mainframe, as well as warming up the cabin so the subjects inside wouldn’t freeze. Watching from the other end, Barney glanced as everything was locked down and set into place, the reactor engine warming up for an established flight back to space.

He strapped Alek in, trying to keep his attention focused and situated despite his disoriented mumblings. He looked exhausted, pale and sickly looking, no doubt his oxygen supply being compromised. That worried him - even if they weren’t necessarily acquaintances, no one deserved to die in a place like this. Especially drowning in their own carbon dioxide. However, one thought did come into mind, causing Barney to radio in again.

[If we get up high in the atmosphere, won’t the vacuum of space completely crush his helmet if it’s not working right?]

“ ... uhhhhhhh… ” Gordon vented in as Russell couldn’t necessarily find an answer for that question, and neither could he. That was a problem they also didn’t factor in. Barney was fine, as his suit helmet wasn’t damaged in any sort of way. But if there was a leak in Alek’s helmet… exposure to the vacuum would crush it like tinfoil, eventually boiling the other alive..

“... We just have to pray that he survives re-entry until we can see what went wrong.” Gordon stated, lightly flexing his fingers as it wasn’t entirely the answer he wanted to give. However, he couldn’t understand how there was a leak to begin with. Surely he was fine traversing to EX-9880, but now he was the complete opposite. Had he taken damage somewhere? Maybe fell and knocked a screw loose somehow? Despite the many questions racing through his head, the Freeman looked as Russell finally managed to lift them off the ground after much struggle, keeping an eye on their fuel supply. 

“ Tell Magnusson and Kleiner to position the Undulatus closer to the gravitational pull of the planet, and break out the rods. We’re going fishing. ” Nodding in confirmation, Gordon had left the communications center to move to the ship’s main directory, informing his colleagues to move the Undulatus closer to the planet for extraction, as well as to prepare the mechanical maintenance arms outside of the ship to make a grab for the Nautilus. 

Sitting inside the cabin of the scout ship, Barney sighed heavily as the storm wasn’t making it easy for them, however at least they were now off of the ground and approaching higher towards the stratosphere. He gazed to Alek, narrowing his eyes some as he mumbled Freeman’s name. It wasn’t understandable upon why he would be talking about Gordon, yet it must have been the lack of oxygen keeping his disoriented behavior at a standstill. The former security guard kept him situated in his seat, tightening the straps as the ride was starting to get bumpier due to the storm they were traversing into.

Water, or rather liquid methane splashed against the windows, rolling down the windshield despite the below freezing temperatures. It was only going to get colder if they didn’t move quickly, as anything could now potentially kill the government man. Freezing to death, death by vacuum, or death by lack of oxygen - the possibilities were endless. With Alek passing out once more, Barney kept an eye on his clock that was displayed on his helmet’s visor, counting the seconds that ticked by in the other’s unconscious state.

With a rough jolt to the cabin, Barney vented as they left the cloud cover of the storm and finally entered the stratosphere, spotting the clarity amongst the ozone layer. The sky was that familiar blue they always recognized back on earth, as below them were thick clouds of white and grey, with lightning crawling through the cumulonimbus storm system, putting on a spectacular light show. 

“Almost there…” Barney inhaled lightly and checked their fuel status, venting in as it was now at 76 percent exactly, and only beginning to drop further more. They weren’t even in the mesosphere yet, and they were getting depleted rather quickly. With the sunshine providing a bit of warmth to the exterior walls of the scout ship, the former security guard closed his heterosectoral eyes in hopes to relieve the concern that was starting to befall him. He didn’t want to think morbidly, however if they ran out of fuel before reaching the vacuum of space - what would happen?

Would they fall back down to the planet below? Seemed pretty plausible if they couldn’t escape the gravitational pull. Bring them back down to either burn up in the atmosphere or crash into millions of pieces once they hit the surface. Gripping onto the arm rests of his seat, Barney then glanced over to Alek, seeing as he was finally back awake - or at least partly. Deep blue eyes tried to keep themselves open as the ship sped further up into the atmosphere, shaking the cabin with some power.

“Hang in there, Alek, we’re almost there.” Barney tried to encourage him to stay focused, staring out of the windows as they ascended higher and higher. On the other end, Russell lightly inhaled as sweat dripped down the side of his face, seeping into beard hairs as he kept an eye on all sorts of readings. Two lives were in the palm of his hands and if he calculated this correctly - they should be reaching the mesosphere within the next 23 seconds. That is, if the fuel would keep them going strong. The clock was definitely ticking, and the pressure was on.

Gordon lingered beside Magnusson and Kleiner as the Undulatus moved into position, drifting above the fine line between falling towards the planet and remaining out in the vacuum of space. Balancing on the filament; waiting for the one chance to either grab the oncoming scout ship or to completely miss entirely and lose their friend and captain. The Freeman moved over to one of the ship’s windows to peek outside, staring as the mechanical arms were gradually extending out from their respective containers, dangling towards the exoplanet. 

“Only got one shot at this, so we better be right in their trajectory.” Magnusson warned the team, keeping an eye on the radar that scanned for the Nautilus’s frequencies. They were still too far down to be spotted, yet Gordon had his forest eyes fixated on a spot within that rotating planet, almost awaiting their ghostly outline to make an appearance. Fingers tenderly rubbed against each other with slight impatience or curiosity, unsure of what to expect within the next 5 minutes. All scenarios to go wrong could go wrong, and it would be on their minds for decades to come.

[ Nautilus is in the mesosphere. ] With the update of information from Russell, Gordon slowly approached the window more, pressing his hands against the structured glass to focus his eyesight more on the surrounding swirl of gases and dust. He bit the inside of his lip, as the system’s star was delivering a source of light to that surface, lighting up that atmosphere with a marble blue. 

[ Approaching the thermosphere in approximately 1 minute 27 seconds. ]

“I see them!” Gordon called out as he spotted the gentle twinkle of reflected light off of the scout ship, causing Magnusson and Isaac to look out the window as well. The Freeman then glanced down to the mechanical arms before turning his attention back to the tiny appearance of the Nautilus slowly ascending.

“We need to move the arms, quickly - adjust position to the right ascension 5 degrees.” Snapping his fingers to get their attention, Gordon watched as the arm began to slowly move from his commands as he calculated how far the arms should widen to make the final grab. Lightly swallowing, the Freeman moved from his position and growled as he couldn’t exactly figure out which way they were coming from; left or the right. Taking one of the headsets, the bearded scientists then quickly ran out of the room and placed the headset on, moving the mic closer to his mouth as he descended the stairway.

Moving down to the lowest part of the ship, Gordon had manually cranked open the shutters to the windows on the floor, laying down onto his stomach to gaze outside. They were swiftly approaching now, as no doubt they were just entering the thermosphere. The scout ship reflected more light to glisten as they approached, as their fuel was now less than 20 percent. Trying to get a visual of their trajectory, Gordon then activated his mic.

“Left ascension, 2 degrees, right ascension 2 degrees. Extend further out.” Watching as the arms extend and widen out, Gordon vented in and mentally calculated of when they should begin closing the arms to make the grab. If they closed it too soon, they’d promptly punch them back into the gravitational pull to send them back into that atmosphere. One shot was all it took to save them or end them.

“On my mark, you’re going to start closing the arms.” Gordon vented in and prepared himself as Russell stated that they were now approaching the outer reaches of the thermosphere to the exosphere. Counting the seconds as his heartbeat followed, Gordon then watched as the scout ship stabilized and a plume of dust and gas followed their exit.

“Now now now!” Yelling into the mic, Gordon watched as the mechanical arms began to close, watching the Nautilus gradually shift closer to them. He hoped to god his positioning was correct; sweat beginning to drip down his own face as he watched the ship grow near. 

[ Prepare for impact! ] With Russell yelling over the Comm, Gordon braced himself as the Nautilus promptly bumped into them, sending a few items not strapped down to fall to the floor as the mechanical arms captured the scout ship in a tight hold. Panting hard and looking back out the window on the floor, the physicist gazed at the ship that was captured, spotting individuals moving around inside.

[Nice catch!] Hearing Barney’s voice over the receiver, Gordon pressed his forehead to the floor in relief, causing their crew members to yell and cheer as they managed to successfully get them back. Rolling over onto his back, the Freeman opened his forest-green eyes to stare up at the ceiling, smiling lightly. While it wasn’t really a job well done, they were only glad they managed to lock onto them.

Wheeling a stretcher over to the airlock, Alyx waited for the ship to be placed back into its carrier and the room to depressurize. Most of the crew had come to see, including Gordon as they peeked inside the loading bay’s windows - awaiting to see what indeed had happened to Alek. Once the chamber was depressurized, the daughter Vance had put on a pair of gloves and opened the door, bringing the stretcher over to the Nautilus as the doors opened.

The Freeman watched as Alek was helped out of the ship, and laid onto the stretcher before eventually being wheeled down to the medical office. Staring to his pale, blue-ish face, Gordon then decided to follow them to the medical bay, wondering if he was indeed going to be alright. His heart was beating a mile a minute, lingering by the doorway as Alyx and another fellow medic began working on resuscitating him and delivering oxygen to his lacked lungs and bloodstream.

While he was still relatively conscious, he kept slipping back to passing out, causing them to eventually place the oxygen mask on his face for a definite amount of time. Watching them work, as if time moved slow, Gordon lingered by that doorway, keeping his forest eyes focused on the man on that stretcher. What seemed like hours of reviving him back to a stable condition, did the Freeman finally snap out of his trance when Alyx touched his shoulder.

“... He got lucky. We managed to get him stable so… I’m sure after some more treatment and rest he’ll go back to normal.”

“... Did you find the source of the problem?”

“... Apparently… his suit helmet was just fine; no leaks to any of the valves or lines. The only thing wrong was... that he didn’t have it on correctly. He had taken it off, Gordon.” With those words leaving her mouth, Freeman then glanced over to Alek as he rested - now out of his suit and into some scrubs to keep him comfortable. A sheet covered him up to his chest, as the monitors beeped from his steady heartbeat. Why would he have taken it off? He should have known better - why put himself at risk? Quietly narrowing his eyes in thought, Gordon then glanced back up to Alyx as she took off the stethoscope from around her neck.

“Get some rest Gordon. You need it too.” Giving him a small smile, the daughter Vance then left the medical office to catch up on some sleep as well. They were now floating out in deep space once more, as they left EX-9880 a couple of hours prior. Nothing else was of concern to them there, as it wasn’t a planet suitable for the resistance to start their life anew. And after what happened and what they experienced with the research gathered from that travel, it was completely ruled out. Sitting there in the chair for a few minutes longer, Gordon then slowly got up to leave, only for him to pause as he heard his name whispered in that dim light. 

Looking back to the patient lying on the bed, Gordon blinked as deep blue eyes stared at him through slits, obviously tired and able to keep their heaviness from closing. Still, he pulled through to look at Freeman, watching him approach the beside. Hundreds of thoughts crossed his mind, wondering just what exactly the other wanted - however another thought had crossed his mind, only for the physicist’s eyes to squint and his brow to furrow in disappointment.

“That was very irresponsible of you. How could you take your helmet off knowing the consequences of your actions? You could have killed yourself.”

“ **_You’ve… gotten my message…_ ** ”

“Saying my name means nothing, it only worries me even more. And the method you used to deliver it only brings my attention to what actually happened to you down there. Right now, I can’t… I’m  _ not _ going to get into this, because we went through a lot - and this is only the first day since we woke up that shit like this happened.”

“ **_Expect the unexpected, Mr. Freeman._ ** ”

“If you want people to start respecting you as a captain - then you need to start acting like one. Putting yourself in danger, for the purpose of  _ god knows what _ , doesn’t seem like a very ‘captain’ thing to do. If you have gotten yourself killed, Barney’s life could have been in danger too. We were only lucky that our quick thinking managed to get you both into contact again before you were stranded - or worse. You have a lot of people to thank for saving your life.” Gordon approached his bedside more, feeling anger rise up from the pit of his stomach.

“ **_My employers--_ ** ”

“-- _ Fuck your employers _ . I don’t care what they think, I only think about what you do. Your actions will cost us from your lack of understanding of the situation. My advice? Think twice before you decide your own consequences Because now it affects all of us.” Narrowing his forest eyes at the other, Gordon then had turned and left the medical office, leaving Alek to lay there in silence after his scolding. While it was true as he did put them at a bit of a risk, the Freeman didn’t know the whole story. Perhaps it was just the feeling of his previous panic attack carrying over, that disallowed his thinking of reasoning - yet that was the government man’s own fault as well.

He was amongst people who had some connection to him in specific ways, and would need to adapt to them being in a tight space rather than open areas like back on Earth. They were forced to work together, to find a new life for themselves after everything had drastically changed for the worse. And the bureaucrat did have a hand in that to begin with. They looked at him with distrust in their eyes, unsure of what he was thinking or if he was deciding on to create another chaotic environment. Now, they will begin to look at this previous experience as an attempt for that - to garner results for his employers or to see if these people would come to his aid despite previous actions that hardly benefitted them as a whole. 

Deep blue eyes gazed up to the ceiling as he laid his head back onto the pillow, body still weak from the travel, as well as the lack of oxygen. Luckily, no damage had been inflicted onto his brain, or rendered his internal organs for failure. No damaged tissue or toxins in his bloodstream. It was just that - he was drowning in plain air, except that air was toxic and could render the others worse than what he experienced. Deciding to give in to the exhaustion, Alek had shifted to a more comfortable position - knowing he was going to be here for a while until Alyx had concluded his recovery.

Returning back to his room, Gordon vented in as he stripped from his jumpsuit and entered the small bathroom to his left, deciding to wash away the stress and anger that his mind was plagued with. He was exhausted, as if that 100 years of stasis sleep wasn’t beneficial to him in any way. Stepping into the shower once the water ran hot, the Freeman ran his fingers through his hair, forest eyes closing to the relief beginning to flood over him. That liquid element cascaded down his nude body, following the pricked and scratched skin of his battle scars.

From Black Mesa, to their present and unsure future. 

Quietly rolling his head side-to-side to let the water coat the entirety of his head, the Freeman took ahold of some soap to wash away that sweat and grime that coated the strands of his hair, eventually working his fingers into his scalp for a massage. He cleaned his body, minding the wounds that were still practically sensitive, remembering the ways in which he got them. Most were due to Black Mesa, yet a few souvenirs from City 17 and White Forest… as well as the Borealis. 

Fingers lightly drifted to the wound on his left side, touching the sensitive skin that left a twinge of sore pain behind once he did. The same wound that cost his H.E.V. suit some power to keep him safe. Inhaling lightly as he removed his hand from the painful spot, Gordon minded cleaning it too roughly, rinsing his hair free of leftover suds before eventually stepping out of that shower to dry off. He didn’t want to spend all day in that shower, as exhaustion was now rolling over him like a wave.

Putting on a simple shirt and pair of sweats for comfort, Gordon sat on his small bed, gazing around the room momentarily before settling his forest-green eyes on the piece of wheat he pulled previously from his head. The same piece of wheat that was amongst millions in his dream. Quietly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, the Freeman then slowly laid down onto his side, lightly rolling the stem of the wheat between his thumb and index finger. It wasn’t the first strange thing he’s come across.

And it won’t be the last.


	6. The Question

While it was early morning, he wanted to catch up on the analysis data that was collected from the excursion to EX-9880. Coffee still steaming hot and ready to be drunk, the cup sat there on the lab table as Gordon tenderly mixed his rationed breakfast around with a spoon as his other unoccupied hand held a document. They had taken the samples in for testing - and of course those results yielded no properties for potential life; or rather no stable condition for life to occupy there from the outside. 

It still was an interesting find. How a planet could change it’s gravity in a matter of hours was still mind-boggling to the physicist, as it seemed rather improbable. Possibly a magnetic metal core could answer that question, making the readings justified that everything was heavier. If someone weighed 100 pounds on Earth, the planet would make them feel 400 pounds heavier; it was honestly amazing that it fluctuated in such a short amount of time, which left confusion amongst him. If it was a magnetic metal core - why did it fluctuate?

It was a mere 1.2g when they had first arrived, and within those 4 hours of being there it had completely quadrupled in force. They were certainly lucky to have made it out, as they would no doubt be crushed under the weight of their own sweat, or even their hair strands alone. Taking a deep breath, Gordon had spooned some of his breakfast into his mouth before pausing as the door to his lab had opened. Doing a double-take, forest-green eyes had then narrowed as the supposed captain came inside, still wearing the scrubs from the medical bay.

“... You should be resting. You nearly dodged the bullet of death, why are you here?”

“ **_... It has come to my attention that I must relay some information to you._ **”

“... What information?” Gordon blinked and set his spoon down as the government man then began to slowly walk around the laboratory, examining the various equipment that laid about for testing and reading data. The Freeman made a grab for his coffee cup to sip at the contents inside as his forest-green eyes tracked Alek as he made his way around.

“ **_My suit was equipped with a recording device, as it should; your friend Mr. Calhoun had the same feature installed as well._ **”

“Well… I would think it comes standard. But what about it?”

“ **_... The question is not what about it, but what it has on it. After your… chastise, towards me in the medical bay - I have spent most of the withering night retrieving that device from my helmet._ **” Green eyes narrowed more upon the reveal that the government man had spent his time working rather than resting after a dangerous situation that occurred. It seems as if he wasn’t going to ever rest - like it wasn’t mandatory for people like him.

“And…?”

“ **_... If you wish to put your doctorate to good use, Mr. Freeman - maybe you’d like to know what I have recorded during the expedition. And I shall tell you. Completely without a hitch, our arrival to EX-9880 was successful. Your other colleague, Russell gave us the ‘green light’, hm? To explore the planet and take samples. But yet… there’s something missing._ **” Moving around the room again, the government man gazed at the cabinets full of beakers and test tubes that were cleaned and empty, ready for use. He then approached the lab table and stood across from the Freeman.

“ **_During my disappearance, I was still recording. And do you want to know what was on it? Nothingness. Static, white noise - whatever term you prefer to… prescribe, from your limited vocabulary. Nonetheless… I’ve recorded it - approximately 18 hours of it._ **” Blinking lightly as the other settled his hands on the table and leaned forward to him, Gordon’s mind had a small hitch of confusion. 18 hours? Of static?

“How… How is that possible? You weren’t on the planet for 18 hours, let alone hardly 5 hours--”

“ **_\--Research and Development, Dr. Freeman. Perspective means all the difference in the world._ **”

“... So what you’re saying is… that you disappeared for 18 hours, even though we calculated much less than that, without so much as a clue that you did? Your disappearance and reappearance were instantaneous from our perspective, yet the complete opposite for you. Kind of like a slow teleport.” Gordon blinked and set down his cup, feeling a bit intimidated as it was clear that the government man was feeling crabby. Perhaps due to the lack of sleep and soreness in his muscles. After all, he did come close to facing death. Anyone would feel exhausted.

“ **_Quite so._ **”

“... So if you disappeared for that long amount of time, where did you go?”

“ **_... I do not remember. When I have parted ways from your friend Mr. Calhoun, I heard something. A frequency of some kind. Before I knew it… I was desperately trying to keep myself alive._ **” Sitting there in silence as the other spoke of the frequency, Gordon then slowly stood up from his seat and moved to a console, typing along the keys before turning the dial to raise the volume on the speakers. Emitting from them was the same pulsations the crew had previously heard, as the government man moved to approach the Freeman’s side as the noise played. He then glanced to the other as it was the same pulses he heard while on the planet.

“... We heard this when we lost contact with Barney, due to the overhead storm. We had _no idea_ what this was from. The intervals were consistent until they weren’t, and began to halt in their intervals after a set number.” Gordon then brought out the piece of paper he wrote on of their timing, with the respective message on it. 

“You disappeared… but I think you left a message.”

Staring at the letters that came from those series of numbers, the government man then slowly gazed back at the Freeman, examining his face as they stood next to each other. The message sent was in the form of the physicist’s name, however he didn’t remember ever doing such a feature. What he did remember was hearing that sound, before ultimately getting dragged back by Barney into the Nautilus to escape the dropping temperatures and electrical storm. Forest-green eyes locked with deep blue ones; no words exchanged within those heartbeat pulsations of the frequency.

None had wanted to speak first; Gordon could see the exhaustion in the other’s face due to spending the sleepless night searching for anything on his helmet. If that recording had 18 hours of static on it, maybe the government man was right; perspective was everything. He had promptly scolded him for putting himself at risk, yet never knew how he did. All he saw was the finished product, not the work behind it.

“ **_... Feeling remorseful, Dr. Freeman?_ **”

“... Obviously no one knows what happened to you two down there. We could have lost my best friend… and the captain of this ship. You’re supposed to guide us, aren’t you?”

“ **_In a matter of ways, yes, I am._ **” Silence followed after the government man’s words before Gordon let out a heavy sigh, hanging his head and mumbling some upon how chaotic the first day was. It wasn’t until the feeling of ghostly fingers on the back of his hand did the Freeman gaze up to the bureaucrat, leaning his head back some as the other was rather close.

“ **_I’ve been… wanting to apologize for my behavior back in the medical office. Your friend told me of the aftereffects that occurred from my… well, courting._ **”

“... C-Can I ask if… if that was really a joke? Did you really mean to flirt with me?”

“ **_It is what you want it to be, Dr. Freeman. A joke - between captain and crew member, nothing more. Unless, my words have sparked some… introspection, within you to see what our chances could be in this habitation and search among the stars._ **” Was he hearing him right? Alek was proposing a potential relationship between them? Feeling his heartbeat thrum deep and dense in his chest, Gordon lightly moved his hand away from the other’s gentle, caressing fingers - almost taken aback by his words.

“... Why me?”

“ **_... That is an answer I cannot give you. For even I don’t know what has spurred my actions. To court you, to reach out to you through means I do not remember,_ ** ” Glancing down at the piece of paper, Alek had then reached to turn the dial of the speakers down, as the pulsations that emanated from it were clouding much of his way of thinking, reminding him of what he never saw. Complete nothingness, “ **_Only that my actions were made and now awaiting response._ **”

Gordon stood there and overlooked the man before him; feeling the drastic sensation of them being watched. It was true, Eli had approached him some time ago, remembering his words to course through his mind. _Stay away from him, he’s up to no good and will never have you in mind for it._ Yet, on the contrary, the government man was thinking of him since the moment they woke - and hasn’t halted since. How could it be like this? Surely his employers wouldn’t vouch for him getting involved with a previous client, if he even still _was_ a client at this point. 

The last he heard - Alyx was the new contender.

“ **_... I apologize for my behavior… as well as for making you worry whilst down on EX-9880. It was not in my foresight to… risk everything important to you._ **” 

“... I… I’m just afraid of what the others would think about this. We're the least of their problems, but a majority in their eyesight. Eli has Judith monitoring this ship and there are cameras in the labs and much of the recreational areas. I can’t… I can’t _definitively_ say that this is something I want - especially with everything you have previously done to us. Things aren’t hazy, and they never will be when you’re around. Even now… we’re probably at risk just by talking like this. You’re supposed to be resting. Not asking if I’m interested in you.” The quietness had then returned, forest eyes locking with deep blue as the two stood side by side. Eventually, Alek had approached the other more and pressed his forehead against the other’s, leaving Gordon to gasp lightly at the strange sensation to spark within. 

An unknown memory filled his head - the sound of water rolling onto shore; breeze brushing against his ear lobes despite their presence in the lab. Forest-green eyes opened and gazed around the environment, taken aback by the millions of stars that lined the skies, as his feet shifted in the sediment. The water that rolled onto shore illuminated with bioluminescence as it crashed and spread along the sand, before retracting back into that vast ocean. A place about as mysterious as the government man - yet filled with such ethereal beauty that Freeman feared to take his eyes off of; fearing to never see such a sight again.

“What…?”

“ **_Representations of one’s mind brought to physicality. Welcome to my personal oasis._ **” 

“It’s… my god…” Gordon left the other momentarily to gaze at his surroundings, staring to the dotted sky above. Stars of any and every color lined in perfect ways, a phenomenon that was hardly presented naturally in the real world. The Freeman lightly touched his lips with two fingers, unsure of what words to use to describe such a sight. Forest green eyes soon slowly drifted back to gaze at the government man, who simply stared back as the universe was already within his eyes. 

He cared not for the outside source.

“... Is this… why are you showing me this?” Gordon had asked, yet blinked lightly as the bureaucratic man simply gazed up at the skies, feeling a gentle breeze brush through his hair, rustling their clothes. Sounds of the shore still gentle and pleasant, the pale man then curled a smile upon his lips.

“ **_... I wish to show you places to occupy your mind; to free you from another attack should one befall you and curb your emotions towards unpleasant. While I cannot be forgiven for past actions, out of my jurisdiction, I can offer you… a change of perspective. Whether you choose to accept it or not, they will always be available to you._ **” Closing his forest green eyes, Gordon then slowly opened them again, glancing up at the man whose forehead was pressed against his. Hand held within his, subconsciously, the physicist then watched as Alek pulled away, giving the other the space he needed. 

“ **_... I shall do what you have previously asked; rest will be… beneficial and should be taken._ **” Moving away from the other, Alek had then moved back to the entrance of the laboratory of where he had come in. No doubt he should be back in the medical office, as soon the other crew members would awake - and Alyx would promptly check on his status. Pressing the panel on the side of the wall to open the door, the government man then looked over his shoulder towards the other.

“ **_... Do not overwork yourself either, Dr. Freeman. As for your response to my question… I shall wait for whatever answer you desire to give me, and whenever you decide to give it._ **” Lightly quirking his brow, the government man soon left Gordon to his laboratory, the door sliding close to his departure. Coffee now lukewarm and rationed food promptly cooled from it’s lack of consumption, Gordon lingered by the analysis machine, unable to find any cue to get his legs moving.

Instead, his legs merely gave out, causing the bearded scientist to fall back into that machine, gripping onto the table for support, or at least of what he could muster. Hyperventilating began, his heart pumping strenuously as it tried to keep him from passing out. He slowly slid down to the floor, upon the realization that the government man was interested in him - much more than just employer-to-client. That was the question - why was he so interested? He had disposed of his contract for Alyx, 100 years ago, yet changed his ways upon the Borealis. He went against his proprietors, his higher-ups, to save Freeman and the daughter Vance from enduring such a conclusion against the Combine.

And now he was alone, forced to relive the panic and anxiety washing over him. No one would come to tend to him; Barney was still asleep from the stressful excursion to the exoplanet, and would most likely be out for a few more hours to regain his strength and own mental capabilities back. The Freeman cuddled himself, pressing his backside against the counter as his world was still amongst that of the lab. 

And it was going to be that way for the foreseeable future.

He missed being back on Earth. Feeling the sunshine on his face, knowing the properties of spending too much time out in it - that it could either burn or tan him unevenly depending on what he was wearing. The feel of the dirt or grass, hell, he even missed _Black Mesa_. Sure, being underground felt the same as being in such a ship like the Undulatus; it practically had the same colored walls, just the lack of colossal machinery to read samples as they please - perhaps it was the people he missed to work alongside with.

Walking through the doors to the control center and greeting them good morning before entering the test chamber was a reoccurring activity he missed. He took it for granted; something he never thought he’d need to think twice about. Now, those subtle moments were now gone. It was only going to be about work.

Work and survival. 

Finding a planet to occupy, quickly while they still have a chance, wasn’t going to be easy - and if the previous event that happened on EX-9880 was anything to be worried about for future expeditions, they needed to expect the unexpected and prepare for it. Anything that could go wrong will go wrong if they weren’t careful. Stuffing his face into his legs, Gordon couldn’t stop the tears from running down his face, soaking into the fabric of his jumpsuit. Glasses catching much of the run-off, the Freeman released a choked sob from his aching throat despite trying to suppress such feelings. 

It wasn’t the fear of being caught alongside the bureaucratic man, but of the consequences should they not find another planet to live upon. While it was only the first planet they explored for potentiality, things went dangerously close to going wrong. He was only thankful that his calculations of catching them on the re-entry with the Undulatus maintenance arms was so accurately prescribed. If they hadn’t, they would have had to endure more funerals without the possibility of burying them in such peace. Dying out in nothingness, Gordon feared such morbid thoughts.

Yet those thoughts continued to come, as all hell broke loose for Freeman. If he wasn’t on his game, then they couldn’t work swiftly and better together as a team. He felt like the captain instead; being relied on for his words and problem-solving to find a place for them to inhabit. Goddamn the Combine, and goddamn the government man’s employers. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time - yet the blood was on his hands. He pushed that damn sample in, despite all the warning signs. A test of his own endurance and intelligence, now turned into a test of survival of the fittest. 

Sniffling lightly and lifting his head from his knees, Gordon readjusted his glasses back to sit correctly on his face, looking around at the lab he occupied individually. The walls felt like they towered over him; a practical cage to remind him just where he was based on his actions. Isolation, despite the 9 of them being so close together. Heartbeat still throbbing with heaviness and uncertainty, the Freeman tried to control his breathing, remembering how Barney had managed to calm him down - to get back into touch with that reality. 

Even if that reality wasn’t something he wanted to be in.

The question was what to do now? Should he go back to analyzing the data, or return to his cabin to endure his feelings alone, or seek out help from another? Most were still asleep, or just waking up - and he doubted that either of those would want to hear his sob story about how he was homesick. They all were; he wasn’t special. Taking off his glasses to rub at his eyes, Gordon then looked upwards to the ceiling, remembering that isolated system of stars that the government man had shown him.

If only they could find such a place like that - maybe then they could stare at those stars and remind themselves just how far they’ve come. Taking a deep breath, Gordon slowly moved to stand, using the countertop as support as weakness filled his arms and legs. Placing the glasses back onto his face, the Freeman then moved to dispose of his cold rations into the nearby trash, glancing to the cup of coffee that was now substantially getting cold. The Undulatus wasn’t helping to keep the warmth, as most of them probably haven’t figured out how to turn the heating on.

Figures, as it wasn’t their ship to begin with. Wiping his face free of remaining tears, Gordon picked up the cup of coffee and moved to leave the lab. Perhaps rewarming it in the café would settle the morbid thoughts that plagued his mind. As he left down the corridor and towards the lower decks, the Freeman halted in place as he began to think of the government man’s established recording of 18 hours of static. 

He glanced down the hall, towards the direction of the loading bay before turning on his heel to find it. He needed to see for himself, maybe there was something on there he could analyze and figure out why Alek had disappeared without a trace for so long without them knowing. There was always an answer for everything; _perspective_ , was everything. Entering the airlock once it was depressurized, Gordon glanced over to the suits that were presented on the wall. Setting the cup of coffee down onto a toolbox momentarily, the Freeman moved to collect the government man’s helmet, searching the inside for the supposed recording device. 

Looking around the glass visor and internal displays, Gordon blinked as he finally found it. A small camera, attached just above the oxygen valve, pointing out through the visor to capture anything he might have come across. Disengaging the lock on it, the Freeman took it out of the helmet and rolled the small device within the palm of his hand before heading back towards the lab - leaving the cup of cold coffee behind. 

Once he re-entered that isolated laboratory, the physicist set the recorder down onto the table and turned on the overhead light, moving to grab some tools to extract the data from within. He would need to be careful, as the internal workings seemed to be sensitive to being taken apart. How the government man managed to get it out in the first place was a question for another time - thus the Freeman began to work on retrieving the data chip from within, using small tweezers to move the wiring inside.

Once he managed to slide the small microchip out of the container, the Freeman held it up to the light, overlooking the circuitry to make sure no damage was sustained. Even he could have recorded static, it might have been due to a damaged board, yet he spotted nothing. Moving over to put the chip into the reader, Gordon waited for the information to be read, looking to the console screen when it popped up how long the device had been recording. Of course, the surprise came again when the time was estimated to be 22 hours total. They spent nearly 5 hours down on the planet, yet what this said was completely different.

Inhaling lightly, Gordon then moved to play it, speeding through the process to see where the static had begun. He watched Alek and Barney get into the Nautilus, strap themselves in and prepare for launch towards the exoplanet - gone without a hitch of course. They landed on that dull, methane-filled planet, exchanging words with Russell before splitting ways to collect samples of such an environment. 

Then he heard it.

That damned pulsations of frequency. Slowing down the speed of the playback, Gordon watched as Alek took notice of it, even going as far as to ask Barney if he heard it too. Yet, static only filled his radio, and with the noise growing in that intensity, did Alek soon turn to look at something, only for the recording to turn completely white and hardly readable.

The time was still running however, of the recording - ticking away within the white noise of static. Narrowing his green eyes, Gordon then replayed the moment before the white screen had presented itself, trying to see what Alek might have been potentially looking at. Playing it again and again, whilst slowing down the footage left Gordon to render confusion. What was he looking at? Rewinding the data once again, the Freeman then paused it on a split frame, narrowing his eyes at the sight.

On the bottom left of the screen was a small glass shard of some kind, or white mist. 

Approaching the screen to examine it more, forest-green eyes studied the strange anomaly. Something had indeed happened to Alek on that planet, as it seemed like they weren’t totally alone after all. What that object could be left the Freeman completely uncertain to pinpoint. Playing the recording once again, Gordon stepped back as static filled the screen, hardly delivering much of a clue upon where the government man had been taken to, the physicist then flinched as a voice rang out in the lab.

“What are you doing?” Glancing to see who that voice belonged to, Gordon had stopped the recording all together as Magnusson walked in, holding a cup of coffee to try and warm his spirits, even if it wasn’t necessarily working. The Freeman clicked out of the recording and took back the data chip before looking to his former supervisor.

“Analyzing some data from Alek and Barney’s excursion.”

“Didn’t expect you to be working in the early hours - for once. Since we are to be sharing this lab, I hope you don’t plan to take free reign of all the equipment.” Magnusson looked upon the table of Gordon’s supposed mess of tools and equipment for extracting something from whatever. The Freeman then moved to clean up the mess for him, knowing just how picky the other could be. After all, they worked in Black Mesa previously - everyone knew how loud this individual could get when he was crabby or didn’t have things his way.

“Just happened to wake up early, is all. Being in a new place I guess doesn’t help me sleep.”

“Hopefully you can keep this ‘waking up early’ thing a long time motion, Freeman. We all can’t wait on your tardiness anymore.” Lightly curling his fingers into a gentle fist, the Freeman then curbed his anger and simply nodded, watching the other scientist move about the room to inspect the machinery they were to be occupying and sharing together. Having him watch over his shoulder like a hawk was going to be tough to get used to; he only wished Isaac or Eli would stop in to curb any of the tension they may have between them. 

Speaking of which, Gordon sighed in relief as Isaac had stepped in, seemingly already to have been awake analyzing different data regarding the structural status of the Nautilus. The Freeman had greeted him good morning, and Magnusson with a simple hum, before approaching his former tutor. What he wouldn’t give to be under his guidance in this time and place. He gave Dr. Kleiner a look, almost a plea, to get him to change places with someone else in their respected field.

Yet of course, to no avail.

Kleiner couldn’t do anything about it either.

“Have you found anything particularly interesting, Gordon? That expedition was quite a scary realization for all of us, especially Barney. I do suppose he’s brushing up on some of his own science upon what to do if something malfunctions with their suits.” Isaac lightly adjusted his glasses as Magnusson gave a gentle clear of the throat.

“As a matter of fact, I was brought to attention upon some data that I retrieved from their suits, actually. The recording devices, installed into their helmets. I wanted to get a first-hand look upon what went wrong, but so far… I didn’t find anything that could have sparked the reason for his helmet to suddenly vent out oxygen from the lines.” Lightly taking his mentor to the side, he then presented the data chip.

“I was kind of hoping maybe you could look into this too. This is the chip that I have taken out of Alek’s suit, since he was missing for some duration of time according to Barney. Now… what’s surprising is that it held 18 hours worth of complete static. I’m not really familiar with radio telemetry like this, so maybe you or Eli or even Russell could figure out maybe something behind that static.”

“18 hours? Are you sure?”

“Yes, it’s all there, even logged in the recorder’s timelapse.” Gordon nodded to his former mentor who simply looked at the data chip within the palm of his hand once the other had given it to him, adjusting his glasses upon the surprising news. Of course, it was understandable if he didn’t want Magnusson looking into it, as the other probably didn’t want to deal in Gordon’s supposed dirty work when he had his own problems to deal with.

“Well, alright, I see what I can do. Russell is good at decrypting, or so I heard, so maybe he can paint a definitive picture as to… where Alek went in the span of 18 hours.” Smiling lightly as Kleiner had agreed to take a look at the footage, Gordon then looked to Magnusson as he was cursing at the hot coffee for being particularly too hot to drink - and how he should invent a way to cool coffee faster so it wasn’t such a dangerous attribute to handle. The bearded scientist glanced back to his mentor, only for him to whine lightly in discomfort as Kleiner was already gone from that situation.

Better he had, too.

Gordon went back to analyzing the other snippets of data retrieved from the voyage, trying to ignore the ramblings of his former supervisor, if that title was still even in use. Oh, who was he kidding, of course it would still be in use. The Freeman remained quiet, reading over the documents while wishing he had his own cup of coffee back. Yet, he couldn’t remember where he had placed it. Surely he was supposed to warm it back up in the café, but he got sidetracked along the way. Tenderly rubbing the ridge of his nose, the bearded scientist then placed the documents back into their respective pile. While Magnusson was here, there was no need to be disorganized.

Or completely sane, to be honest.


	7. On The Contrary

He gazed to his hands, fingers lightly flexing within that dim light as the monitors beeped for his insignificant life. Alek sat on the edge of his bed, feeling the urge to simply just get up and leave. It had been a couple of days since the expedition that nearly cost him his life, and he was still amongst the medical bay - having yet to be discharged and back into his normal uniform instead of the loose-fitting scrubs. He felt relatively fine, apart from some slight exhaustion, however he blamed the bed for that matter. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing he’s slept in, and he had slept in some questionable places. 

That only led him to spend irrefutable hours awake while only a sliver of it was spent being actually asleep. As he continued to gaze to his left hand, slowly flexing his fingers to make sure he still had feeling among them, did his attention get drawn to the door once it had open - revealing the physicist. He had come to visit him? On what accord? The Freeman had approached up to his bedside, with slight hesitation, as he knew he wasn’t really supposed to be talking to him. From Alek’s perspective, Gordon looked sleepless as well.

“I will assume Alyx will discharge you soon. You’re looking way better than previously.”

“ **_Looking and feeling are deviations in meaning._ ** ”

“Just be thankful she’s still willing to help you out. As a matter of fact, a good majority of us are willing to help you out. That recording, that you stated had 18 hours of static on it, I took into consideration of looking into it myself. And… I couldn’t help but notice a certain… anomaly, _ if to call it that _ , captured on the feed just before that static came to be.” Gordon lightly stuffed his hands into his lab coat pockets as he began to explain the circumstances, leaving Alek to wonder what he might have possibly found.

“I turned it over to Dr. Kleiner and Russell to see if they can clean up the feed a bit. Maybe give us some insight upon what indeed happened to you down there.”

“ **_How could you turn it over to them? Why couldn’t you solve this predicament yourself?_ ** ”

“Why are you getting defensive about this?”

“ **_They can’t be trusted. If they find something, they’ll turn it over to Eli Vance and he’ll have another motion to bring up the past._ ** ” Alek narrowed his deep blue eyes at the other, as Gordon removed his hands from his pockets and scoffed lightly to the behavior that was coming from the other. Defensive, for good reason, against Eli? There was definitely some contention going on between them; the Freeman could understand. But now wasn’t the time to be against each other.

“ _ Can’t be trusted _ ? I think you should look in the mirror for that one, because most people here are going off the basis that you are the one that put yourself in danger. The evidence of your suit helmet coming off is all you; that’s already leaving suspicions behind.” Gordon sighed before rubbing his forehead to cool his own term of emotions. 

“I’m  _ no _ expert in radio telemetry, nor decrypting anything that might be hidden inside it, so I rather have someone with that expertise have a hand in the matter. They’re not going to turn it over to Eli if that’s what you’re so worried about. Why? Are you starting to remember what happened?”

“ **_On the contrary, I remain clueless as to what happened to me. If you trust your mentor and the other to delve into the strange recording then be my guest. I have every right to be worried upon what they do with it._ ** ” Alek vented in and softly shifted in the bed, sitting up straight to cure his back of the aches that were starting to spring on. Watching the other, Gordon lightly inhaled and crossed his arms.

“There’s also something else I want to talk to you about. If that anomaly… managed to incapacitate even  _ you _ , what does that say about us? If this thing is still out there, and potentially following us, we have every right to be worried too. Hostile or non-hostile, we can still be compromised.”

“ **_The only reason it managed to incapacitate me is because I was unaware of my current state. I lack the ability to see beyond my range of intellect. Surprisingly… unfortunate._ ** ”

“What do you mean? Are-- … oh my god, you’re _ human _ . If you retained your abilities, based on whatever you actually are, it might have not threatened you. You would have seen it coming. This might also explain why you were forced into stasis sleep like the rest of us, right? You couldn’t just jump forward through time like you usually did.” Gordon narrowed his eyes upon the realization. Alek was… well,  _ Alek. _ The person he was before the government man came to be his cryptic self. Weathered, beaten, exhausted - like he endured a war of his own and was now just managing to settle. 

“ **_Majority, Dr. Freeman. Not entirely. My evidence being that I whisked you away to my personal oasis without a hitch. I still have possession of some abilities - yet what they are… well, are need to know._ ** ” Deep blue eyes locked with forest-green, as Alek remained sitting on his medical bed; the beeps of the monitor keeping that silence from getting too uncomfortable. Gordon then lightly shifted in place as the other kept staring to him, observing like he had done many times before.

“... I think, if we are to be compromised at some point or another, you as the captain should formulate a plan. Even if it’s not in your jurisdiction, classification… hell, fucking  _ insurance coverage _ ; if there is something out there that can cause harm to us, we need to be prepared. Not having an escape route will only put ourselves more in danger. And since you’re relatively human now, this applies to you too.” Gordon blinked as the medical bay door had opened, revealing Alyx. She glanced at both of them momentarily before moving off to prepare some of her tools. The Freeman watched her before glancing back at the government man.

“ **_I’ll see what I can do._ ** ”

With silence filling the room, Gordon then gave a subtle nod and turned to leave, to let Alyx do what she needed to do. It was best not to crowd the medical bay - as well as have any suspicions towards what they were presumably talking about. In a way, he didn’t want to cause panic, if they were discussing an escape plan with no context. Watching the Freeman leave the medical office, deep blue eyes then glanced up as the daughter Vance approached after he had gone.

“I’m going to check your stats now.” Wheeling over a small machine, Alek lifted up his sleeve some for her to place the wrap around his arm, to take his blood pressure. Thoughts filled his head; what could possibly be amongst these planets to put their lives at risk? Sure, there was the possibility of free-roaming Combine forces that could bring backup if needed. After all, they did issue a hunt for him previously. Yet, what supposedly Gordon had seen on the recording didn’t necessarily pinpoint it of being Combine technology. The little they did know was that this particular anomaly managed to wipe the bureaucrat out and threaten his life.

He was human now, for predominance, and was considered equal among them - even if they didn’t see it that way. He could die just as easily as they could. Deep down, Alek felt a certain matter of concern as well. What happened to him? Why couldn’t he remember a single thing that happened? That frequency looped in his mind like clockwork, yet he couldn’t understand much more of it. He had apparently sent a message to Gordon, yet had no idea of it. Lightly flexing his fingers into a fist, the government man was then forced to relax again, as his monitor was reading off stress. 

He didn’t want to spend another night in scrubs.

“BP’s normal so I guess you check out. Open your eyes.” Alyx took a small pen light to shine into his pupils, watching for any irregular dilation. Blinking lightly at the brightness, the government man then relaxed as she moved away to take the wrap off of his arm. 

“Alright, you’re good enough to be discharged. Try not to put yourself at risk anymore.”

“ **_I’m afraid I can’t guarantee that._ ** ” 

“... I know.” Alyx made a face before moving away from the other, leaving Alek to sit there in confusion before snorting lightly to himself. Moving off of the bed, the government man took the time to stretch and bend out the aches in his back. Finally, free from the isolation and the constant barrage of smelling iodoform. Of course, it was meant to keep such a space clean and free from potential disease among patients and staff, yet it wasn’t his particular liking to have been inhaling it for the past 2 and a half days. 

Freedom at last.

Retrieving his belongings from the small lockers upon the wall, the government man undressed from the scrubs and returned back to his uniform, maintaining that military status despite the change of environment. This wasn’t a war field, this was a celestial expedition. The least he could do was be good looking for it. 

Lightly fixing the cufflinks, Alek then moved to tie his boots in a graceful fashion, ignoring the stare of the young woman within the room. She was most likely reflecting on her actions of saving such a man like him, knowing how much he had caused trouble for them in the past. Now, he was causing trouble in another way - putting himself at risk when he didn’t need to be. Perhaps to think of an escape plan would be beneficial, not just for himself. Yet, he wondered if these crew members would listen to him if he was the one who came up with the plan.

Another snort had left him;  _ human _ . It felt strange to be called that, even if it was partly true. He hadn’t been human in quite a long time, now to be labeled as one felt disorienting. Once his shoes were tied, the government man didn’t wait a moment longer to finally leave that medical bay and out into the open. Of course, he didn’t expect things to be different; the same neutral-colored walls were practically everywhere. The only pops of color around would be the hallway signs, pointing in directions that would suit anyone to go somewhere. The recreational hall, the café, the loading bay, the laboratories, the gym - they had a gym apparently - among other rooms that were miscellaneous. 

The ship wasn’t necessarily big, yet they managed to fit just about enough of the basics. Deciding to answer the call of his stomach growling, Alek had made his way towards the supposed café, wondering if such rationed food would even be tasty enough for him to consume. If not, well… no matter. He was in desperate need of a coffee however; exhaustion still hung over him like a toxic cloud. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or rather the lack of his abilities keeping him from practically collapsing to the need of primitive rest.

Approaching the doorway, Alek had then paused upon the commotion in the lower decks. Right, the loading bay was down the stairway. Who could be down there? It sounded like a disagreement, or argument of some nature. Looking to the stairs and the cafeteria door, the government man then turned on his heel to descend the stairs, following the noises of chatter. Approaching one of the loading bay doors, Alek peeked inside, spotting Eli Vance and the one called Russell looking over the Nautilus. 

“ The Nautilus retained some heavy damage when it ascended for re-entry, looks like it got hit by the electrical storm. Some of the internal wirings are fried - it could take practical weeks to search this inch by inch. We ought to avoid using this scout ship for the next expedition, Eli. ”

“Russell, the readings came back as normal, how can you say it retained heavy damage?”

“ That’s because the readings  _ are _ damaged, Eli. It’s practically going to always read off as normal; watch! I’ll show you by disconnecting the mainframe computer’s axis stabilization system. Look! It still reads off as normal! ” 

“Now don’t go breaking things to prove a point! Now it’s going to take more than practical weeks to get it repai--” Halting his words, Eli had caught sight to Alek in the doorway, narrowing his heterochromia eyes. So it seemed that Alyx discharged him from the medical bay. Russell lifted his head from the cabin to see what Eli paused about, glancing to the government man who stared back at them. Oh, right, he was still on board.

“ Oh. Right. Alek. Uhh, still looking over the recording, but most of the reign has been given to Isaac. ”

“What recording?” Eli looked to Russell, to which the hacker had hummed in thought, wondering if Alek should be the one to tell him or if he should. Lightly closing his deep blue eyes, the bureaucrat then reopened them once more, glancing to Eli. He had to know eventually; keeping any information secret aboard this ship wasn’t going to be easy. Word spreads fast, and it just so happened to be spread nonchalantly by someone in the same room as the one he  _ didn’t _ want it spread to.

“ **_... If you don’t mind, I wish to talk to Mr. Vance alone._ ** ” 

“ Yep, I should go see about that data chip anyway. ” Russell set down his tools and moved to leave, walking past the government man as he could sense a bit of tension in the room. Perhaps it would have been wise to keep his mouth shut, but Alek didn’t state that he didn’t want Eli to know. So partly, it was his own fault. Eli watched the other leave before glaring up at the government man, picking up some tools that were laying on the floor.

“We were in the middle of repairs.”

“ **_I’m sure the Nautilus can wait, seeing as it won’t be going anywhere anytime soon._ ** ”

“You-- … look, what do you want? I’m even surprised that you’ve come to talk to me, considering our differ--”

“ **_\--Before we start delving into the topic of our strenuous past experiences with each other, perhaps we can discuss more important matters at hand._ ** ”

“Actually… yeah, more important matters. Like what Russell meant about the recording. What recording is he talking about? And why have you turned it over to him?”

“ **_It was not I who turned it over to him. I was under the impression that Mr. Freeman would be the one to look into the matter himself but it would appear his expertise isn’t befitting of such a task. I only today realized when he came to visit me in the medical bay._ ** ” The expression on Eli’s face changed - Gordon went to visit him? Even after he told him to be mindful? The father Vance deeply inhaled to cure his frustration, as it seemed he would need to have another talk with the physicist. He may be the captain, and may need to report to him, but such tasks shouldn’t befall him alone. 

“ **_As he explained about the recording from my suit, he brought up the notion of creating a plan. Should our ship be under incursion or… attack. To save you the stress of entrusting me to formulate it - I will assume you would be the one to… form, hm? Your own type of plan with me out of the picture._ ** ”

“I’m not the captain, you are.”

“ **_Yes. I am. However most don’t recognize my authority as something to follow. Would you not agree?_ ** ” Narrowing his eyes at the other - it was clear that Alek was taking a jab at him alone. Like hell he was going to follow his authority; he was only named captain because of his employers ensuring their survival from the Combine. Why? Who even knew at this point.

His suspicions were on Alek alone. The government man then slowly approached the other, moving to fold his hands behind his back as he glanced over the Nautilus. They had been trying to make repairs, as the electrical storm on EX-9880 did fry some of the internal circuitry. They surely dodged a bullet with that alone; if the storm had cut off any control to the scout ship, it would send them straight back down to the planet, possibly for good. 

“So you want me to come up with a plan to keep us from dying, is that it?”

“ **_If you do not want to do such an assignment, I will relay my own source of direction. Of course, riding on the initiation of being allowed to use my authority without so much… fuss._ ** ” 

“Don’t get cocky with me, you son of a bitch. You’re lucky you're even on this ship, as I have no clue why Gordon wanted to save your ass.”

“ **_Perhaps you should count yourself lucky as well, Mr. Vance. As this ship would not exist… if I had perished back on Earth. Gordon had done you a favor, of keeping the last line of humanity thriving as a whole upon the Undulatus. Frankly, you’d ought to be apologizing to him instead of me._ ** ” Hitching his breath to curb his anger, Eli simply clenched the tool within his hand. He wasn’t going to apologize to the bureaucratic bastard who presented this future before them. He didn’t know where Alek could get that notion.

“ **_Though… as a captain, I do assume I was late in welcoming most of the crew to a ship such as this one. So, why not start the future of spending our lives searching for survival, with you. Welcome aboard the Undulatus, Eli._ ** ” Offering his hand to shake, Alek watched as Eli simply turned on his heel and left, tossing the tool in his hand into a box of others, as he wanted to refrain from attacking this man. How could he be so smug when the rest of them were struggling to thrive? Watching him approach the entrance to the loading bay, the government man quirked his brow.

“ **_I will assume the responsibility of devising a safety net for your crew to take part in is something you wish to avoid, is it not?_ ** ” Glancing over to Alek, Eli simply shook his head and left, not wanting to deal anymore with the government man. Now he was just teasing. Alek smirked lightly as he watched metaphorical steam leave Dr. Vance’s head upon his words, trying to cure himself of the irritation he managed to inscribe within him. 

Dropping the smirk from his lips and gazing back to the Nautilus, Alek had looked over the damage himself, wondering if such a ship could be repaired, when the next primed planet potential would come along for their exploration. While this wasn’t the only scout ship they had to offer, it was definitely more withstanding against certain types of elements - in fact, rather all types of elements. Yet, somehow - it managed to get damaged quite severely. Supposedly, it wasn’t  _ that _ great at defense.

Still, he was tasked with a way to get them out of certain situations, much like what happened previously. If it wasn’t in one of these scout ships, the main focus was the Undulatus. Where were the exits? Any escape pods? He couldn’t see anything that would be classified as them - unless some parts of the ship can be turned into such vehicles. He would need to examine this ship thoroughly, however that might cause suspicions on it’s own. He was no doubt being watched, even at this current time, thus decided to return back to his original task.

Finding something to eat.

He left the loading bay and ascended back up the stairway, watching a couple of other crew members enter the cafeteria as well. Calhoun and Magnusson, was it? They weren’t going in together to have a pleasant conversation, but rather to get their rations and be on their way. So he shall do the same; Alek entered in and approached the vending container, overlooking the various items that were inside. Not much to pick and choose for instant meals, however the coffee was even more limited. Only one kind to choose from. 

Dark roast - either way he’ll take it. Alek watched as the package was being made for him, brewing the coffee within the small display before eventually placing it out onto a tray to automatically deliver to him once finished. Taking the steaming cup, the government man looked inside before moving to add other essentials to it. Particularly two packets of sugar and a drop or two of whiskey from his hidden pocket stash. Looking around as he put the small flask away, the government man then moved to stir the coffee to mix the ingredients.

Even the smell was enough to perk his mood - a smell he longed to take a dip in since they first woke up. Now it was time for rations; what could he potentially eat that didn’t force it’s way back up from being disgusting? Instant oatmeal? Scrambled eggs--  _ why was it only soft foods _ ? Alek made a slight face before eventually settling on some rice with pork pieces inside. Taking a sip of his coffee, the government man lightly shivered as he could taste the whiskey within, adding such a nice touch and an even warmer feeling in his stomach. 

Anything to wake his nerves on the  _ right  _ side of the bed.

Hearing a small ding of completion from the machine, Alek glanced at the chrome package that was handed over to him. Oh right, his rations. Gazing inside, the bureaucrat simply shrugged. Smelled alright, looked alright, might be  _ alright _ to consume it. Taking it to a separate table to enjoy by his lonesome, the pale man used a spork to mix the contents around in the small bag, before glancing as someone had approached his table. 

“Mind if I sit down?” Glancing down to the captain, Barney stood there - obviously it was awkward as they did not have much exchange of words other than from the mission they completed. Even so, that time wasn’t nearly as personal as it was now. The government man watched him for the longest minute before motioning his hand to take a seat. The other had not delved into pissing him off before, so by all means he could join. 

Sitting down at Alek’s table, the former security guard settled his own rations and coffee into place, grunting lightly as his body ached with soreness. Looking up at the ragged man, the bureaucrat began to mix his food once more, before eventually having a taste. Wasn’t the best thing he had, but at least it’s palatable. They ate in silence, just hearing the gentle thrum of the ship around them as they drifted through space. Deep blue eyes gazed to the other’s coffee cup, steaming hot as well as they both ate.

“ **_... ever put whiskey into coffee?_ ** ”

“... Nah, I’m usually not too big on the harder liquors mixing in with the morning joe. I think I did try rum once with it but… it was mostly cheap rum so I tasted no difference. Just a little sizzle in my mouth. Why? Is the captain getting drunk over there?”

“ **_Good way to steel one’s nerves in the morning. An extra helping of energy._ ** ”

“... Got any to spare?” Curious now, Barney watched as the government man lightly slipped the flask over to him to pour into his own drink to try. Chuckling lightly at the hidden stash, the former security guard took the container and poured a bit into his coffee cup before handing it back to Alek. 

“Keeping a hidden stash, are ya?”

“ **_Prevents unnecessary raids and begging._ ** ” Alek pressed a finger to his lips, as he wanted to keep his stash a secret. Barney gave a simple thumbs-up before mixing his coffee, taking a sip of the caffeine and liquor. Lightly clenching his eyes at the taste, the former security guard swallowed the contents before coughing lightly.

“Oh, that’s strong.”

“ **_Keeps the nerves going._ ** ” Alek sipped his own coffee before going back to eating, hearing Barney smack his lips at the bitter taste of alcohol and coffee. However, he was right - now his nerves were completely awake, despite the sore pain in his entire body. He felt like he could run a mile or two, or lift more boxes that Magnusson wanted him to move. Warmth spread over his body like a gentle wave, leaving the former security guard to sip more at the coffee, even if the bitterness wasn’t exactly what he liked. 

The bureaucratic man continued to dig through his rations, scooping rice and pork pieces into his mouth; Barney couldn’t help but to watch in slight awe and amazement. He didn’t exactly know who this man was - only that his cryptic messages spread to his friends was the only thing he had to go on to form an opinion. Now to see him here, he looked like just about anyone among their crew - someone who was trying to get by through the day. How could one man such as this cause so many problems for his buddy and close friends? 

Just goes to show that anyone can change when you’re on the brink of war and violence. 

“... So where are you from?” Pausing his eating, Alek glanced up to the other at the question, before placing the spork into his mouth from hesitation. Which place? And which side was he talking to? Lightly inhaling, the government man then glanced back to the chrome package that held his food inside. It was still steaming hot, thankfully - yet that would only last so long in a cold ship like this. Perhaps he should make it his mission to locate the nearest thermostat.

“ **_... Russia._ ** ”

“Huh. Was not expecting that answer.”

“ **_Then what answer were you expecting?_ ** ”

“I dunno… I don’t have many details of you to go on, so I thought maybe you were just a man-in-black this whole time who has no place of origin. I say man-in-black, because well… surely you dealt with aliens, based on the whole Resonance Cascade thing. That, and I’ve seen your face a couple of times around Black Mesa so… I guess you can tell I was a bit of a conspiracy wack.”

“ **_Everyone has their own conspiracy, Mr. Calhoun. Even that vending machine. Who knows… maybe it watches us while it cooks our food._ ** ”

“Oh come on man, don’t scare me like that because I might just believe it.” Glancing over to the vending machine, Barney shivered lightly at such a thought. Being watched by A.I., well, not exactly the nicest thought in the universe. There’s probably some sort of… dimension where an A.I. is a murderous robot built for watching humans do… whatever. Maybe experiments or tests. Probably could release some toxins with a sheer will alone.

“ **_Relax, Mr. Calhoun. It’s merely a joke. If an A.I. managed to take over, the worst they can do is burn our food._ ** ” 

“That’s the  _ worst _ kind of situation.” 

“ **_On the contrary; I prefer a good, crisp, burnt piece of toast._ ** ” Finishing his rice, Alek had crumpled up the chrome package, as Barney stared to him like a deer in headlights upon what he just said.

“You’re a madman.” Smirking lightly, the government man then moved to throw the package away into recycling, before returning to retrieve his liquor-coffee, taking a soft sip of the contents before quirking a brow to the other to bid him goodbye. Work had to be done, and he couldn’t spend the entire time being in the cafeteria. As he left, Alek then paused as Judith came up to him. 

“There you are; Russell and Dr. Kleiner suggested I’d let you know of the situation. We found another planet close by that seems rather promising, however they’re not 100% if you want to go for it or not. Considering what happened last time, the Nautilus’s decommission for now, and you being just healed from the last excursion - they’re debating whether or not to let this one pass.” Judith explained, crossing her arms while maintaining distance from the other. 

“ **_Where are they now?_ ** ”

“In the control center.” Watching the government man walk past her, Judith moved to follow him into the control center as Russell and Kleiner were looking at some readings they scanned of the planet some miles from their position. After a couple of days of rest, it was now time to get back to searching, and this planet had some potential. Approaching up to the console, Alek read over the data that was fed through of the planet’s coordinates before glancing at the scientists who awaited an answer from him.

“ So… what are we thinking? I know you just dodged a bullet with the last expedition but… it’s your call. You’re the captain. ” Quietly thinking to himself, the government man softly inhaled before taking another sip of his liquor-laced coffee, swallowing lightly at the contents.

  
“ **_This is going to be a long day._ ** ”


	8. Overture

“ Planet is labeled EX-9798 in the Combine databases of what we managed to find. Particularly not in your standard definition of the  _ goldilocks _ zone but relatively closer to it than the previous planet we explored. Radar suggests that the planet is particularly covered in water - or at least  _ ice _ \- give or take with some better land masses for travel. ” Russell explained to the crew, typing along the console as he brought up the information that was logged into the archives. Alek lightly rubbed his chin in thought as he didn’t notice Barney and Gordon coming to see what they’ve come across. Another planet? So soon?

“ **_What is the registered surface temperature?_ ** ”

“ Uh… you’re looking at about -102 degrees Celsius, the last time it was logged. Pretty cold, outta bring a sweater. ”

“Jesus, that’s way too damn cold. And we thought that the methane planet was freezing.” Barney chimed in, huffing lightly as he tried to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit in his own mind. With trouble, it was about an estimated negative one hundred and fifty-one degrees. Much too cold; way below the freezing point of water.

“ **_Do we even have a scout ship able enough to withstand such drastic temperatures?_ ** ”

“ I’m looking at the manifest and apparently we do! A scout ship called the  _ Normandy _ is probably your best bet. It can withstand temperatures up to 261 Celsius and an estimated low of negative 156 Celsius. So you’ve got about… hm, 54-degree difference of a safety net between you and the planet. Guaranteed if the planet’s rotation from the system’s star doesn’t exceed well past that. My advice is to prevent going at night. ” Russell lightly tilted his head as he explained, reading over the diagnostics before turning towards the captain.

“ **_In order to limit potential casualties, perhaps we should stock the Normandy with essential supplies in case the systems can’t handle it._ ** ”

“ It’s a vibe. ” Russell shrugged and nodded.

“If you don’t mind, I would like to come with,” Gordon had stepped forward, catching Alek by slight surprise. He didn’t know he had been in the room, “As someone who’s used to these types of extreme environments: unstable conditions, radioactive decay, and adapting to change… I think my cue to step in line is now. And as a scientist, I’ll have better conclusions upon samples we take.”

“ **_... It’s much too dangerous, Dr. Freeman. We can’t risk someone as important as you to dive into such situations._ ** ”

“I’ll be just fine. Besides, I think I should get the once in a lifetime chance of stepping foot on another planet too.”

“ **_... Quite so. Very well, if you wish to join, I will not mind._ ** ” Alek had softly spoke before glancing at Russell and Kleiner. Now it was time to get back to work, as the recording would much rather wait to be analyzed. A new planet was on the horizon, and ready to be explored of all it’s fruitful glory. As the Undulatus swiftly and gradually approached, the Freeman and government man had strapped on their suits, making sure everything was strapped down tight and correctly. 

Deep blue eyes couldn’t help but look over to Gordon, watching him place on his helmet and lock it into place with a subtle click and hiss as they stood before the  _ Normandy _ . It was certainly risky, and if the Eli Vance had caught wind of this - he wasn’t going to be too happy either about Freeman joining him on this crusade. Much of the fact that he was with the bureaucrat, while the lesser problem was going to a planet much suited to be a simple icy glacier floating through space. Loading supplies onto the scout ship, Barney then approached his buddy, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder. 

“Try to keep in constant contact. And maybe… don’t split up like we did.”

“Don’t worry Barney, we’ll be extra careful.” Getting a small nod in agreement, Barney then glanced over to Alek, watching him readjust his own helmet glancing to the small device in the lower left of his visor. Ah, the recording device. Right - no doubt Eli would want that taken and analyzed once this excursion was over. Either to spy on their conversations or to hold the bureaucratic man reliable for anything bad that might happen. With his helmet locked into place with the same subtle click and hiss, deep blue eyes glanced at the displays that lit up along his visor.

Vitals, oxygen supply, and a compass. Perhaps the compass would come in handy for exploring the tough terrain. Should they need an extraction point - yet that was the worst-case scenario. Glancing over to Gordon, Alek then moved to climb into the scout ship, getting settled into the driver’s seat as Mr. Calhoun had bid his buddy goodbye and safe travels. Settling into the passenger’s seat, the physicist inhaled deeply as this was the first time he was going to experience the drop. 

Perhaps even  _ more _ dangerous than re-entry. 

Barney had left the airlock so the area could depressurize, peeking in through the airlock doors that closed behind him. Of course he was worried, but he had a feeling that the government man wouldn’t let any harm come to Freeman - or at least try. Gordon lightly tightened the seatbelts that were crossed over his chest, before grabbing onto the handlebars to find a suitable grip. It was going to be a bumpy ride, he knew that for sure.

“... So how is it like? The drop?”

“ **_... Have you ever been on a roller coaster before, Dr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“... Once or twice.”

“ **_... It’s worse than that._ ** ” Pressing a few buttons on the mainframe console, Alek had ignored the small gasp of exasperation that came from the other. Perhaps it wasn’t wise to label it like that.

[ Alright, testing one-two, can you read me? ]

“ **_Hear you loud and clear, Russell._ ** ”

[ Alright gentlemen, let’s go over the basics: now obviously this ship can’t handle any greater negative degrees than what is limited so try and avoid dark and dim-lighted areas as much as possible. If you two  _ do _ decide to go out for a walk, maybe place yourselves directly in sunlight or avoid going out altogether. Can’t say the same for your suits to withstand such negative temperatures but… hey it’s two experiments for the price of one. ] 

“Russell, what’s the survival rate of a human being able to survive in subzero temperatures with little to no insulation?” Gordon lightly blinked as the loading bay had finally finished depressurizing, and for the  _ Normandy _ to be locked within its carrier.

[ Well, human tissue freezes at around -27 degrees Celsius, but the longest someone’s endured cold temperatures before destructive damage to their body was around an hour at -20 degrees. So I imagine if those temperatures exceeded negative one hundred more… probably less than a minute. Maybe less than 20 seconds if you’ve decided to go naked. Which I hope you don’t plan to do, but if you do - for the sake of science - you’d let me know how that feels! ]

“Oh god.” Gordon lightly squeaked out of his throat before flinching as the carrier began to tilt upside down and for the loading bay doors to sound the alarm to their opening in the floor.

“We’re being dropped upside down?”

“ **_Everything will be fine, Dr. Freeman. Just… put your head between your legs._ ** ”

“What?!” 

[ Launching in 3… 2… 1. Happy trails! ] Calling out in fear, Gordon gripped onto the handlebars as they were dropped upside down into the perpetual space. It felt as if Freeman's heart was now lodged in his throat, making it hard for even the simplest thoughts to process through his mind and for his voice to speak within that small cabin. The scout ship rattled and jolted here and there as it got caught within the planet’s rotational gravity, leaving Alek to make the decision to place them upright, pulling up hard on the wheel to rotate their perspective.

“ **_Whee._ ** ” Droning out stoically, Alek then let the Normandy get caught in the gravitational pull, gliding them down towards the icy planet below. Already caught in the thermosphere, it was clear that this planet’s climate system was highly unstable as the entry was rougher than before. Turbulence shook the ship enough to chatter their teeth, even if clenching them was necessary. The wind currents threatened to knock them off course, leaving the government man to grip onto the wheel for stabilization. To Gordon, it felt like he was experiencing off-roading back on Earth, except with much unnecessary danger and colder temperatures.

“This is crazy-- this is  _ crazy _ !” Gordon yelled through gritted teeth, trying to keep his forest-green eyes closed mostly throughout the rough launch, as to save himself from enduring any potential motion sickness lurking on the horizon. Even so, it wasn’t doing much to help the weightless feel in his stomach. Likened to butterflies, or his stomach was being pulled back into the far reaches of his col--

“--This is why I’m a physicist! This is why I’m a physicist!  _ WHY DID I BECOME A PHYSICIST, I DIDN’T EXPECT TO GET PHYSICAL _ !” Anxiety was now taking effect, leaving Gordon to grip onto the handlebars as if his life depended on it. In a slim way, it rather did. Otherwise, he’d probably be bouncing in his seat much rougher than he needed - which could definitely provide some bruises on places he didn’t need to have them on. 

“ **_Patience, Mr. Freeman, we should level out soon._ ** ”

“How are you so calm in this?!”

“ **_I’ve learned to adapt to… circumstances that are beyond my control. Simply put; I don’t give a fuck._ ** ” Alek glanced to the readings on the display screen, glancing at their fuel supply percentage as well as the outside temperature on the exterior walls. Ice was beginning to form on their windshield, so most likely they were well below freezing at this point. The mesosphere came and went; it was as the government man stated - they had leveled out pretty significantly. Panting heavily, Gordon slowly opened his eyes to gaze around the cabin once everything had smoothed out.

Aside from his sense of thought. The Freeman shakily released his hold from the handlebars, touching the top of his helmet to make sure it was still secured tightly before green eyes slowly gazed out of the window. He could see landmasses below; the icy terrain providing a beautiful marble layout - a picture he wanted to capture forever. It didn’t seem real; that this had to be Earth, and that they were simply flying a spaceship over the Antarctic. Though, basing the readings on the temperature, it would never compare to such a place. 

It was much colder, much more dangerous to travel to for scientific research. The descension brought them further into the stratosphere, as they could now make out much of the landscape. It wasn’t as flat as originally seen from further above, as peaks of glaciers and hills made of ice were at drastic, competing heights to be higher than the other. Mountains that threatened their small scout ship with tipped daggers of ice, Alek avoided such areas, searching a flatter area of land to settle their ship. 

While the weather was relatively better the closer they got, it still didn’t stop the wind currents within the atmosphere to stir up trouble, somewhat tossing their ship side-to-side, yet the government man stabilized much of the turbulence alone by keeping the wheel steady. Thankfully as well, since the sickly feeling in Gordon’s stomach was making another debut. Despite the ill sensation, the Freeman sighed as Alek touched down softly on a flat patch of ice. 

“That was… something.”

“ **_Are you regretting it now, Mr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“... Well… if we find something worthwhile here to take back then… maybe not.” 

“ **_Russell, are you still reading us?_ ** ”

[ Yep, have you landed already? That was fast. ]

“ **_The winds on this planet provided much of the downward glide; saved quite a bit of fuel in the process. Although, it might prove difficult to getting back up. I don’t believe we’ll have a stable enough condition to walk outside, there are a lot of crevices amongst the ice that would be easy to fall inside._ ** ” Alek lightly vented and glanced to the temperature readings the Normandy was reading for the outside. Much colder than previously recognized, but thankfully above the limit. As long as they stayed in the sunlight, perhaps it wouldn’t provide a concern. 

[ Right. Well, do what you can and-- oh! You have a terrain mode! I forgot to tell you! You won’t need to get out of the vehicle! Just press a few buttons and voilà! You’ve turned your scout ship into an automotive… terrain… driver. Basically like some oversized truck. ]

“... Couldn’t you have told us beforehand? So we never had the suggestion of walking out there by ourselves in the first place?”

[ I’m a simple man, Freeman - I forget things. I can’t juggle everything all at once! ]

“Alright,  _ sorry _ I brought it up.” 

“ **_Russell, how long do we have until nightfall?_ ** ” 

[ Oh, right. Uhm, if this information is accurate, you’ve got about 11 hours left. Now that’s plenty of time to roam around and see what you can find. As for the weather,  _ very _ unpredictable - can’t give you an estimate on that. If you see storm clouds,  _ probably _ want to avoid them. ] Gordon lightly sighed and looked as Alek pressed a few buttons to convert their ship into a terrain vehicle, feeling a bit taller now as the wheels folded out from their hatch, touching the ice.  _ Hm, convenient. _

“Alright… let’s see what we can find.” Once the converted truck began moving, the bearded scientist unconsciously gripped the handlebars once more, glancing out the windows as they began to move across the icy glaciers. It certainly was a sight to see, how icebound nothingness could look so wonderful up close. He was on another planet; something he never thought would come to be. Lightly shifting in his seat as the truck drove up a steep slope, Freeman couldn’t help but to curl his lips into an awed smile.

He had to be dreaming.

Within the driver’s seat, Alek would mom entarily glance to Gordon in the passenger seat, before returning his eyesight to the trail ahead, making sure they didn’t fall off the cliffside. Strangely, it felt awkward now to have the physicist along with him on this adventure; no words were exchanged as no doubt Eli caught wind that his colleague was with the likes of the government man instead of waiting peacefully behind for some data to be sent over. Speaking of data, the pale man glanced to the display within the cabin, keeping an eye on their fuel source, as well as the temperatures. 

The temperatures would rise, yet drop significantly lower. It left him to wonder - could humans survive such a place to inhabit? Depending on Russell’s previous answer of how long they could last in frigid temperatures, that seemed quite impossible. Especially with the cold on this planet, and the whipping winds that were now starting to kick up. Despite the sunny environment, it wasn’t enough to even remotely melt the ice.

Halting the truck from going any farther, Alek narrowed his eyes some upon the subtle rocking of the cabin - like a gentle wave had knocked his equilibrium off-balanced. Glancing over to the other as he had stopped the vehicle, Gordon too had felt the gentle rocking of the interior, wondering if it was just the truck adjusting to the ice. Yet, as the swaying continued, the Freeman glanced up at the government man.

“Earthquake?”

“ **_Russell, are you reading tremors by any chance?_ ** ”

[ Not from what I’m seeing, no. The Combine hasn’t listed any potential tectonic activity on this planet either. Unless they decided it was too cold to be worth checking out. ]

“If there’s tectonic activity happening, this planet still has a rather active core. Which means it generates heat and can provide warmth.” Gordon hummed before gazing out of the windows of the small cabin, still feeling the vibrations and swaying that provided a small lulling sensation. Likened to a dizzy spell, it wasn’t overly strong enough to knock them off their feet. Though, with the outside temperatures, it seemed rather confusing that this planet hasn’t endured it’s scale of global warming - perhaps this planet was way too early in development, or at least, too late.

“... It’ll probably take centuries before this planet even becomes remotely warm enough for human occupancy. Even so, we still have to account for the atmosphere and what it’s made of - it’s kind of thin, based on the amount of time it took to get down here. If we don’t have a thick enough atmosphere, we run the risk of being exposed to radiation. We can’t go out and take sam--” Cutting off his words as the ground beneath them began to tremble more, Gordon grunted as he was forced back into his seat by the sudden jolt and rocking of the vehicle. Alek had tried to keep the vehicle firmly locked into place, so that they wouldn’t slip off the ice and down the cliffs below.

The wheels screeched as Alek tried to prevent them from sliding off, feeling the entire ground they were on top of to be slanting towards an unsafe angle. Holding onto the handlebars, Gordon then called out as a piece of ice broke from the overhang above their vehicle, piercing through the metal as if it was tinfoil.

“ **_Shit_ ** .” Gripping onto the wheel, the government man grunted as they slid backwards, backing up into a wall of glacier ice as the tremors had finally settled down. Shivering hard, Gordon panted lightly as they were now exposed to the elements, and swiftly thrown into the darker parts of the landscape, dropping their temperature limit with each second that ticked by.

“F-F-Fuck it’s f-freezing…! W-We’re g-going to d-die if we d-don’t plug the h-hole!” Unstrapping himself from his seat, Alek had tried to push the remaining ice off of their cabin, growling lightly as even just touching the solid element froze his hands, leaving a burning sensation behind. What kind of planet was this? The government man sighed and sat back in his seat, as Gordon searched for something to plug around the ice since they couldn’t move it Stuffing plastic packages for insulation along the crevices before leaning back as their center of gravity was tilted.

“N-Not e-even an h-hour here and we-we’re in d-danger.” Chatting his teeth, Gordon vented in as he glanced at the piece of ice weighing them down and trapping them in place. Fear had begun to strike; they were completely off the radar now, blocked from getting a signal out for help. The worst-case scenario just happened to befall them, and the physicist mentally cursed that he didn’t pray beforehand. Glancing over to the Freeman, Alek shivered hard before pulling the other away from the cockpit of the vehicle, and towards more of the storage - to stay as far away from the opening, and into the warmer parts of the ship. 

Following his lead, Gordon grunted as he moved boxes aside and leaned against some panels, before blinking in surprise as Alek had moved to hold him, pressing him close to his frame, despite their suits feeling clunky and limiting how close they could get. Shivering hard, the Freeman glanced up to the other.

“W-W-What a-are you d-doing?”

“ **_W-We stand a b-better chance of s-survival if w-we use our b-body heat._ ** ” Softly venting in, Gordon feared the repercussions of doing such an act, yet… perhaps this could be passed on. Considering it was a life or death situation now - the Freeman tried to press himself closer to the other, gripping onto Alek’s back despite the trembling in his hands. While their body heat alone couldn’t mask much of the freezing temperature, it still kept their hearts beating.

“ **_R-Russell… will figure out a way to e-extract us. Don’t w-worry._ ** ”

“I-I’m… n-not w-worrying…”

“ **_... M-Mr. C-Calhoun… told m-me of your p-panic attack… p-previously,_ ** ” Gazing up to the other, the Freeman locked his eyes with deep blue ones - Barney had talked with him? That alone was a surprise, yet, to Gordon, the bigger surprise being that the government man would even bring it up, “ **_... I w-want to… p-prevent you from t-thinking m-morbidly. A-And inducing a s-state of p-panic._ ** ”

Gordon stared up at him as he spoke; it would be wise to maintain their focus on surviving, as no doubt the frigid temperatures were heightening the exhaustion of keeping a conversation going. Still, what the other had just told him left Freeman’s heart to throb a bit faster. It was considerate of him, despite earlier events.

“ _... T-Thank y-you… _ ” Gordon had whispered out, forest-green eyes locking with deep ocean blue. The man before him - he never thought such a person would be considerate of their feelings, especially in drastic situations such as these. Despite their communications cut out, and the threat of death looming over the horizon, the government man made sure to keep Freeman going, keeping him tucked further against the wall while shielding him from the cold temperatures that managed to sneak it’s way into the cabin. 

“... E-Eli’s… not going t-to like… h-how close w-we are…”

“ **_... I-I think he c-can make an e-exception._ ** ” Alek vented in as the cold winds brushed against his backside, hearing his suit beep in warning to the temperatures exceeding well below the desired limit. It was the only insulation his body had; if that went… that was it. The Undulatus would be without a captain, and potentially a physicist if he was headed in the same route. Forest-green eyes tried desperately to keep themselves open, as Gordon’s hands lightly pulled on the pale man’s suit.

“K-Keep… t-talking…”

“ **_... I p-promise… y-you’ll be b-back on the ship… w-with your f-friends._ ** ”

“A-Alek… y-you too… w-will be b-back w-with us… Don’t... d-don’t make this an ‘o-only F-Freeman’ t-thing…”

“ **_M-My survival… d-doesn’t matter, i-in comparison. You a-are someone they c-can’t… a-afford to lose._ ** ” Venting in, Gordon lightly pulled on the other, in a frustratingly way, despite the lack of energy that washed over their bodies. Staring up at the other and shivering hard, the Freeman had then covered the small camera with a gloved hand, on the other’s visor, as well as his own. Perhaps to speak in private, or to relay a message that only the other should be intended to hear.

“I w-want… to t-talk… w-when w-we get b-back… Just y-y-you and m-me.” Slightly taken back by the request, Alek gave a subtle nod as Gordon had then lowered his hands from their recorders, clenching his eyes shut some as his body locked up with pain from the cold. The minutes ticked by and the conversations fell short within that cabin, as now it was only about keeping their eyes open. The bearded scientist kept his locked with Alek’s, the heaviness in their lids threatening to deliver the last blink of their lives.

The government man was the first to go, leaving Gordon to twitch his fingers into a slight curl; an attempt to shake him awake. A subtle noise escaped his throat, yet no words formed, feeling his lips molded shut from the cold alone. Hearing a slight droning noise, forest-green eyes glanced over to the window, venting in lightly as something floated outside. A drone? A Combine scanner? Was the Combine overlooking this planet for resources? Before another thought could enter Freeman's head, the scanner had laser cut the icicle lodged in their cabin, providing an entryway. 

[YOU-HAVE-BEEN-IN-AN-ACCIDENT. TAKE-THE-HEADSET.]

Russell’s scanner drone?

Slowly drifting inside the Normandy, the scanner had caught sight to the both of them, quickly moving over to their semi-frozen bodies. With static filling the cabin, the done had hovered among them, the gentle warmth of the small engine powering within the scanner acting as a small heater. Activating a speaker, the frequency of a radio began to play out from the drone for the both of them to hear.

[ Gordon! Thank god, you’re still alive! Okay, quick word, I’m piloting two ships at once so I can’t get all the details across; we’re going to get you out of there. With luck, the crane on this damn thing will lift you to safety. Hang on tight if you can! Reel them up, Judith! ] Feeling something attach to the hull of the scout ship they were trapped in, Gordon lightly moved his head to gaze out the window, venting in as the Undulatus itself was within the atmosphere, hovering and trying to remain stable enough in the rushing winds to bring their crew members back up to safety. Closing his eyes in relief as they were brought back up into warm sunlight, and the temperatures to slowly creep life into their body, the Freeman gazed over to the body still attached to him.

Seeing a pair of deep blue eyes slowly reopen and stare back at him.

Softening his expression as a form of relief, Gordon lightly curled his fingers again on the other’s arm, to keep him presently accounted for and awake. Forest-green eyes glanced back to the drone still levitating above them, providing a bit of warmth despite the gaping hole left in the ceiling. Oxygen riding on the danger line, it was only a bigger sigh of relief that they were found before they would lose air. Even if he managed to beat the freezing temperatures, there was no telling if this planet had any source of oxygen to offer him. 

That was something he didn’t want to find out. As the Undulatus pulled them back up into the loading bay airlock, Gordon could hear the subtle voices of the crew wondering if they were alright and accounted for. Most definitely, he heard the definitive scolding of Eli; based upon the fact that they endured another close call of losing a close colleague, while Alek was present in the same situation. Almost as if such a man was cursed. Once the chamber had depressurized, Alyx was the first to go in and retrieve them from inside, having another fellow rebel pry them apart as their suits were practically molded together from the freezing temperatures.

They were alive, that’s all that mattered.

It was a miracle they sustained no major damage, aside from some frozen skin that would need some ointment here and there to be applied to their face and knuckles to prevent tearing of the tissue. It would leave them red for a while, giving in to the illusion that they would forever be blushing or endured a fight-club situation on their knuckles. Placed into separate beds on opposite ends of the room, Gordon had remained awake since those few hours that passed. They hadn’t gotten the opportunity to explore or grab samples from such a dangerous planet, but perhaps it was for the best.

At least the souvenirs they received were freeze burns on 20% of their face. A souvenir that wouldn’t last very long, depending on the medicine being applied, but it would forever stay in their memories. Green eyes slowly drifted to the man on the other side of the room, only blinking in surprise as blue had stared back.

Quietly exchanging looks with one other, the two had then slowly stood up from their respected medical beds, deciding to meet each other front and center within the middle of the clinic. Alek had remembered the other wanted to talk to him previously, and as the two stood amongst each other in that room - only the sound of snorts came between them; laughing at how close they came to death.

And how ridiculous they now look with ointment on their face.


	9. Tragedy Plus Time

“... I wanted to thank you for your consideration, in the Normandy. To be honest, I didn’t expect it from you.” The two had presented themselves upon the floor, leaning against the wall as they sat together for a mutual talk. It was well late into the night, no doubt most of the crew were asleep from the second terrifying experience for them to come across in just a matter of days. The situation was starting to look pretty grim; most had begun to wonder if their odds of finding a habitable planet were diminishing lower and lower as time goes by. 

They had every right to be worried - as it seems they were having one problem after another, placing their crew members at risk. Now begged the question: should they ignore planets that don’t look relative to Earth? To save them the trouble? Quietly touching the reddened patches along his cheeks, Gordon then vented in as they ached some, almost likened to a bad sunburn. Luckily the medicine took care of the dryness and most of the pain, but perhaps it was best not to try and smile for some time. Otherwise, they would endure the slight burning sensation. 

“ **_Most don’t. Even I am surprised at my ability to… be considerate of others in life-threatening situations._ ** ”

“So Barney told you of my panic attack. And even in that moment, you remembered and wanted to avert me crumbling under pressure.” The Freeman lightly brought his legs to his chest, nearly copying the other man beside him as he too had his legs to his chest, resting his arms over his knees. The both of them were in scrubs, much to Alek’s dismay. They weren’t exactly comfortable; thin, papery, hardly a garment suitable for wear in a cold ship. Perhaps would have been better to just be naked. What happened to the loincloth days?

“ **_Panicking only leads to more trouble. If you exerted your energy too quickly within that harsh environment, we might not have made it. Keeping calm will help the mind adapt better to the change. Much like your… occupance, in Black Mesa. You adapted; thus the outcome was survival._ ** ” Lightly nodding to his words, Gordon lightly sighed as his body still felt exhausted from the event. Not what happened on EX-9798, but the research facility itself. He still had the battle scars, the wounds to carry over from that 100-year sleep. They did act up here and there, yet it wasn’t agonizingly painful. 

The mental scars are what hurt the most.

Seeing fellow colleagues die just before his eyes or just out of his reach was the most painful thing he has ever endured and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It was a battle against everyone; survival of the fittest. Perhaps that was why he didn’t trust too easily. Who knew if friendly backs would turn on him, or an ambush was hiding in plain sight. Every corner had danger around it, and he could either come out victorious or lacking in life. Glancing over to the other, Alek could sense the other was reflecting on those traumatizing moments, for it began to leave his eyes in the form of griefed tears. Touching his face, Gordon had lightly chuckled in slight amusement, but rather sadness to escape out into that expression.

“No, I don’t want Alyx to reapply the ointment.” Catching the tears before they would roll down his cheeks, the bearded scientist released a heavy sigh, glancing at the droplets of water that coated the back of his hand. Gordon then blinked in slight surprise as Alek had taken hold of his hand, swirling the tears lightly on his skin before eventually wiping them off with his sleeve. The ghostly touch of his fingers lingered however, leaving the physicist to take back his hand in slight trepidation from the other’s hold, causing the government man to realize what he was doing and return to his previous position.

“... I appreciate the… gestures, you’re giving me. I just… I  _ can’t _ get over the fact that this is coming from  _ you. _ And the fact that we’re being watched in every single thing we do, and…” Gordon inhaled softly to keep his head leveled, not wanting to develop more tears to possibly ruin the medicinal treatment.

“What happened… back on that planet, I felt real…  _ genuine _ fear. Not that I was close to dying, but because  _ you _ were. You couldn’t keep yourself awake and when you closed your eyes, I thought that was it. That another within my reach had died despite my attempt to help. I couldn’t… I just couldn’t handle it. And I know that you’re waiting for my answer in regards to your… courting, but I don’t want to get attached.” Glancing over to the other, Gordon had slowly lowered his legs from his chest, heart rate increasing as he explained to the other.

“Because if I get attached, I know you’re going to leave me. Either willingly or unwillingly, because it feels like everyone close to me dies. I can’t… I can’t go through that!” Feeling the panic start to set in, Gordon lightly gripped his head as the morbid thoughts bombarded his fragile mind. Taken aback by Freeman’s assumption of the government going to leave him. Deep blue eyes overlooked the man he previously hired, before lightly touching his arm, blinking more as the physicist had flinched away from him.

“ **_... Dr. Freeman, are you afraid of me?_ ** ”

“... No… I just… I mean I was… I was afraid of what you were capable of but, now I’m just confused. And frightened that our lives have changed forever and won’t ever return back to the way it was. That people are going to die left and right, and it’s all because I pushed that damn sample into the machine. Everyone’s… everyone I ever worked with in that facility had died or is on the verge. The people we left behind are gone too, while I stay young and healthy as a 27-year-old.” Lightly running his fingers through his hair, Gordon tried to calm himself down, softly gripping the strands as a sort of slight punishment for appearing so  _ weak _ in front of someone who hired him for his impressive work at Black Mesa.

“ **_... Well, you’re not considered 27 anymore. Much older than that since a century has passed._ ** ” Trying to lighten the mood, Alek then inhaled as Gordon didn’t seem relatively calmed from that knowledge. The government man didn’t always have a way with words; this practically proved it. Lightly sighing, the bureaucrat then lowered his own legs from his chest and leaned more against the wall.

“ **_You didn’t cause the Resonance Cascade, Mr. Freeman. It was I who supplied the sample in order for you to start the chain reaction. If I had not provided the sample… your lives would be very different from now. That is why your colleague refuses to be well within acceptable bounds parallel to mine._ ** ” 

“... You indirectly caused the death of his wife… manipulated and employed his daughter. Yeah, I would think Eli has something out for you. In fact, a lot of people here do. You changed our lives in a matter of seconds, and all you did was give us a different rock.” While his words didn’t carry much anger, it carried a multitude of weight. Disappointment, uncertainty and distrust. Which had then reminded the physicist once more - be careful of who you trust. 

“ **_I do not expect a change of such behavior towards me at all. I know what I’ve done, but I cannot change it now. Let alone have the… authority, to do so._ ** ” 

“Right… you don’t have your abilities.”

“ **_Most of them. But what I do have… can easily set a perspective in motion. What you truly want._ ** ”

“What’s that?” Gordon blinked and glanced as Alek slowly motioned his hand to the other, holding it out in such a way for the Freeman to make a grab for it. Did he want to show him something? Was it the place of oasis again? Lightly inhaling, the physicist’s hand slowly reached to grab his, fingers curling around his in a gentle embrace before the two had felt a strong pull; the medical bay around them warping and distorting in such a way that could be mistaken for light being bent around a black hole. 

Overlooking such a sight, Gordon then flinched as they were slingshotted through distant memories - ones that didn’t particularly belong to anyone. Environments changed like that of flashing lights or channels being changed on the TV, at speeds that were way beyond the limit of sound. However, there was sound - the warped frequency of what he believed to be a violin chord being struck, or a cello. Those flashing memories soon formed together into a familiar environment; lush trees to crowd around them, and the sensation of gentle mist to coat the skin in dots of water.

The government man had whisked them away to a private forest, overgrown with pine and submerged in a semi-thick layer of fog. Gray and green; the forest competed against the physicist’s very eye color as he gazed around the environment. Alek glanced around as well, slowly and poised, as they both sat in the dirt opening between such nature. A nirvana; an escape in solitude to a sanctuary unknown yet peaceful. Gordon had taken a deep breath - still amazed with the sight before him. They had just been in the neutral, colorless medical bay and were now among color and fresh air. 

The aroma of wet dirt never smelled so good.

“... Do you come here often? Places like these?”

“ **_Similar to you, Dr. Freeman - I too get overwhelmed by certain antics that have befallen me. These… domains help set one at ease. My dislike of being amongst the Undulatus with nothing… considerably special, to look at allows me to appreciate what has been missed. To share it with you is quite appropriate._ ** ”

“Well… thank you.” Gordon softly spoke before returning his vision to the government man, a bit surprised that such a place that was his own sanctuary was offered for him to visit as well. Still, it garnered the question - if they were still on the Undulatus and it was the trick of the mind or if they had actually been whisked away to such a place. The feeling of the mist brushing on his arm said different, and reminded him of the wheat field previously. Had Alek sent him away to a place of isolation when he panicked in order to calm him? He didn’t necessarily feel threatened in such places, yet it was definitely a thought to process when he brought back a souvenir.

The wheat strand - still hidden within his room. 

“... You don’t seem like a man that would share your personal hideaway with other people. Am I the only exception?”

“ **_You are an exception to many things, Dr. Freeman._ ** ”

“... Like what?” Gordon watched as Alek slowly turned to him, deep blue eyes locking with the same forest green as the two sat together amongst that opening, the gentle wisping fog being disturbed by such movement. The government man continued to watch him before inhaling lightly.

“ **_You sell yourself short. You carry much more weight than you can handle, only because you feel responsible for everyone else’s well-being. They’re not offspring or what you depict as children, Dr. Freeman. They know how to hold a gun, to hold their own, yet you want to be the barrier. Yet, what you cease to realize is that you’re not strong, and you prick and prod your inability to save everyone. You shut down, believing that you’ve failed greatly and force yourself to pick up the pieces._ ** ” Blinking lightly as the other analyzed him, Gordon was about to speak until Alek had continued.

“ **_You shouldn’t feel compelled to destruct your own mind for something beyond your control. You blame yourself for someone else’s fault. Sure, death comes swift and sudden for them, with no time for avoidance at certain moments, but that’s life. It’s going to keep taking before it has to give, Mr. Freeman._ ** ” The government man eventually gazed to the ground, using his fingers to sift through the dirt and wet grass before pulling out a handful of that earth. He crumbled it lightly within his hands before letting it pour from his palm. Instead of that brown soil dripping from his hand came the gentle flutter of glitter to form a pile between them. Within that neutral light, it shimmered like practical diamonds as it slowly floated back into the floor.

“ **_... We all die. Some quicker than others. We can only hope it’s painless and quick._ ** “

“Have you… have you seen the death of your friends and family?” Quietly reflecting on himself, the government man then moved to stand, gazing around the trees that towered over them like some authoritarian stance. Gordon stared up at him, wondering what he was thinking about. The way he stood, it felt almost… intimidating. Not towards himself, but Alek was the one feeling intimidated - as if he was being watched and judged for his character. Slowly gazing down to the physicist, the bureaucrat then offered his hand once more. Did he want to show him? 

Why?

Quietly debating on whether or not to take his hand, Gordon inhaled lightly before standing up from the floor, unsure of what the other was proposing. After a moment of hesitation, the physicist slowly reached out to take the other’s hand, venting in as they had once again warped from that distant nirvana, and into a place that delivered a parallel unseen to outsiders, yet remained the same for the one who took him there.

A warfield.

What remained of that peaceful sanctuary was nowhere to be found. Spread across the land were the muffled yellings of soldiers and infantry, and the very disturbed ground he stood upon rumbled with the treads of the tanks that drove by. Alek watched the platoon move past their position, focused on the enemy across the streets. Gordon flinched lightly to the bombs and explosions, wondering why the government man was showing him such a place. It looked like the world was at war, as it most probably was. However, those soldiers were fighting people who looked just like them, also defending their country or state. 

“W-What is this place?”

“ **_This… is my platoon. Flanking against enemy forces at the front in the second World War. 32 hours we’ve spent waiting awake for the first bullet to be shot. Until it finally had._ ** ” Gordon blinked and watched the soldiers run past their position, yelling commands and subtle retreats from the onslaught of gunfire on the opposing side. In a way, it reminded him of the battles at Black Mesa; the military against aliens that teleported in from Xen. Except, they were fighting humans; their own mankind. For disagreements, lack of supplies, or just plain evil. A place one could never recover from no matter how strong you were. Overlooking the intense battle without fear of being caught in the middle, Gordon took notice of one particular soldier that ran past him, holding an Enfield rifle.

“... Is that you?”

“ **_Na_ ** **_ïve, inconsequential, and had just begun a long life of murder._ ** ” Overlooking his past self, Alek vented in as the young soldier pressed up against a barricade, peeking over to delve a few rounds into enemies who were brave enough to attempt a push. Of course, their life was ultimately turned out, with little chance at redemption. Gordon vented in as he slowly approached the soldier of the government man, gazing to his face and deep blue eyes.

“You’re so young… how old were you?”

“ **_... Old enough to know better._ ** ” Gordon blinked and glanced to the older man before turning back to the young soldier who called out some to his fellow platoon mates, throwing a few magazines over to supply their guns. Despite being in the middle of war, Alek’s face lacked the stoicness and exhaustion of his future counterpart. Emotion ran high - concern, fear, anger plastered along his face as he shielded from an incoming tank blast, before getting up and running from the barricade that was compromised. The streets were narrow, hardly a good place to maneuver their own allied tanks if they weren’t already compromised.

The way that young man stared distantly as he watched his friends die before his eyes, left Gordon to shiver. It was almost the same way he felt; hardly something no one wanted to experience. The physicist watched as the soldier tried to apply some medical knowledge to them, yet to no avail. Their injuries were too grave, and they were still locked in war - with no time to stop and assess the situation. A similar situation that befell Freeman those times ago in City 17 or even White Forest. How the rebels would drop like flies and he couldn’t do a single thing about it. 

The soldiers tried their hardest to push back against the enemy forces, a metaphorical tug-o-war to maintain the high ground, and acquire the best position to turn the tide in their battle. Who would come out on top, and who would suffer the consequences. Gordon watched as the young soldier took a brave stance in dragging one of their wounded back behind cover, grunting as a bullet had scraped past his arm. The Freeman then gazed to the older man, watching him pull up his sleeve to reveal the faded scar from such a moment. 

Gordon had his share of wound stories as well.

Despite his attempts to save the wounded soldier, Alek had watched the light leave his friend’s eyes, simple - quickly. No attempt to revive the other, as a gaping hole was left in a vital place, coating his hands in blood when handling him. The young soldier had taken shelter once more, behind a building, loading a magazine into his rifle. The bearded scientist examined his uniform, as he couldn’t necessarily make out the other’s alliance that he fought for, yet flinched as the building he was under was shot to hell by the tank. An attempt to crush him under the rubble.

Alek had fled from the area, trying to find a better position to take point. His older platoon mates had called for him, using hand signals to go around the bend and sneak up behind the enemy. A risky move, but perhaps a move they needed to take. Gordon kept his eyes on the young soldier before eventually looking down. Perhaps he understood why he was being shown such a scene before him. While it was the same in concept, it was obvious the rest of them didn’t have time to mourn on the battlefield, when they were already too heavily outnumbered and pushed upon. 

“ **_No matter how many times we’ve come face-to-face with death, our efforts to save others can also be at a loss. The only thing we can do is move on. Carry their legacy or remember names._ ** ” As the scene dissipated, Gordon looked to the government man who slowly brought them back into the medical bay, the environment warping back into place as if they never left; obviously exhausted from the use of his energy. He stumbled a bit, leaving the Freeman to flinch lightly in surprise when he caught himself from falling over. Inhaling deeply, Alek had then glanced to the other, fixing his posture. 

“ **_... Don’t remember the deaths as something you could have avoided and blame yourself for the process._ ** ” Gordon blinked as Alek slowly approached him while digging in his shirt, pulling out a chain of some sorts. Attached to it was his dog tags - or at least assumed it was his - while something else dangled into view. Pulling the item off, the government man had then placed it into the palm of the physicist’s hand, returning the tags to the inside of his shirt and out of view.

“... What’s this?”

“ **_... What you might consider as a ‘lucky charm.’ Carried far and wide, endured risky choices and survived against all odds. Take it with you._ ** ”

“... But it’s yours.”

“ **_It’s more worth to be in the hands of someone who’s more important than I. A lucky charm to you will ensure your safety for those who care about you._ ** ” Taken aback by those words, Gordon stared down at the object he was given. Lightly holding it up to the dim light, the geometric shape turned within, sparkling lightly in it’s blue holographic. An icosahedron, attached to a small string. If he wanted to wear such an item, he would need to replace the string with a longer one. As he gazed to it, the Freeman couldn’t help the tears that overflowed his eyes to run down his cheeks.

It was a kind gesture for the other to entrust something that was considered lucky to him, leaving the Freeman to grow more confused. This man had certainly confused him; as his mind couldn’t stop replaying the actions that the physicist went through. Fighting for his life, watching friends die, before ultimately leaving his home to search among the stars for a better way of life. Lightly closing his eyes, Gordon had clenched the icosahedron within his palm as he felt Alek press his forehead against the other. 

“ **_You’re doing great._ ** ” Gordon lightly hitched his breath at the other’s whisper to him, a whisper of encouragement that he never thought he’d receive from the other. It felt strange, leaving an even more strange feeling in the other’s heart. Was this the other’s own words, or could he be potentially catching him off-guard.

The two lingered amongst that medical bay in silence, before Gordon had moved back from the other to wipe the tears that ruined Alyx’s application of ointment from earlier. He was only thankful the redness in his skin shielded much of the bashfulness that entered his face, yet his eyes wanted to avoid looking at Alek directly. Why did he feel shy now? Finally gaining the courage to look at him, the physicist then put the charm into his pocket.

“Do you know where Alyx put the medicine?” Getting a shake of his head, the bearded scientist vented in and moved to search the cabinets, hoping to find the familiar bottle he saw her holding previously. It was of a white and red color, shaped in a similar fashion to a toothpaste bottle than from a vial. Once he caught sight of it, the Freeman then blinked as the government man had took it from his hold, moving to apply some to his fingers before patting it onto Gordon’s face. 

Of course, he wasn’t expecting the other to help him, as forest-green eyes glanced up towards the ceiling as Alek rubbed in the medicine to the red patches along his cheek and forehead. He paid mind to accidentally rubbing too harshly, knowing that the ointment alone provided a bit of a burning sensation; if he tried patting it in too roughly, who knew what the consequences were. As he continued to stare at the ceiling, the physicist didn’t notice the government man staring at him, lightly dabbing the medicine onto parts of his cheek that were previously ruined by tears.

Soft freckles and a young expression.

Something he had missed entirely, in his youth. At times, Alek would catch himself in whites of Gordon’s eyes, almost taken aback by his appearance. Looking at his past self, and now looking at himself in present times - the obvious difference was there. The young soldier that ran the streets in search of a better way to handle the enemy - no aged lines or stoic nature - while the future held a grim outlook. If only he could go back and tell himself that there was going to be a lot more hardship than needed.

And that his appearance was going to drastically change. Finally catching the other’s eyesight, Alek had then stopped the application of the medicine, feeling as if he had prescribed enough to get the job done before tightening the lid on the tube. He didn’t need any re-applying to himself, thus returned it to the shelf in which Freeman found it on.

“... Thanks.” 

“ **_I do suppose we should be doing what is intended. Most would think we are asleep now, and expect it to recover what we went through today. It would avoid any unnecessary… quarreling._ ** ” The government man glanced up momentarily to the security camera in the corner of the room before turning on his heel to return back to his medical bed. His muscles ached and felt weary, no doubt the late hours upon the ship should be spent healing.

“... Do you think Judith would tell Eli that she saw us talking together?”

“ **_If she does… well, there’s nothing we can do about it, can we? It’s already been done._ ** ” Gordon blinked and glanced at the security camera before he too returned back to the bed he was supposed to be resting on. The thought of being constantly watch did linger in the back of his mind as something he wanted to avoid, but… after what Alek had shown him - his past self on the battlefield - left Freeman to wonder just what kind of other war stories he had to tell. 

He was curious, wanting to know what the other side of the spectrum was like. Fighting in a war, like the marines that came into Black Mesa previously with no idea what they would be getting themselves into. The physicist didn’t believe they were ever briefed on the enemy being from a completely different dimension, let alone fighting against aliens and silencing civilians to keep the situation under control. It was pretty much never containable, right from the get-go. Only death and doom lingered over their heads like some cryptic mistletoe.

“... Alek?”

“ **_Yes?_ ** ”

“... Were you ever scared, fighting in the world war?”

“ **_... Everyone is scared of something, Mr. Freeman. I’ve acquired my own personal… fears, in the field._ ** ”

“Like what?”

“ **_... The song of a Stuka._ ** ” Hearing the other shift in his bed, Gordon blinked lightly upon that certain type of fear. Song? From a Stuka? Wasn’t a Stuka some sort of aircraft? Thinking back to his distant, far memory of world history, the physicist  _ did _ remember something about it. The sound would often leave soldiers stricken with fear, practically petrified. Those who manned the plane would even become annoyed from such a sound. Yet, if it left the enemy frozen in place, it made them an easy target to take out.

“You call it a song?”

“ **_... It would play to our audience no matter where we were. A song to ring out from the heavens to let us know we were absolutely fucked._ ** ” Hearing those words come from the government man’s mouth left Gordon to swallow in slight concern. He was glad he wasn’t born during that era, and that terror had passed. Yet, to hear such a noise would haunt the other for the rest of his life. With a gentle shift to settle into his bed, the physicist tried to imagine himself on such a battlefield, to feel the sensation of dread that would come over those soldiers upon the sound of a practical roar in the sky.

Smoke providing a screen against the alliance, disorientating them from the enemy planes; hiding in plain sight. Lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, Gordon had then removed his glasses from his face to settle upon the small table next to his bedside, in attempts to get what little sleep he could possibly obtain. Now came the question upon what to do next. 

Two of their scout ships were now out of commission and in need of repair, and now the both the captain and him were confined to the medical bay once more after a close call on a dangerous planet. Closing his eyes to let exhaustion take over, Gordon was unaware that the government man still laid awake across the room, staring up at the ceiling. The gentle thrum of the Undulatus wasn’t hardly enough to send someone like him to sleep easily, as deep blue eyes studied the slight swirl in the paint within the walls. 

Swirls that seemed to be moving, the longer he stared.

An illusion or trick of the mind, to psych himself out from the previous memory he revisited of his past. Instead, those illusioned swirls in the paint formulated a face, one that left Alek to freeze in place. His own; the same face he gazed into mirrors and the like, staring back at him from above. A waking nightmare he couldn’t avoid - petrification had already taken hold of his body like some waking paralysis. 

He couldn’t move his hands, couldn’t kick to catch the Freeman’s attention - only deep blue eyes watched the face slowly mould from the ceiling and drip like some broken faucet, only slow and against the natural flow of time. White and neutral, sculpted into the form of his bureaucratic self came face-to-face above him, as if his very soul was trapped in the dimension that rendered it useless without some sort of connection to reality. Alek stared and stared, clenching his teeth within his closed mouth as the form dripped closer to his very face, almost threatening to merge with his physicality. 

A demon trying to possess the possessive.

With a sharp inhale of air, Alek had snapped his eyes open, finding the form to have dissipated, and the walls to remain their 2-d appearance. Lightly curling his fingers, the government man slowly gazed over to the Freeman across the room, who was sound asleep and recovering from the effects of a dangerous expedition. Was he the only one to experience nightmares - hardly. The bureaucratic man returned his eyes to the ceiling, wishing those swirls of paint wouldn’t loop the same memory that plagued his mind. As those eyes distantly stared, did they begin to fill with their own stressed tears of grief.

Not again.


	10. Elysium

Days had passed.

Either for the worse or better, the Undulatus had yet to see a suitable planet to house the crew members. Most were too far from their respective star or too close, had dangerous, toxic, thick atmospheres of gas and dust or lack thereof - it seemed as if their luck was finally beginning to run out. Lounging on the bed within his quarters, Alek had glanced over some information given to him to assess these planets and their potential, as well as their uselessness. He adjusted the reading glasses upon his face, the heaviness in his eyes threatening to send such a man to sleep from the long barrage of words he looked over.

Scientific mumbo-jumbo, but to him… well, considerably of the same definition. He thumbed through those documents, crossing his right leg over the other to get even more comfortable as a small glass of whiskey sat atop the end table. Half-empty, as he had been enjoying it prior to receiving the data packet. While he was healed from the excursion to EX-9798, face no longer reddened or blotchy thanks to the medicinal ointment, his body was still feeling the pain. He had taken time to stay in his hab suite; to rest easy and avoid any temperaments from Gordon’s colleague. 

Either way, his thoughts would drift back to the physicist. 

What he could be potentially doing; looking into that previous recording of his 18-hour disappearance in wonderment? He doubted either of them had managed to find something even remotely connecting to such a long-time-span missing. For them, it was instantaneous - while for him was the complete opposite. What concerned him was the fact that he couldn’t remember  _ one _ single thing. All he could remember was a bright light, then nothingness. He had left Gordon a message, yet had no recollection of ever sending one.

Slapping the documents down onto his bed, the government man gave a heavy sigh as he reached over to his cup of whiskey, sipping at the contents within to cure the stress that had come upon him. They were all getting exhausted - living a life of solitude wasn’t something they ever considered, yet now life called for it. They had to work together to find their own sanctuary; but what was the point if nothing even came  _ remotely _ close enough to what they had in mind? 

Lightly rolling the liquor within his mouth, mixing the contents within with his saliva, Alek then blinked and glanced to his suite door upon the knocks that came to it. Was it Gordon? Surely it wasn’t - he was most likely being scolded by his former colleague about being near him, or at least the other one with the reddened eyes who seemed to have it ‘ _ out _ ’ for him based on previous destruction to a microwave casserole. Some apparently have their priorities straight. 

Setting the glass back down onto the table, the government man had slowly rose from his bed and approached the entrance, pressing a button on the panel within the wall. Once the door had opened, did Alek’s expression change. It was only the decryptor, Russell.

He looked like he’d seen better days. Perhaps the vending machine finally lacked the ability to supply healthy food, or maybe the older man had finally got a good night’s rest. Approximately a whole 24 hours. Either way, he seemed a bit out of it, but still maintaining the expression that he was still willing to help, even if his psyche was only operating at about 15.3%. Blinking lightly, Alek then realized the other was looking at the glasses upon his face, moving to take them up and fold them.

“ Ah, okay, you’re him. Sorry, couldn’t piece you together with those on; you look like a completely different person. ”

“ **_Have you come to discuss about the recording?_ ** ”

“ Recording? … Oh! Right! No, unfortunately me and Isaac haven’t been able to crack much of it, let alone 18 hours. But we’re getting close, I can feel it. ” The two had continued to stare at each other until Alek softly cleared his throat at the slight awkwardness. 

“ **_... Well, what did you want?_ ** ”

“ ... Oh! Right! I came to tell you that we found another planet. Now, before we start getting into the whole debacle about ‘ _ third times the charm _ ’ I would like to present you with some information. One: this planet is actually  _ not _ listed in the Combine databases upon the Undulatus. And that’s pretty much all we got before I came to you. ” Alek blinked, inhaling lightly as he tried to contain the amusement as Russell was  _ way _ out of it than he realized. 

“ **_Then why did you come to me if you do not have more definitive information about this planet?_ ** ”

“ Well, we figured you’d like to see the planet for yourself and make that judgement. Because we sure did once we saw it. Take a see for yourself and you’ll find out why we’re locked onto this one. ” Deep blue eyes studied the individual before him as the government man eventually gave in and followed the other to the control center, to see what was going on. Once he had arrived, Alek’s eyes settled on forest-green; it would appear Gordon was informed as well - in fact the whole crew was. They stared at the video feed on the monitors from the cameras installed on the outer exterior of the ship. The pale man soon moved forward to see what they were looking at, as his mind practically halted at the sight before him. 

“Did we do a U-turn in this thing?” Alyx had chimed in, glancing up to her father as the planet they were looking at - was  _ very _ similar to Earth. In fact, one could say it was the  _ exact duplicate _ , with only a few minor differences. The land masses in this world were sporadic, all over the place, yet clumped together, as if Earth had never broken apart it’s own landmasses before the ocean had shaped them. 

“There’s no possible way this is real. It’s Earth - this has to be Earth!” Barney vented in as he overlooked the feed, as Russell was desperately trying to find some sort of information on this planet. Yet, the databases kept turning up blank, except for a simple coordinate name. EX-CC19. No other potential information was logged, as if the Combine had avoided this sector altogether. For what reason? None of them would ever know.

“It’s so similar to Earth, it’s almost scary. When you read scientific articles, claiming that there are other Earth-like planets out there, you always had the small thought in the back of your mind that none of it is true. Nothing could be so similar to another.” Judith lightly crossed her arms as she too looked at the feed; Alek gazed around at the crew, viewing their exhausted faces, who were now in awe with such a planetary system much similar to their original homeworld. 

“ It seems as if the Combine completely crossed this area off of their map and visited the sectors around it. But why could that be? ”

“Who cares? If the Combine don’t know about this place, then it’s totally free from their force. Which means it’ll be easier to hide in it.” Lightly shifting in place, Alyx had turned and looked at them, before glancing to her father as he had touched her shoulder to get her to calm down. Of course, they were definitely excited, but cautious.

“Now now, honey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. If the Combine avoided harvesting this system, then it must be for good reason. We don’t know what could be down there, let alone if that planet can support life. Looks can be deceiving.” 

“ **_With no other information in the archives, then our only other option is to go down there. Supply our last remaining ship that isn’t damaged, and we can get going._ ** ” Alek had glanced over to Barney who gave a small nod - as he too was ready to investigate such a planet. Before he could leave to get ready, Gordon had touched his arm to halt him in place.

“I want to come with.”

“I’m going also.” Taken aback, the crew glanced as Eli had stepped forward, leaving Alyx to worry for her father’s wellbeing. Alek studied the other’s face; no doubt he wanted to keep Gordon apart from the government man in case something were to go wrong again. Lightly softening his expression to a more authoritarian one, the pale man had then nodded.

“ **_So be it. However, as a captain, I will remind you to stay well within our line of sight._ ** ”

“Oh. Don’t worry. I don’t plan to let you out of my sight either.” Glaring to the government man, Eli watched as Alek had then left the command center to get ready for the excursion, as Gordon and Barney followed close behind. With a few denials from his daughter and Kleiner, the two knew they couldn’t change his mind. The four of them had gotten the last remaining scout ship stocked up, and their suits accounted for, as Eli had to make some adjustments for his, due to the mechanical leg. 

He was only glad it managed to work out for him, seeing as he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. If such a suit wouldn’t conform to him, then he’d throw out the suit all together; nothing was going to keep him from getting in between the government man and the bearded scientist. Still, this worried the others - if something were to happen, they’d lose a lot more than just 4 lives.

They’d lose everything they were fighting for.

Helping Gordon adjust his suit, Alek could tell the look from his eyes that he was also worried about Eli joining along. The government man simply softened his expression to the other - as if to portray a hidden message - that they should just deal with the matters later, as a planet was in their sights to explore. This could be potentially it, what their dream idea of a new home would be like. Judging from the windows that overlooked such a gentle-looking planet, this was about as close as they were going to get.

With supplies strapped in without their respective boxes to free up space for the four of them, Alek had climbed into the driver’s seat, overlooking the controls. Definitely different from the last two ships he’s piloted, however still had the same general idea. The only thing lacking was… well, the wheel. How was he supposed to steer? Studying over the console, the bureaucrat then gave the engines a turn, blinking in surprise to the holographic display that lit up along it. 

“Ah, there’s the wheel,” Gordon had stated as he climbed in last, shutting the doors, “Russell just told me that it was going to be different in terms of design. This is more Combine technology than it is hybrid. Think you can handle it?”

“ **_The wheel is made up of hard light; gives the feel of actually holding something instead of thin air._ ** ”

“Gotta hand it to the Combine, it’s kind of cool. But this is the only thing that’s cool. The rest can go to hell.” Barney glanced over to Eli as he moved to sit back in his seat, strapping themselves in. Once everyone was in agreement and strapped in, Alek had given the go-ahead for Russell to begin the launch sequence, something Eli had yet to experience. That made the bureaucrat wonder how he was going to handle it. Barney - was a quiet curser, Gordon - panic button, now it was time to see what Mr. Vance had in store.

[ By the way, can we name the planet? It’s kind of tiring naming off these things with just code words and numbers. ]

“Earth 2.0.” Barney snorted lightly as he suggested.

[ I said  _ no _ numbers. ]

“Let’s just focus on getting down there, then we’ll think of names.” Eli had cut the conversation short, obviously in no particular mood to humor them in their antics. As the ship was settled into its carrier lock, came the sequence countdown. Alek lightly shifted his gloved fingers around the holographic steering wheel, trying to maintain a good image, despite the awkwardness in the cabin. He didn’t dare to shoot a look at Gordon, as he felt like that was an invitation for some discussion they didn’t need to have at a time like this. 

Once the scout ship was placed upside down, the only thoughts that ran through their head was the planet. What to expect there, or how wrong could they be about it’s composition. No other information was acquired about this place; Russell had checked enough times to render his fingers to lock up. All they had to go on was by look alone. Yet pictures can tell a thousand words. Half of them could contain the worst.

Lightly gripping onto the seat, Gordon had closed his eyes as the countdown began; trying to keep quiet for the drop as he didn’t want to shatter much of everyone’s eardrums. He clenched his teeth hard, as they were finally launched from the Undulatus, spit out like some unneeded debris from the loading bay doors. All of them felt their hearts go into their throats, yet none of them desired to pay much attention to the sensation for the reason of professionalism alone. Perhaps, the reason being that Eli was among them and watching. 

They were caught by the exoplanet’s rotational gravity, leaving Alek to perform the same maneuver to save their equilibrium from being completely scrambled, turning right-side-up again, and gliding with the fall to save fuel. Relatively, it was more structurally sound, compared to the last two planets; guaranteed there was some turbulence that shook the cabin upon entry, yet it was what to expect when entering an atmosphere that was stable and taken care of. Similar to riding an airplane, only much faster and could cut through the cloud barrier without any trouble. 

“... Was way different than I was expecting.”

“Probably a stable season happening upon this planet. Which is a good thing. We might have timed our descent rather nicely.” Eli had turned to Barney before glancing out the window, seeing the distant land masses below. Everything was so green and lush, hardly any spots that would indicate some bad growth or ruined ecosystem. They passed through the thermosphere and mesosphere like nothing, gaining closer and closer to see more precise details in the land. 

Trees, mountains, even  _ water _ . However, they knew not to get their hopes up. The first planet they visited with water, didn’t actually have water at all. Looking around for a place to land, Alek wanted to avoid the mountain tops, just in case they were to endure another quake or tremor, or possibly avoid wet areas to prevent falling into sinkholes. He gazed to the outside readings, quite surprised that the temperature relatively remained the same as they descended. Warm, perhaps a little too much.

“ **_Outside temperature is 99 degrees._ ** ”

“... Russell, can you pinpoint the planet’s current axis tilt?”

[ Yep, working on it. In adjacent with the system’s star, we’re looking at about… 23.4 degrees tilt forward. Summer solstice, if you will. ]

“I knew it. This planet definitely has seasons relatively the same to Earth’s. This is  _ very  _ good to know.” Eli had sat back in his seat, watching as they descended down into the stratosphere, enduring a bit of turbulence yet no cause for alarm. All of them were consistently holding their breaths, hoping that this planet was finally it. The amount of time it took to find it wasn’t necessarily long, but it did take some willpower to endure the travel. Alek could tell they had their hearts set upon it, as it portrayed something familiar.

Almost scarily familiar.

To have the Combine avoid such a marvelous place like this, was the only concern. Why leave it like it was? Why avoid this planetary system? Surely there must have been some good harvesting resources around for the taking, yet nothing was undisturbed or indicated of any Combine reign. Alek slowly approached the surface with caution, activating the landing gears as the ground drew near. Once he was steady and leveled, the government man carefully set them down, feeling the ground sink in a little to their weight. 

Turning off the scout ship to conserve fuel, Alek blinked as the others were too enthralled with looking out the window, leaving him to only sit there in silence as they were in awe. Gordon vented in lightly as the trees swayed with a gentle breeze, a wind current that would not threaten to blow them away.

“Well… what are we waiting for?” Before another word could be spoken by Barney, the four of them had unstrapped from their seat, moving to collect their sample kits and machines to find out what this planet was made of. Once the hatch was opened, they all climbed out, gazing to the very sight before them. It was as if they had gone back in time, when Earth wasn’t occupied by mankind. There were no interstate highways, no airplanes to fly overhead, or tall city skyscrapers to present an eyesore for the group. Just nature in all its glory. 

The four of them had split apart from each other, overlooking the various plant life around them. In some aspects, they were different from Earth, yet still held the lush green easily recognized. The sky was prominently blue - the clouds thick and likely full of vapor and water. Barney felt like he wanted to cry, as he touched the ground and sifted through the dirt with a gloved hand. He hadn’t seen Earth like this in many years, as all he endured was debris and rubble to coat the streets. He took samples of the dirt to place into vials, wondering if the soil contained necessary ingredients to grow crops and food with ease.

Alek kept his attention to the mountains. Large, as if Mt. Everest had been photo-copied onto this exact planet. Snow-capped, and decorated in a way like some fancy icing on a cake. Deep blue eyes studied the landscape, trying to make sure that nothing familiar could be heard or seen. He didn’t want to endure another moment like on EX-9880; their disappearance would probably last way longer, if not forever. Stopping his morbid thoughts, the government man soon glanced over to Gordon as he came near, standing next to him.

“I took readings… of the atmosphere.”

“ **_And?_ ** ” 

“... Perfluorocarbons. PFCs.” Gordon showed him the readings, as Alek blinked lightly to the machine that he used. The government man then glanced over to the physicist in wonder.

“ **_... Liquid air._ ** ” Getting a nod in confirmation, the government man had then gazed around the environment. It was like being in one giant terrarium, instead… filled with something they never thought to come across naturally. PFCs was something he has heard of, being created in labs when he explored Black Mesa previously, but only in small amounts. Standing there quietly, Alek had then slowly reached for his helmet and began to depressurize it.

“What are you doing?” Getting a glance in return, Gordon worried for Alek’s well being, as his suit helmet finally came off and he carried it within his hands. The government man glanced around momentarily before gagging lightly as he took a breath, only for him to calm down as the fluid that entered his lungs settled and distributed evenly. In a way, it didn’t feel like anything else afterwards, only that he was breathing air. Oxygen, pure oxygen. Glancing over to the physicist, the bureaucrat watched as he began to do it too, depressurizing his helmet before taking it off.

Something did momentarily caress his face, and the Freeman then gagged as well when he took a breath, a bit of panic to wash over him before he took another, slowly calming down from the frightening moment. He could finally breathe again, as if he was back on Earth.

“Oh my god… oh _ my god _ , we can talk.” 

“ **_Similar to how your planet’s offspring are produced in the womb._ ** ”

“Amniotic fluid? But it’s different. This whole planet is submerged in PFCs, yet still retains liquid water in the lakes, snow on the mountains-- growth! Trees, plants, grass, flowers… everything’s all here! How can it grow in an environment with liquid air?” Gordon vented in as he looked around, holding his helmet as he looked over the landscape, moving over to the lakebed to take more samples of such a discovery. Approaching next to him, Alek had lightly set his helmet down onto the floor, kneeling by the other as he took a few drops of water to examine. 

Hearing someone come up behind them, Alek looked as it was only Eli, a bit taken aback that they had their helmets off. Soon, Barney had come to join them, placing vials of dirt, grass and parts of tree bark into a holder to take back to the Undulatus. He too wondered why they had their helmets off, and moved to join them, getting the same scare that Gordon received, that he felt like he was momentarily drowning. 

“... this place is weird, but amazing at the same time. I think this may be it. We found Earth 2.0.”

[ It’s not Earth 2.0! ]

“Then  _ you _ think of another name, Russell!” Barney argued back, huffing as they couldn’t think of a name of what to call this place. Earth 2? Earth 2.0? Greenland, based on the lush trees and ecosystem? Thoughts filled the government man’s head as he stood and glanced to the crew members.

“ **_Why not Elysium?_ ** ”

[ That’s-- … actually not bad of a name. Keeping the original ‘E’ letter is a nice touch. Reminds us of Earth… equal… evolution. ]

“At least something comes out of your mouth that we can agree upon.” Eli glanced over to Alek, a small glint in his eyes as he glared to the other, but not necessarily happy to agree with such a man.

As the three continued to talk to Russell upon what to name the planet instead of it’s coded coordinate name, Gordon examined the droplets of water he collected from the lakebed, feeling his heart beginning to pick up in pulse. Molecules, microbacteria, amoebas that were most likely the prime, essential reason for this world to come to be. However, another surprise sparked a drop within the physicist’s stomach.

Eukaryotic cells. Cells that carried even more importance than he thought. They were trampling on potentially a breeding ground for evolution, the beginning stages to what might become of mankind. Quietly glancing up to the other crew members that were discussing the planet for colonization, Gordon felt as if he was the last in agreement. Would they really destroy all of this to live easily? They would be no better than the Combine. Yet, Eli was adamant on taking the samples back to the Undulatus, and to put it to a group vote; which he knew what the outcome would be once they caught wind of their findings. 

He hadn’t considered the outcome of finding life on such a prime example of a planet. 

Gordon glanced around the environment, watching the trees sway with the breeze and the clouds to block a bit of sunshine as they moved across the sky. It was gorgeous, what he would expect of a duplicate of Earth. Of course the crew would want to live in a place like this - that way it would take less time to adjust and more time to get back to the basics. Growing food, thinking of sustainable energy, repopulating what they had greatly lost during the Combine’s supreme reign. It was picture perfect, and would allow for some interesting exploration to other parts of the world.

Deep down however, Gordon felt as if they were returning back to the world they wanted to avoid. Overpopulation, pollution - what good would these picturesque sights be if they’re clouded by smog? The thought of being rich in monetary value compared to being rich in experience would drive the population for convenience. Being at ease, and having the world deliver to them. Glancing over to the physicist, Alek could tell the Freeman was having a tough time. The way his expression was pronounced on his face, made him believe that the bearded scientist was lacking the ability to agree completely with Eli’s word of living here. 

Yet, he knew he couldn’t say much as the other had his heart set. He wondered what was going through his mind, and what made Gordon so hesitant. Wasn’t this what he wanted? A new life to begin again with a second chance? Deep blue eyes continued to study Freeman’s face before eventually glancing back to Eli as he made the call to head back up to the Undulatus with the samples in hand. For Russell to prepare the labs with Isaac, and start thinking of ways to get everyone situated with the new environment. 

“ **_Shouldn’t we explore more of what this planet has to give us? We have been barely down here for an hour, and you already want to move in._ ** ”

“This place is perfect for me and my family. We’re not going to get a second chance like this if we move past it.”

“ **_We have yet to discover any potential downfalls to inhabiting a place such as this. May I remind you that we have been compromised twice before; we’re putting ourselves at risk by bringing everyone down here._ ** ”

“I don’t think that’s your call to make about our well-being. You never cared for it before, and I know certainly you’re not caring for it now. And it seems as if the only reason we were compromised, is that  _ you _ were the only one amongst Barney or Gordon for it to happen. You were tasked with helping us get to a planet such as this, not make the call of whether or not we can live here. As a matter of fact, you  _ didn’t _ help us get to a planet like this. Russell did. Judith did. All you did was sit around and be injured while the rest of us worked together like we were supposed to.” Approaching up to the other, Eli had glared up at the bureaucrat, as deep blue eyes slowly narrowed at the older scientist.

“ **_You wouldn’t even be here if I didn’t… put in, a good word for you to my employers. All you’ve done was tug Mr. Freeman in different directions for the express purpose of avoiding my opinion. You take one step on a planet and start believing you’re a pioneer._ ** ”

“You son of a bitch--”

“--Alright, stop stop, look we’ll… we’ll go back up to the Undulatus with the samples and examine them. Then we’ll make a definitive conclusion upon what to do.” Getting in between the two, Gordon had tried to keep them apart, not wanting a fight to occur, especially on a planet such as this one. While it was true that they did not run into any trouble while coming down here, and of course the Freeman didn’t want to jinx it, but anything could still happen. He wondered if he could convince Eli to send a second crew down to another part of the planet, to seek out potential dangers.

“Fine. Russell, we’re coming back up.” Eli huffed and moved to get back into the scout ship, leaving Gordon to give Alek a look before following after with the samples they collected. Breathing in deep to curb his anger, the government man then entered into the ship as well, putting back on his helmet to reintroduce his body to what would be the normal oxygen. Of course, it hurt a little, forcing the PFC fluid out of their lungs as if they had been drowning. That would take some getting used to, if they were going to keep exploring such a planet. 

“Not going to lie… sure will miss good ‘ol oxygen if we do live here.” Barney lightly patted his chest as he coughed, humming lightly before strapping himself in. 

“Don’t worry, this will be something better. We’ll make it better.” Eli had told him before eying the captain in the driver’s seat as he gave a subtle huff, before closing up the doors once they had everything accounted for. Looking out the window, Gordon had paid no mind to the conversation happening in the backseat, only worrying what might become of the decision to take this planet for themselves. Using the resources to rebuild their society back to the way it was - or in Eli’s words, better.

Yet how better could they make it? They were still going to offset some form of debris and trash, and of course their own carbon footprint. Once the population starts growing, there would be more trash, more debris, and possibly even a disagreement over who should have what land, and what they can do with it. Gordon furrowed his brow some, lightly leaning his head against the seat as they began to take off into the atmosphere and return back to the Undulatus. This planet was perfect to begin their lives anew, however he would always feel the lesser. If he were to disagree, surely his friends would think Alek was influencing him - yet this was his opinion all alone.

He didn’t want a repeat of the past.


	11. Metanoia

It had been a few hours since their return from Elysium - agreeing on Alek’s original name for it as Russell pinpointed how close it sounded to their original home. It completely stuck - yet deep down, Gordon felt it wasn’t their call to make either way. As he stood in the lab, forest-green eyes gazed into the microscope at a sample of water he took from the lakebed; those same amoebas floating amongst different cells that caused for concern. Cells essential for life, for evolution. Still primitive, and hardly developed, yet on the road to such peaceful chaos. 

He ignored the door to his lab opening, feeling the presenting stare of the captain at the back of his head, and the footfall of his Oxfords to fill his ears as he approached and drew near. The physicist continued to gaze into the scientific equipment, feeling the other’s attendance on his right side. No words were yet spoken, as the slight apprehension of looking him in the eye could send the bearded scientist into a small fit of uncertainty. Despite the silence being awkward in itself, not hearing the other speak to him was even more so, causing Gordon to finally lift his face from the magnification. 

“ **_... Something is on your mind._ ** ”

“... What are you, a mind reader?” Lightly setting some documents aside, Gordon tried to stay distant, knowing for sure that all eyes were on them. The security cameras were likely recording and recording well of their conversation, potentially for Eli to make remarks of it. He had already done so previously, pulling Gordon aside when they first got back from Elysium, scolding him some for not taking his advice into accord. The government man was against them, and always had been, and wasn’t going to change his ways based upon where they were currently in life.

This ship belonged to him and his employers, and no doubt his employers would be expecting some kind of response if the crew had indeed found a place to finally live. Alek could tell the other was being distant, for good purposes, and decided to convey the same motion. He stepped away from him some, lightly sliding one sheet of paper towards himself on the lab table, overlooking the information upon it. The establishment of not an oxygen and nitrogen-rich atmosphere, but a perfluorocarbon-based one; yet the same outcomes of what to expect in Earth’s. Able to breathe and have no trouble doing so.

“ **_Yes, but that is a matter I choose not to delve into. However, your inner voice and outer expression remain… stagnant. It bothers you, and if you don’t speak out soon, it’s going to eat away at you forever._ ** ”

“Thanks, Dr. Phil, for that analysis.” Narrowing his eyes at the other, Gordon then leaned against the table, crossing his arms. Alek continued to watch the other, before doing the same motion. Side-glancing him, the Freeman then shook his head before standing upright and turning to him.

“Why did you get into it with Eli? Everything was going perfectly fine before you made the suggestion to--”

“-- **_Why are you getting upset with me, Mr. Freeman? He is the one that made the decision for everyone else without their confirmation - and you’re blaming me for his outburst? How can you expect to take care of yourselves when you can’t even stand up to inequality?_ ** ”

“It wasn’t inequality. He made a very pronounced choice that everyone was thinking--”

“ **_\-- except you._ ** ”

“Stop. _ Doing _ . That! If Eli isn’t going to kick your ass, I will!” Feeling his bottled emotions peek to the surface, Gordon lightly slicked back his hair to curb his anger. Inhaling in deep and closing his forest-green eyes to calm himself, the bearded scientist then glanced to Alek, who remained stoic and unmoved from his semi-lounged position. Arms crossed, left ankle locked over his right as he leaned against the lab table; deep blue eyes forever staring at the physicist. Softening his expression, the Freeman then turned away from him, feeling another emotion rise into his throat.

“...  _ god I hate you _ .” He whispered out, choking on a suppressed cry as he swallowed and glanced up to the ceiling. Blinking some as a small sphere of light drifted in front of him, Gordon vented in as it had tenderly caressed his face, almost as if to get him to look back towards the government man. Doing so, the bearded scientist then glanced up to Alek, deep blue eyes partly illuminated within that laboratory.

“... don’t make this harder than it has to.”

“ **_The only reason it’s hard for you to convey is because you want to avoid confrontation. You want to avoid being seen as the ‘bad guy’ when your conclusion is only a matter of looking at a different perspective._ ** ” Gordon slowly turned towards the other as his deep blue eyes slowly dulled in their glow, returning to normal. Slowly moving away from the lab table, Alek had then slowly approached the other, watching the Freeman turn his face away as he did. Slowly, he reached to press two fingers on the physicist’s chin, making him face back towards his own.

“ **_Speak your mind._ ** ” Alek quietly whispered, forest eyes staring up at him upon the allowance. Lightly inhaling, Gordon then exhaled before uncurling his fingers from a fist. He shook his head, brow furrowing in concern. 

“... We can’t take it.”

“ **_Why?_ ** ”

“... Take one good look in that microscope and you’ll see what I mean. Evolution… at its primitive stage but life nonetheless. We’re trampling and threatening to erase it all when they haven’t even got a chance to think yet.” Watching as the government man moved over to the microscope to examine the sample he took, Gordon lightly stuffed his hands into his lab coat pockets, moving to pace the room as he thought on his words. Alek glanced at the cells within, humming lightly to himself before raising his head and looking to the physicist.

“This… this was something I forgot to realize; that planets like these have the greatest percentage of life already being on it - we’re invading their territory, disrupting the natural sequence. We start tearing up this place for resources, we’d be no better than the Combine.” Lightly blinking, Alek had then begun to pace the room, as Gordon lightly settled his hands on the lab table, shaking his head.

“ **_But you were adamant on finding a better world for your friends and colleagues, Mr. Freeman._ ** ”

“I know… I  _ know _ that.”

“ **_And here you are… having second thoughts._ ** ”

“Having a second perspective.” Inhaling lightly, Alek had paused in his step before turning towards the lab table, moving to stand across it from the Freeman, settling his hands onto the cold, metal countertop. The two had stared to each other, deep ocean-blue eyes meeting forest-green, letting the silence drift between them before the government man had leaned his head forward.

“ **_Good._ ** ” Closing his eyes, Gordon lightly hung his head as the captain went back to pacing the room slowly, overlooking the various machines that the Freeman had begun to use to analyze the findings. Turning around to lean against the table once more, the physicist then glanced over his shoulder at the government man, watching him press a button on a machine to make it beep before walking away. 

“And you? What about your employers?”

“ **_What about my employers?_ ** ”

“Don’t you have to let them know that we found something? Potentially a place for us to inhabit?” 

“ **_Only gives Mr. Vance more reason to distrust me. As of yet, the choice is still well at hand. Decisions have to be made until I can be certain enough to tell them anything._ ** ” Approaching back to the table, Alek had crossed his arms once more, looking as Gordon stepped closer to the other.

“But you’re the captain. Surely anything you say, goes.”

“ **_Hm, how wrong you are, Mr. Freeman. My word means nothing if no one is in agreement. Yet… as the so-called ‘captain’, it’s my duty to take every known answer you all offer me. So far… it’s 7 against 2._ ** ” Lightly squinting his eyes in confusion, Gordon then lightly flushed upon the realization that Alek had sided with him. Was it to keep his employers from knowing? Thus wanted to avoid picking a planet right away and ending the mission? Slowly turning away from the cameras, the Freeman then side-glanced him.

“ _ Why? _ ”

“ **_... If that lucky charm I gave you meant anything Mr. Freeman, I think you know why._ ** ” Whispering back to him, Alek gazed to the other, as Gordon’s cheeks burned even more from the other’s words, forest-green eyes staring down at the lab table and the respective documents on top of it. Heartbeat dense in his chest, the Freeman then glanced over to the government man as he moved back some, standing tall and poise, of what a captain should be.

“ **_I will discuss the matter with Eli._ ** ”

“No no no, don’t… don’t make things worse with him.”

“ **_He needs to take account of all perspectives, Dr. Freeman. Including those that come from his close friends and considered-family. Whether or not he decides to take action of those perspectives relies only on him and him alone. With your name in the picture… I remain confident he wouldn’t cease to listen._ ** ” Lightly quirking his lips, Alek had then turned to leave, pressing the button on the panel as the door opened to his command. Gordon watched as the other eyed him momentarily before leaving the laboratory, the door closing swiftly behind him. 

The Freeman stared to the closed door before softly reaching into his jumpsuit pocket, pulling out the supposed lucky charm the government man had given him previously, a soft blush to sweep across his face. The icosahedron swayed with gentleness as he dangled it within his hand; he should have placed it on a better string, as it seemed it was finally getting frayed from being handled and played with a lot. It was a sort of comfort object for him, as Gordon hardly felt nervous when he held it. Be it some divine power to keep him calm, the physicist was only timid that such an item was entrusted to him.

Unaware that the laboratory door had re-opened, Gordon continued to gaze at the icosahedron, before flinching in surprise as boxes were settled onto the floor. Barney had carried them in, of course, for Magnusson to search through for a specific prototype. Now that he thought about it, Magnusson seemed to avoid being in the lab a lot, perhaps preferred the lab Isaac and Eli shared, instead of sharing a space with Freeman. Either way, it was a win-win for the physicist.

He has his own space, and didn’t have someone linger over his shoulder 24/7.

“Whatcha got there?”

“Oh… nothing.” Stuffing the charm back into his pocket, Gordon had turned back to the lab table, grabbing hold of the stack of documents to place them neatly into a pile, feeling his buddy approach up next to him. 

“ _ Come onnn _ , what are you hiding? Show me.” Lightly inhaling, the Freeman then sighed and took the item back out of his pocket, letting the former security guard look over the geometrical shape. He avoided letting the other hold it within his hands, as deep down he felt Alek wouldn’t appreciate the charm being touched by unwanted hands. After all, he did give it to Gordon to keep, and didn’t specifically say he wanted someone else to see it. It was only fair to respect his original intent to give it.

“Wow, who gave you this?”

“... Alek did.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“Just to have.” Gordon took back the item and placed it into his pocket, moving to take the sample in the microscope out as Barney crossed his arms and leaned against the stable. Opening his mouth, the former security guard processed his thoughts before pointing a finger at the other.

“Is there something going on between you two?” Pausing in place, Gordon lightly swallowed; what was he to tell him? That Alek, their captain and supposed adversary was trying to put the moves on him by courting and gifting him precious objects. However, the silence between them was all Barney could make of his response, lightly uncrossing his arms as his buddy didn’t deny. Of course, he was going to worry.

“Gordon.”

“I know… what you’re thinking. And I can’t give you a definitive answer.”

“Then what  _ can _ you tell me? Because Eli’s put a lot of words to his face, and none of them are good.”

“... Alek gave it to me, because he thought it might help me overcome some bad worries. That’s all. There’s nothing… much to it.” Gordon vented in and stacked more papers aside before taking hold of some other samples to analyze. Of course, he was going to find the same molecules and cells essential for life to begin on such a planet, and he knew looking at them would prove difficult to change the other’s mind. Too primitive,  _ Elysium  _ was too perfect to pass up.

“Gordon… you are a  _ terrible _ liar. Much more terrible than when Alyx told me she didn’t crawl in the vents with D0g.”

“I’m not lying, he gave it to me as a comfort object, because you told him I had that panic attack and was prone to have more.”

“Do you love him?” Gordon halted at such a word spoken to him; a word he never thought to be directed towards him, or at least towards him about another. Lightly setting down the packaged samples they retrieved from Elysium, the Freeman slowly turned around and leaned against the table, staring to the white-tiled floor as Barney waited for an answer.

“I… I don’t  _ know. _ He’s… he’s so different now.”

“Gordon, this is the same guy who… I’m just going to come out and say it - this is the guy who  _ ruined our lives _ . Who made us end up in this situation in the first place, and you have an interest in him. You told me again and again that you hated him; Eli isn’t going to like this one bit.”

“I  _ know!  _ Don’t you think I know that? I can’t…  _ control _ my feelings anymore! I don’t know why!”

“Gordon--”

“--I get it! Everyone’s… pushing me, to get with Alyx because it means for the good of mankind, and it saves the human race from forever falling into the hole-dwelling state. The Combine wiped out a good chunk of us, and I… I don’t  _ want _ to. I don’t  _ feel _ that way.”

“Then what  _ do _ you feel?”

“ _ I feel for Alek. _ But I don’t know why - if anything I earned every right to completely shun him out, to kick his ass into next week more than anyone else here. He makes me so  _ goddamn _ confused and angry but I can’t…  _ stand _ to see him hurt. He’s changed; I’ve seen the other part of himself, the part that’s  _ human.  _ No one knows but me.” Stressing his words, Gordon motioned with his hands, venting in as he tried to keep his outburst private and away from eavesdroppers. Yet, that was highly implausible - all ears were on him at all times. 

“The only one he shows, is me.” Gordon inhaled shakily, lightly curling his fingers to flex the soreness from clenching his fists too tight. Giving a heavy sigh, Barney had rubbed at his nasal ridge, unsure of what to tell his buddy, let alone suggest what he could do. Once he had begun to think strongly about something, there was no easy way to change his mind. Personally, Alek hadn’t seemed like the type of man to do such drastic things to other people, upon the conversations he’s had with him. Yet, people could change so easily, and don’t change easily either. Basing words on his colleagues alone, the government man was supposed to be their sworn enemy.

But the guy just seemed like a normal dude who had a fucked up day as well.

Yet, even the _evilest_ of men can be charming. Barney lifted his face from his hand, glancing over to the bearded scientist as he sat down in a chair, to rest his aching legs from standing for several hours without so much as a needed break. He could tell Gordon fell for the other, and fell  _ hard. _ All that really concerned him was who exactly he fell  _ for. _ The government man who ruined their lives, or Alek? Two completely different personalities - fighting amongst one body to occupy more greatly than the other. 

“... While I don’t really agree with your taken liking towards someone who’s about as mysterious as what’s on the other side of a black hole… I… can’t see myself ultimately forbidding you to accept him. I just ask for you to be cautious. Not everyone is going to accept this, certainly not Eli, but… I think it’s fine. Just as long as he doesn’t hurt you or any of our friends again.” Lightly gazing up to the other, Gordon vented in and sighed heavily before curling his lips into a tired, yet relieved smile. At least one was on his side; and speaking of sides.

“I wanted to discuss something with you.” Gordon stood up from the chair and scooted it back into it’s original position, before heading over to one of the machines to retrieve the documents of the soil samples he analyzed earlier. Barney lightly shifted and took the paper that was handed to him.

“What am I looking at?”

“... See anything you recognize?”

“It looks like… a DNA strand.”

“A double helix. With their respective base pairs and hydrogen bonds; Adenine, Thymine, Cytosine, and Guanine. All taken from the soil sample on Elysium. I hope you know what that means.” Gordon watched as the other looked over the paper. He had taken Biology before in middle school, those words did make sense. DNA was something he heard a lot on crime shows he used to religiously watch before everything went to hell. Barney continued to look over the paper before slowly lifting his head upon the realization.

“Life… you’re  _ kidding _ .”

“I wish I was. This was the one thing I didn’t consider, Barney. Of course places like these are going to have some form of extraterrestrial life, and we’re promptly making the decision to go ahead and destroy it by colonizing it for resources. A complete new rebuttal for us but extinction for them. That’s why… I am voting against taking this planet for ourselves to inhabit.” Setting down the paper, Barney had inhaled deeply.

“Gordon… where else are we going to find a planet that’s  _ this _ fucking perfect for us? We can breathe on it without the help of our suits, there are places for us to live and grow our own food, it has seasonal changes, and the Combine don’t even know about this place.”

“But maybe they  _ did _ , and didn’t want to trudge on this place.”

“So like what, this was the one planet they all flipped a coin for to destroy or not?  _ No _ , they completely missed this sector by accident and moved on. Probably found Earth when all the aliens were teleporting in and decided, ‘hey, look at this planet over here, they’re in the middle of a war, time to throw our hand into the mix.’ The Combine don’t wait for anybody, nor do they decide against harvesting shit that benefits them. Elysium was ripe for the taking and they missed it.” 

“Then what does that say about  _ us _ , Barney? If we take this planet and harvest it, we’re no better than them. We become the sole thing we had hoped to avoid.” Blinking lightly at the other’s words, Barney gave another heavy sigh. He was right - no one in their sane mind would ever want to be someone like the Combine empire. He’d seen behind the scenes; a complete mess and chaotic nightmare that kept him up for weeks. Even so… would they follow in their footsteps? Life evolves right from under them and starts up their own resistance? 

Have their own 7-Hour War or 20-year-long regime of death and torture? Life repeats the cycle. Why should they have to repeat it? Lightly crossing his arms, Barney glanced at the piece of paper he was handed to, debating whether or not to actually agree to go through with such actions.

“What if we find another planet like this and we just keep finding life again and again? We can’t… keep traveling and expect us to find a suitable planet with no life on it, that’s not how it works. And we can’t wait for decades or centuries for a non-suitable planet to finally become suitable. That takes millions of years. Even if we… reproduce, that’s not going to carry on forever for that long.” 

“So you’re still for taking Elysium.”

“... I’m sorry, Gordon. But I don’t want to keep traveling like this on the Undulatus and look at our future as something that has yet to be determined. We’ve always been looking at our future being that way since the Resonance Cascade happened. Aren’t we allowed to at least dream of a better life?” Setting the paper down onto the table, Barney lightly touched Gordon’s shoulder, frowning some.

“I know you want to avoid trudging on civilizations who don’t have a chance yet. Maybe we can definitely find a way to avoid their extinction while we cohabit Elysium. That way everyone wins.”

“That’s not the reason, Barney. I fear that Elysium’s just going to end up like the same way on Earth. Pollution, waste, skyscrapers instead of trees, people  _ fucking _ each other over for a damn paycheck - disease, climate change… the list is endless, Barney. We want this so bad to be Earth - if we really want this planet, why can’t we change? Change our behavior, change our ways of life instead of changing the planet to conform to  _ us _ .” Inhaling in deep, Gordon had subconsciously reached into his pocket to hold onto the icosahedron charm, to settle the strong pulses of his heartbeat. He didn’t want to endure another panic attack; didn’t want to seem weak in front of the other. 

“I don’t know, buddy. Humans are… we’re damn complicated. We can’t change our behaviors so easily when they’ve become such a habit. Do you really… want to avoid taking Elysium and find something else?”

“... Yes. If we don’t find something better out there then… then we can settle here. Please.” Thinking deeply to himself, Barney let go of the other and rubbed at his exhausted face. More interstellar traveling for god knows how long, and it could either turn fruitful or a complete waste of time and energy. He took a minute to reflect upon what the other had said, before eventually lowering his arms to his sides.

“It’s… not going to be easy persuading the others.”

“I know… that’s why I hope Alek manages to get Eli on board, and the rest would follow suit.” 

“You told Alek to talk to Eli?”

“Well… he made the decision himself. Alek had agreed with me that Elysium should be left alone and went to talk to Eli about my findings. I didn’t tell him to do anything, as a matter of fact I denied him from going to Eli in the first place. I didn’t want them to get involved in another fight.” 

“Think he’s actually going to listen to him? Alek is probably the only person he would actively deny any plans he thinks of.” Lightly nodding, Gordon sighed quietly to the other’s words, crossing his arms and leaning against the lab table, turning his head up towards the ceiling. He should have gone with him, yet he couldn’t tell what the outcome would be of them showing up side-by-side. That was another fight in itself to happen - arguing for Gordon to stay away from such a man, no matter how much he thinks he’s changed. 

Nothing was going to ever erase the damage already done. 

Forest-green eyes overlooked the gentle swirls in the ceiling, wondering what would life be like if the Resonance Cascade didn’t happen. Obviously, the deaths and tortured would cease to exist, the destruction left behind hardly a painful memory to remember. The days would click by as normal, people would age and retire from work after decades of dedication and commitment - raise families or endure tragedies. Either through disease and illness, sudden mistakes, or natural disasters; everyone would continue on the consistent cycle.

Rebuild, remember, and move on. Sure, a good chunk of their feelings referred back to those moments as something missed, but now everything was gone. There were no happy hour days, or beautiful beaches full of white sand - all that remained was dust, grime, debris and blood to line the streets of a heavy fight endured over the past years. The faces of familiar citizens who met their demise from being found out or betrayed to lie in the streets or gutters. Canals filled with toxins, and air to choke them alive. 

A total city completely wiped off the map because they sought to end the reign of the suppressive alien empire - then an attempt to use one measly ship against their homeworld. Of course it was never going to work, they were doomed the second that sample entered the machine - that reality slung back into their face. It felt like punishment. The innocent still continued to meet their end - grouped together with those who wanted change or even just the simple outlook of watching the world burn. What memories did they truly miss?

The destruction of their world in one way from their own hand or from another? Now they had another planet ready to be taken, but this time it was not from the Combine’s hand, but their own. A cycle brought back to square one, yet under different circumstances. Gordon glanced over to the former security guard as he heard the other’s stomach growl. It had been a few hours since they returned to the Undulatus with the samples, and perhaps a good meal was in order from the stress.

“... Want to go to the café?”

“Sure. I’m starving.” Barney nodded and watched as Gordon placed some samples away in the meantime. He would return to them later, as he wanted to figure out what other mysteries could Elysium hold. Despite having extraterrestrial life in primitive stages, it was certainly strange that nothing happened like before they arrived. Was it really the ‘third time’s a charm’ kicking in, or was it perhaps they have yet to dig deep into the belly of the beast? Once the equipment was put away, the physicist followed his good friend out of the lab and straight down the corridor towards the cafeteria.

He had begun to wonder if Alek had been talking with Eli yet; tenderly reaching into his pocket once more to hold the lucky charm within the palm of his hand, Gordon’s fingers lightly fumbled with the metal outline of the icosahedron. Something that held much significance for him, and potentially even more for Alek. A blush soon crept along the bearded scientist’s face, as he was thinking about the way such a man gazed to him.

There was more than meets the eye.


	12. Point Of No Return

“-- Energy continuously flows from being concentrated to becoming dispersed or spread out, wasted and useless. But here on this planet, it remains relatively the same; the PFCs can’t venture out into open space because of a barrier, which is most likely the ozone layer. I’m telling you Magnusson, this place is perfect for c--” Pausing upon the sound of the door opening, Eli paused his explanation as Alek came into the room, hands folded behind his back - maintain that authority status amongst them as he approached. The older scientist simply narrowed his eyes at the other, setting down a marker and the rough drawing he made about Elysium’s atmosphere.

“What do you want?”

“ **_I’ve come to discuss something with you._ ** ”

“... I’m in the middle of something. Can’t it wait?”

“ **_I’m afraid not. Because based on the specifics your research scientist has discovered, a lot of questions have begun to linger over your crew’s heads. No doubt being if this planet is available enough for the taking. However, you might find Dr. Freeman’s concerns are quite the opposite._ ** ”

“I thought I told you to stay away from him.”

“ **_If you were even remotely untrusting of my approach to the Freeman, you would stay at his side relatively more than myself. Seeing as how that was unparalleled to your words, the fault is not at all mine. Before we continue to pronounce a debate, let my words through Dr. Freeman’s thoughts sink through you. He has found evidence within the samples collected to contain abundant traces of extraterrestrial life - and wishes to call off the desire to… put them in the point of no return._ ** ” Heterochromia eyes narrowed as Eli turned towards the other, taking a step forward before halting as he made mention of such a discovery. Life, on Elysium? The older scientist glanced over to Magnusson, who was quite surprised himself at the reveal. The father Vance then inhaled deeply and looked back up to Alek.

“Even so, we can’t just pass this up. We are not going to endure this travel anymore, and seek out something this perfect again in the midst of nothingness. It’ll take too long before we come across anything relatively close to what this was, Dr. Freeman is worrying too much into the future when we haven’t even begun it yet. To be honest... it’s not Gordon’s decision to make on whether or not we stay.” 

“ **_It is also not your choice in the matter to make decisions for other people amongst your congregation. As the captain of the Undulatus, it is my and my employers' ship to do whatever with it as we please. That includes making the decision based on compelling evidence your research scientist has presented us with._ ** ” Alek quirked his brow, watching the other begin to ball his fist.

“I knew you’d say something like that. Think you’re doing us a favor by letting us seek out a new home before eventually driving a stake into the ground once we finally found it.”

“ **_May I remind you that Gordon is the one who drove the stake with this reveal of evidence. If you had actually taken time to listen to him when he really needs it, you’d prevent unnecessary hardship and a lack of an ability to underst--_ ** ” Grunting as Eli’s fist came to his face, Alek stumbled back some against a table, knocking equipment onto the floor as he caught himself. Taken back by his colleague’s sudden burst of anger, Magnusson had lingered back some, not wanting to get caught into the middle. It was obvious they were all exhausted and drawing closer to disagreements as they lived in such a tight space, but he never figured the father Vance to get physically violent.

The government man leaned against the table, propping himself up on his forearms as he then reached to touch his lower lip, glancing at the blood that seeped onto his fingers. Lighting inhaling at the sight of vermillion, deep blue eyes then glanced up to the older scientist, who stood there with his fists balled and brows furrowed. He intended to do much worse, based on what the bureaucrat put him and his daughter through. Not even just his daughter, his friends, his colleagues, his loved ones… most of them were dead because of him.

“... **_You hit my face._ ** ”

“And I’d do it again. Only next time, it’ll be  _ much more _ than your face. You need a goddamn reality check. I will  _ never _ take orders from someone who’s the very same reason we’re in this situation. Who put us through hell and high water, to be tortured and killed by the Combine while they and their  _ employers _ sat by, kissing each others’ asses! You’re  _ goddamn  _ wrong if you think I’m gonna start kissing  _ your _ ass, just because you hold a title over us. This is now the survival of the fittest; a dog-eat-dog world, and there’s no way I’m going to back down without a fight. Not this time.” Narrowing his eyes at the other, Eli watched as Alek slowly stood upright from the table, using the sleeve of his uniform to wipe the blood off of the left corner of his lip. 

“I’m going to do everything to keep my family safe. So I suggest you get out of here, and let us do our jobs before I show you another reason why I ain’t kissing your ass. And stay away from Gordon if you know what’s good for you!” Eli stepped closer to the other, as the government man simply backed away and deepened his expression of stoicness - as well as internal rage. This man wasn’t going to abide by Gordon’s request to overlook the analysis and see his worries - yet deep down he knew he couldn’t force him. Freeman wouldn’t want him making things worse; no fights among the crew. 

Turning on his heel and slamming his hand onto the panel to open the door, Alek had left the scientists to continue their discussions, Oxfords echoing within that blank and bright corridor. Briskly walking down the hall, the government man had curled his own fingers into fists, feeling the unfathomable urge to march straight back into the lab and give the other a piece of his mind. At all other times, he’d take considerations of Freeman’s opinion, yet now he was completely oblivious to his feelings. If no one was in agreement, how could they expect to work in time with one another? Simpatico, compatible, kindred…

United as one?

As his anger shielded his own awareness of what was around him, Alek ignored the decrypter who was trying to get his attention, watching him walk down the hall opposite of him in such an angered manner. With the blood on his lip still presentable, it was obvious he and Eli got into another disagreement, causing Russell to look at Kleiner in confusion. They had wanted to finally discuss the findings of the recording with the 18-hours of static on it, however, if the captain was in such a disturbed mood - perhaps it was best to leave it be for the current moment.

“ Should we just send him a message to his quarters and wait for him to cool down? He seems to be in a bit of a ruckus. ”

“I’m sure he has a lot of things on his mind, it’s probably not best to pester. We’ll present him with the recording once he’s cooled down.”

“ He had blood on his face, did you see? ”

“Yes, I did. I wouldn’t doubt Eli had managed to cross his limit of self-control. After all, this man had indeed caused trouble for us equally, it was only a matter of time before that trouble was met with revenge.” Lightly adjusting his glasses as the two watched Alek leave down the hall, the both of them had then flinched in surprise as another voice sounded off behind them, only revealing Judith to come down the corridor. 

“There you two are. I was hoping we could discuss that problem now that I have your full attention.”

“ Oh right. Totally forgot. Now, what’s so secret that you wanted to tell us? ”

“Not here. Let’s… go somewhere more private. Follow me.” Judith had then left down the hall with Russell and Isaac in line, wondering what exactly she wanted to talk to them about. If anything, they were getting a little worried about her vague answers to their questions about what could be possibly wrong that has to be discussed in private. If something was wrong with a certain crew member, maybe perhaps they could all discuss on what to do or how to handle it, instead of keeping it hidden from everyone else.

As the communications officer led them down into the lower decks of the ship, preferably the storage compartment of the Undulatus, Judith had finally turned to them, hesitating some as the door closed behind them. Was she doing the right thing by telling them? If anything, she should have gone to Eli - yet couldn’t spark any courage in her mind to approach him. He was so adamant about bringing everyone onto Elysium, as it was a better life there than among the stars. Forever searching for their forever home.

“Judith?” Isaac had spoken softly, trying to get the red-haired woman to talk to them about her concerns, as it was written all along her face. What could have her so  _ petrified _ that she even hesitated to tell them? Unaware of a third party peeking into their conversation, Judith had then reached into her jumpsuit pocket, showing them a small device. It was similar to a USB stick, only transparent and thin, exposing various wires inside that likely held Combine data.

“I found this… down here in this storage room, when looking for a part to repair the control panel to my hab suite door. It was tucked away in a corner, in a black box of some kind.”

“ What is it? ”

“At first I had no idea. I thought maybe it belonged or was installed on this ship, similar to airplanes ‘black-box’ devices they have on board. To record the last instances before a malfunction or crash. However, I took it upon myself to see what data was on it and… well… I think you should hear for yourself. I recorded it on a separate device for safe-keeping, as after I listened to the message, it was completely wiped clean. No trace of the original memorandum was left behind.” Taking a small, digital recorder from her pocket, Judith had stepped forward as they gathered around to hear.

As she pressed the button to play, Russell and Isaac glanced at each other in confusion and shock upon what they heard. Firstly, the same intervaled frequency they heard over the radio transmitter when Barney and Alek were down on the first planet they explored. EX-9880, the liquid methane planet. However, what came during those pulsations were a barrage of numbers, as an automated voice began to pronounce them out with rapid intent.

[ **01011001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 01101001 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100110 01101001 01101110 01101001 01110011 01101000 01100101 01100100 00101110 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100011 01101000 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00101110** ]

“Binary code?” Kleiner had adjusted his glasses once more as he recognized the sequence of numbers, however didn’t have a clue as to what they translated into. Russell continued to listen to the message, taking a hold of the recorder to replay what it had to say and to understand it better by pressing it up against his ear. Judith inhaled at the binary, crossing her arms before looking down.

“I translated the message in my free-time and… it’s… I believe it’s meant for Alek.”

“What does it say?”

“ It says… ‘ _ Your mission is finished. You have reached a dead end _ .’ What does it mean by  _ dead end _ ? ” Russell blinked in confusion as he translated the binary, as he had looked at it for most of his time in City 17 while hacking in Combine databases. It was a talent for him to recognize it being said alone, instead of looking at a screen - however, that still didn’t determine the actual meaning it had. Judith closed her eyes as she thought over the message being played, before the hacker had eventually stopped the replay, as she inhaled and looked up to them both.

“... There’s a reason, why the Combine didn’t come forth to this place.”

“What do you mean, Dr. Mossman?” 

“... The Combine intentionally avoided this place because it’s on a crash course for a _black hole_. All this time, we’ve been inching closer and closer to the point of no return and we have finally crossed it by showing up to Elysium.” Feeling their hearts drop into their stomach, Russell had nearly dropped the recording device upon the news.

“ That’s… that’s impossible. Why haven’t we been able to see it? ”

“Black holes hide in plain sight, Russell. They can easily evade radar or radio if our equipment isn’t good enough. And it  _ isn’t _ good enough. We can’t even tell if we’re approaching from the side or it’s directly in front of us. It’s rogue, and it’s big. We’re already locked within it’s gravitational pull.” Judith lightly crossed her arms as the two stepped closer to her.

“ ... That’s why I’ve been having trouble accessing the Undulatus’s main control directory at some times. Our mission was a fake. This is no exploring mission, this is a suicide pact. They limited our control from the very beginning and shoved us to the front door of a beast. ”

“You said it was intended for Alek. Well… we may have confirmation of that being true. When Alek and Barney had left for the first planet to explore, EX-9880, his suit helmet was still recording the moments of his disappearance. Now, when he came back, that recording revealed 18-hours of pure white noise, acting like some sort of barrier. Gordon, had asked us to look into it.” Kleiner softly inhaled and lightly paced the room as he thought, before glancing to Russell as he continued for him.

“ We managed to crack it and… well, it’s nothing we’ve _ ever _ seen before. He practically… went into  _ different dimensions intersecting other dimensions.  _ Like some giant… hypercube or tesseract. This was no 4th or 5th dimension… this was like… the  _ 24th _ dimension - if anyone has seen what such a sight relatively looks like. It was amazing and mind-boggling. ”

“Well, do you still have it?” Judith blinked in confusion as Russell and Isaac had glanced at each other upon that question, before they simultaneously shook their heads.

“Much like your message that you showed us, that too was destroyed after one use. And… unfortunately, we weren’t smart or quick enough on our feet to bother recording on an offset carrier. Anything that was previously on that recording from Alek’s suit is completely gone, and Barney’s perspective remains unfruitful for comparison or potential salvage.” Adjusting his glasses, Isaac had spoken quietly, a bit discouraged that they didn’t think to make a back-up of such an astonishing sight. 

“Then, how does it compare to my message, assuming that it’s intended for Alek?”

“ He was talking to someone. Or  _ something, _ within that realm. But whatever it was, didn’t like the direction he was going. My guess, is the reason why Eli potentially whipped him good just a few minutes ago. He’s straying from the task we believed to be well at hand. ” Russell lightly leaned against a stack of boxes to cure the aches in his back for standing for so long, wondering what they were to do now.

“So now begs the question as to what  _ we _ should do. We can’t stop the Undulatus from drifting closer to the black hole, and even if we do live on Elysium… that will be gone with it. We’re at an impasse.” Kleiner glanced to the both of them, wondering if they should take this information to the crew. Russell and Judith remained quiet as they thought, gazing around the storage room they were in. This was something they weren’t expecting at all - and even they doubted Alek knew about this. After all, he had no recollection of his disappearance or where he had gone, despite him being perfectly well within that realm. 

_ Something _ had enough of him. Perhaps he too was backstabbed in the process of throwing the resistance to the wind. No witnesses - no mess to clean up this time. Judith had then turned to the others after some pacing she did within the room, keeping her arms somewhat crossed as she approached.

“I think we should tell them. If we keep it from them, we’ll only waste time trying to get out of this one. There’s always a way, and we need to find it.”

“ How do you think these people are going to react? Death is once again looming on the horizon, and I doubt Alek knows anything about his employers’ fatal plan. ” Russell vented in some as silence filled the air around them, listening to the gentle thrum of the reactor engines of the Undulatus. This mission wasn’t real, hardly a good deed sent by the unknown proprietors. They had probably believed the remaining members of the resistance wouldn’t have survived the 100-year long journey out into deep space. 

“ I think… Alek’s arrival to EX-9880 set off a chain reaction. ”

“What do you mean?”

“ Think about it. It’s the first planet we go on, and it’s the first time we’ve encountered something like this. Alek’s employers might be the reason he went to that realm. Once they saw him, they were  _ angry _ . Probably thought he was supposed to be dead. Then they found out that we were all still alive and didn’t like that one bit. They planned the trajectory afterward, slowly shifting us into the direction of Elysium, as a sort of false hope. ” Russell paced the room, and tapped at his chin as he thought about the situation. 

“Could explain why Alek didn’t remember ever disappearing. They wiped his memory in order to protect their plan from getting into distant ears. If we knew of it, they knew we’d try and stop.” Isaac had chimed in, glancing over to Judith as she stepped forward again.

“Then what are we to do? Is there some way we can manually override the controls back over to us? Kind of like the same way you did for the Nautilus?”

“ I’m not too sure. If I could find something within the mainframe, we might be able to basically reroute the system’s controls to give us a sort of opening, allowing us to slowly shift our direction so we divert away from the black hole. We still have the possibility of being slingshotted around it’s outer banks. Of course… it’s millions to one. But worth a shot. ”

“Do we still tell the others?”

“ Let’s… wait, on that. If we cause panic now, we won’t be able to think straight. Let’s just silently work in the meantime and try and turn the controls back to us. ” Getting a collective nod to his words, the three had glanced at the device that Judith held within her hand. How this one little thing determined their future in a matter of seconds was agonizing and daunting. Eventually, they would need to tell the crew about their supposed path to doom, once the time called for it. 

However, they didn’t count on another pair of ears to listen first.

Amongst the storage room, Alyx stayed hidden behind some crates and boxes - that held essential items for their life among the stars and previously to occupy a planet that met all their needs. The news rang through her head like an alarm, yet her legs couldn’t find the necessary urge to leave the room after the others did. Petrified, unsure of their future - yet now they did have a future. And that it was always going to be death.

Heartbeat began to rise in pulsations, sweat presented on her face as she slowly turned to face the crate she had been previously digging into. She had been looking for stuff of the old world, preferably to take with her to Elysium once everyone would collectively agree to live down there. Now, she didn’t want to live anywhere; what was the point? Elysium would be nothingness after it drifts further closer to the event horizon. Even they would be stretched thin and stripped of their life after god knows how long.

Her hands began to shake, and finally the young woman lost feeling in her legs, forcing herself to sit on the tiled floor and lean up against a box as she hyperventilated. This was all going so wrong - third time’s the charm was a fake. False hope, making them believe that sanctuary was within their reach, before that too would be ripped away from them. What would it feel like? Being torn apart by a black hole? She couldn’t imagine it being quick and painless, nothing was quick and painless in their universe. 

Lightly halting her sporadic breathing, Alyx had then slowly stood back up onto her feet, using the support of a crate nearby before she too had left the storage room. Aimlessly moving down the corridor, she kept her hazel eyes to the ground, unsure of what to do with herself. How could she think straight with that information she just heard? How could  _ anyone _ think straight when a threat loomed over the horizon once more, even if they thought they had finally found peace? Now it was going to be ripped away from them, and she doubted they’d find a way out of this one. 

How could they steer a ship like this away from a black hole? 

The daughter Vance continued to walk down the hall, unaware of where she could possibly be going, letting her legs do most of the work. Her mind completely shut down, unable to process much more than the ability to breathe. They had all tried to be strong, to see the optimistic side of things but for what? It was fruitless and unneeded anyway! They were never going to win the war with the Combine, and they certainly weren’t going to win the battle against Alek’s employers.

Alek… a fit of deep, disturbing anger began to rise within the pit of her stomach. This man had sparked the beginning of their long, inevitable death since Black Mesa. Took away her mother, manipulated her into believing her father was dead, put her life at risk on the Borealis, and for what? Getting a few readouts of their way of thinking? Likened to some rats in a maze? Except, there was no cheese; cheese laced with poison. Yes, his employers were the most to take the blame, but the government man had a hand in it as well.

As she moved down the hall, Barney had just come out of the café to recharge what energy he missed. Space travel was indeed taking a lot out of him, as he wasn’t as young as he once was. Still, Gordon’s words continued to fill his head, about the reveal of extraterrestrial life on Elysium, and what they would do once they colonize it. Sure, they could change their way of managing such a planet so it didn’t have the outcome of Earth, but how long could they keep that up? Or their offspring? 

They had only just scratched the surface of the developing world. What could lie beneath it? Under the crust? Who is to say their bodies will easily adapt to the change? The exoplanet held little oxygen, only the majority was something called PFCs - basically liquid air. Sure hurt coming out of it, as Barney rubbed at his sore chest. If they stayed within it, would evolution take a toll on them as well? Would they adopt new appendages or revert back to the ways of the fish? While this was thinking too far into the future, it was definitely a thought that took over. 

Gordon had every right to be worried of this becoming another Earth scenario. Enduring war, pollution and waste while people make money off of it. Establishing a currency system wasn’t exactly in the line of sight, but it will be eventually - they couldn’t rely on the old barter and trade system like their ancestors used, could they? Lightly rubbing the back of his head, Barney gazed down the corridor, narrowing his eyes some in concern as he spotted the young Vance walking. 

The look upon her face was… concerning.

As if she just heard the worst news of her life. The former security guard hesitated momentarily to call out to her before eventually moving to follow to see where she was going. Had someone called her for assistance? Was someone locked in a fight again - perhaps Alek and Eli, causing things to get rather violent? Barney moved around the corner and blinked as Alyx had indeed entered the medical office, however he couldn’t hear any sort of yelling or calls of pain. 

He had approached the door and peeked inside, flinching as Alyx began to make a mess of such a medical office. Medicine bottles crashed to the floor as she threw them down in a fit of rage and tantrum, as tears streamed down her face. Barney had tried to open the door, only to find it locked and overridden to the other side. Why did she lock herself in? 

“Alyx! Open the door!” 

“We’re all going to die! We’re all going to die!” Screaming muffledly within, Alyx had continued to throw medicine and equipment around, watching the glass spread out along the floor and the liquid to seep into the surrounding drain. Essential items that were now wasted and hardly available to be collected for reuse. What had caused her to act so psychotic left Barney confused as he watched the situation unfold within.

“Alyx stop! Open the door!”

“I c-can’t I can’t, I don’t know what to do anymore! We’re all going to die!” Ripping some piping off the wall behind her, Alyx had begun to smash the object against the various cabinets, the glass cracking and breaking from the impact - leaving a hazard to anyone that would be barefoot among the room. The daughter Vance kicked equipment aside and knocked the ceiling light loose above the examination table, panting lightly as she cried and broke down. 

“Alyx, we’re not going to die, now please, open the door! Come on!” The former security guard watched as she stumbled a bit, feeling weakness in her arms, as they vibrated with the previous effects of disintegrating much of her space. The light inside flickered on and off as it swayed left and right, sparking from a live wire. Hazel eyes stared at it as she soon dropped the pipe and sat down onto the floor, cuddling herself before picking up a piece of glass. The sharp edges had cut into her palm, delivering blood to seep down such a blade and spot along the floor. 

“It was a fake, we were never meant to be here…” 

“Alyx! Just open the door, please. I don’t want you doing anything risky.”

“Everything’s a risk! No matter what we do, it never works out in the end!”

“Alyx, what are you talking about?” Barney had called out to her from behind the door, staring at her through the small window as he tried to figure out how to get it open. His heart was racing now, and he had no idea what to do. She was panicking and in shock, yet the former security guard had no idea why. Why did she think that they were going to die? Who told her such a thing? They had  _ just _ found an able planet to live on - did they find something else on it that rendered it completely useless? Was the Combine back?

All these questions he felt would never get answered unless he found some way to calm her down. He hated having his friends and family feel hopeless, as he knew just what it felt like as well. Barney tried the door panel once more, hearing Alyx mumble something that he couldn’t exactly understand, as the door provided much of a shield to their conversation anyway. He moved back to the window and began knocking on it, trying to stir her attention away from cutting her hand too badly. 

“Alyx, please, just open the door and talk to me. Keep talking to me, what happened? What did you hear?”

“We’re all going to die… we’re all going to die… I don’t want to die by a black hole…” Sniffling lightly, Alyx had taken the piece of glass away from the palm of her hand and drifted it lower, leaving Barney to feel his heart drop with each millisecond. No, he couldn’t--  _ didn’t _ want to see that. Now he felt like he was starting to panic, however not with the sudden news of supposedly their death to ensue, but the sight that came before him.

“No no no no no, Alyx stop! Please, don’t think about it. We can get you the help that you need, just don’t… just stay right there, don’t do anything!”

Barney vented in as he moved away from the door and looked down at the opposite end of the hall. He had to find someone, Eli, Kleiner, hell  _ somebody. _ The former security guard then took off down the hall, hoping to come across anyone who was willing to help. He felt clueless on what to do, and adrenaline was now kicking into full gear. The dark-haired man needed to find someone quick, otherwise, Alyx would endure the point of no return of her own.


	13. Small Discussions

He ignored his name being called.

Too angry to deal with any other mess that might have sparked up. Of course he wasn’t going to see reason, why did he even try to bother? Eli had his heart set on colonizing a planet that already had life upon it - and like his words said, he wasn’t ever going to listen to someone who put them in this situation in the first place. Footfall echoed in the blank, white corridor, with no real intention to find a specific place to go. Of course, he drowned out Russell’s call for him; anything he had to say could wait.

Blood continued to seep from his lip, fingers curled as his nails dug into the skin of his palm - ever so threatening to make him bleed more from the sheer force alone. They all said Alek had definitely changed from his past self, but what about Eli? He was making decisions for them, and they were willingly following along like some ducklings. Yes, he’s been leading them for a while, at the start of the resistance, but surely they would have their thoughts upon Elysium being prime for other life as well.

Nothing was ever so black and white, they had to take into account the other colors as well. The greens, the yellows, the blues, the reds… all of them perfectly weaved together upon that planet - there was no logical reason for another source of creation to _not_ be in animation upon such a perfect landscape or environment. If they had presented such evidence to the crew, would they agree with Freeman? Understand why he was so hesitant about settling down on a planet they only know a few minutes about? They haven’t even spent a whole day exploring the planet yet, and they already found a replacement for their pathetic Earth.

Dark, grim thoughts circulated his mind, burrowing further into his own sense of reasoning. Why should he care? If they wanted to put themselves at risk, that was completely fine. It was him to observe, not to get into the middle of things. Slowing down his pace as his feet were properly letting him know of the burn they were handling, Alek then paused as he heard his name again, however this time - the voice he heard was enough to stir him out of cruelty. He turned his head to glance over his shoulder, spotting the bearded scientist to approach his position.

Right, he had walked straight past the cafeteria. 

Gordon and Barney were previously having a bite to eat, until Magnusson had called for the former security guard to move some boxes that they intended to take to Elysium. While he had gone to do that, the physicist remained in the café, either to await his buddy’s return, or at least for Alek to tell him how the discussion went. Once he had addressed him, forest-green eyes glanced at the other’s face, venting in at the sight of blood on his lip, tenderly seeping down his chin, and a pronounced bruise beginning to form on his right cheek and jaw.

“... What happened to you?” Gordon asked softly, watched as Alek simply drew his deep blue eyes away from the other, curbing his internal struggle within. He didn’t want to break the other, yet it was as if he could simply tell what he was thinking either way. With a touch to his arm, the Freeman made the other look back to him.

“Alek… what happened? ”

“ **_No. I bit my lip too hard._ **”

“ _Alek_ , you’re _bruised._ On the _cheek_. That doesn’t happen when you bite your lip. Now tell me what happened,” Forest eyes narrowed at the government man’s failure to keep the injury hidden, as silence continued to come forth from the man. Gordon then let go of his arm, taking notice of his awkward yet upset expression. 

“Did _Eli_ hit you? Is this because I brought up the notion of leaving the planet alone?”

“ **_A mere disagreement, Dr. Freeman. This has nothing to do with that. I have yet to expose him to your information on life on Elysium, but perhaps... I’m not the one who should do it. We would stand a better chance of him listening if it came from someone like you - who’s much closer than I ever will be._ **” Facial expression dictated Gordon all the same. He was lying - he tried to convince Eli and yet only received the backend of what should have been his own argument. The Freeman vented sharply, lightly rubbing his fingers together as he tried to think of a solution. 

He was _angry_ . It didn’t seem like Eli to ignore information such as _extraterrestrial life_ , even if it came from the mouth of a man such as Alek. They were fascinated with it when it first came into contact with them at Black Mesa, despite the hostility, but during City 17 and White Forest - they _relied_ on them. The Vortigaunts, they became swift allies because the Freeman had managed to cut their wires free from the Nihilanth’s tortuous hand. They worked with them in mutual trust and respect - why does life on Elysium differ from that? 

“Eli shouldn’t have hit you. I understand why he’s still angry and upset with you, but it’s not like him to willingly ignore something I’ve discovered. Even if you relayed the message, it still came from me nonetheless. I will talk with him--”

“ **_\--No, Gordon,_ ** ” As the other turned on his heel, did Alek grab for his arm to pull him back, “ **_Don’t. I’m going to recite the same words you have given to me. Don’t make this harder than it has to._ **”

“For god sakes, Alek - you sure pick the wrong time to say something like that. He should know the difference between what we’re doing is right or wrong. This is evolution at it’s beginning stages, we all have the right to share our concerns with one another. For him to hit you means that he’s still dwelling on the past. You’re different now, and he needs to start seeing it that way or else we don’t stand a chance living together, even if it’s still on board the Undulatus.” Slowly turning back to the other, Gordon lightly touched Alek’s hand that was on his arm, forest-green eyes staring at deep ocean blue. 

“ **_You’re being influenced, Gordon. I’m influencing you._ **”

“So what? It’s _my_ life.”

“ **_It’s causing Eli to ignore anything that concedes us in parallel thoughts. Anything you bring my name into, he will dismiss._ **”

“That’s not fair.”

“ **_Life isn’t fair, Mr. Freeman. It never is. Not even for those who pull the strings on other’s filaments. If my name escapes your mouth around him, he’s only going to believe I’ve bewitched you. Another form of tactic to encite deals to benefit my employers rather than your crew._ **” Staring up at the other, Gordon softened his expression, yet remained determined in his stance to get Eli to listen. He knew he should have gone by himself - based on the exchange they had down in Elysium, perhaps the fight would have been avoided. 

“... Then what about when your name escapes my mouth when he _isn’t_ around? What will you do?” Alek stared at the Freeman, as the question rang through his mind, practically sweeping all displeased thoughts out the door. All that remained was confusion, curiosity… a growing sliver of interest. 

“ **_Depends on the context._ **”

“Any context you can possibly think of.” Deep blue eyes flashed with a certain glow, however only momentarily as the two continued to observe one another. What could he mean; any possible context? Was this something foreboding of the future? Or perhaps indication of something less transmissive of hostility? His hand was still being held, as Alek could feel Freeman’s pulse within his fingers. Likened to a gentle tap against his knuckle; he had life among him, nonetheless. 

“ **_... Then I will show no restraint._ **” Alek had subsequently whispered, knowing that the surveillance cameras were most likely on them once more, considering that they were standing in the middle of the corridor, having a conversation that hinted towards something beyond. The government man then lightly twitched his lip as the bearded scientist finally released his hand, reaching to touch the blood that seeped from the open wound on his lip.

“... It’s just going to keep bleeding.”

“ **_... I was on my way to Ms. Vance’s medical clinic either way._ **”

“... Alek. I don’t want to see anymore of this. This is what we’ve seen constantly, since the very beginning - it’s something that we’ve become desensitized to, after seeing it so much. I hope that this is the last of it, in the context that this will be the only thing in our foreseeable future until the day we die.” Showing the other the drop of blood laced on his index finger, Gordon had softened his speech with every word, trying to maintain the stress within.

Lowering his hand and wiping the blood on his lab coat, the Freeman had then given a heavy sigh, pacing the corridor some, wondering what they could possibly do to convince Eli. If he managed to get the ship’s crew on their side, maybe there would be an outvoting against his desire to take the planet for themselves. Perhaps the only other option for him to see reasoning, even though it was guaranteed he wasn’t going to like it. Either way, debating against his colleague and good friend wasn’t going to be easy. Eli had agreed with him at certain times before, when they worked alongside each other at Black Mesa, now this was a different context. This debate determined their future. 

“... I want to thank you… for at least trying to convince him in the first place. You didn’t need to do that, just for me. Maybe, if you had your lucky charm, he’d pay attention.”

“ **_No lucky charm can change his mind._ **”

“He’s not that bad, Alek. We’re all… _tired_ , exhausted and we just want to hurry and settle before the Combine catches wind of this place or us and comes after everyone again. We dodged a bullet back on Earth when we escaped, we don’t want to endure that again. They’re still out there, possibly looking for us, and we have no idea where they could show up, or even when. They might show up tomorrow and it’d be too late. Eli has taken much of the brunt for the resistance before I arrived, it’s only fair that he’s angry. But he’s not bad. Never was.” Gordon lightly crossed his arms and stared at the blank floors, glancing to his boots that were tied yet threatening to unravel. They weren’t tightly weaved together, so much of the walking he endured gradually loosened them over time.

They were partly scuffed, obviously a hand-me-down. His jumpsuit was still bulky and loose, hardly form fitting like the captain’s uniform. To Gordon, it did make him feel a bit intimidated, however he felt it was mostly from the posture Alek had maintained. Always standing tall, and straight, like he would be while wearing the navy-blue suit. The man who would watch him everywhere on his travels, either to pinpoint trouble or a certain path for him to take. 

He also wondered what was in the briefcase that he carried so much.

Now, the bureaucrat was left without one - possibly for good. It wasn’t like they could just turn around and go back to Earth to retrieve it; for sure they would be walking into a trap. Even so, he didn’t believe the case was even _on_ Earth at this point - perhaps left back on the Borealis before it had blown up when they escaped. Which had reminded Alek, as he then opened his mouth to speak.

“ **_Why did you save me?_ **”

“What? When?”

“ **_After we returned from the Borealis. You and your… friends, could have left me behind._ **”

“... I don’t know. Something… something told me to save you. So I did. And even if I decided not to… we wouldn’t be here, would we? I helped you and in exchange, you helped us get away from the Combine by allowing us to use the Undulatus.”

“ **_... Thank you._ **”

“... I think it’s us who should be thanking you. After all, you had to convince your employers to allow us here in the first place. I doubt that was easy.” Gordon lightly quirked his lip into a small smile, forest-green eyes glinting in the light within the hall.

Alek continued to watch the other before moving to touch his lip again, lightly wiping the blood away before looking to the physicist before him. Gordon had approached to examine the bruise upon his cheek, tenderly looking up to the government man as he was injured. He felt bad for him, even if it was partly justified from Eli’s end. However, with their closeness between them, the beaded scientist couldn’t help but to flush as the pale man had leaned closer, as if to proceed with an action that he had never done before. It wasn’t until the sound of running footsteps and their names being called did they halt in their movement, backing away from each other before glancing to Barney as he ran to them, panting heavily to catch his breath. 

“It’s A-Alyx! I-I’m trying to talk her down but she won’t listen to me. I think she’s suicidal.” Glancing up to Alek, Gordon then moved to quickly follow his buddy back to the medical bay, wondering what could cause Alyx’s sudden behavior. They needed to act fast.

If they lose her, they’d lose all.


	14. Dual Aberration

The closer they got to the medical bay, the louder they could hear Alyx’s outbursts from within. She had gone back to wrecking the room, as the sound of glass smashing and crumbling underneath her boots added to the ruin of the clinic. Gordon and Barney rushed up to the overridden door, as forest-green eyes peeked inside to the destruction within. The ceiling light’s new occupation was now on the floor, yet the live wire draped from the ceiling continued to spark from it’s lack of maintained current flow. 

“You can’t get the door open?”

“No, she put a manual lock on it. I’ll need to hack the damn thing in order to get in.”

“Then go call for Russell. Hurry.” Gordon watched as Barney nodded and left down the hall again, hearing his buddy call for the certain decryptor. Knocking on the window, the bearded scientist vented in as Alyx smashed in another cabinet, knocking over a few medical beds before eventually stumbling back against the table, dropping the steam pipe she tore off the wall. Alek had came up to the location after following behind, watching as the physicist knocked on the door again.

“Alyx… please, stop this.”

“We’re all going to die! Can’t you see?!”

“Alyx, no one’s going to die. Talk to me; where did you hear that information? Who said we were going to die?” Trying to get her to calm down, Gordon hitched his breath some as she reached for a surgical tool in one of the drawers, holding it out and clenching it within her bloody hand. She had already cut into her palm with glass, as her jumpsuit was sliced up from the destruction she caused.

“I don’t want to die… not out here… not while I’m still young. This is all your fault! If you hadn’t done that damn test, none of this would’ve happened! We wouldn’t be out here, and we wouldn’t lose the ones we loved and we wouldn’t die!” Venting in as the daughter Vance had blamed him, Gordon lightly swallowed the saliva that pooled in his mouth. Was she talking about the Resonance Cascade? How everything basically set off a chain reaction up until now? Alek listened to the conversation; it wasn’t Freeman’s fault.

“Then I take blame for it, Alyx and I’m sorry.”

“Not you… him! He ruined our lives!” Glancing over to Alek, Gordon frowned as Alyx was referencing him, blinking as he came over to the window and peeked inside, resting his hand on the door, just as the others finally returned back from their discussions, coming upon the scene of the supposed ‘talk-down’ of the Alyx Vance.

“ **_Ms. Vance, that is all in the past now and I unfortunately cannot change it. I take full responsibility for those actions, however this is not something anyone of your friends and family want to see you do._ ** ” 

“Now you can’t change it… you changed my father’s fate because I was clueless, and now you say you can’t change anything?! What are you really?! Why do you exist?!” Alek glanced over as Barney came up with Russell and Judith, watching as the hacker knelt down to the door panel.

“How long before you can get it open?”

“ Should take me about 5 minutes, 7 minutes max. Just keep talking to her. ” Russell brought out some tools and moved to unscrew some bolts from the panel to take a crack at the inside. Gordon looked inside the window and inhaled deeply as he tried to keep himself calm under the tense situation.

“Alyx, I need you to focus. Talk to me, where did you hear that we were going to _die_?” 

“I knew we couldn’t trust her! I knew she had something up her sleeve… she was keeping it from all of us! Judith’s working alongside him, she wants to carry on Breen’s legacy and the Combine’s! And the bureaucratic bastard has it out for us from his employers!” The bearded scientist glanced over to Dr. Mossman as he heard her sigh in worry. They had thought they were alone for that discussion. She didn’t really rely on Alyx being closeby to listen.

“... I’m sorry… I wanted to tell everyone sooner but I was afraid of causing a mass panic. I should have been more careful.”

“ **_What is Ms. Vance referring to?_ ** ”

“I found a data chip hidden away down in storage some time ago while everyone was asleep. I stumbled across it looking for parts and decided to see what it had on it. I thought it was sort of like a ‘black-box’ feature like they have on planes, I didn’t actually think it carried a message on it!” Judith vented in and held herself, taking a step back as she felt responsible for Alyx’s meltdown, watching as Gordon turned to her.

“What did it say?”

“... It was binary code. A hidden message that I translated. I believed it was meant for Alek… It said ‘Your mission is finished. You have reached a dead end.’ I didn’t know what to think of it, so I did more digging and… I found the reason why the Combine avoided this place. It’s because there’s a black hole among this sector and we have been on a bee-line trajectory straight towards it.” Feeling his heart drop upon the news, Gordon had glanced up to Alek, who was also taken aback by such information. Intended for him? So he was left behind as well?

“... Your employers dumped you here with the same purpose as us.” Gordon frowned and turned to him, as the government man glanced down to the other, deep eyes trying to find a reason to believe that this was a mistake.

It had to be - why was he sent on this ship with the same idea in mind to happen to him? Why didn’t his employers just kill him straight then and there - or during a time when he was most vulnerable? After all, he was weak at this current time; he lacked his usual abilities, such as time travel, or moving in between certain dimensions. The only thing he was left behind was the process of transferring his physical mind into a mnemonic realm. Places he’s been or remembered, and able to shift it to what fits his desire.

They took the essentials. Venting in, Gordon had then turned back towards the door, as he felt that conversation could absolutely wait. Alyx began sobbing inside, curling her fingers around the surgical tool as she wanted to gouge herself, something to end it quickly, to end the suffering as rapidly as possible.

“Alyx, Alyx, Alyx, I know how you’re feeling right now, and I’m upset about this too. We had every right to know about this information in the beginning, and it’s okay to feel hopeless. But right now, I need you to focus on me. Look at me, okay?” Gordon lightly tapped the window, watching as hazel eyes glanced to him, tears pouring down her cheeks - body shaking with fear and uncertainty. Russell continued working on the door, growling lightly as the wires weren’t acting the way that they were supposed to.

“We’re not going to die. I’m not going to let you die. Nor Eli, nor Dr. Kleiner, nor Barney, nor Russell-- nor anybody else for that matter. We always think of a plan to get out of these situations, and this is no different. We all have to work together to get ourselves out, and we can’t do that without you. You’re smart, talented, and we could all use a hero like you.” Gordon glanced down to Russell as a signal for time.

“ _ 5 minutes. _ ” He whispered and motioned for Gordon to keep talking, lightly biting down on the screwdriver as the physicist returned his vision to the window. Hearing someone else come up to them, Alek watched as Kleiner and Eli had come to assess the situation, wondering why everyone was gathered at such a location. He glanced up at the captain, giving a glare as he then peeked over the bearded scientist’s shoulder once he drew near. 

“Alyx. Honey, open the door.”

“ **_Don’t make things worse. Gordon can handle it._ ** ”

“That’s my daughter in there you bastard. I don't believe you have anything to--”

“--Enough! Both of you! Shut the  _ hell _ up!” Gordon had glanced to the both of them, as they were taken aback by the physicist’s words. Of course, the tense situation was getting to him, however he knew he couldn’t focus his attention on them. Alek and Eli had glanced to each other before snapping their vision away, watching as the physicist looked inside the window.

“Keep talking to me Alyx. Do you remember when I first arrived at your dad’s lab? I had to go on foot, across dirty, headcrab infested canals to get there. Do you remember?” Alyx vented in as the other spoke to her, still clutching hard onto the surgical tool as she remembered Black Mesa East. Tucked away on the other side of the hydroelectric dam.

“And you remember when your dad said I broke your record? I think that was a lie. You are way more quicker than I would ever be. Because when you set your mind to something, you accomplish it just like that,” Gordon had snapped, venting in as his palms and fingers were wet from nervousness. It was true, the physicist was sweating, increasingly so, as he watched the blade in Alyx’s hand move and threaten to cut into her skin. 

“That was when you also introduced me to D0g, right? In the scrapyard, we were playing catch with the Gravity Gun. Remember how I was trying to shoot three-pointers with his ball, and he kept blocking me?” 

“... yeah…”

“Those were fun times, right? We can definitely have those moments again. D0g’s down in storage too, right? All we have to do is reactivate him and find a Combine roller mine. I’m sure there’s plenty down there to hack into. Just imagine, you and me tossing as many roller mines - D0g wouldn’t know what to do within himself. In fact, he’d probably be so excited it’ll be hard to keep up with him.”

“ Then after you’re done playing, I’ll make you a club sandwich! ” Russell chimed in, holding up two fingers to signify that he just needed two more minutes before they would be allowed inside. Gordon nodded and looked back to Alyx, giving her a small smile at the thought.

“Russell will make us club sandwiches. I heard you wanted them before. Well, now you’ll get to truly experience some home cooking. What do you say?” Gordon lightly felt his shoulder get touched as the government man motioned that the door was now unlocked and could be opened. Inhaling in deep, the physicist then motioned everyone to back off as he opened the door, watching it slowly come up and reveal the damage within. 

The cabinets, the various glass medicine bottles, the ceiling light over the examination table, a few medical berths… stuff that could easily be replaced. However, the life that caused such destruction would never be replaceable, not by a longshot. Slowly stepping inside and feeling the glass crunch underneath his boots, Gordon kept his eyes on Alyx, not making any sudden moves towards her, as she still held the surgical blade within her hand, fingers curled tight around the handle. Tenderly, the physicist then began to raise his hand to her.

“... It’s going to be okay. We’re going to get out of this, like we always do… Give me the knife…” Watching from the door frame, Eli vented in worryingly, lightly picking at the paint as his daughter cowered away some from Gordon, before eventually calming down and shakily handing him the sharp tool. Once it was out of her hands, the physicist had thrown it away and hugged the other, letting her sob into his shoulder, kneeling to the floor as she was weak and frightened. The crew on the outside all collectively sighed as the situation was finally under control. 

Eli had entered inside and moved over to the two, taking hold of his daughter to hold and comfort as she cried. Letting go of them, Gordon had then stood up and glanced around the mess that was created, looking as Barney came in to turn tables and beds upward, dusting glass off of them. The very least, they needed to take care of Alyx, as she was still bleeding from a cut.

Once the bed was cleaned free of glass, Eli had brought her to it, moving to clean and bandage her hand, likened to when she was a child and scraped her knee. It was going to sting a little, but at least it wasn’t much worse than it needed to be. Gordon helped alongside Barney to sweep up much of the glass within the room, placing the broken ceiling lightly onto a cart with other bigger pieces of debris. If anything, they could potentially recycle these materials for other uses; spare parts. 

“I’m sorry dad…”

“It’s alright, sweetheart.” Eli had comforted her again, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he wrapped up her hand, tenderly locking the bandages in place with a clip. Looking back at them, Gordon then turned his attention towards Alek, as he was finally getting the medical attention he needed as well - Judith applied some medicine to the corner of his lip, before advising him to avoid smiling too widely unless he wanted to open up the wound again. 

Which would be easy; Alek wasn’t the type to smile either way. Was he? Gordon couldn’t recall if he’s ever seen the government man smile. Perhaps once, but it was of a more… well, menacing approach. Now the captain was as stoic as he could ever be. Deep blue eyes watched as Dr. Mossman took off her latex gloves to throw them away, as she was deciding to head out once the job was done. Going back to sweeping up the mess with Barney, Gordon didn’t notice the pale man watching him in his work, becoming what he had previously been before - an observer.

It was getting late, by their standards, and no doubt everyone would like to rest after an eventful day. Eli had left to discuss things with Judith, upon the message she deciphered from supposedly Alek’s employers as he too wanted to have a listen. Barney had taken the large debris downstairs, leaving Russell, Alek, and Gordon to watch over Alyx as she tried to rest. Russell was just explaining old stories to her about the old world, occupying her mind with something else other than the morbid thoughts that were going through everyone else’s minds.

Gordon was leaning against the wall with crossed arms, lightly smiling to himself as he too was intrigued with the stories the decryptor was telling her. There was one about the supposed legend of a giant ape man occupying certain woods, in certain countries - leaving everyone to believe that there was a link to humans and their evolution through the evidence of such a cryptid. Of course, Russell didn’t like the term ‘Bigfoot’ as it felt like it was demeaning towards a creature. Instead, he took it upon himself to name it  _ Daryl _ , leaving Alyx to laugh some from the name. 

The bearded scientist couldn’t help but to let out a snort of his own, lightly clearing his throat as he tried not to impede too much on their conversation. Russell smiled some before lifting his head to the physicist, still holding Alyx’s hand as she laid in the medical bed. 

“ You can head off now. I’ve got it. ”

“You sure?” Getting a nod in confirmation, Gordon then smiled softly to the both of them, before deciding to head out. He bid them goodnight as he approached the door, pressing the panel that was repaired from the manual override and back to normal. Or at least, the new normal.

Alek had left alongside Freeman, as he felt it would be simply awkward staying inside with two people he didn’t have nearly enough personal conversation with yet. Depending on Alyx’s previous notion of blaming him for everything going on, he was sure she didn’t need a grim reminder hanging around. At least someone was still inside to watch over her, in case her behavior changed again. Once the door had closed behind them, the bearded scientist took a deep breath as it was another crisis averted, at least for now.

“... I’m glad nothing happened. She must have felt terrified when she heard that information.” Lightly crossing his arms, Gordon quietly moved away from the door, just so their discussion didn’t flow back into the wrong crowd’s ears again. Alek gave a gentle hum, glancing up at the security cameras within the hall before deep blue eyes returned to gaze at the Freeman.

“ **_Were you?_ ** ”

“... To be honest, yes. I was not expecting this mission to be… well, anything but. Though, I couldn’t enter my own stage of panic when trying to calm down another from making a big mistake. I didn’t… I didn’t want to cause a chain reaction, that’s why. If one goes, then we all do, over time. Then, I would truly know that I failed.” 

“ **_... You yelled at me._ ** ”

“I know… I’m sorry but, I just couldn’t have you get into it with Eli at a time like that. It was very irresponsible for the both of you, and honestly it pissed me off. Alyx was on the verge of  _ killing herself _ and you two wanted to go straight back into fighting about nonsense. And before you say something, let me say it first - I don’t  _ care _ who started it. I ended it.” Gordon held up a finger to prevent the other from talking as he continued, leaving Alek to stand there with his mouth partly opened, eventually closing it completely.

The two had stood there in silence, vaguely hearing Russell continue on with one of his stories within the med. bay, making Alyx laugh and stay calm. Of course, the worry was still there - that even living on Elysium to escape the black hole wouldn’t prove useful either. This entire planetary system was on the verge of being swallowed, and would only a matter of time before they would begin to feel the effects. Hidden in plain sight; a monster in the dark.

“ **_I want to commend you for your courage of talking Ms. Vance down from her emotional high. A stressful situation like that deserves an award, however in this current moment of time, I’m afraid material possessions such as a trophy or badge mean nothing. As your… captain, I am impressed. A man of science risking all for the purpose of others’ well-being._ ** ”

“... They’re my family now. The only kind I’ve got left. I’d do anything for them, to keep them alive. While I appreciate the gesture, I don’t consider myself courageous. Something that I did should be common sense; lending a hand or ear out for someone experiencing a tough situation means everything to the person involved… I would know. I experienced what she experienced  _ many times _ while at Black Mesa. I was unsure if my life was ever going to last in that place.” Gordon inhaled and crossed his arms, glancing down to the scuffed boots of his uniform. Upon his jumpsuit, was one clamped handprint of blood.

“It was either I die by others’ or my own hand. And believe me… the latter came up more often than I’d like. I imagined that… probably in alternate realities, I did do such a thing. In various ways, probably - either by accident or willingly; to test out how it feels, or just to end it all and save myself the trouble. Every death I saw, enemy or ally, and every pool of blood I saw in a random place, I would think that somehow that blood belonged to me at some point in time.” Gordon stared down at the tiled floor, still hearing those occasional, ghostly screams of death within that facility. Of course, he knew it was inside his head; but the trauma was still there.

“You may think it hasn’t really affected us, but it has. In many more ways than you think. We were forced to adapt to extreme circumstances, and had just barely made it out, or avoided it. At least, the people who we cared about. The rest that made it out, such as Breen, we were angry. With the way he handled things, and was a puppeteer for City 17 under the rule of the Combine. But to be honest, a small part of me believed that he didn’t want this either.” Lightly pacing the hall, the physicist avoided going too close to the medical bay’s door, so as not to disturb Alyx as she might be already asleep. 

“I mean… who would expect this to happen? First one alien race piles in through the open rift, then another bigger alien empire files in like nothing. Complete takeover of Earth in 7 Hours, then complete reign for two decades afterwards - with Breen supposedly in charge. That’s… to me it’s asinine. He was just a face for the people, in hopes to discourage the resistance from ever rising up and promising them false hope of a better future. Yeah, I’m sure people would disagree, but it’s just the way I feel.” The bearded scientist vented in deep, rubbing the ridge of his nose once he had taken off his glasses to cure the headache that began to suppress him, likely occurring due to exhaustion. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had a good sleep.

“Yes, Breen’s a big bastard, but he wasn’t the person we needed to worry about. And now… we have a new person to worry about. Not the Combine, but your employers. They sent us on a destruction path - and yes,  _ us. _ You included. Without your abilities to help you out, I’m afraid you’re just as screwed as the rest of my coworkers.” Alek watched the other pace, deep ocean blue eyes tracing along Freeman's face before he had worn his glasses again.

“ **_So what is the plan?_ ** ”

“... I don’t know. I don’t think any of us are thinking of any plan at this current moment. We’re just in a…  _ gray phase. _ Standing around, hopelessly, maybe wondering if an opening can present itself to us and we can finally get this shitshow on the road. We either speed up the process of our death or toughily evade it. In the meantime… anything goes. Whatever we feel like doing, I believe we should just do it.” Gordon lightly sighed before glancing up to the government man as he had slowly approached him, Oxfords echoing in the empty corridor. Lightly backing up some, the Freeman blinked as the other was rather close to him, before eventually looking as his hand was tenderly grabbed and held. 

“ **_... What do you want, Mr. Freeman?_ ** ”

“... I don’t know.”

“ **_This may be the last moment of our lives to where you can be selfish. In my stance - I believe I should receive your answer to my question that I asked, a previous time ago._ ** ”

“... What question?”

“ **_A question if either of us are to remain strictly captain and crew member… or something more._ ** ” Feeling his cheeks burn upon the realization, Gordon vented in lightly as forest-green eyes drifted upwards to gaze behind him, spotting the security camera already fixated on their position. Watched like a hawk; a completely unnerving feeling. Soon, fingers had come to the other’s chin, to get the Freeman to focus on the government man alone, instead of who could be potentially watching. 

“I…” Forest eyes stared up at deep ocean blue, the heartbeat within his chest forever growing with intensity as the other was close to him. Lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, the Freeman vented in sharply before softening his expression. He couldn’t hide it anymore; the man before him had either changed or the physicist himself did. Regardless, the question still lingered.

Yes, or no?

“... Goddammit,  _ yes _ .” Gordon whispered the last word, feeling his mind practically melt as those fingers returned to his cheek once more. However, one thought had managed to break through such intimacy that filed in, as Alek began to slowly lean in towards the other. The Freeman hitched his breath and panicked, moving away from the other as the overwhelming sensation of being surveillanced was unbearably strong, causing the physicist to walk down the hall with fear. 

The government man tracked him with his eyes before following suit, turning the corner after the other and grasping onto his arm to pull him back and press the bearded scientist against the wall. Staring up at the other in surprise, Gordon swallowed dryly, forest-green eyes maintaining their gaze with deep ocean blue. Before the fear of words could be exchanged, the Freeman soon closed his eyes as his lips were gathered in a passionate kiss. 

It felt as if the long drought had finally been relieved; Gordon wrapped his arms around the other’s backside as he was pressed against the wall. If anyone were to see them now, surely would cause alarm - yet with it being late in the supposed evening, most likely everyone was catching up on some much-needed sleep. 

Lightly running his fingers through the other’s hair, Alek had placed a leg between Freeman’s, grasping onto his wrists to lock him up against the wall, not intending for him to escape out of his hold this time. Like music to his ears, the government man moaned back to the other once they came up for air of the sporadic kissing, drier than the New Mexican desert. 

Tenderly nuzzling the side of his face, the captain had then pulled away from pinning Gordon to the wall, interlocking their fingers together in a warm embrace as he led him down the hall. Unsure of where they were going, the Freeman followed anyway, feeling as if time had slowed for them. They had passed the cafeteria, the laboratories, and ascended a stairway; no doubt their direction was being monitored closely upon where they intended to go.

Words were never spoken, no sounds escaped them other than the out-of-sync footfalls of their boots and Oxfords moving along the tiled floor. Each corridor looked the same, like a practical maze if one wasn’t used to such a location. Now that they lived among this place, it was like clockwork, and a deep habit - where everything was at, and what spaces were filled with what.

However, it never occurred to Freeman that he checked the upper decks.

The thrum of the Undulatus’ reactor engines were barely audible from this floor, providing a gentle lull for anyone who occupied the rooms. It seemed like Alek was the only one to live among it. Gordon remembered the first time he and the government man met. He was definitely a stoic individual, a man of cryptic messages, someone who knew certain plans and knew them well. So mysterious in his work, and even after hell and high water, he remained close to his previous self. 

Stoic, mysterious; but now there was something else. The way he treated Freeman, was  _ way  _ different that he had been ever treated before by him. He  _ cared _ about him, tried to break him out of his shell, albeit in a menacing way. In comparison to the passive-aggressive nature he had towards him. Sure, his employers were probably watching him 24/7, and strictly conformed him into a certain behavior for the purpose of getting what they needed.

He didn’t know why he saved him, when the Borealis was ripped to shreds.

He had every right to leave him behind, to suffer his injuries or the like, while he escaped with the remaining resistance members. Yet now, they needed each other more than ever; without him, they didn’t stand a chance against the Combine back on Earth, and he made the request to his employers to keep their lives going. 

But now he was in the same boat as they were.

Stripped of his abilities, and thrown into this doomed ship like he was nothing; a piece of trash that held no use to keep around. Deep down, Gordon wondered what spurred his employers to throw their most valuable employee away. Have they found a suitable replacement? Someone who got the job done with rapid ease and didn’t make a fuss when certain situations called for it? While it may seem like they would never get their answer, the Freeman’s mind was brought to other matters.

Lips were soon pressed against his, as if they had missed him in the time it took to get to the upper levels, being pressed against the wall once more. Gordon took notice to only one camera, however, his mind was drawn back to the man that loomed over him - yet, with hardly any intimidation tactic.

But with desire.

A desire that began to burn within his deep blue eyes, illuminating to their familiar glow as he kept the Freeman pinned against the wall. Soon, the government man had leaned over some to press the code to his room upon the door panel, waiting for his room to finally acknowledge his arrival. The door had opened, and soon Alek had brought the other inside.

Kicking the door close as a sort of curse to the cameras that peeked into their privacy.


	15. The Response

There was no exchangement of words.

Within that quaint bathroom came the faint sound of kissing, as the white noise of the shower limited just how much of their private moment could be shared with the world. Steam shielded the two bodies within; clothes riddled on the tiled floor without a care - stripped and discarded in previous moments of their intimacy. They had retreated into the chamber, as it felt like the most private place for them to discuss and delve into the love they had missed. Missed and desired, Alek had pressed the other against the wall, hair soaked and slicked back along with the Freeman’s, as his lips sought to present themselves along his cheek and jaw.

The water cascaded down their nude bodies, intertwining into thick streams along their skin as the droplets rolled into the drain below. Hands delicately placed on the government man’s back, forest-green eyes kept themselves closed, feeling the other’s lips drag along the nape of his neck with affection. No doubt markings would be left behind, however Gordon didn’t care. The physicist glanced up to Alek once he had risen from his neck, a tender look to be exchanged before their lips had met again, and the Freeman’s arms tightened around the other’s backside. 

Likened to a corrected drought in the driest desert, Freeman couldn’t help but to release a moan from his mouth once the government man had cupped his waist, fingers lightly pressing into his skin to squeeze - as if to deliver a teasing tickle. Indeed, the physicist felt his nerves twitch from such a touch, causing Gordon to release a hitched breath once they finally came up for air. A look was exchanged to the other, as if scolding him for the stimulation; Alek remained teasing, a small smirk to curl along his lips. Enticing or influenced, the bearded scientist had smirked back - warmth spreading along his cheeks. Sure, the shower was about as hot as it could get, and could provide the main excuse for why he was reddened - yet there was no need to feel shy. Not now.

They were both nude, pressed against each other as the kisses returned, only more passionate and willing for this intimate moment to continue into further events. In need, Alek had pressed himself more against Gordon, feeling the other’s arms wrap around his backside to end their distance even more. Desired, needed, wanted with such intensity. Lips trailed along to the corner of his mouth, before swiftly trailing downward to his cheek and jaw, and eventually the nape. After all the exposure to the cameras, the bureaucratic man was finally able to express such sensations towards the other without fear. 

As if he feared it to begin with.

Not for himself, but for the other. Gordon had taken much of the brunt of force, and now to cater to him felt like storm clouds parted. Yes, they were not out of the woods yet - with a lingering threat over their heads in the form of a darkened pit; a hungry beast with no mercy to devour each and every one of them. He mentally cursed his employers, yet those thoughts were drawn away upon the moan that rose from Freeman’s throat, tongue tenderly tracing the skin indentations.

Like himself, the physicist was a canvas on his own - freckled, scarred from past events that had yet to disappear with time. And in this current time, Alek presented attention to them, lips and tongue weaving between actions of kissing and licking - to imagine those wounds to have never occurred in the first place. Gordon flushed within that heat as the government man moved lower, lips tracking over his pectorals and abdomen, before those deep blue eyes caught sight to the main wound that seemingly had yet to heal. 

Most likely had occurred during the moment of Eli Vance’s supposed and unsupposed death. The Advisors were relentless, a major embarrassment to come across in his moments of observance. Alek glanced momentarily up to the Freeman before he had lowered himself to his knees, pressing his lips ever-so delicately against that wound, leaving Gordon to hitch his breath in slight surprise and sore pain; sensitivity. Forest-green eyes gazed down to the bureaucrat, as he gently licked over the wounds, hoping to cure him of that twinge, before directing his attention to other places.

Alek lightly nipped the skin around his groin, in a teasing manner - hardly a desire to rush into the main event. A quiet hum of pleasure mixed with arousal left the physicist to lean his head against the wall, slicking his hair back to coax the water to fall a certain way that dripped from his strands. Once his tongue had been reintroduced, it snaked to the base of his member, causing Gordon to gasp in surprise. Lips had followed the curve of his tongue before eventually suckling along the length - gentle and teasing. Fingers curled into fists as he pressed his back to the wall, watching the government man deliver endearment to his groin.

Erect, and had been for the past several minutes of their intimacy, Gordon shivered hard as Alek’s hands caressed and held his thighs, teasingly trailing up to his hips afterwards. Mouth now wrapped around him, the physicist glanced up to the ceiling lightly, face glistening with sweat and leftover water droplets from the cascading shower. The other didn’t bob his head, but rather let his tongue caress and fondle the underside of his base, trailing slowly upwards towards the tip. Trembling with pleasure and excitement, another moan left Freeman’s throat, abdomen clenching and flexing as the sensation drew more aroused thoughts to rock his mind.

A hand moved to Alek’s shoulder, nails digging into his own freckled skin; likened to a galaxy in the perpetual cosmos. Scarred, however, faded from those past years of war. Gordon lightly pushed on the other to refrain him from overstimulation, gazing down to the government man as he slowly moved his mouth off of his tip, licking his lips to wipe any remaining saliva. Inhaling in deep, the bearded scientist then lightly pulled on his shoulder to get him to stand. Following his motions, the bureaucrat loomed partly over the other, being brought into another meaningful kiss. 

Moving in between the Freeman’s legs, the captain curled his hands around the backside of his thighs, swiftly picking him up and holding him against the wall. Eyes locked with desire, deep blue eyes held minimal illumination as his own member poked and prodded his opening, twitching with the same alliteration. Desire, want, need. Alek stared to the other, as if awaiting such an option before he would continue - to which Freeman softly nodded and curled one leg around the other’s waist for better support. The government man angled himself before eventually pressing in, venting in at the tight warmth that caressed his intrusion.

Slowly closing his forest eyes, Gordon let out a small breath of hot air, as the shower chamber began to flood the entire bathroom with that same erotic passion. At first, there was pain - he had never been with another; never had the strange yet endearing urge, and especially with the government man. Sex wasn’t a priority in his mind, hardly ever was during his 27 years of life. Urges, perhaps, curiosity, but never sought out to get a partner. How the other managed to sway him, only left more questions than answers. 

Palms tingled as he tenderly gripped onto the other, inhaling deeply as Alek slowly entered him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder to distract from the slight pain. To hear the other release his own breath within that heat, left Gordon to tremble, feeling sweat mixed with recycled water to drip down his face.

It was like music to his ears.

A kiss came to his right cheek, as Alek shifted forward for a better angle, hands moving to re-adjust to his bottom for better support as he pinned him up against the wall. Properly seated within, the government man returned his gaze to his partner, slowly beginning to move his hips in an upward motion. Mouth steadily turned agape as he felt the other slide within, brows furrowing at the slow movements. Breath hitched and produced, Gordon lightly dug his nails into the other as the pain slowly began to subside - only returning fruitful, tabooed pleasure in his lower abdomen. 

Alek didn’t dare to haste - as it was to get him used to it, avoiding to hurt the other and diminish such an intimate moment they both deserved. Lips soon returned to drag and kissed along the bearded scientist’s neck, deep blue eyes softened their expression as he gazed to the man pinned against the wall. To him, sexual relations seemed primitive, something he’d never indulge in even if it meant to strike a deal with particular individuals.

It was a strange activity he witnessed, almost laughable in a sense that the human resistance felt  _ required _ to have it. Their facial expressions mid-coitus were practically consisting of pain, rather than the pleasure it was meant to have. The only reason he finally understood the pleasure was the use of their words. Asking for more,  _ begging _ for that cascade of release. Alek perked upon the sound that released from Gordon’s mouth; a quiet breath, the motions to his nether regions spreading arousal likened to the goosebumps on his skin. The government man felt  _ intrigued _ , settling his chin on Freeman’s shoulder as he tried to make the other produce the same noise he had done.

“ _ Alek _ …” The physicist whispered, causing the bureaucratic man to perk once more, his member twitching within that tight heat. The way he called his name, that  _ begging _ tone, was this what the humans were referring to? Knowing that he could pleasure the other, with little effort, and in a short timespan - perhaps he was correct in his motions? Alek pressed his lips along the other’s neck and shoulder, closing his eyes as he too was feeling the effects of the prolonged exposure to heat from the shower and arousal. 

The motions carried such an ethereal meaning, as Alek then pressed his forehead to the other, escaping that heat momentarily and into one of the many nirvana his mind could sprout in the heat of the moment. A sandy beach with a cosmic shore, or the same lush green forest he had shown him before.

Standing in the middle of that field, nude, uncaring of such exposure, Alek tenderly gazed back at Freeman’s face, watching his green eyes dart everywhere before eventually returning back to the deep ocean blue. He released another moan before swiftly wrapping his arms around the government man’s backside, still dripping with the water of their hot shower. Now, they were in an environment much cooler in temperature - allowing for the spread of goosebumps throughout their body. Toes lightly clenched the dirt beneath them, as the bureaucrat had a tough time suppressing the overwhelming pleasure that coursed through his veins.

The environments began to change as a side-effect, exchanging from the lush forest, to the city skyline balcony, before eventually collectively merging with one another. Dirt now replaced with that sand, Alek had slowly lowered them, laying the Freeman flat against it, panting lightly as the sediment began to stick to their nude and drenched bodies. The gentle sea breeze that came from off-shore left shivers to crawl up their spines; the government man returned to thrusting into the other, hands placed underneath Gordon’s arms. 

Legs still wrapped around his waist, the physicist tilted his head back, fingers digging into the other’s forearms as he held on, promptly guided to push back into the other’s motions. Heightened sounds escaped his mouth, with Alek following suit, a spark of arousal as he pleasured the other on that mix of beach, forest, and remnants of the old world. How… how could this be? How was he feeling such a heightened sensation such as this? He was only engaging in a pointless activity, yet it was almost as if that was the greatest thing he’s ever done. Better than any deal - an impact unknown.

“ _ Alek… _ ”

“ **_Again… say it again._ ** ”

“Oh  _ god, Alek. _ ” He felt feverish, a raised internal temperature making his body weary and unaccounted for as pleasure rocked in waves within. Pressure began building within the lower regions of his stomach, yet Alek felt it was going to end all too soon. He then moved to loom over the other, a few inches from his lips as the sensation threatened to finally spill over; the physicist pushed back into the other’s thrusts, forest eyes clenched as his veins were burning before eventually cooling like ice. 

Their orgasm came without much warning, as Alek gripped onto the other, arms wrapping around Freeman as it came as a bit of a sudden shock; his body unable to process what sensation coursed through him. He stuffed his face into Gordon’s shoulder, who was enduring his own spout of ecstasy, yet who had taken time to worryingly look over to the other. He doubted such a mysterious character endured such a stir towards intimacy - or at least hadn’t for a very long time.

Returned to the shower upon the ship they were forced to live in, the water that cascaded from the showerhead rinsed much of that sediment and dirt off of their bodies, as they were now presented on the floor of that chamber. Panting lightly from the exhausting dispense of energy, Gordon lightly touched the back of Alek’s head, lightly running his fingers through his wet hair, sighing in content. Before he could speak his name however, the Freeman gasped in surprise as another thrust came to him, leaving him to twitch at the leftover pleasure in his nether regions.

“W-Wait… I… it’s too hot in here to do it again… I-I feel like I’m going to faint.” Gordon vented in heavily, as the bathroom was now full of steam, hardly providing much sight for maneuvering. True, he did feel a bit weary from such heat; Alek then reached over to turn the faucets off, leaving them in the silence of gentle dripping, water spiraling into the drain of oblivion. Once the other had pulled out of his body, the Freeman gazed up at the government man, watching him sit up on his knees while the bearded scientist remained laying on the tiled floor.

Offering support to help him up, Alek gazed to his partner as he slowly stood, balancing on wobbly knees before straightening himself out. Shower chamber now opened for them to escape the wet environment, a small blush mixed with heat spread along Gordon’s cheeks as the government man placed a towel over his head, tenderly massaging his fingers along the fabric to collect excess water. An intimate moment shared that he didn’t expect to come from such a man. A small smile curled along the captain’s lips as he dried the Freeman off, before eventually moving to work on himself, wiping some sediment still stuck on his skin.

Once they were relatively dried and cleaned, both had locked in a tender gaze. Had their moment ended so quickly? Was this all there was? Alek stared down at the other momentarily before illuminated eyes returned, eventually dropping the towel and moving to pick up the Freeman, causing the other to gasp in slight surprise as he was carried out of the steamed bathroom and into cooler air. It was clear he was hardly done with the physicist, yet Gordon felt a spark of excitement. He couldn’t stop a grin from forming along his face, lightly lulling his head back before pressing it against the other’s, a small chuckle of bashfulness to escape his heart. 

Was this what it was like to be in love and not have a care in the world?

Before he could speak any words upon where he was being taken, Gordon was then dropped down onto the government man’s bed, bouncing some with the recoil as he was practically thrown onto it. Sitting up onto his forearms, Gordon watched as Alek stood there - poised, intimidating, yet his face suggested he was  _ hardly _ angered at the bearded scientist. Instead, it was a look of desire; animal-like, stalking his prey. Forest-green eyes slowly trailed down their sight to the other’s body as he proudly presented his nude glory; exposed.

Inhaling lightly with arousal, the Freeman then blinked and glanced off to his left as the hue of the lights turned from a subtle purple to a lustrous red, as the lights upon the ceiling dimmed to let that red spread along the walls, as well as their toned frames. Those illuminated eyes still made known of their desire, Alek had then slowly approached the bed with a stride, fingers curling into fists as he crawled onto the mattress, causing it to sink from the added weight. Lightly scooting back as the other came to loom over him, the Freeman softened his expression as their gaze locked once more.

He felt bewitched, tempted, yet never intimidated. In fact, he felt the opposite; cared for. While the look in his eyes spoke of intimate relations to occur, there was never a small glint of anything hostile. A total difference to how he once was, a past self now gone with the past. Hair was slicked back, an attractiveness that sprouted more feelings deep within the Freeman’s heart. He was going to miss this. 

The thought of their death to occur within the next foreseeable future came to the front of his mind - threatening to reduce Gordon into a state of uncertainty and panic. Within that dim, loved light, came the glistening of tears, of which Alek had swiftly moved to kiss them away, tenderly cupping the physicist’s face to have the other focus on him and him alone. The fear that struck left Freeman to tremble, before he eventually took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He surveyed the other’s own eyes, before his mouth finally opened.

“ _ Make love to me… _ ” The physicist whispered, leaving Alek to blink in slight surprise to such a request. Love wasn’t a phrase he heard often; sure, the humans he observed before would speak of it here and there to their other half - but he never understood it’s meaning. Nonetheless, with the tenderness Gordon had shown him through expressions alone, the government man felt compelled to show him just how much he meant to him. Softly trailing his hands from the other’s face down to his shoulders, Alek had slowly pressed his lips to his neck, delivering kisses to melt away any tension left within him.

Forest-green eyes closed to the light sensation, listening to the quiet thrum of the Undulatus’ engines, drifting ever so closer towards the problem they would eventually have to refer back to. No doubt the crew was trying to come up with ways to avoid another catastrophe, yet now… in this current hour of supposed evening, Gordon wanted to forget those moments of trepidation. He followed the guidance of the other’s push to get him to lay upon the mattress, feeling Alek’s tongue return to the skin of his neck, leaving behind small patches of red as he suckled and kissed along. 

Lifting his hands to settle upon Alek’s shoulders, the physicist moaned lightly as those morbid thoughts were tossed from the dark pit of his psyche, replacing them with the gentle tone of music. Music that never played amongst that room, yet loud enough to mistake it was. Forest eyes slowly re-opened to gaze at the government man, as he shifted closer to him, his own hand moved to adjust the position of Freeman’s leg, becoming properly seated between them.

Lightly hitching his breath upon the re-entry to his nether regions, Gordon inhaled deeply in relief as Alek held their observance to one another, pressing further into the other until he could no longer. Heartbeat now present in his ears, the Freeman lightly teased his fingers along the government man’s backside, lips rejoined in a gentle fit of passion. A passion deeply missed, and needed in certain moments that called for it. Words never exchanged, it was as if the other knew what he needed from him; a sense of security. 

Alek slithered his arms underneath the bearded scientist’s back, fingers lightly curling along his shoulders as he loomed over him, hips beginning a gentle movement. No haste, no rush - an intimate moment deserved to elongate at times like this. Removing his lips from the other, Gordon breathed out softly upon the pleasure that began to fill his body, wrapping his legs around the other’s thighs to guide him deeper. Pressing against the right folds, or desired spots left that music to emit louder, yet still held it’s soft key and tone. Intending not to blow out his eardrums, but rather to produce a relaxation effect - and it  _ was _ relaxing.

Gordon couldn’t release any words or loud moans from Alek’s thrusts, only short breaths of air and the tilt of his head to sink further into the pillow behind him. Hair still damp, yet not caring if it soaked into the sheets below them. Red hue cascaded down their bodies, exposing the curvature of such muscles they had come to acquire over the years.

Swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, the Freeman let out an audible moan as the other pressed into a particular spot, leaving Alek to angle his hips to hit such a place again, managing to do so upon a few tries. Hands then tenderly removed from the physicist’s shoulders and traced up and down Gordon’s thighs, fingers lightly curling along the skin as the government man angled himself. Thrusts presenting pleasure in waves along his frame, produced the byproduct of sweat. He intended to last longer than they did before in the shower, yet the shivers that ran down his spine proved difficult. 

Exchanging the tender and loving kisses, Gordon moaned lightly as their faces were within inches of each other, breath growing hot and shallow as pressure began to build between them. It was hard to contain one coherent thought within his mind, as Alek stared to the other to guide them into a fit of upcoming ecstasy. Forest-green eyes locked with deep ocean blue; no words spoken other than the poetry laced within their sight. 

Heat radiated off their bodies within that cold interior - of course the Undulatus had lacked a proper heating system for them. Nonetheless, they remained at a comfortable temperature, despite the goosebumps spreading along their arms and chest. A response to the pleasure and stimulation, rather than the environment. Red still cascaded along their frame, yet Freeman's vision spotted more than that. Colors he had never seen before, outlining the man above him as his thrusts never ceased their loving rhythm. 

Cocking his head to the side, Alek pressed his lips along Gordon’s neck once more, nipping lightly at the skin in a teasing manner, exhaling hot air as pleasure and pressure built in their lower abdomens. Gordon dug his fingernails into the other’s shoulders as the government man began to chase after their climax. Tears returned to the physicist’s eyes, causing the bureaucrat to quickly kiss them away and press their foreheads together.

“ _ Alek… _ ”

“ **_I know_ ** .” Wrapping his arms around his backside, Gordon lightly sniffled as the fear had sprouted itself once more, planting that seed of uncertainty of their future. Cupping the Freeman’s face, thumbs had tenderly wiped the excess tears away, maintaining the consistent thrusts to seek completion. Pressure built and threatened to spill, yet Alek tried to beat the odds of ending their session too quickly. He didn’t want it to end, as he contemplated pulling out to spare them the details.

Yet, with Freeman’s legs wrapped around his waist, left that option out in the open. Locked in place, begged and pulled further closer to the other to obtain the deepness of intimacy. Thoughts were now blurred and undetermined of their meaning, the pleasure sending them into a full passionate connection of desire. Hips rolled faster into the other, the faint smacking of their skin barely audible with the same strength of the music that filled their heads.

“ _ A-Alek… _ ”

“ **_Oh Gordon…_ ** ” Hearing the other speak his first name, Gordon moaned out with desire, trembling lightly as he wanted to crash over, yet feared what would come after the final finish. Gripping the bed sheet under him, the Freeman arched his back and called out in pleasure as Alek licked along his chest, hands gripping onto the other’s hips.

He pulled him back into his sporadic thrusts, before eventually succumbing to the pleasure, twitching hard as breath became hitched and shallow, sweat glistening in that dim light and red erotic. Alek arched his back and tilted his head back, hips unconsciously rolling as he emptied inside the other, as Gordon pushed back into those same thrusts, chest heaving as the pleasure spread along him in waves. It felt electrifying - a burn that left no scar nor pain. 

Panting hard as his knees ached and threatened to make him collapse, Alek laid against the other, pelvis still unconsciously rolling into the other as if automatic, to their much-deserved orgasm to elongate it further. Such pleasure had never been experienced before, for the both of them, and only left them weary and exhausted - vision blurred at everything except each other. Lightly humming, Gordon felt the government man stuff his face into his neck, lips lightly dragging along his skin to plant sweet and loving kisses.

Forest-green eyes closed to the sensation as they tried to catch their breath, feeling his nether regions twitch from the aftermath. Soon, eyes had re-opened to gaze at the man on top of him, before his lips pressed against the side of his face in the same gentle affection he received. Fingers ran through the other’s damp hair, feeling Alek’s sweat drip onto his frame. He could tell the other was exhausted; exerting that amount of energy twice was likely something he wasn’t used to. 

Nonetheless, felt absolutely perfect.

Slowly gazing up at the other once he finally raised his head, Gordon moaned as a passionate kiss was pressed against his lips. Teasing a bit of tongue, the physicist let out an amused huff of air, lightly trailing his hands to cup the government man’s face, thumbs tenderly massaging his cheeks. Pulling back a little to save them from being asphyxiated, the Freeman curled his lips into a smile, chest heaving as his lungs tried to account for the air and energy that was lost. With a gentle whine, the bearded scientist lightly shifted as Alek pulled out of him before moving to lay next to the other.

Raising his arm, the bureaucrat lightly slicked back his damp hair, sweat glistening in that red hue, rolling and dripping down the curves of his body to soak into the sheets below. Gordon watched with a softened expression, gazing up the other’s body; how this man could seem so attractive in a small time span was beyond him. The physicist lightly bit the inside of his lip before slowly scooting closer to the other. Would he be the cuddling type? With the arm that wrapped around him, Gordon felt his uncertainty disappear with that question. 

Perhaps the government man was the intimate type with partners, or at least was learning to be. Breath now quieted to gentle ventilating, the two had remained in each other’s arms, gazing up at the ceiling as the red hue was no longer spread along those walls from the scenery. But rather, an arrangement of colors, slowly transitioning into blues, purples, greens and much more. If the captain had managed to calculate such a production, Gordon was certainly impressed. The colors weaved together like stars, dotting on the night sky, despite the bureaucrat’s room hardly having access to windows. Sure would have been nice to gaze out to the cosmos, either to broad or observe what the universe had to offer.

Offer something they didn’t want.

Perhaps Eli was right to be suspicious of the government man. However, he didn’t account that Alek himself would be also backstabbed in the process. Thrown on a ship with a one-way ticket to oblivion; what was their process for destroying their employee? What thoughts run through their minds - if they even had minds - that called for the government man’s dismissal? Was it the same process as the father Vance? Feeling that he was getting too ‘out-of-touch’ with his previous self? Saving the Freeman and Vance on the Borealis? 

If that were true, why even lend them this ship? They could have let the Combine do their bidding; would have never lifted a finger or given them supplies. No, it had come later with the decision to end them. Then again, the Freeman didn’t know what their processes were like. Quietly sighing and closing his forest-green eyes, Gordon had then reopened them upon the hand that touched his backside, glancing up to the man who he partly laid on. 

“ **_Don’t think. We’ll discuss this in the morning._ ** ” 

“...” Gordon blinked lightly before giving a nod of confirmation. He was right - if anything, this would be the only peaceful night they could get. Returning the left side of his face to the government man’s chest, the physicist sighed in content as his body still twinged with remnants of their activity, yet felt heavy and satisfied. A good night’s rest was in order, yet the Freeman couldn’t help but hear music deep within his head - familiar music. 

Definitely an old classic, however what had sparked him to think of such a song was unidentified. Lifting his head to the other, Gordon then flushed lightly as Alek pressed his lips to his forehead once he did - tenderly displaying affection within that private room. 

“... Are you doing that? That music.”

“ **_Perhaps._ ** ”

“Are you hearing the same thing?”

“ **_Yes. To guide us to better rest._ ** ” Curling his lips into a smile, Gordon had then shifted closer to the other, feeling a sheet cover their frames as the temperature within the Undulatus was now properly accounted for, due to their nude bodies. They had left their clothes in the bathroom, yet none of them felt compelled to go retrieve them. After all, they weren’t proper wear to sleep in, nor did they want to give up the comfort already presented to their closeness on the bed. 

“ **_... You don’t make odd expressions in mid-coitus._ ** ”

“Uh… thanks? Not sure why you brought that up.”

“ **_Upon my observance of your culture and people in the past, most gave off a look of… pain, that seemed rather unbeneficial to both parties._ ** ”

“People make faces to signify their feelings. By the way, you made expressions too.”

“ **_I have?_ ** ”

“Yes. And for the record, it was  _ sexy _ .” Gordon whispered the last word before grinning and closing his eyes, leaving Alek to blink in surprise before smirking lightly and quirking a brow as he glanced down at the other. He didn’t take it upon himself to make faces either, or at least during something such as what occurred. Settling into the bed with Freeman, the government man gave a gentle hum of content. If he managed to get the physicist turned on by expression alone...

Perhaps he should make faces more often.


	16. Abandoned In Place

“Alek…?” 

Lightly perking to the sound of the Freeman’s voice, deep blue eyes wearily opened to lock gaze with forest-green before focusing on the hab suite they occupied. Considerably, it was early morning, as the captain’s quarters were no longer dark, yet imitated natural sunlight to fill the room, presenting that gentleness upon the walls. Those same exhausted eyes soon glanced back to the physicist, who was looming over him some as the government man laid on his right side. He momentarily forgot that they had slept together and Gordon never returned to his own quarters. Perhaps was too exhausted and comfortable to make the decision to. 

Not that he minded. 

“Someone’s knocking on the door. I think it’s Russell.” Speaking softly, the bearded scientist lightly shifted to sit up on the bed, with Alek following automatically. He was relatively half-asleep, still, with Russell potentially knocking on the door, the government man soon made the decision to tenderly remove himself from Gordon’s hold. Wouldn’t be wise to keep him waiting - after all, the bureaucrat was the captain. If he wasn’t punctual, surely it would be suspicious. Then again, having the bearded scientist nude in his bed was already suspicious to outside eyes.

Alek had slowly got up from the bed, grabbing for a towel to cover his shame. Once it was wrapped around his waist, the government man had approached the door as it was knocked on again, and Russell’s voice spoke out from the other side. Pressing the door panel to open it, the bureaucrat looked as the decrypter was a couple of feet away, before taking a step back once he answered.

“ Sorry to wake you this early. I was wondering if you may have seen Gordon, he wasn’t in his roo-- ” Pausing his words, Russell then caught sight of Freeman, who had taken the sheet off the bed to wrap himself with, covering his shame also. Glancing over his shoulder some to the bearded scientist, Alek had then slowly gazed back at the hacker, knowing how awkward of a situation it must be to come across.

“ ... Oh. You… You’re both here. Good, I can kill two birds with one stone. The others are calling for a meeting, down in the cafeteria, based on the information that was revealed to us yesterday. They want to talk about our options and figured we need to get everyone accountable. ” Relaying the details he was given, Russell lightly rubbed the back of his head, trying to forget the thoughts running through his mind upon why Gordon and Alek were relatively naked in the same room together.

“ **_... We’ll be down in a bit._ ** ” Giving a nod of confirmation, the decryptor lingered for a moment longer before turning on his heel and heading off, leaving Alek to close the door. Lightly clenching the sheet around his waist, Gordon then stepped forward towards the government man.

“Think he’ll tell?”

“ **_... I don’t believe it matters at this point, correct? The damage has already been done._ ** ”

“You can say that again. Depending on the soreness I’m feeling right now.” Blinking lightly, Alek had slowly turned to the other, wondering if he had accidentally injured the other. However, the look on Freeman’s face said otherwise. It was the good type of pain; the pain that leaves memories of a better time. Lips lightly curled into a smile, before Gordon had gone into the bathroom to retrieve his jumpsuit, picking it up from the floor. The government man watched from the doorway, momentarily gazing over the physicist’s backside as he bent over to pick up the clothing, shaking it out to relieve it of any wrinkles. 

“ **_I do believe you should go ahead first, however. If not to limit the backfire from your colleague, then to save myself the trouble of explaining your nakedness within my bedroom._ ** ” 

“So you’re putting me in charge of revealing our relationship? Thanks a lot.” Gordon huffed in amusement as he climbed into the bulky jumpsuit, slowly pulling up the zipper to prevent it from snagging on his skin. Sure, he could head down to his own quarters and re-dress into a better, cleaner one - however, he didn’t feel it would make much of a difference. The jumpsuits they wore were uncanny in wrinkles all the same; determining if they were actually dirty or not would be hard to differentiate. 

“ **_Surely you would put it more… obscure, than I could. My words would be blunt; we had sex._ ** ” 

“And it was  _ great _ sex.” As those words escaped the Freeman’s mouth, deep blue eyes softly glinted with illumination - a desire deep within. Perhaps it carried over from last night; otherwise, the government man had released the towel from around his waist, exposing what shame he previously covered to outsiders. Gordon lightly curled his lips into a bashful yet playful smirk, watching the other slowly approach him - in the same manner he had done so yesterday. Nonetheless, the physicist had stuck a finger out to press to his chest, halting him before he could come any closer.

“As much as we could  _ definitely _ relive last night, we have work to do.”

“ **_Then perhaps it is wise for you to go on ahead first._ ** ”

“Why?”

“ **_Because if we went together, I would intend to make… pit-stops, along the way._ ** ” Grinning lightly, Gordon huffed in amusement before grabbing hold of his boots to put on, moving past the nude captain. Looking over his shoulder, Alek had mentally cursed as he couldn’t nab him in this current time. He was right, Russell and the others were expecting them - if they were any more late then perhaps the rumor would be spread even further. The bureaucrat simply retrieved his own clothes to put on, as he heard Gordon take the initiative to head out first. If the others were in the cafeteria, surely they wouldn’t notice Freeman coming out of the captain’s hab suite this early.

Then again, if Russell told them, it would be pointless to go separately. Just to respect the government man’s wishes, the Freeman had indeed left alone in the meantime, walking down the blank corridors of their supposedly doomed ship. Which had got him thinking; what ideas could he come up with to prevent the Undulatus’ locked course with death? The idea of trying to override the controls might do them good, but there was no guarantee it would actually work - if it wasn’t already sabotaged to the point where it was unrepairable.

They remained in orbit of the planet, Elysium at least. Gordon would often find himself halting in place to gaze at the green-blue planet from the windows he’d come across, stricken with it’s beauty. It was such a shame that something like this - with evidence of life upon it - would never have a chance to live out their days like their own Earth. While it was better than falling victim to the Combine empire, he couldn’t imagine a  _ lesser _ worse fate than a black hole. 

Once he had approached the café door, the Freeman hesitated to go inside; what would the mood be like? Grim? Panicked? Solemn? This was tough news to hear, yet even tougher to discuss. Taking a deep breath, Gordon had pressed the door panel to allow him inside, getting a few looks once it had opened. Alyx, Barney, Russell, Kleiner, Magnusson, Judith… they were all there except Eli. Which made him wonder - was Eli not going to join them? Did he have something else important to analyze or discover? 

Slowly moving inside to approach the table they sat at, Gordon had greeted Barney as he sat next to Alyx and Kleiner - to make sure she was secure in her emotions. She looked rested, nonetheless thankfully. After what happened, it left the Freeman in awe for her to recover so quickly. Her hand was still bandaged, among a couple of places on her face where glass had struck her from the destruction, yet she didn’t look any different from her normal expression. Though, he could sense the tension; none of them sparked the desire to talk first.

How could they even start? 

Gordon gazed around at their faces, most of them were weathered and exhausted - probably only got minimal to no sleep before they decided to call for a meeting. At least a few of them had some coffee cups on hand, to cure their tiredness or at least to  _ some _ degree. Catching sight to Russell’s look, the Freeman lightly shifted in place. He was probably wondering where Alek was.

“... Alek’s coming. He’ll be here soon. Where’s Eli?”

“ He had something to look at, and would join us later. At least, that’s what he said. ” Russell lightly crossed his arms as he stood near the table alongside Judith, while the rest of them sat at the table. The smell of coffee filled the space and silence between them, before they had all glanced to the doorway once more as it opened, revealing the government man himself; dressed, poised and proper. As if he hadn’t been a total mess from last night. Hair slicked back, perhaps to deal with the cowlicks of the morning wake. Gordon felt his heart swell with the sight of him, yet kept himself contained as the others were around. 

“ Alright, everyone’s here, or at least wants to be here. ”

“I suppose we should start with the elephant in the room. I take full responsibility for letting this information be unknown for some amount of time, and nearly caused something I had not intended to happen. I was afraid of letting it be known of our true destination because I wasn’t sure of how everyone would react. Either way, any choice I made in that matter would have proven unbeneficial.” Judith lightly stepped forward to share the explanation, glancing to Alyx momentarily with apologetic eyes before looking down at the bracelet upon her wrist. 

“ Don’t... really think that classifies as the true elephant in the room, but okay. Nice to get stuff off our chest. Anyone else? ”

“I’m sorry I worried everyone with my behavior. And made a mess of the medical bay. Went a bit crazy to be honest.” Feeling a pat on her shoulder, Alyx glanced at Barney before looking around at the rest of the group. Alek had slowly approached to sit down next to the physicist, lightly brushing a hand on his backside as he did. Lightly sitting up straight, Gordon inhaled lightly as the touch felt enticing enough already, before composing himself. 

“You had every right to react that way, Alyx. With our current situation, emotions are most probable for running high. Information revealed that way in such a manner would send any of us over the edge. We are just happy you’re still with us.” Kleiner offered his own hand to her shoulder for comfort, watching as Barney got up to make more coffee for him and her to enjoy and calm their nerves, as well as keep them awake for the discussion. 

“ The question now is what to do with that information. ”

“ **_And we are locked out of the controls for the Undulatus, correct?_ ** ”

“ That’s right. We’re stuck in the perpetual orbit of Elysium until… well,  _ that _ happens. ” Saving his morbid words from entering Alyx’s ears, Russell had slowly paced the room, before glancing to the door as it opened once more, revealing the colleague that was missing for a bit of time since their meeting had started. Eli had entered the room, garnering the silence of the room as he drew near to the table of where the group sat at. 

“The mission is still on.” 

“ Eli… ”

“ **_We’re already caught in the black hole’s gravitational field, the mission does not matter at this point._ ** ” Alek looked up to the father Vance, venting in as he received a glare in response. Eli had stepped closer over to Russell before tossing a folder down onto the table. It most likely contained readings of their excursion to Elysium, yet the look on the other’s face said differently. Hatred, anger - as if he found another reason to exile the government man.

“You knew this information too. You hid it from the rest of us so we wouldn’t suspect a thing and that there is proof.” 

“ What is it? ”

“A transcript of that recording that you supposedly deciphered from his helmet. I took the liberty of examining it myself and came across something I knew he had something to do with. Him and his damn employers having a conversation about whether or not to abandon us in place. Which depending on our near future, I’d say they agreed to move forward with it. Which means  _ you're _ responsible for placing the ideas into their heads.” Eli pointed at the government man; Alek had a feeling that the father Vance would stick his nose in his business. The bureaucrat glanced to Gordon momentarily, as he had been the one to hand off that recording to Russell and Kleiner.

Another pair of eyes was added to that mix. Gordon gazed up to Alek, almost apologetically before looking back to his colleague as he crossed his arms. Alek inhaled softly to curb his anger, looking up to Eli as he waited for the other to explain himself. What was there to explain?

“ **_I have no recollection of that conversation even happening._ ** ”

“It’s on the damn recording! Cold, hard evidence that you had a hand in dooming us all--”

“-- **_Is this an interrogation now? Do you feel proud to be a metaphorical officer of the cosmos?_ ** ”

“You  _ fucking _ son of a--”

“--Enough! Look! Obviously what happened to Alek down on EX-9880 we can probably explain, but what we  _ can’t _ explain is the fact that his employers placed him in the same situation we’re in. He lacks his abilities, lacks everything that could potentially save himself or us… from this fate. If he’s the one that came up with the idea, why is his employers throwing him to the wind too? Why bother wiping his memory?” Setting a hand on Alek’s arm to prevent them from getting into another fight, Gordon glanced up to the father Vance as he uncrossed his arms. The crew sat there quietly, a bit frozen as they weren’t sure what to do with such information. 

Coming up with the idea to destroy the resistance once and for all, even though he asked his employers to lend them the Undulatus just… didn’t seem right. And for the government man to be amongst them while they were headed for doom; was it just a ruse? That he will not actually die when they do? That he’ll be ‘plucked’ from the scene with a hard goodbye just so they could believe he was a part of their problem? Gain their trust, before doing a complete one-eighty? 

“... Are you angry with your employers? That they did this to you?” Glancing up to Alek as he kept a hand on his arm, Gordon locked gazed with him awaiting an answer from the other. Heartbeat pulsating in the back of his head, the Freeman watched as the bureaucrat then focused his sight on the table, overlooking the various swirls trapped within. It reminded him of the moment he saw within the medical bay, when they got back from that ice planet. The mirror image of himself dripping down from the ceiling to hang over his bed, reminding him of the self he once was. 

“ **_... Disappointed._ ** ”

“I thought I told you to stay away from him,” Glancing up to Eli simultaneously, Gordon then removed his hand from Alek’s arm. The government man inhaled lightly as the father Vance watched them, obviously not happy with how close they were, “Why can’t you listen to anything I say? I said to leave that boy alone if you know what’s good for you.”

“ **_I ‘ve learned to ignore such naysayers. And before you say I’ve… bewitched, him; Gordon has made his own choice. Especially last night._ ** ” Flushing lightly as Alek made mention of their togetherness, in the form of intimacy, Gordon lightly cleared his throat. Russell lightly pulled on his own collar out of awkwardness, as he too found evidence of that. Sure, he wasn’t expecting it; in fact,  _ neither _ of them were. Especially Alyx, who gave a look to Barney when he returned from getting them coffee. The former security guard did have a talk with him, about enduring a relationship with the government man, however it wasn’t his right to deny Freeman from it. 

If he wanted to date him, that wasn’t his choice to prevent it. He could tell Gordon was infatuated with the other, surprisingly - he knew how people got when they’re in love. After all, him and his former girlfriend were the same way. He saw no harm in it, or at least didn’t feel like Alek would intentionally break the other’s heart. And after the conversations they had, Alek seemed like a normal guy. In comparison to what everyone believed he was previously. 

Something otherworldly.

“I’ve had just about enough of you; how could _all of you_ be okay with him on board, knowing that he’s the reason we’re here? That the Resonance Cascade occurred because of  _ him _ , and that we’re on a path to destruction because _he_ made the suggestion to his employers?” 

“ Eli, I get that you’re angry, but we really can’t afford to fight each other. We still have yet to come up with a game plan on how to deal with the approaching black hole, and the fact that the Undulatus won’t respond to much of our controls. We… can discuss Alek and Gordon’s relationship  _ Real Housewives Reunion  _ style another time, but for now, we should hear anyone and  _ everyone’s  _ idea on what to do. ” Russell tried to calm his friend by patting his shoulder, watching him eventually give up and linger by the wall, crossing his arms. 

100-years away from their home planet, to escape certain death, only to be hit with another curveball.  _ Expect the unexpected _ , seemed to be a running theme - or at least what they should learn more about. With a hard shiver coming from the daughter Vance, Barney had gently patted her arm - no doubt she was feeling nervous. Everyone’s minds were blank, and hardly could get past the fact that they were most probably doomed. 

“... If you can pinpoint the reason why the Undulatus’s controls aren’t able to be unlocked, maybe we can try and override it. Like you did with the door to the medical lab.” Gordon had gently stood up from the table, to cure his legs of the ache. It was because of his own nervousness, as he was straining himself to prevent his emotions from spilling over to the group before him. 

“ ... Worth a shot. If I can get access to the ship’s main server room, perhaps it can tell me what’s locking it. ”

“We have a server room?” Judith blinked lightly upon that knowledge.

“ Well, more like a server  _ closet _ than an actual room. Inside looks too small to be qualified as a room, don’t know how ventilated it is in there. Usually open rooms prevent it from overheating and causing problems. ” Russell lightly shrugged before uncrossing his arms as they were thinking of ideas upon what to do.

“ **_Either way, it’s a start. See if you can gain access and locate the source of the problem and if we can correct it. With any… luck, we might be able to divert our path before we start feeling too strong of a pull. The rest of us need to offer a hand to help. I suggest Dr. Mossman, you attend with him so he has an extra pair of eyes._ ** ” Getting a nod of confirmation from the other, Judith glanced over to Russell as they would be working together.

“ **_Mr. Calhoun, Ms. Vance - I’m sure you’d want to spend some time off ship. Maybe an expedition down to Elysium will prove beneficial,_ ** ” Gordon watched as Alek was taking command, as he should, giving the crew members tasks to do. “ **_Might be able to find some resources for us to use, since we haven’t left orbit._ ** ”

“Might be fun, right? Just a little excursion?” Barney looked to Alyx, who was sipping at the warm coffee and holding it within her hands to cure the coldness within the cafeteria. She gave a nod; perhaps going down to another planet would help distract from the true grim thoughts of actually being down there. 

“Magnusson should go with. You can look after them and make discoveries of your own.” Gordon leaned in his seat some to look at his old colleague, as the other was… less than excited to hear he was going with them. Of course, that happened to be Magnusson - as he was more suited to belong in a lab rather than on the scientific field. Still, it was better to have more qualified individuals down on the planet in case they ever did come across something that was intriguing or unexplainable. 

Barney would definitely have his hands full if it was just him and Alyx. He wasn’t qualified to be a scientist, and Alyx only knew a minimal amount of stuff that was regionally scientific - mostly in the form of mechanics and turning scrap into useful items; which had then reminded him.

“ I could see if I could get D0g online. Maybe he can help us with any heavy lifting or space-walk work while Barney’s gone.” Gordon chimed in, glancing up to Alek as he wanted to contribute. The government man gave a nod in agreement, feeling the ever-burning glare at the back of his head from the father Vance. He needed to get used to it, sooner or later - at this point it was useless to stay angry at them. Gordon’s choice had already been made, and yes, while he did go against him, he could understand why Eli was so skeptical. 

He had every right to be weary of this individual. Yet, he still couldn’t grasp the concept of his employers leaving him behind. What had he done wrong? Was this simply because of his attraction to the Freeman, or being so close to them? If he had made the suggestion to get rid of them, why throw him in? Did he volunteer? He couldn’t remember the last time he had thoughts like that - thinking of his own demise.

Perhaps in the warzone, but that hadn’t been for decades. Lightly inhaling, Alek had then stood up from the table, garnering the group’s attention once he did. The captain overlooked them with deep blue eyes, before softly folding his hands behind him, returning to the respectful pose he had come to inhabit subconsciously.

“ **_I will attempt to contact my employers._ ** ”

“What?”

“ Don’t you think that’s a bad idea? I mean… what would you even say to them?  _ We’re attempting to stick a middle finger to your plans so don’t try and stop us? _ ” Russell blinked and stepped forward, as the crew was rather taken aback by the decision. Getting up from his seat, Gordon had stood next to the bureaucrat.

“I’m sure you’re angry, but now my words should be reflected back to you. Let’s not make it any worse than it needs to be. Contacting your employers with the purpose of expressing your anger will only do more harm than good. If anything, we need to keep any information away from them as much as possible. I say… get rid of surveillance. All these cameras… no doubt they’re watching us.” Gordon glanced up to the corner of the room, gazing to the camera that was attached to the wall. Despite Judith being among them… the camera had shifted it’s lens to zoom in to that crowd before returning to being stagnate.

That had surprised him to no end. 

Alek vented in before glancing back to Gordon as he witnessed the camera move on its own. Alyx had thought Judith would be the one spying on them, yet she was still in the room. Unless she had programmed the cameras to move without her being present, there was no likely way it focused and zoomed in on the group within the cafeteria. Barney had glanced to his cup of coffee, before lightly setting the item down, remembering what the government man had said about A.I. and their possibility of going rogue. If it wasn’t the vending machines, it was the Undulatus’s surveillance system watching their every move for anyone to spot. Quietly inhaling, Alek had then returned to his proper poised stature, looking to the crew once more. 

“ **_Then let’s get to work._ ** ” 

“What will I do?” Glancing over to Eli, Alek watched as the father Vance stepped forward, seemingly not given a task compared to the others, along with Kleiner. The bureaucrat lingered there momentarily before lifting his head some as he thought about what the remaining two would accomplish. While the others filed out of the room to prepare for their tasks, Gordon stood next to the government man as he finally came up with an idea.

“ **_Perhaps you and your colleague can see through to repairs of the scout ships that were damaged from the previous excursions. If it cannot be repaired, then perhaps you can salvage the parts for anything we might need. Oxygen fuel lines, temperature gauges, exterior platings to shield us from radiation hazards from cosmic entry._ ** “ 

“We’ll get on it.”

“... We’ll see.” Eli had stated as he then left with Isaac to head down to the loading bay, luckily as it was close by. Turning back to Gordon, Alek was taken aback by the sudden kiss planted on his lips, lingering there in the silence as the crew had left to their respective duties. Staring up at the other, the Freeman then moved past him, heading off to see if D0g could be onlined and able to withstand the vacuum of zero-G. 

If anything, he might be able to attach gravitational magnets to the underside of his pedes, so if he did need to walk on the outside, he wouldn’t drift off in the event of the Undulatus suddenly shifting. Safety precaution, yet for now, it was the only idea he had. There was a start to everything, and the crew were finally taking it. Alek remained in the cafeteria alone, glancing at the cups of coffee that were present on the table. 

Making the decision to dispose of them, Alek took hold of the cups to toss them away into the trash compactor. Opening the lid to throw them in, the government man felt his heart drop into his stomach as something from within had grabbed hold of his sleeve, pulling him inwards - threatening to crush him along with those cups. Venting shallowly as his face was pressed against the machine, the bureaucrat tried to pull himself away, gritting his teeth as whatever kept a hold on him wouldn’t dare to let him go. 

With the machine growing closer to crushing his arm, Alek tried to pull away from the compactor, using his foot for support to push off, yet to no avail. Trying to wriggle his arm free, the government man had then pulled hard, venting and calling out as his sleeve was ripped down the middle from the pull, causing fabric threads to sprout within the environment and flutter to the floor. Looking to his arm as it was finally released from that tough hold before the trash had been compacted with his arm in it, the bureaucrat had then taken off his top and tossed it at the machine, standing there half-nakedly. 

Panting lightly from the shocking event, Alek had slowly gazed up to the camera in the corner, as it was now entirely focused on him. Lightly curling his fingers into fists, the government man had then moved to take a chair from the nearby table and approached the corner of where that surveillance hung. Carrying the chair by the chrome stands, the pale man had begun to destroy the camera from it’s hinges, knocking it loose from the wall to clatter onto the floor. 

Smashing the chair against it, Alek ignored the pieces of debris that tossed up into the air towards him, watching the wires and internal circuitry to be exposed before ultimately crumbling into pieces from the excessive beating. It sparked once or twice, once the government man was finished, leaving him to stand there out of breath and dripping with sweat. It was possible he couldn’t deactivate every single one of them with a simple click of a button from the Undulatus’s mainframe, but he could seek out every one of them to beat into oblivion.

He didn’t want to imagine what would happen if Gordon was in his place instead. 

Dropping the chair from his hold, the government man then moved to leave the cafeteria and head back to his quarters. He would need to get a better shirt on, as walking around without it only left the cold temperature to seep over his skin like ice, spreading goosebumps and shivers down to his core. 

Once he had gotten to his room and had a change of wardrobe, did Alek retrieve a decoration from the wall, breaking off a piece of the supposed metal sculpture. A weapon was what they truly needed; if not guns, then Ms. Vance’s supposed ‘pipe-bat’ from when she provided destruction to the medical bay. Glancing to the mirror as the form-fitting, short-sleeve shirt clung to his toned body, the government man soon left his quarters to seek out the remaining cameras that were amongst the recreational rooms and hallways. It was only a matter of time until their chances would run thin. 

**71:43:03**

**71:43:02**

**71:43:01**


	17. Songs For An Empty World

“You got it?” Watching the young Vance lock her helmet into place, Barney smiled softly as she gave a thumbs up. It was going to be her first time to step foot on another planet, no doubt it was a bit exciting. While the meaning behind it was a bit grim in thought, the majority of it felt rather special. If it was going to be the last thing they see before they meet the end, then perhaps they could feel better knowing they kicked off another item from their bucket list. However, as the former security guard glanced over to his former colleague from Black Mesa having trouble with his suit, he knew an excursion like this wasn’t hardly on his agenda. 

He wasn’t qualified to fit into the H.E.V. suit, as if he wanted to be exposed to such harsh elements in the test chamber, and this basically felt like he was in training for it. While the suit wasn’t exactly the same thing, it still felt bulky and intimidating; it was supposed to protect them from hazardous environments of space flight and the exoplanet’s atmosphere. Yet, once they would land on Elysium’s surface, there would be no need for helmets, breathing came fine down there. 

“Do you need any help, Dr. Magnusson?”

“Of course not. I’m not of _lesser intelligence_ , I know how space suits work. I’ve designed a few of my own, _guaranteed in writing_ , the least I can do is know how to put one on. Getting help doesn’t make me learn.” Magnusson huffed as the other offered to help him before ultimately denying - leaving Barney to glance at Alyx as she tightened the straps of where her carabiner locks were hanging from. Attachments, to keep the scout ship’s seatbelts in place once they launched. It was to prevent being bounced around too much and injuring oneself.

“ _ He’ll be fun. _ ” Alyx whispered to the former security guard before deciding to climb into the scout ship, knowing that waiting for Magnusson was going to take some time. Barney gave a heavy sigh before eventually moving over to the scientist to help him anyway, despite his previous contradiction. The straps were folded into the interior, preventing him from pulling up the suit evenly, snagging on his jumpsuit. Of course, the jumpsuits were partly to blame, from being too bulky to wear. It was like wearing a deflated balloon, or was trying to be the modern version of MC Hammer’s parachute pants.

Either way, it couldn’t prevent Magnusson from grumbling about such an article of clothing being  _ preposterous. _ Once the suit was finally adjusted right, Barney watched as the other placed on his helmet, surprisingly locking it into place upon the first try. At least he got something right involving this suit, otherwise, they would have to endure another tantrum that could limit their actual time of being down on Elysium. The former security guard moved over to the scout ship, checking to see if the equipment was firmly strapped down before climbing into the driver’s seat. 

While everything was particularly automatic, he would need to do some manual maneuvers. Flipping them right-side-up was going to be the hard part, yet Alek seemed to have done it smoothly before. Perhaps the auto-pilot helped along with stabilization. Magnusson had finally come to join them, sliding into the passenger seat to strap himself in.

“No one has to go pee, right?”

“We  _ already _ put on the suit, too late now. These things take hours to put on.” Magnusson huffed as he tightened the belt around his chest, making an X-formation to keep himself secure. Barney glanced to Alyx on his right, smiling as she looked rather small compared to the spacesuit she wore. Likened to a child in an astronaut’s gear. He remembered how young she was, before everything went indirectly to hell back in City 17. 

The same small girl who was drawing pictures of their supposed family with broken crayons was now on her first space-flight to another planet. It was bittersweet; he wished those memories would come back to them often, or at least they would return to the world they missed. Glancing over to the former security guard, Alyx blinked as the other stared to her before moving to punch his shoulder to knock him back into his senses.

“Are you going to start the ship now, Mr. Calhoun, or shall we wait until we  _ actually _ have to urinate?” The scientist shifted in his seat some as he was getting rather impatient. Barney hummed and began to close the doors and start up the engine, making sure the scout ship was properly refueled and ready for transport. While some of the analytics upon the console were relatively confusing, he was just glad Russell was still available to be on the line.

“Russell? You there?”

[ Yep! Quite a handy thing we’ve come across - there’s a server input-output mechanism that allows me to search the files, as well as help you navigate the scout ship! Ain’t that great? ]

“It’s good, because I’m no captain and I have no idea what I’m doing.”

[ Don’t worry, most of the controls are on my end. Although, you will need to adjust your parameters for when you enter Elysium’s atmosphere. Soothes it out and makes for a better landing once you’re on the surface. If you are all strapped in and ready, I’ll begin the depressurization sequence. ] 

“Let’s do it.” Alyx held onto the handlebars as Russell began initializing the loading bay to depressurize, hearing a hiss occur outside of the cabin and a small alarm to go off. Basic procedure, to shut the doors and lock them into place as they were going to be exposed to the vacuum of zero-G. Hitching his breath as they were turned upside down within their carrier lock, Magnusson tried to keep his wits about him, equilibrium was no doubt providing the dizzy sensation of being off-balance. 

Now he just wondered how he’d feel during the launch. 

“You doing alright, Dr. Magnusson?”

“Please don’t talk to me.” Alyx couldn’t help but to snort lightly as her question was ultimately avoided.

“Our position will re-adjust soon, just hang in there.” Getting a groan in response, Barney glanced over to Alyx as he made a subtle pun, receiving another punch to the arm. He was sure Russell heard that one, despite that he kept silent. Was most likely looking amongst the files in the server room, no doubt trying to search for specific details upon why they were locked out of the Undulatus’s main controls. Hopefully they would find something soon, otherwise… the alternative wasn’t exactly in their favor to begin with.

“By the way… have we ever named this scout ship?” Alyx blinked and looked around at the controls, wondering if they even agreed to call this by a name.

[ What do you mean? ]

“I mean like… the other scout ships had names - like the  _ Nautilus _ , or  _ Normandy _ . Did we ever name this one?”

[ I… don’t think we have. This scout ship was just labeled as #412 in the manifest. If you want, you can give it a name. ]

“Why not  _ Opportunity? _ ” Barney had chimed in, feeling the ship lightly jolt in it’s carrier once the depressurization was finished, thus began the countdown for the drop as the loading bay doors began to open under them. Alyx glanced to Barney confusingly upon the name, wondering where he got it from.

“Before you were young enough to understand, and before everything went to shit, an aeronautics research program called NASA launched a rover to Mars. It was named Opportunity. I figured… well, since it was an exploration rover, and we’re exploring a different planet, that it seemed fitting. That and well… we definitely need our own opportunities.” Barney had suggested, lightly curling his hands around the hard-light display of a steering wheel. 

“For once, Mr. Calhoun - something comes out of your mouth that surprises me.” Magnusson hummed as he felt weightless within his seat, no doubt accounting for the lack of artificial gravity they were now succumbed to.

[ _ Ugh _ I love that little rover. Makes me wish we could go back and see if it’s still there. ]

“Then let’s name this ship  _ Opportunity _ . In memory of it.” Alyx lightly smiled and looked around the cabin of the ship as they had all collectively agreed to name it as such. Opportunity, with the express purpose of exploring a planet that would give them hope for the future. Barney nodded before looking upwards as the doors were finally opened for them to drop through.

[ Launch in 3… 2… 1. Safe travels! ]

Being released from the carrier lock, Barney flinched lightly as a scream rang out from within the cabin, as he mistook it for Alyx due to it’s high pitch. However, as he glanced over to the young woman, he found her to be relatively quiet, just hanging on tight to the handlebars as they were dropped from their carrier and straight down into space. It took him a moment to realize it had come from  _ Magnusson _ himself, as the drop had scared him.

The former security guard tried to keep his laughter hidden, upon the noises that the scientist was making; from incoherent mumbling of prayer, to yelps of terror as the shakiness within the cabin threatened to knock him loose, despite him being properly seated. Being upside down wasn’t helping at all, as his equilibrium was still providing that disorienting sensation. Alyx on the other hand was enjoying every moment of it; a complete opposite to what the older man felt. It was like being on a roller coaster, if not with added hazards. 

They could easily spin out, turning the cabin inside like some sort of container within a subterfuge to turn them into mush. Well, or at least the inside of their suits would stay clean. Barney kept his hands on the wheel to keep them stable, grinning as Alyx lightly lifted her hands as if this was an amusement park ride, her voice vibrating with the trembling of the scout ship as she cheered. Magnusson could only groan within the backseat, gripping hard onto the handles as he wished everything would smooth out soon. 

Sure, he would launch rockets, but he never expected to be particularly  _ inside _ one. Even if this ship wasn’t considered a rocket, the force he was feeling was equal in comparison. The same amount of thrust and propulsion, the turbulence; the feeling of his skull rattling his brain around like some hard-boiled egg in water. It was only a matter of time before his teeth would fall out from the vibrations alone. Never once had a dream of being an astronaut - he preferred good old artificial gravity. 

Once the shift had occurred as they were caught in Elysium’s gravitational pull, Barney tried to remember what the government man had done, and pulled up on the wheel. Guaranteed, it did feel strange; it was like he wasn’t holding anything remotely solid, but instead it was hard-light and translucent. Combine technology was something he could never get used to, besides being in the background of their reign. He saw what happened behind closed doors, and what happened if Civil Protection didn’t follow the rules. 

The technology was far different than theirs. Then again, the last time Barney had been on a man-made computer was 120 years ago, or supposedly longer depending on current events. Then he had to learn about Combine technology and was only lucky to remember the basics. So many buttons that could cause so many problems if not pressed right. Turning right-side up, Magnusson let out a heavy sigh as his stomach was no longer within his throat, and back to the place where it belonged. Though, of course, the sick feeling still remained. 

“Awesome.” Alyx cheered yet felt a little down that they couldn’t exactly have much fun with the older man around. If he wasn’t, she would have egged on Barney to make it like an actual roller coaster; spins, flips, all the like. They needed something to cheer them up and the young Vance wanted to live the scenario of what Russell had told her before. Some years back, the decryptor had told her about a supposed video game where the characters were in a spaceship of some kind and needed to do barrel rolls. What was it -- Star Raccoon? Star Cat? Star  _ something _ .

Either way, it would have been great to actually see what that would feel like. As they descended along with the rotational axis of the planet, Barney kept an eye on the readings, or at least the fuel gauge. So far, they hadn’t used much, which was a good start. Even if they had extra fuel located on  _ Opportunity _ , having some leftover for re-entry would benefit them in the long run. It was better descending to the planet rather than leaving it. Accounting for gravity; that sort of thing.

[ Located on the Exosphere, still in our radar. No bells or whistles going off on your end, Barney? ]

“Nope, unless the Combine vouched for silent alarms, I don’t see anything in the red.”

[ Oh no, the Combine  _ love _ their alarms. They’re the kind of alien race who live off of alarms just to spite everyone else. One time, they called for curfew alarms to go off in the middle of the night in increments to remind metrocops of their change of shift. Kept the whole bloody city awake. You can tell I don’t miss them at all. ]

“Yeah well, some of us are heavy sleepers.”

[ I’m not! To hell with those alarms, they can suck a fat egg! ]

Getting a laugh out of Alyx, Barney chuckled along with her before fading his laugh as he heard Magnusson groan to their incessant joking. Despite everything rather leveled out in their flight, turbulence was still accounted for, leaving the older scientist to white knuckle his grip on the handlebars. It would be safe to say that they may need to pry him off once they land on Elysium. 

“Come on, Dr. Magnusson, everything’s alright.” Barney had tried to get him to relax; Alek wasn’t the pilot of this vessel this time but he still felt relatively safe. Russell had stated that most of the control was on his end rather than Barney’s - but then again, he was multitasking. In Magnusson’s defense, he could easily get distracted or mistake one thing for another and probably eject them out into deep space. Which wasn’t necessarily bad, but they wouldn’t last long on their oxygen reserves. Eventually left to choke on their own carbon dioxide or burn up from being too close to a star… or freeze, they could take their pick. 

“I’ll be  _ alright _ once we get on equal ground and I can firmly distract myself with new findings and not on your jokes about sucking albumen.” Magnusson then snapped his attention to them once they started to laugh once more, even Russell on the radio couldn’t contain his own behavior.

“Haha,  _ sucking men _ .”

“Really now, can we _ please _ try and keep this conversation civil and less abstruse? And lesser on the decayed mind, filled with nothing but dirty jokes?” Narrowing his eyes towards the two in the cabin as they tried to contain themselves, biting their lower lips so as to not start up another giggling fit. Taking a deep breath, Barney lightly shifted his hands upon the hard-light wheel to save his fingers from locking up. After a bit of silence, the radio frequency had sparked to life once more.

[ ... Eggs do sound pretty good right now. ]

And they were off. The laughter erupted within the cabin, leaving Magnusson to groan even more and turn his attention out to the window. Yet, the sight of darkness and how high they were up in the atmosphere left him to shun away in slight fear.

They weren’t out of the woods yet. There was still the effort of descending to Elysium with Barney behind the wheel. As they left the Exosphere and into the Thermosphere did their ship begin to endure much more turbulence to account for the change of gravity. No words had left them, as the former security guard kept an eye on the readings just in case he needed to report to Russell about any potential dangers they were succumbing to. Even if they had previously descended down onto the planet before, things could change.

They had barely spent any time down there to make sure the coast was clear; in a way, Barney was minorly wishing they brought weapons. Though, if it came down to it, he was sure Alyx would whip something into shape for a blunt object - maybe tear a piece of metal plating from  _ Opportunity _ to use it as a shield of some kind… or possibly a projectile. Sometimes her ideas would be off the charts, no doubt she was Eli’s daughter. The three of them had then jumped upon something crashing over the radio, wondering what the noise was. It sounded like a computer crashed to the floor.

[ Alek! What are you doing?! … Oh. Well, by all means, destroy to your heart’s content. ]

“Russell, what’s Alek  _ doing? _ ” Alyx quirked a brow, giving a glance to Barney in confusion as they glanced to the radio transmitter located on the dashboard of the scout ship. 

[Delving into his inner caveman and beating the crap out of surveillance cameras. Seems he’s had enough of-- **_\--bullshit--_** … He’s had enough of bullshit, apparently.]

“Heh, I think we may have influenced him a  _ little _ too much. He didn’t seem like the type of guy to go apeshit on technology. Guess I was mistaken. Probably that’s why Gordon fell in love with him - he saw Alek tear a circuit board apart and said ‘ _ Take me now _ .’ Didn’t see that coming, but he sure did.” Barney snickered as Alyx made a face.

“Oh  _ Barney _ , gross. Besides, I didn’t think Gordon swung that way.”

“Oh, he swings any way. He just has to know who he is swinging to.” Barney chuckled and glanced at the readings on the console before pulling up on the wheel a bit as they were descending a little too quickly, causing the external temperatures to heighten towards their limit. He didn’t want to burn them up from dropping at a fast rate; unless they planned on actually becoming burnt toast.

“Why, are you upset? Didn’t you have a crush on him?”

“Pfft, come on. Don’t out me like that. Gordon’s… a good guy, I was more impressed with the way he handled things back on Earth. Always was strong for other people and put himself at the front. I’m just surprised he chose… well,  _ Alek _ , of all people. A complete difference to how he treated us in the past. Now he’s just… mellow. It’s unnerving almost. Like I know what he’s capable of, and it’s worrying that it sleeps deep inside him now.” Alyx lightly shifted in her seat, watching as their descent evened out as they exited the Thermosphere and into the Mesosphere.

[I’m sure everyone feels the same way, Alyx. It’s a bit strange that all of a sudden he’s… well, lame. No offense, Alek. **_\--It surprises even me.--_** ]

“How does it even feel, Alek? That you can’t make prospective deals with people anymore? Or… do  _ whatever _ it was that you could do?”

[ **_Have you ever heard of the term ‘One bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’?_ ** ]

“Uhh…  _ kinda _ ? Think it was rephrased in a different way than what you’re saying. Why?”

[ **_The difference is there, but I feel compelled to keep such a change. Guaranteed while I hate the sensation of fatigue and constant need of sustenance, I’ve never realized how much more… fun? Hm? It can be to delve into those consistent feelings._ ** ]

“You sure delved into Freeman, then, haven’t you?” Barney grinned to which Alyx mentally facepalmed, an awkward silence to fill the cabin. He was trying to catch the government man off guard, wondering if it was possible to make such an individual flustered or at least embarrassed. However, the former security guard dropped his smirk for a surprised look once the other had responded.

[ **_You prefer waltzes in the... ballroom, I prefer tango in the bedroom._ ** ] 

“AH!  _ Stop _ , I don’t want to hear anymore! Stop encouraging him!” Alyx pressed her gloved hands to her helmet to cover her face, as Barney inhaled deeply and tried to contain his laughter, pointing at the radio.

“You sir… are now my third best friend. I would shake your hand if I wasn’t already in space.” Barney snickered, grunting lightly as Alyx punched his arm yet again to end the awkward conversation she was overhearing. Magnusson in the backseat was grumbling about how much he wanted to be back on the Undulatus - unable to keep up with the younger crowd’s jokes involving Freeman and Alek’s supposed relationship. It was certainly news to him; he never striked Gordon to be readily available. Then again, perhaps he was projecting his own ideas onto him - science was the only love he was introduced to.

[ You have  _ really _ influenced him, Barney. Honestly the least you can do is welcome him to the club of misfits like us. But for now, we should really get back to work, I’m getting distracted. ] 

“Sorry Russ, we’ll report our landing in a few… Do I even  _ want  _ to know what that intentionally means?” Alyx blinked and turned her attention to Barney, who was containing his fit of giggles, swallowing them so he could return back to a serious tone. The former security guard then shook his head as an answer, leaving the young Vance to sit back in her seat - obviously done with the conversation. There was no need to get back into it, let alone think about what that could be interpreted as. In the least, she had hoped such a conversation didn’t cross into her father’s ears. She didn’t know what her dad would say if she was hearing a conversation like this, let alone about Gordon and Alek.

He was angry enough as it was. 

Opportunity had descended down into the Stratosphere, flight now smoothing out into a gentle glide as they entered the environmental change of atmosphere. Meaning, oxygen was fairly scarce, and PFC’s were the replacement. They could breathe in it either way, however he wasn’t entirely sure if they should turn this scout ship into a convertible just yet. They needed to depressurize safely, otherwise it was going to be an airplane scenario and they could be sucked out of their seats from the difference; likened to some drain in the sink. 

Glancing out the window, Alyx gasped in slight awe to the sight of the surface of the green and blue world. It looked so much like Earth, or at least the pictures she had come to recognize in books when she was younger. Books that talked about weather in certain hemispheres or the evolution of animals and vegetation over a span of millions of years; either gone extinct or lived long enough to become food for human consumption once the first man walked around. Surely felt prehistoric - as there were so many trees to depict as vast jungles, or lakes that expanded far into the horizon. 

Clouds were fluffy and white, gathering into clumps so they weren’t left behind, or to create a storm system in the distance to provide elements to the flora. Now she could tell why her father didn’t want to give this place up, it reminded them of the good times they missed. It was beautiful, vast; a destination worth settling on after all they have been through. Once they had entered the Troposphere, did Barney initiate the landing gears, steadying the scout ship and lessening the effect of potentially crashing to the floor. 

Temperature was normal, a few degrees lower than the previous excursion but ultimately sunny and warm. A prime breeding ground for a day out to discover. With Opportunity landing gently onto the soil, Barney sighed in relief as nothing had gone wrong with their descent.

“Russell, we’ve landed.”

[ Ah! Perfect! Let me just equalize the pressure in your cabin before you head outside. What do you think so far, Alyx? ]

“It’s amazing… I didn’t realize that it looked  _ so much _ like Earth. Without all the Combine technology and a gigantic tower in the way. Do we have a time limit on being here?”

[ Well… I don’t see any threat of a storm system, but it’s the summer solstice - meaning weather  _ could _ change if conditions factor in. I do see a storm system on the monitor feed about 20 klicks north from your position, but it seems like it’s going to miss you entirely. Might be a pulse storm. They usually last about 30 to 40 minutes. ]

“Well, once the cabin’s depressurized, we can take off our helmets and explore to our heart’s content.”

“Take off our helmets? Are you crazy?” Magnusson blinked as he felt a shift of the scout ship, and a green light began to flash near where the hatch was. Turning off the engines to conserve their energy, Barney then glanced over to the two.

“Don’t worry, the air is breathable here. Gordon, Alek and I had tested it out ourselves and… well, everything was fine. Guaranteed, it does hurt a little when you leave it, but it’s like enduring a rough cough.” Moving to open the hatch, Barney stuck his head out to survey the area to determine if the coast was clear. While it seemed relatively safe, anything could happen and they needed to expect the unexpected. Finding nothing to come at them with sticks, rocks or spears, the former security guard then climbed out, helping Alyx as well once she unstrapped herself from the seat.

Sitting on top of the scout ship, Alyx gasped lightly in awe, glancing to the various trees that swayed with the supposed breeze. Rustling with the current as clouds casted shadows along their green leaves. It was bittersweet to think that such a place with beauty would be gone fairly soon. Glancing at Barney, the daughter Vance watched as he began to take off his helmet, letting Russell know that the contact will still be available once he detached the headset. 

[ Ooh! See if you can bring me back a souvenir! ]

“What would you like, Russ?”

[ Uh… I dunno, something cool. If you give me a rock, that’s totally fine. ]

“Okay, I’ll find you the best rock there is.” Alyx smiled and began to do the same to her helmet, looking as Magnusson peeked his head out to the environment, still unsure if they were completely safe just taking their helmets off this soon. The older scientist watched as they took off their helmets slowly, letting their lungs inhale the PFCs. Of course, it made them gag momentarily; a small jumpscare before their panic subsided into relaxation. 

“Oh… oh that is  _ weird. _ ”

“Yeah, told you. But it’s okay, see? We can breathe.” Barney glanced around and ran his fingers through his dark locks to move them out of his face, looking around at the landscape. Alyx inhaled deep once again before smiling excitedly as she was on a new planet. A world she could breathe on and a world that was beautiful. Deciding not to waste anymore time, the daughter Vance had hopped off of the scout ship, walking around to examine the lush trees that towered over her, as well as drag her hand through the grass once she took off her glove. 

Oh, to be a cat and roll in it. It felt silky; never felt the sensation of mush like the deadened plants back on City 17. This ecosystem was properly thriving, the climate would provide this life for millions of years to come if that were the case. Feeling the warm breeze brush across her face, Alyx had sighed in content - realizing that this planet was what it was like before the Combine. Green, beautiful, never hazy or dead looking. The lake was properly full of water, compared to the drained seas of their time. 

Deciding to make good on her promise to Russell, Alyx began her search for the best rock she could find. She traversed over big boulders while Barney was hanging out by the scout ship, watching her search through the crevices for things to find. It was honestly cute, remembering how curious she used to be when she was younger. Of course, those were different times.

She would search for supplies, not souvenirs to take back.

Now to see her explore like the child she once was, it was bittersweet. Barney felt old, as no doubt the grays upon his head were coming in by the day. It won’t be long until he’ll be about as old as Eli, lose his hair or be confined to a chair for the rest of his days. Looking around the environment, the former security guard glanced to Magnusson as he finally gained the courage to take off his helmet, yelping lightly at the sensation of being introduced to a strange sensation in his lungs.

“It’s not so bad once you get used to it.”

“I feel like an aquatic creature.”

“Yeah well, I guess that’s the premise of it.” The dark-haired man had crossed his arms and leaned against the scout ship, gazing up to the sky as he watched the clouds roll by. Definitely quiet and surreal - it felt like they hadn’t left Earth at all, or at least, the quieter parts of the planet. Perhaps a new conspiracy theory could be sparked up; they hadn’t left Earth’s sector at all for those 100 years, and simply the Combine just vanished after some time, leaving Earth to shambles. However, a new ecosystem would take place while they were in stasis. Not too far fetched, then again, some of the planets they passed hardly looked familiar to them. 

There was no way the solar system would change out existing plants in the span of 100 years. It had to take millions, if probable. Magnusson glanced towards Alyx as she left further from their landing site, before looking over to Barney with an inquisitive expression.

“Aren’t you going after her?”

“... Do you think we got a chance in all of this?” Taken aback by such a question, Magnusson inhaled lightly before glancing back to Alyx as she searched the along the floor filled with rocks. Perhaps he didn’t want to bring this question up to her, in the event of what happened when she heard grim information in the first place. Lightly tearing some plastic apart to get at the contents inside, the older scientist, hummed.

“We do what we must and what we can at this time. Only it will tell us if it was enough in the end. We can’t give a definitive answer on whether or not if… this black hole will end us or an alternative will arise. I still ride on the thought that another universe lies within - but what’s on the other side is uncertain. Nothing has ever crossed the event horizon and lived to tell the tale.” Barney gazed over to the older man, who was testing the acidity of the lake, pulling a few pieces of grass from the ground to test their material. 

“... When she was a child, I remember her asking me that if we died by the Combine, will she see her mother. At that age, she shouldn’t have to be worrying about that. Everything went to hell and we’re still paying the price for it. But her… she never deserved to have those thoughts placed into her head.” Barney uncrossed his arms as Magnusson looked up at him. It was a side he had never seen from Calhoun, as they weren’t heavily acquainted much.

“I was afraid of what happened in the medical bay with her. I was reminded of that time when she asked me that question. That scared, small girl that grew up in a life of war, torture and uncertainty - who turned into a young woman with the same uncertainty to cross her mind again. I may just be an idiot or lesser known to everybody who jokes a lot, but I have my worries too; and that’s not being able to say goodbye to my friends when the time calls for it. I want to be able to say goodbye when we’re finally drinking beer in our rockers.” Barney vented in and slowly moved away from the scout ship, going to follow Alyx as he had seen her enter a cavern, not wanting to let her stray too far. 

Lingering by the scout ship, Magnusson glanced around at Elysium, feeling the breeze rustle through his hair and warmth to caress his face. Calhoun’s words; he had never heard something such as that before. Perhaps they were all thinking grim, knowing their chances of survival were second to none. It would take a miracle at this point to steer them away from certain doom. If only he could keep a snapshot of this world for himself - to remember the good times they had instead of the bad. Going back to collecting samples, the older scientist packed it away into the ship before moving to sit on top of it, observing the land around him.

Entering the cavern, Alyx blinked as she heard various noises of water dripping from the walls, and the faint distant rumbling of background noise. Turning on her suit flashlight, the daughter Vance hummed at the large walls, before entering more inside to the darkness. While visibility was nulled further within, she hardly felt threatened. The cave was practically alive with noises; deep drones and trickling water into small puddles, dropped from the stalactites on the tall ceilings. She wondered how long those had taken to form, as they were complex and large.

Had to be millions of years.

Quietly surveying the different directions of tunnel break-offs, Alyx then paused as she heard a noise deep within. It sounded like… a song? However, not just any song - it was a song that she had heard before, many years ago. They held no lyrics, yet gentleness and curiosity. Trying to pinpoint where such noise was coming from, Alyx entered into one of the tunnels within, ducking her head to refrain from hitting it onto the ceiling, steps echoing within that rocky terrain. 

Following the twists and curve of the tunnel, the daughter Vance blinked as she spotted an illuminated room ahead, unsure of why there was light within the dark cave. Was there another exit to the outside? Surely the cavern she entered into wasn’t this simple. It looked fairly complex, due to the various tunnels she could choose from. Slowly moving through the small crevice, Alyx squeezed herself into that room, glancing around at the walls in awe. 

Drawings, plastered on the tall ceiling and walls.

They were drawn in illuminated dye or paint, perhaps made from the grinding of rocks or sediment of respective colors. How they were illuminated were beyond her - yet the sight reminded her of back then. What was this doing here, in the middle of nowhere, on a planet so far from home? She heard that life was occupying here, but what kind of life were they referring to? Quietly touching the walls with her fingers, Alyx glanced to the translucent dust that coated her fingers, acting as some sort of neon property under blacklight.

Lightly rubbing her fingers together, Alyx then glanced up at the pictures, trying to see what they made out. Figures were drawn, roughly in a haste fashion, but one that drew her attention was the person in the middle. Gigantic, stretched up to the very top of that ceiling; the figure was suspended between that mess, hands folded together, yet fingers flared out like imitation of a flower. Lotus? Staring up at the figure’s face, the daughter Vance then took a step back as she realized what the figure was.

“Alek…?” 

“Alyx! You in here?” Calling out from the opposite end of the tunnel, Barney looked around for Alyx, trying to see which tunnel she had gone in. Moving her way back out, the young Vance then poked her head out of the tunnel.

“Barney! Barney, come here, quick! I found something!” Grabbing his hand, Alyx had ducked down again with the former security guard, as they followed the curves and twists of the entryway before returning back to that enclosure from which she came. Squeezing through the opening, Barney gazed up at the walls once she motioned to them, venting in at the paintings upon the wall. The former security guard entered inside and gazed up at the walls with his flashlight, venting lightly as it seemed to go on forever, yet might have only been an optical illusion from how dark it was. 

“Look, look… over here. It’s him…” Drawing his attention to the opposite end of the wall, Alyx motioned to the giant mural, watching Barney take a step back in amazement. He couldn’t believe that the painting was of the government man, in a place hidden away. He glanced at the daughter Vance momentarily before gazing up at the full-body portrait. 

“Russell, come in? … Shit, I think we’re too inside, radio’s blocked. Must be something in the walls to block it from getting out. But… holy shit, this is nuts. It’s Alek. Who drew this?”

“I have no idea, but I get the feeling it’s someone we know.”

“... Vortigaunts?” Getting a nod in confirmation, Barney inhaled lightly. How could they know about this planet? Surely this wasn’t anywhere near potential hideouts to escape the Combine, as it seemed that Elysium was fully unoccupied. There wasn't any evidence of Vortiguants living in a place like this yet the mural was hidden away, not particularly carefully. It was like intentionally placed so they could stumble upon it.

These were mysteries with answers they couldn’t understand. Perking at the idea of using his suit helmet to document such a place, Barney began to pan it around to capture the paintings upon the walls, as Alyx searched for some rocks nearby. Blinking lightly as something glistened in that dim light, the young Vance reached into the pile and pulled it out, breathing out in amazement upon the rock.

The rock was smooth, rounded out into an oval shape as the perspective tip consisted of blue, green and purple colored geode. Glistening in that dim light no matter which direction she moved it - had this been the rock that made the paintings? Lightly swallowing, Alyx had then stuffed it into her pocket to give to Russell once they returned.

“Why do you think the Vortigaunts painted Alek on these walls?”

“Do we even  _ know _ that the Vortigaunts painted this? Couldn’t it have been some… transdimensional caveman who was kooky about the future?”

“Really? You think a caveman would do  _ this _ ? Paint a picture of Alek, of what he once was, and hide it away for us to come across? This work  _ has _ to be Vortigaunt. I saw the same thing back on Earth, on the outskirts of the QZ some years ago. The similarity is uncanny.” Alyx glanced up at the walls, before glancing over to Barney as he finished panning his helmet around to capture the footage of their findings. 

“Well, I don’t know Alyx, this is something I’m seeing for the first time so I don’t have a comparison like you. But we should get back to Dr. Magnusson to make sure he’s not getting into trouble. We got some video of this area, so maybe Russell or Kleiner can figure out what this is about.” 

“... Actually, I want to stay here, if you don’t mind.”

“What?”

“Look at this place, Barney. Look at the walls; they’re painting us a picture of what happened. I want to figure out what it means.” Alyx motioned to the walls, hazel eyes glancing over the luminescent scriptures and scenes. Barney sighed and looked up at the ceiling, hearing the faint drips of water and the internal rumbling of white noise to fill his ears. Giving another sigh, the former security guard then rubbed the back of his head.

“Alright… I’m going to go get Dr. Magnusson. Don’t run off again, okay? Just stay here. I’ll be right back.” Watching Barney squeeze through the exit to leave, Alyx returned her vision back to the walls, venting in at their beauty. It wasn’t just one standard color of blue, but rather oranges, pinks, greens, providing a gentle glow amongst the drawings respectively. It certainly was beautiful to the naked eyes, especially if she had turned off her flashlight to gaze at the glowing mural in it’s entirety.

How long this had been done here, was uncertain.

Slowly closing her eyes to the cave’s ambience, Alyx then opened them once more, venting in as the song had come back - echoed and gentle despite it’s loud volume. Looking around, the daughter Vance then caught sight to the picture of Alek, lightly furrowing her brow in confusion as the government man’s hands were now closed instead of flared open into a flower. That… wasn’t how it was before; did it move?

Stepping forward slowly to touch the mural, Alyx then backed up as the painting moved again, this time only flaring out one finger instead of all ten. With the perspective, it made the shape of a ‘V’ instead of being folded together like in prayer. Was it communicating to her? 

Unsure of what to do, Alyx remained in that chamber, staring up at the mural, she then backed up again as it slowly moved before her very eyes, now forming an ‘A’ amongst his hands, keeping the ‘V’ situated within.  _ A.V. _ \- Alyx Vance? Lightly shivering in her stance, the smaller woman glanced around, wondering if someone else was witnessing the very same motions of this mural, or if she was going insane.

Quietly swallowing the saliva that pooled within her mouth, Alyx had then touched the painting again, wiping the iridescent dust onto her suit as part of the wall crumbled to her touch. She had hoped the whole mural wasn’t on it’s way to falling apart, as she wanted to study it further, or at least figure out something they could do to prevent their inevitable fate. She gazed at the other paintings, trying to connect them to potential past events that had occurred for them.

There was the Resonance Cascade, the downfall of the Citadel in City 17, City 17’s complete destruction… yet all of that was minorly inclusive. The bigger pictures consisted of the Borealis, Gordon’s involvement of saving the government man before some sort of indication of an end with just the two of them. Unsure of what to make of it, Alyx frowned as she studied that end. Why was it just the both of them? Were they the key to ending everything? 

They were facing each other, yet between them was some sort of shape.

A star? Alyx counted the points it had, blinking in confusion as it had 12, rather than the usual 5 for a star. A 12-pointed star perhaps? What was so significant about it, that it had to be incorporated into a mural such as this? Inhaling lightly, the daughter Vance lightly tapped her lip in wonder before hearing Barney call out for her on the opposite end of the tunnel. Looking to the exit, she then vented in as she was left in pitch darkness, causing her to turn her flashlight back on.

“... No no no no!” Alyx sighed in disbelief as the mural was no longer around, disappeared into the dark, leaving her to be surrounded by tall walls that dripped water from the ceiling, echoing within that reverb. Growling lightly as vanished, she had then moved to leave the tunnel, following the curves before exiting the other side, looking to Barney and Magnusson.

“It’s gone!”

“What?”

“The mural, it’s gone! It just disappeared!” Alyx dusted herself off, removing bits and pieces of chipped rocks from her hair once she had joined up with them. Glancing to Magnusson, Barney had then glanced back down to the helmet within his hands. While it may have disappeared, they still had footage of their excursion. If they could retrieve the data chip from within the device, surely they could figure out what that mural meant, and why it was doing in a lone cave with nothing particularly in it.

Following them out to open-air, Alyx gave a deep breath as it was much warmer in the cave than it was outside, despite the sunny weather beating down on them. The temperature had risen a bit, at least a few degrees; it was enough to make them sweat in their suits. Deciding to get back into contact with Russell, Barney headed back to the scout ship to inform them that he had found Alyx and had some interesting footage they wanted to look at once they got back to the Undulatus.

Whatever that mural stood for, spoke for the silence that Alek never lacked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way: "You prefer waltzes in the... ballroom, I prefer tango in the bedroom." - is a euphemism I came up with regarding masturbation in comparison to sexual relations with someone.


	18. Vice Versa

Panting lightly, Alek tossed the last of the debris into the empty crate, glancing down the hall as Russell and Judith were maintaining themselves near a room - or rather a closet. Neither of them could really fit inside, as it was completely decked out in wiring and a lone server, no doubt providing the capacity to run such a ship. It was surprising either way, unless they were completely wrong in thinking that this server  _ closet _ actually folded out into a room and they needed to somehow move the main server out of the way. Wouldn’t be practical, then again - who knew what the Combine were thinking with this ship in mind. 

Taking off his worker’s gloves, to prevent the metal casings and sharp pieces from puncturing into his skin, the government man wiped his forehead free of sweat before perking to the sound of Russell calling out as he finally got something. Deciding to draw near to see what he had discovered, the pale man stayed back some as they overlooked the screen filled with data scriptures that would be hard to read to virgin eyes of decryption. 

“Found something?”

“ Apparently the Undulatus has been put into a full-defense mode. They got firewalls up the  _ wahzoo _ within the system’s main network for controlling it. ”

“Can’t you get through? You’re a hacker.”

“ I’m the best hacker! Or at least, in this current time era. But even the best of the _ best _ equipment to use -  _ which I don’t have _ \- will take practical  _ months _ to get through this stuff. 9 months minimum, which is time we don’t have. It keeps asking me for a code though I’m not understanding why. Usually firewalls, or at least those I’ve run into, don’t value the use of codes. Makes for easy entry. Then again… the code it’s asking for is a million-number sequence so... not so easy as it seems. ” Russell lightly inhaled as he wasn’t sure what else to do. Judith crossed her arms before glancing at Alek as he gazed to the screen, watching the cursor blink within the box to type in a serial key. 

“ **_Can you still access information from this server?_ ** ”

“ Depends on what kind of information. ” Russell blinked and looked over his shoulder at the government man, before glancing to the feed of Barney, Alyx and Magnusson’s excursion. Multitasking wasn’t hard for him - yet it certainly left aches in the eyes from going back and forth of screens. He had to make sure their environment was safe, as well as keeping the Undulatus circulating in orbit of Elysium. Of course, Judith was the one helping with that, bless her soul.

“ **_The recording from my helmet, is the data analysis imported onto the same network?_ ** ”

“ Yeah. Oh, speaking of… I don’t think we ever told you what was on it, right? ” Pausing his breath momentarily, the government man then shook his head, deep blue eyes slowly gazing up to brown as Judith turned towards him. They had managed to crack into that static after all - after some time. However, what was on it was unknown to him; no memory of his disappearance ever came back to the bureaucrat. Yet now, they knew.

“You disappeared somewhere that we have reason to believe is why we are in this predicament. A place… completely unknown to mankind, but no doubt a place you’ve been before. You had gone to see your employers, and relay your information of observance to us. And… with a suggestion to end such an observance.” Alek watched as the woman explained to him, ignoring Russell’s inquiries to Barney on the radio upon where Alyx had gone. Deep blue eyes gazed at those two drops of coffee in cloudy milk before eventually gazing over to the crate full of damaged cameras.

He had taken the effort of spending those hours removing every single one of them from recreational spaces, yet he couldn’t wrap his mind around that  _ he himself _ would make the decision to push them towards inevitable death. Eyes darted here and there, gandering along the floor, before glancing up to Judith as she took a step forward.

“We know… that you have no recollection of this ever happening. It’s quite possible that they wiped your memory, in order for you to prevent it from slipping out. But… the tape doesn’t lie. And what we saw was something out of this dimension. We would show it to you, yet after Russell and Dr. Kleiner had viewed it, the tape promptly destroyed itself,” Judith lightly set a hand on Alek’s shoulder, deep blue eyes gazing to her hand before the government man had taken a step back. “... I’m sorry, Alek. I’m sure this comes at a shock to you.”

“ **_Just focus on the mission at hand, Dr. Mossman. Getting into the network and gaining back the controls. See if you can acquire any code that is relatively conclusive to what the serial wants._ ** ” Without another word, Alek had then walked down the hall, as the two were left behind in silence. Russell slowly glanced up to Judith before returning back to the server’s monitor feed, giving a heavy sigh. He had a hunch - and it came true. The government man was previously in denial; his employers wouldn’t throw him to the wind, Judith’s decoded message was a mistake. 

Yet to hear the evidence of the recording back up such a suggestion was above all disappointing. That claim grew more and more precise in truth, despite Alek  _ believing _ this was just sheer bad luck. The moment that played out within the cafeteria while the others were gone was made simple - they wanted him gone. He was finished with his mission, a practical martyrdom. For what reason? Had he not done enough for them? Plucked the filament strings to ensure their valued dossier was accounted for and presented in haste to their demands.

Left behind.

Standing in the middle of the intersection of hallways, the government man read over the colored signs within that neutral corridor before his ears picked up on the sound of splashing water. Right, the gym was near here - was someone in the pool? Turning on his heel to find the room, Alek then halted in place as he gazed inside a window, watching someone surface from the water, coughing lightly and wiping their face free of excess.

Deep blue eyes examined the other’s body, catching the subtle flashbacks of such a frame against his; Freeman. Had he not intended to seek out D0g within storage? As a matter of fact, it wasn’t even located within the same corridor. Lightly furrowing his brow, Alek then entered inside - the muffled sound of water to now be present to his ears with crisp clearness as he drew near to the edge. He cared not for the water that seeped around his Oxfords, overflowing from Gordon’s light play and workout. Doing a double-take, green eyes lightly squinted at the tall man standing before the edge he held on. 

“ **_Had you not specifically finished the task you had set out to do?_ ** ”

“I have - it wasn’t that hard to online D0g, he responded fairly quickly. Besides, no one else needed my help, Barney and the others are already down on Elysium, Eli won’t talk to me, I have no clue with anything decryption wise nor navigation of the Undulatus... So I thought I’d come here to maintain myself and get rid of some thoughts. Is that such a bad thing?”

“ **_Everyone else is pulling their weight, surely someone like you can find a task able enough to help them out._ ** ” 

“Well, you’re the captain - what do you want me to do?” Getting a bit irritated, Gordon gathered some water within the palm of his hand before using it to slick his hair back. Alek stood there in silence before deep blue eyes glanced to the hole in the wall - of where he had torn the camera off of its stand. While they were no longer being under surveillance, the government man still felt the sensation of piercing eyes at the back of his head. 

“ **_... My only mission was to observe you,_ ** ” Blinking as the other began to talk with a softened tone, Gordon then softened his own expression, keeping his hands upon the edge of the pool so he didn’t sink downwards into the depth. “ **_But apparently that now isn’t true. Russell… Dr. Mossman, and supposedly Dr. Kleiner had come to the conclusion from the reveal of my documentation of disappearance from EX-9880, was of my own fault. The suggestion that my mission was anything but observance is false._ ** ”

“... What do you mean?”

“ **_... I set us up, Gordon. This mission is a suicide mission, always has been. I have come to my own conclusion upon their words in consideration that… what they say, is true. While I do not remember anything from those 18 hours of pure darkness, the recording still heavily outweighs my defense. Eli was right; I wasn’t to be trusted._ ** ” Staring up at the other, Gordon took a moment to reflect upon what was said to him, before eventually lifting himself up out of the pool, dripping with excess as he stood before the captain. Glasses were off, yet Alek could still see himself within the reflection of those forest-green eyes. 

“... Then what happens now?” Looking upwards before deciding to pace the area slowly, the government man folded his hands behind him as he walked, letting the physicist grab for a towel to dry himself off with. Silence filled the room, with the only gentle sloshing of pool water gradually slowing from the artificial current to be at a standstill. No longer seeped over; likened to a chalice full of wine - smoothed and consistent. 

“ **_... Russell has found the properties of getting the Undulatus’s control system back yet it is inaccessible through firewalls. Unless, we were to find the number-sequence serial key code to bypass the network’s defense. Finding that code ensures our survival._ ** ”

“What’s the _point_?” Pausing in place to those words, Alek then slowly glanced back to Gordon, as he set the towel down over the rack - hair damp yet his body considerably dried aside from his swim attire. Fingers shifted within the palms of his hand as the Freeman soon gazed back at him, face solemn and held little indication of the very same disappointment he felt. He had not expected such an expression - let alone the nihilism tone within his voice. 

“... Even if we did manage to get the code, your employers would probably reiterate some other plan to get us to meet our end. They don’t want you back either, how can we be even sure that our efforts of saving ourselves can be enough? It’ll be a waste of time.”

“ **_Out of all people here, I expected you to be the least capable of spouting such nonsense, Doctor Freeman. What has changed in the last 5 hours, for you to give up hope when you have so... willingly, wished everyone to work together in trust and respect to find a way out of this mess?_ ** ”

“Okay, then you tell me: what does our future hold, hm? Since you  _ fucked _ it up this time, once again, you tell us what to expect.” Blinking as the physicist had pushed him, Alek stumbled back some, narrowing his eyes as Gordon placed on his glasses to see him better. Was this another form of panic attack; Barney had not informed him to the likes of this. 

“You’re the captain, tell me. Your employers left  _ even you _ behind - that sure says plenty about us, correct? We find the code, then what? They’ll just find  _ another _ way to throw us to the celestial arm of sporadic madness. It’ll take us 100 years to get back to Earth, and who is to even say it isn’t a crater or a gaping hole? Or even the Combine’s second home base? A second overworld? No one will recognize us. And it’s all because of  _ you _ .” Pushing him again, Gordon growled as he felt angry, curling his fingers into fists.

“You doomed us all. And for what? A  _ goddamn _ percentage!” Grabbing hold of the other’s collar, Gordon had then lifted his fist. “I’ll kill you!”

“ **_Gor--_ ** ” Before his name could be said, Alek grunted as the other had sucker-punched him, sending him to stumble from the brute force, hitting the back of his head against the tiled floor as he fell. Wearily moving his limbs, the government man then slowly reached to touch the corner of his lip, glancing to the vermillion that seeped down his fingers. It was the same place Eli had hit him before; a parallel he didn’t expect to take. Glancing to the physicist that drew near, the bureaucrat slowly sat up onto his forearms, a pulsing pain to present itself to the back of his head from the fall.

The government man lightly moved his foot as the other dropped to his knees, forest eyes staring into deep ocean. Eyebrows furrowed, fingers balled into fists - beginning to partly bruise from the attack he had laid into Alek. Anger, no doubt, concealed within; an expression he had not seen in a long time. Not since the days of Black Mesa - a fight or flight response to everything that went wrong. And it did go wrong. 

“ **_... Do you regret our night?_ ** ”

“... No.” Gordon inhaled shakily and shook his head, trying to keep his tears contained within the lids of his eyes, taking another deep breath to deliver strength to his heart. Flexing his fingers, the physicist then moved forward on his knees, hissing lightly in anger to the other.

“You think nonsense leaves my mouth, but it’s the truth. We’re stuck out here, in the middle of scenic nowhere - fighting against another force that we know little about! And you… you think we can just easily keep fighting for our lives when everything has been against us since the beginning? It should be me who questions your optimism!”

“ **_You have begun to look upon me with suspicion, for wanting to protect you? Has my lucky charm not told you anything? Has Eli’s words finally burrowed into your mind to plant that seed of uncertainty and restraint towards happiness?_ ** ”

“Look where we are!”

“ **_We are in a rough predicament, I will admit Gordon, but we are far from escalating that point of no return! Remember the you from 5 hours ago, and tell him that his words are useless. Look at where we are? Look at where_ ** **_you are_ ** **_, Dr. Freeman. You have willfully guided a team of… misfits, to look for their future. Ms. Vance, Eli Vance, Dr. Mossman, Magnusson, Mr. Calhoun, Kleiner, Russell - the voice inside your head that determines your direction for management is overbearing the small voice of hope._ ** ”

“I  _ hate _ you!”

“ **_Then why did you ask me to make love to you?_ ** ” Staring down at the other, Gordon froze in place, hands slowly uncurling from their tight fist. While his head was still pounding from the fall, Alek had gradually sat up, lightly wiping away the blood that dripped down from the corner of his lip. 

“ **_... Gordon, it should be I to question your pessimism._ ** ” Quietly speaking, Alek watched as the physicist remained sitting on his knees, hands hanging in his lap as forest eyes stared distantly and exhausted. Silence filled the pool area; the Undulatus’s engines never ceasing their eternal thrum as they were relatively closer to the lower decks from which they laid. A reactor core, either fortunately or unfortunately to be never shut down amongst their travels, for the fear of subsequently drifting into the grasp of a gas giant or a supermassive star. 

“ **_... Can I hug you?_ ** ” The government man waited for a response, getting a subtle nod from the other subconsciously. The pale man slowly crawled onto his knees to scoot near the physicist, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. There was a tender struggle before ultimately relaxation - a familiar warmth to spread across his chest. Resting his chin on top of the other’s damp head, Alek cared not if he got soaked; hands tenderly grasping at the Freeman’s shoulders. 

“ **_I do not intend to let you die, Mr. Freeman. Not while I’m still here._ ** ”

“... why?”

“ **_... While I lack my previous lucky charm, I’ve come to recognize the one within my arms._ ** ” Shakily sighing, Gordon leaned into the other, forest-green eyes closing to contain the remaining tears that spilled from his panic. Alek remained holding onto the other, trying to ignore the pulsing in his head; he then huffed in amusement.

“ **_It is good to know that a scientific… geek, like you can throw a punch._ ** ”

“... There’s plenty more where that came from.” Lightly snorting from the response, the government man gave a small chuckle upon the pinch placed on his pectoral muscles from the bearded scientist, before eventually glancing down at him once Gordon had partly pulled back. Tenderly reaching up to touch the back of his head, the Freeman then squinted lightly as he felt something wet and moved to look at his hand, venting in surprise.

“Your head is bleeding.” 

“ **_Minor injury; can be dealt with._ ** ” 

“This is my fault, I’m so sorr--” Interrupted by Alek’s lips, Gordon softly inhaled and closed his eyes, giving into the intimacy he was being shown. Lightly pulling back, the government man lightly pressed his forehead against the other, hand curled around Freeman's wrist to prevent him from touching the bloodied spot again. While the pulsations to the back of his head were the most troublesome, to touch upon the wound would deliver a slight burn to shiver down his spine. 

“ **_You had every right to be angry with me. Your punch was… far less worse, than Eli’s. I believe it’s due to the irrefutable knowledge of that small voice breaking through the gathered clouds amongst your mind. The clinic is upstairs, you can fix what damage you caused in your right._ ** ” Getting a small nod in confirmation, Gordon sighed and moved from the pale man, saving his knees from enduring aches of his diminishing age. Letting Gordon get redressed back into his jumpsuit, Alek had lightly wiped off any blood that happened to drip onto the tiled floor from where he fell.

It was to prevent any misunderstanding, or potential suspicions.

If anyone would come across it, sure would vouch for some worry when they one who bled was nowhere to be found. After the bearded scientist had put his jumpsuit back on, the two went straight for the medical bay. At least not all of the supplies were damaged from Ms. Vance’s previous panic attack as well. In a way, they acted fairly similar to each other. Sporadic, angry yet upset - with every right to be. Of course, Gordon was still worried about the back of Alek’s head.

He was bleeding, while not heavily, it was still a good amount. He had suspected maybe a cut from skidding the floor some, though his main concern was the threat of a head injury, perhaps a concussion. In order to relieve him of his worries, Alek had let the physicist examine his head. It was producing a minor headache, but not one to cause for concern. He still retained his memories, his eyes were dilating accurately and held no blood or popped vessels in them.

“... I’m sorry I hit you.”

“ **_Gordon… I needed it._ ** ”

“No you didn’t… because deep down I feel like even though you made the suggestion of killing us all, you didn’t know you would end up like this. Along the boat with us. To me, that’s still a right to defend yourself. You had your memories erased, you had no idea you were forgotten too.” Sitting on the medical bed, Alek remained still as Gordon checked over the back of his head, before eventually moving to clean it with saline and cloth, wiping the blood away to reveal the small cut.

“ **_Whether or not you believe it, I won’t change your mind. In my perspective, the choice of wanting you or the others to forgive me isn’t mine. It’s yours and theirs. I now know what I have done, and I am… owning up to it. Surprisingly, these words should enter the ears of Eli Vance more than you, but I’m sure he has his own thoughts to go upon._ ** ” Deep blue eyes lightly squinted upon the cut being rubbed at, before Gordon placed a medicated bandage on top, flattening it down with his fingers before grabbing for some tape. 

“I’m sure you’ll hear from him upon this news soon enough. I just hope he doesn’t do worse to you. We still need you to guide us.”

“ **_You still wish for me to be captain?_ ** ”

“... No. But what I do wish for you to be is our advisor.”

“ **_Please don’t use that word._ ** ”

“Sorry… but it’s the truth. You need to point us on where to go, because… if you put us through this mess and want to own up to it, you better believe you’re going to get us out of it.” Lightly patting down the bandage with tape, Gordon then took a step back to view the work he did. While it wasn’t entirely the best - considering he wasn’t a medical doctor - it was still fairly workable. As long as he didn’t run his fingers through his hair, it should hold up alright. Removing the latex gloves from his hands to dispose into the trash, the Freeman then returned to the other who was still sitting upon the bed.

“It’s not the greatest, but it’ll do. Just try not to move your head in dramatic fashions for a little while. It was a small cut so… once it closes it, it’ll be a little itchy. Try not to scratch it.” 

“ **_Yes, Ms. Vance._ ** ” Squinting his forest-green eyes at the tease, Gordon then pinched his arm before eventually giving a heavy sigh, glancing to the wall of where the camera had been. Felt a little easier now that they weren’t being constantly watched, or at least they hoped. For Alek, it was a reminder of what happened in the cafeteria, yet he didn’t dare to tell Freeman about that situation. He’d probably have a heart attack, knowing that the government man was close to losing an arm. He had noticed the outfit change, yet never spoke upon it.

He just figured the other was too hot while wearing that military-style jacket everywhere. Now the other looked relaxed and less intimidating. In Barney’s perspective - a simple guy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“... You said that you weren’t going to let me die. Not while you were still here. Why risk your life for me? Why does a guy, from Seattle, who worked in New Mexico  _ underground _ in a secret, government facility… caught the attention of a mysterious,  _ idiotic _ , tall, dark, handsome and cryptic bureaucratic bastard?” 

“ **_Because I love you._ ** ” Staring to the other with widened eyes, Gordon stood there with his hands at his sides, watching as Alek gave a small smile of amusement and appreciation. 

“ **_It’s not rocket science, Mr. Freeman. Did you expect my feelings to be very different from yours?_ ** ”

“... I just never heard you say the phrase ‘ _ l love you _ ’ before.”

“ **_Neither have I. And I am sure that’s partly the reason for my employers’ decisions to… kick me to the curb. They don’t value emotions as something pragmatic. Since I’ve developed a lot of them, during my time here since the start of our escape from your world - those views were harboring on the line of… uncertainty. My composure was lacking, my moral compass was realigned - it’s disorienting to the structured mind._ ** ” Alek watched as Gordon softly flushed, forest eyes glancing to the floor to curb the slight bashfulness that came across him. 

“When… did this come to be? These feelings?”

“ **_Hm… you have piqued my interest since Black Mesa, however you can understand my lack of motive to pursue you in terms of guarded intimacy. For one, you were still in fight or flight mode - throwing you another theoretical curveball would surely melt your psyche alive. Second, it was not in my jurisdiction to make decisions for such bold moves that required no feasible announcements. Meaning, my employers wanted tasks done, you were perfect, there was no need to pursue in other terms._ ** ” Alek lightly straightened himself, only in relief as the medicine provided a small relief to the pain in his head, subsiding the minor headache. 

He was a bit dehydrated, in the least, so some sustenance would be in order soon.

“ **_I will remind you, however, these interests weren’t in mind to court you for instigating relationships beyond employer-to-client. But rather to get you in the right place at the right time. During the Borealis… I suppose I had the wind knocked out of me._ ** ” Gordon watched as the other flexed his fingers as he spoke, almost motioning them to tell the story hidden deep within. The physicist couldn’t believe it; there was a small hint of intriguing desire to discover within the government man since Black Mesa - that was a considerably long time ago.

120 years or perhaps more in comparison to him. The Freeman stood there in slight awe, releasing a scoff of amusement, but mostly surprise. Not intending to be jokeful - guaranteed Gordon felt flattered such a man like him would even have a little sliver of interest in that way. What was the term?

Love at first sight?

“ **_Questions, Doctor Freeman?_ ** ”

“No no, I’m just… in awe, really. Didn’t think your supposed… sensitivity towards me stretched as far back as Black Mesa. I mean we’re talking 120 years - maybe  _ more _ \- of suppressed fondness within you until just recently. Guess back then your old self couldn’t show through due to your employers valuing my life over feelings. I kinda… feel bad for you. Could have missed out on a lot of stuff. Not that I’m trying to offend you or anything - but… wow, you’re way more lame than I thought now.” 

“ **_Firstly insulted by Russell, then by you - I suppose that’s the cost of joining the club of misfits. I’ve been through my days of hazing before, it’s nothing new._ ** ” 

“There’s a club?” Gordon raised a brow and squinted his forest-green eyes as Alek made mention of a club. Lightly humming, the two had then begun to snicker some, just delving on the strangeness of the remaining group of the resistance. Quietly going back to reflecting within that silence, the Freeman then looked over the weathered man before him, who was rubbing his fingers together to disperse dried blood that was under his fingernails. 

“Alek…”

“ **_Yes, Doctor Freeman?_ ** ”

“... Say that you love me again.”

“ **_I love you._ ** ”

“... again.”

“ **_I love you, Doctor Freeman._ ** ”

“Not Doctor Freeman. Again.”

“ **_I love you… Gordon._ ** ” Lightly inhaling, the government man then blinked as he was kissed passionately, lightly shifting back as the other was pressing against him. While this medical bay wasn’t entirely soundproof, Alek wasn’t sure if they should continue. Russell and Judith were relatively closeby, yet the hunger deep inside his heart wanted to do more than just kiss the physicist. 

Tenderly pulling back from the kiss, Gordon then proceeded to kiss the corner of the other’s lips softly, before pulling back and gazing up to Alek. Forest-green eyes met deep-ocean blue, hardly wanting to break the urge to blink to cure the burn of dryness. The two remained fairly close, as their hands rested on top of each other’s with gentle fondness. To think that their time was limiting by the second, yet with no desire to break apart to do their respective next tasks.

“Alek.”

“ **_Yes, Gordon?_ ** ” A small gentle smile curled along the Freeman’s lips, before he had pressed them against Alek’s, paying mind to preventing the cut on his lip from reopening as their passion continued through them. While it wouldn’t be wise to proceed further, the physicist soon drew his attention back to the government man in front of him, eyes full of the same words that left his lips.

_ I love you, too. _


	19. Cognitive Dissonance

Finding such a code among the Undulatus was likened to finding a needle in a haystack.

It wasn’t necessarily a big ship, but rather held small rooms in comparison to places needed for wiring, circuitry and just the overall essence of making it available for transport through the cosmos. The more he gazed into the inner workings of the ship, the more Russell began to produce confusion. Half of the rooms shown up on the blueprints weren’t listed in the mainframe, such as the reactor room, boiler room - even the medical clinic wasn’t listed surprisingly. They knew where it was at, thankfully - yet still unsure why something so important would be left out of the mainframe. 

However, what he did know was the fact that these rooms were  _ indeed _ accessible, among the others listed correctly. The residential wing, the recreational areas, the gym, the loading bay; yet none of them truly pinpointed to where the code would be. Until his eyes settled upon the listings of the upper deck - the Captain’s quarters. On the blueprints, it was itemized  _ way bigger _ than the mainframe was telling them - it had several conjoining rooms, likely to kitchen areas, living areas, a walk-in wardrobe perhaps or an office room. 

Yet when Russell went to see Alek to announce the meeting several hours ago, he barely saw much inside. Just a lone bed, and a bathroom off to the side; a hotel room with beige walls at best. The decryptor wondered if that had been closed up last minute, or at least Alek hadn’t figured out his room to the T. Finding intel such as a code to be granted access into the Undulatus’s control system, no doubt would be close to the government man. He had an apparent office room, to do his own work in; would it be possible for the code to actually be close at hand?

“ So… what I’m thinking, is that since these rooms supposedly exist, we can ask Alek to inspect his. According to the Undulatus’s blueprints - dug in through internal wiring and processor, he has an office room. If there’s an office room, there might be a computer. If there’s a computer, well… don’t think I need to talk much else upon what could be on there. ”

“What makes you think the code is on there?” Having to join up on their search, Isaac adjusted his glasses as he loomed over the other’s shoulder to see what Russell was looking at. Eli sought to take a break of fixing or salvaging parts from the damaged scout ships - as they weren’t used to doing manual labor at their current age, thus leaving Dr. Kleiner to do what he pleased. He decided to check on everyone, mostly for the excursion of Alyx and Barney down on Elysium.

After all, it had been a few hours since he checked on them - couldn’t blame an old scientist for being worried. Guaranteed, Russell relieved him of his concerns when he allowed him to talk to the young woman - as she was happily exploring the planet of what it had to offer. Much like Earth; bittersweet to leave it. They were to return back to the Undulatus after another 30 minutes or so, since the weather was starting to take a gradual change. Unstable temperatures between the surface and atmosphere, made for some development of cumulonimbus clouds.

It was a practical explosion of a supercell. Capable of producing rain, hail, and beautiful intracloud lightning. After her exploration, Alyx decided to hang out on the scout ship to videograph it, hoping to create a timelapse of such a storm growing near before they would leave. Dr. Kleiner was only happy her mind was directed towards other thoughts, rather than those who halted her very way of life. He remembered the subtle moments of her youth - always so curious and in awe with things she couldn’t wrap her mind around well enough. 

“ I’m thinking that since this is a ship with government command, it’ll be close to the one who’s under that command. Safety precautions, to prevent mutiny among the crew and quite potentially steering us into unknown territory or getting off track. ”

“You’re not suggesting that  _ Alek _ is the one to steer us onto our current path towards… well, inevitableness?”

“ Oh, no.  _ Well _ … no, I’m not going to go there. I’m just saying - we should go and find him, and ask if we can examine his room for these potential codes. ”

“Why ask him?” Blinking lightly at the voice behind them, Russell and Kleiner both turned back to find Judith, watching her stand there in the neutral corridor with crossed arms. She had momentarily stepped away some time ago, wanting to have a break from bending over a keyboard and looking back and forth between screens for the past few hours. Her feet were aching to no end, as the boots provided little comfort for standing that amount of time with minimal motion of anything else. Truly, she was exhausted; maybe spent a sleepless night previously. 

“Why not just force ourselves in?”

“Now now, Judith - I expected you the most to be civil.” Adjusting his glasses, Issac straightened himself to save his back from unnecessary aches. He was going to get them no matter what, however, the least he could do was lessen the pain. Glancing back to the screen, Russell had listened in to the feed of  _ Opportunity _ , watching as the three were finally getting ready to head back home to the Undulatus.

“ Won’t Alek be mad at us? After all, it’s his personal space. ”

“I hope you’ve noticed that we’ve gone past the need to ask for things, right? After what information had come to us a day ago? We can’t just sit around and wait for permission while every second counts. And I don’t think anyone here wants to continue to drift ever so closer to a black hole.” Judith kept her arms crossed as the two glanced at each other in slight concern. While she does have a point, breaking into Alek’s quarters wasn’t going to be in the slightest of having no reprimands. 

What if they broke in while he was in there? Then again, he was the very man who put them in this situation, so possibly this would even things out. They didn’t want to suspect Alek of holding the code to their freedom and survival, yet it seemed like he was indeed holding that key. It made the most sense - important information would be close to the captain’s heart, perhaps relatively the same room he occupied.

“ You know, Alek hasn’t done us wrong since we’ve been on this ship. Guaranteed, the recording said different, but I have a reason to believe that he’s not entirely on his employers’ side. He’s never threatened us - never fought with us, in certain aspects. I just don’t feel  _ comfortable _ breaking into his personal space without asking. ”

“Breaking into whose personal space?” Flinching at the sudden voice behind them, the three had then turned to Alek and Gordon, who had approached their position. Judith took notice of the bandage wrapped around Alek’s head; had he been injured? Did Eli get into another argument with him? However, as her brown eyes gazed downwards to his shirt, a visible wet stain was pronounced in the form of a blob, as well as Freeman’s hair was damp and hardly brushed to indicate a shower had been taken.

Were they the ones to get into a scuffle? She never suspected them to get into a fight, let alone for Alek to be the one injured in comparison. Wasn’t this the government man who could protect himself at any cost? He was practically untouchable back then. She remembered those details that came in from the Combine databases - of him being held prisoner down at the QZ. Well, details as in old transcripts. When she had come across them, they were old enough to be discarded. 

Nothing would keep him subdued unless by the energy of some Vortigaunts and their filtered energy. A Dyson cage to radiate that energy amongst his environment, almost like a lulling sensation. It kept him under rep, until eventually the report came of his dismissal. Gone, and nowhere to be found. It was a wonder how he even managed to get out, let alone without anyone spotting him. As mysterious as he is, there was always a reason for what he became.

“ Well… alright, I guess since you’re here, we might as well come clean. We were thinking about breaking into your room because we figured you might have the code, Alek. Apparently on the ship’s blueprints, it lists the captain’s quarters to have an office room, so we figured there might be a separate computer linked up with the Undulatus’s drives. ”

“ **_... Then by all means. Break in._ ** ”

“ ... Well that was easy. And here I thought you were going to beat us to a pulp for treading on your personal space. ”

“Wait, are you really okay with this? Why?” Isaac had stepped forward. He too noticed the wet stains on Alek, as well as the bandage around his head yet decided not to reflect upon it. It wasn’t in his right to prod, however the idea that the government man would be okay with them tearing up his room was surprising. 

“ **_While it does impede on my space, I had lacked the understanding of such an office to exist. Would have made better to read reports at a desk rather than a bed. If the Undulatus contains blueprints stating of such a room, I too would like to find it. Perhaps it would give me some insight on what I’ve possibly missed - or even… other potential messages left behind by my employers._ ** ” Forest eyes glanced up to Alek as he spoke, with slight awe and respect with the way he was handling things. He could tell the other was relatively angry with his employers, yet maintained an important stature in his position. 

Taking accounts of all perspectives.

In a way, Gordon couldn’t help but to subconsciously reach for Alek’s hand to hold, fingers interlocking with his. His heart skipped a beat when the other remained stoic, however squeezed back lightly, never dropping his attention to the three before them. Attractively, in a sense, the physicist stared up at him before eventually breaking eyesight as he felt he was gazing for far too long. Surely it must have felt awkward for the others - yet the truth had to come out sometime.

“I do have a question, however. If the possibility of this room actually  _ not _ existing, where else could the code be? We have to broaden our options when considering the fact that while these blueprints could definitely pinpoint where it might be, that we can’t just tear this ship apart each time. We might rupture something, or worse - rupture something that keeps us capable of maintaining flight or hovering in orbit. We don’t want ourselves plummeting to Elysium if we pull a cord.” Gordon lightly let go of the other’s hand, however blinked when Alek had grabbed him again, keeping their hold consistent. 

A small blush crawled along his cheeks, however thankfully shielded by the frame of his glasses that slipped down from the minor glisten of sweat. Perhaps he was trying to maintain Gordon’s feelings, to keep them in check after what had happened in the pool room. Sure, he was exhausted from the small panic attack, nonetheless felt secure when the government man kept his hold on him. Keeping him from falling into that chasm of uncertainty and despair, being the light to his tunnel. 

“ That is also a good point. Usually blueprints don’t lie, but there’s a first for everything. Maybe avoid the areas that are beneficial to the Undulatus; oxygen filtration and ventilation, power supply to the reactor core, anything with a big warning label on it that says  _ do not microwave _ . ”

“So, we understand that while the code being in Alek’s room is relatively the major spot to look, where else should we establish? There’s not many other rooms to access that’s particularly important to hold information. I don’t suspect the code being in the downstairs lavatory, plastered underneath the toilet lid.” Adjusting his glasses once more, Isaac glanced to Russell as he was talking over the radio to Barney and Alyx, as they began their ascent back to re-entry. 

“ **_Unfortunately, any place could be possible. During my years at war, sometimes my platoon would hide hidden messages written on bricks stuffed between destroyed enemy tank treads. Intel that important is bound to be in a place not easily able to find. Even so, it can also likely be... encrypted for extra protection._ ** ” 

“ I’m your man for that. ”

“ **_Yes, but possibly that encryption alone can take weeks to figure out if you do not have the equipment for it. Hiding in plain sight can often benefit those who do not want to be found. Meaning… we could potentially be looking for a code that practically exists in non-existent ways. There’s also the problem of finding ‘fake’ codes. Thinking you have the real one, when in reality you’ve wasted enough time for others to catch you off guard._ ** ” Giving a heavy sigh, Russell had tried to wrap his mind around what the other just said. Things were looking much better to give up than to spend an absurd amount of time finding something that won’t likely help them at all. A lose-lose situation; unable to find the right solution, before evidently being screwed over in the process - war seemed like the toughest situation to be in.

“We still have to give it a try. Once Barney, Alyx and Dr. Magnusson return from Elysium, perhaps we can split apart for an all-out manhunt. There’s 9 of us, so there’s 9 locations that can be checked at the same time, from head-to-toe.” Judith stepped forward as she explained before glancing to Isaac beside her. 

“It’ll be hard to look for something we don’t know exactly what we are looking for. Our peers - not intending to insult them - aren’t exactly decryptors or data analysts to be searching for a code that could be hidden behind walls of binary or even the same firewalls that Russell lacks to get through.”

“ Best way to describe my work is to look for stuff that intentionally doesn’t belong or doesn’t make sense. Practical gibberish, those are some of the best types to unscramble, ” Russell typed on the console attached to the server, glancing back and forth between screens, giving a contented sigh. “ It’s like making love .” 

Silence filled the neutral hallway, listening to the hacker type on the tender keys of the console, as if he was playing a metaphorical piano. Quick work of the fingers provided little mistake to someone who spent years at their craft, until they had paused with the announcement of silence. Russell glanced at the four of them, before realizing what he said.

“ Hacking into a firewall is like making love - it takes dedication and the use of dexterous fingers! ” Defending himself, the decryptor then shook his head and waved them away, going back to monitor  _ Opportunity’s _ re-entry. Forest-green eyes glanced up to deep-ocean blue before quirking his brow as he didn’t know what else to say about that analogy Russell had prescribed for them. In a way it probably was true? However, it wasn’t only limited to fingers. Yet, there was really only one way to find out; then again, matters were still at hand.

“Moving on… we can at least show them what to potentially look for. A mock code, or perhaps a previous log of attempts to get into the Undulatus’s mainframe. Even so, why limit ourselves  _ inside _ the ship? I know of another computer that’s outside the Undulatus that could potentially hold various codes as well. It’s the manual reboot system for the satellites located on the exterior plates. We could send D0g out there to search through that binary and make a mental list of any codes he comes across.” 

“Ooh, that’s a good idea, Dr. Mossman. I hadn’t thought about searching the exterior. I’ll help program a command for Alyx’s companion to override any codes that are unable to be placed into the sequence key.” Isaac glanced at her before looking to Gordon as he stepped forward.

“What if we’re not looking for a  _ whole _ sequence code? What if we managed to find  _ parts _ of it? Think about it, splitting up a code in multiple locations wastes time for those trying to find it - instead of placing it in one single location. It just makes it easier to find. Dispersing them in different computers or data consoles can ensure that half of the code is  _ real _ while the other half is just gibberish. But if we can properly decipher the real from the fake, we’ll have our numbers. Essentially… all numbers we come across in the mainframe are suspects. Just weed out the useless ones.” Gordon motioned to the main server Russell was kneeling by, talking with Barney and Alyx on the radio.

“ Okay so… they’ve made a suggestion, since they’re overhearing our conversation. They said to create a data chip, almost like what Judith came across, and essentially write a type of virus on it. That way, when it’s introduced into the computers we find, it’ll search through millions of binary or ASCII coding despite the firewall in place. It’ll just think that it’s trying to find something else not relating to the code. ”

“ **_How long will it take to create such a virus?_ ** ”

“ Uhh… probably a day, maybe? At best? ” Gordon blinked and looked up to Alek. While it was a chunk of time off of what they had, could they risk making it? What if it doesn’t work, or just make things worse? The look in his eyes said it all; the bearded scientist was worried that creating a virus wouldn’t yield the results they wanted. The government man remained quiet, just listening to the thrum of the Undulatus and Russell’s typing on the keyboard. What other choice did they have? Remain stagnant or at least attempt to create an override for something that might not work? Softly inhaling, the bureaucrat then straightened his posture.

“ **_If our search is lackluster, perhaps starting on this attempt will be our last resort. In the meantime, we will proceed as planned to investigate my living quarters--_ ** ” Pausing his words, the government man glanced upwards as the five of them heard a loud thump in the ceiling, causing Russell to even pause his own work and thoughts.

“ What the hell was that? ”

“ **_... Seems like someone had the same idea first hand before us. Above us is my room._ ** ” Glancing down to Judith and Kleiner, the four then left Russell behind to help the scout ship return back to their orbit as he was the only one able enough to do so. Alek had his suspicions; after all, they lacked one amongst their crew that seemingly wasn’t doing much to pull his weight. Not that he possibly could at certain amounts like the younger crowd was able to, yet it still applied all the same. 

Eli had been by himself most of the time, with no one by his side to watch him. Had he listened in to their conversation - or acquired it a different way? Quite the possibility, however as the four of them ascended the stairwell, did they find various papers and books shredded along those steps. He couldn’t recall ever having a library in his room, nor a bookcase to account for the amount of books that lined along the floor. Of course, some of them were fiction novels - made for some light-hearted reading should they get bored along their travels.

Or quite possibly to read to potential children when the time came for the talk.

As they trekked down that neutral hall did things become simple; books tossed from their shelves, and various wood pieces of mahogany. Definitely from his room - as the rest of the ship lacked such decoration. Then came the noise of more thumps and dragging, as the closer they got to his door did they see various papers be thrown out, along with clothes and shoes that were replications of what he was supposed to wear as captain. Military jackets, symbols of his authority, and shined Oxford shoes to accommodate such a sharp image.

Moving to the doorway, Alek dodged a book that was thrown out before gazing inside once more, finding the man responsible for this mess. Peeking in one by one, Gordon vented in as his colleague was the one tossing the items out into the corridor, not caring if such a mess left a difficult way to travel. Wallpaper was torn, slashed open by what they presumably believed to be a glass shard from the now broken shower chamber. Certain memories spark through the government man’s mind as he gazed at the broken shower - the moments of his first wash since waking up, to opening his heart to Freeman within. 

Now it was a dangerous battlefield in itself - shards of broken glass littered that very tiled floor of where he laid the physicist. A small spark of anger rose up in his throat, as Alek entered, much to the dismay of the bearded scientist as he feared what he would confront Eli about and if they would need to prepare the medbay for any potential injuries to come from such a fight. Debris was everywhere, and every single piece could be used as a weapon.

“ **_Perhaps you would like to tell me of what compelled you to not seek my permission to completely trash my room._ ** ”

“I don’t need your goddamn permission. I told you before, I will never take orders from someone like you. Besides, you already gave permission to the others, what makes me any different?” 

“ **_Specifically they were looking for an adjoining room. I didn’t say anything about making a mess of my bathroom, tearing my furniture from the walls, or dismantling my bed. Where do you even expect this office to be at?_ ** ” Deep blue eyes narrowed as the older scientist tore more wallpaper from the walls, pausing upon a door panel hidden away on the other side.

“Right here.” He growled and sneered at the government man before tearing more of the wallpaper off, tossing it to the side as he moved to open the door. Once the door had retracted, Eli gazed inside, venting at the small office room within. The lights had automatically turned on for them to see, revealing the cozy nature of what was to be. Mahogany, cream-colored walls, all the same for the supposed master bedroom. Off to the side was another door, presumably the kitchen area or living quarters; a much better space compared to the broom closets of hab suites they had. 

Of course the government man would have such luxury. 

More books lined the walls in neat order, or rather instead of books - various files that contained information unknown to them, even to Alek himself. Had he known this was there, he would have attempted to seek more information upon his disappearance on EX-9880, or even the past events leading up to the Borealis’ final big bang. Yet, to have so many files in pristine black binders to line the walls felt…  _ suffocating _ . How could he ever work in ease when all of these files reminded just how bleak and formal life was? Spotting a camera in the corner, the bureaucrat made the immediate move to destroy it, tearing it off of the wall, much to Eli’s partial amusement.

“They already know you would find this place, it was only a matter of time. Don’t try and play the victim when you’re the one playing the strings.” Moving to sit on the desk chair, Eli ignored Alek’s smashing of the camera, kicking it off to the side to scatter the debris along that already messy floor. Gordon gave a heavy sigh before approaching up to the father Vance, touching his shoulder.

“Eli, please - Alek had no idea that this was here. He’s been living in his bedroom for the past 2 weeks--”

“--Don’t try and make me understand Gordon. He was always hiding stuff from us - playing coy and acting like he'd never noticed anything amongst his room that seemed out of place. You want a code to get into the Undulatus? I bet you anything it’s on this computer, so he can take a step back and go  _ wow, I did not notice a thing _ . Give me a break.” Shrugging off his hand, Eli began to enter the computer, leaving Gordon to rub his nasal ridge in stress. While he couldn’t exactly get his old friend to see the differences and make amends, the physicist could only step back and watch. 

He didn’t feel like it was his place to impede him - perhaps due to the seniority complex carried over from Black Mesa. Though, he wished Eli could return to being understanding like those times; always been there for him since he first started working in Sector C. Did he now see him as an enemy, just because he was close to the government man? Forest-green eyes glanced up to Alek as he approached his side, tenderly placing a hand on his arm to prevent him from getting too agitated. His head was still recovering from the fall, the least he could do was not make it worse.

It seemed to be a recurring theme.

“ **_Do you even know what the code looks like? It’s a million-number sequence. How can you possibly see if anything on there is even remotely related to what we are trying to accomplish?_ ** ” 

“When it comes to language barriers, it’s my specialty. Computer science is no different. Russell may be the expert in decrypting and gaining access to certain protocols and data packets through binary, but I’m the one who can read what’s actually on it. So step back - you are no longer in control here.” Eli furrowed his brow as he began to access the other’s computer, glancing to the various files listed among them. Thousands, if not plenty more than what was already on the shelves physically in the room. Some were listed as strange numbers and symbols, perhaps encrypted.

“Eli, even if we do find the number sequence on his computer, Russell would need to come up here and hotwire some kind of mechanism to transfer that data to the Undulatus’s main servers. We run the risk of potentially destroying everything - like what the previous recording or message that stated our path. If Alek’s employers did that twice, they  _ will _ do it again.” Judith stepped forward, waving Alek and Gordon away in hopes to give insight to the father Vance. 

“I’ll work faster than them, then.”

“Eli, please. Let’s just wait until Russell can take a look as well. He’s currently bringing your daughter up from Elysium, he can’t run everything at once.” 

“ **_It’s useless, Dr. Mossman - he’s lost all will to see reason unless he gets a proverbial high at proving something wrong._ ** ” Crossing his arms, Alek inhaled lightly as Eli growled in annoyance.

“I don’t want to ever hear your voice unless it’s stating that you’re dying. So I can kick you into that grave you’ve dug yourself.”

“Alek, just stop.” Gordon touched the government man’s shoulder once more, already growing tired of their bickering. It was obvious Eli wasn’t going to be pulled off the computer, perhaps even when the Undulatus is being torn apart by some giant space monster. When his old colleague was determined, there was no stopping him. Especially after everything that happened - Eli was most likely experiencing the same sensations he felt back at Black Mesa. The feelings of hopelessness, yet denial. If he could prevent another Resonance Cascade or had the chance to prevent it, he would do anything.

He had lost friends, family along that grim way - and Gordon could tell age was catching up to him from such trauma. 

“ **_You’re just going to let him ruin our one chance to save this ship? To save your friends? Because if so, I don’t want to hear anything about how it’s going to be my fault._ ** ”

“You just need to let him do what he has to do. I know you're upset with him introducing himself into your business, but can you really blame him? We’re all on edge here, the clock is still ticking and we have yet to find a conclusive and steady solution on getting out of this situation. I don’t want to see my friends and family fight anymore - it solves nothing. We’ve been stuck on this ship for a considerably long amount of time, all anxious about finding a better life.” Gordon pulled the other off to the side, or rather in the next room, amongst the debris that was left behind.

“But when something like this happens, something that changes their outlook on life in a split second - you should know humans are unpredictable in these scenarios. As you can probably tell, from my previous panic attack in the pool area. I hurt you, because of my own anxiousness and uncertainty of the future. No one wants to die to something they have  _ no idea _ what death by it is like.” 

“ **_Gordon--_ ** ”

“--Just listen to me. Please. All of us really need to work together in harmony if we even get… a chance in all of this. I may be the worst person to provide anything like a hype speech or something of that nature but you  _ know _ it’s true. You… you  _ screwed up _ and we are paying the price for it. But it’s not just me and the resistance anymore,  _ you _ are now part of the problem. You are in the same boat as us, drifting through a mindless sea of nothingness - heading towards a beast of unrecognizable distinction. The least you can do is listen and try to understand why we’re reacting the way we are. Especially Eli.” Softening his words, Gordon stared up to the other before gazing slowly around to the room.

He remembered how pristine it was - beautiful even. That night was practically the best night of his life, and he barely got a chance to take it in as most of his attention was focused on the man before him. Tenderly reaching into his pocket, the physicist had fiddled with the charm he had given him, before eventually taking a deep breath. 

“Let’s just wait and see if he finds anything. Russell will hopefully be done with returning Alyx, Barney and Magnusson to the Undulatus, so they too can come help us. But right now… let’s just stay quiet and observe where this goes, okay? While the risk is losing the code after finding it, there’s always another plan we can establish. It may take us some time… but we always find a way.” Alek watched as Gordon fiddled in his pocket, likely holding onto the lucky charm to calm his own heart.

He reflected, swallowed the anger that lodged in his throat before giving a subtle nod to the physicist. Should he find something, they should get ready for anything potentially being thrown at them. Despite all of the potential cameras destroyed, nothing could disperse the feeling of being watched among them. A ghostly whisper or a faint sensation of static charge to seep over their spines, reminding to keep on their toes - if they knew what was good for them.


	20. Lost and Found

“Does it hurt still?” 

Gordon asked softly, not wanting to disturb Eli and his search through the government man’s computer, as Alek was sat in one of the chairs they upturned within the bedroom. The physicist was overlooking that bandage, making sure it was still securely in place; after all, he wasn’t a nurse or a medical doctor. The only wounds he’s ever dressed were papercuts or small scrapes that he got while handling documents or having too dry of hands. Aside from the fact that he endured hell and high water, he surprisingly held up alright - minus the major wound in his side. 

“ **_The medicine helped._ ** ” Alek shook his head some, remaining still for the bearded scientist to examine him. The ache was gone at least, yet only left a minor urge to itch at the cut, no doubt it was starting to scab over. At least his immune system was still under rep - he couldn’t imagine if it was compromised. It had been at least 30 minutes since Eli began his search for the code, as Judith and Isaac searched the files along the bookshelves. The more they looked into it, the more they realized it was files of certain individuals they previously came into contact with.

Old colleagues, friends, family members, even including themselves. Judith had found her own file, labeled with a picture and documentation of when and where she was born, among other personal information that wouldn’t be accessed unless the person who had these files was an important figure, or worked for a security firm. It was definitely scary to look at, knowing that their lives were on a piece of paper for anyone to potentially see. A report that was apparently left inconclusive if she was a prime candidate for whatever troubles the government man previously delivered. 

Dismissed and left unattended.

Mossman then peeked into the bedroom, watching Gordon fix Alek’s bandage upon his head before continuing their quiet conversation of other possibilities to consider. If they did find the code, wouldn’t it be too late to turn the Undulatus around? Being caught in the black hole’s gravitational field already would hinder the process of re-routing to a better direction; instead, consistently continue to drift towards the event horizon. She then glanced to the clock upon the wall, watching the hour tick by of how long they had left.

Unfortunately, the time was still counting down. Likely had another day or so before they would really be locked into the point of no return. The day after that was anyone’s guess. Coming to the door, Russell had blinked and avoided stepping on some loose wood, honestly surprised that such destruction was left behind. 

“ What in god’s name happened here? ”

“ **_Eli._ ** ”

“Just be thankful I didn’t ruin much more of  _ yours _ .” Eli huffed as he heard the other speak his name in an irritated way, before returning his focus back to the computer in front of him. Russell entered into the bedroom, minorly excusing himself as he kicked some debris out of the way to allow them to walk more easily along. He didn’t honestly think Eli was capable of producing this much damage - with the leg and all - but apparently he was proved wrong. 

“ Well, Barney and the others are back safely from Elysium. They uh-- found something that… is way more mind-boggling than that recording we had to decrypt. Since I have to wait until the recording on their helmet is finished downloading onto the main database to see, I figured I’d come up here and see how the search was going. ”

“Been at this for 30 or so minutes, but haven’t found anything conclusive yet. What did Barney and Alyx find?” Gordon crossed his arms as he gazed into the office room before looking back to Russell as he adjusted his hat. The decryptor merely just shrugged as he had no idea what they had found either. 

“ Only one way to find out. You’re welcome to come back and see for yourself, just in case the whole… deleting-after-one-use decides to happen again. ”

“Good idea. There’s not much else we can do right now, so might as well take a gander at what they found, right?” Gordon glanced down to Alek, who then proceeded to stand. Anything to get out of the same space as Eli - his nerves were starting to wear thin. The three of them had left the tense space, entering those neutral corridors once more to rid themselves of the harsh, debris-littered environment that was the government man’s room.

“ So no luck finding a code huh? I guess your employers might have made this harder to get than previously noted. Anything to get us in our place, right? Not that I’m blaming you of course - even though you did have a hand. Sorry, I’m still a bit skeptical and lower in the side of forgiveness. Not to Eli’s scale though, he’s fit beyond the physical boundaries of taking apologies. ” Russell rubbed the back of his head, trying to stop the running of his mouth so he wouldn’t have to bury himself in an even deeper hole. Alek didn’t see the decryptor as someone he hated however, though he did see him as a bit strange. 

Perhaps it was just his personality. He seemed like the most chipper amongst all of them, and that was saying a lot. Even if his personality being chipper instigated into a conversation of morbid uselessness; talking about gruesome deaths during the discussions of finding problems to deal with. He remembered when the other explained how the suits work.  _ Make sure the helmet is secured on properly, or else you’ll be a baked potato! _

Wonderful on words, but horrible on their usage.

“ **_At this point, Russell - insults from anyone just goes over my head. I’ve become desensitized to them, and mostly they just keep up the annoyance. However, I applaud your passive-aggressiveness. Rather reminds me of myself._ ** ” Alek hummed lightly as they walked, descending the stairway, picking up a book along the way. It was titled “ _ Beyond _ ” and seemed to implore the fiction of having your soul attached to another being beyond a physical state. Transdimensional, or from a different realm. Though, that form likely wanted to murder the main character.

_ Doppelgänger _ was more like it - if there was another attachment to one’s soul, and such an attachment wanted to kill the original physical being it belonged to, surely that fit the description well. Frankly, the realization struck him hard at his core; in a way, he related to the explanation. That moment in the medical bay, coming face-to-face with his other self spoke fear into his psyche. An attachment he will never be able to get rid of - and yet with the book held in his hand, Alek tossed it away, not wanting to remind himself of those moments. 

Whether it wanted to kill him or not was uncertain, the least he could do was set his mind at ease for the time being. As the three made their way back to the server room -  _ closet _ \- did Gordon greet Barney as he waited there. Magnusson and Alyx weren’t anywhere to be found, perhaps found it quite enough to be spending time together. The physicist could only imagine how it was like going down to Elysium. Magnusson bickering at their jokes, likely ill-induced from the launch on  _ Opportunity _ from the descent. It was like being on an airplane; if that airplane could maneuver at 3gs or more and shake like grapes in water.

“How was your trip?”

“Oh,  _ lovely _ . Lovely weather, I’m sweating in places I haven’t sweat in years. Maybe Doc can invent a special pair of underwear to soak up sweat, or at least control it like a hydroelectric dam. I’m due for a shower here pretty soon.” Barney lightly pulled on his shirt to cure himself of the heat trapped within. It was obvious a sweat puddle was already forming on the backside - after all, they had just gotten back. Despite the Undulatus maintaining it’s rather cold temperature, the former security guard thought the air conditioning broke.

“Where’s Alyx?” Gordon blinked as Barney gave a simple shrug and a cross of his arms. 

“She took off. Again. I tell you, she can’t sit still for nobody, even when she was a kid. But, I’m sure she caught wind of D0g being awake, because she was headed downstairs when we left the loading bay. Hell, as long as he’s with her, I feel at ease.” 

“Russell said you found something. What did you find?” The physicist blinked in confusion once his buddy had pointed to Alek; he too seemed rather taken aback. Him? What did he mean by him? Or was it  _ something _ of his? The government man glanced down to the bearded scientist before crossing his arms, looking back to the former security guard.

“ **_What do you mean, me?_ ** ”

“You! You’re plastered all over the goddamn walls. Okay, so… Alyx went to go find Russell a rock, right? Oh, by the way… here, Russell. Alyx told me to give this to you.” Stopping his story, Barney reached into his pocket and took out the smooth oval rock. Tipped with purple and blue colors in the geode, Russell examined it closely before humming in awe. By hell, she  _ had _ found him the best rock there was.

“ It looks like a resin ring! Well, without the ring hole in the middle. Unfinished resin ring is more like it. ”

“Anyway, Alyx had gone to a cave so I went after her, you know, just to keep an eye on her. I didn’t want her to get lost or have a quake happen and her to get trapped inside alone. So I’m looking for her right? And it’s a relatively  _ big _ cave. There’s extending tunnels everywhere. So I call out to her and she brings me to this turn off of one of the tunnels and… there’s just biolumiencest paintings everywhere, on the walls. I’m talking in comparison to the Sistine Chapel ceiling-type paintings,  _ everywhere. _ ” Barney motioned with his hands as he told the story, leaving Gordon to look up to Alek upon the other’s experience of what he saw.

“There’s this giant mural of Alek. But not like what you see him now. He’s like what we’ve seen before this whole mess got thrown around. He’s making a motion with his hands or something like that, reminds me of when you’re trying to search for yourself. I can’t remember what it’s called but… whoever drew him wanted to make sure that he’s totally noticed more than the other paintings.” Alek blinked lightly before glancing at Russell as the download had finished. At least the time lapse wasn’t proven wrong this time. They had been down there for at least 6 or 7 hours, exploring the planet and thankfully the recording managed to capture everything.

“ Was it during the last hour before you came back or 2 hours? ”

“Try the 4 and a half hour mark. Somewhere around there.” Barney approached up to the decryptor’s side, looming over his shoulder as they gathered around, wanting to see what was hidden in Elysium’s caves. Though, it was tough wrapping their heads around upon why a mural of Alek was even spotted in the first place, surely it rendered some thought that something or  _ someone _ occupied the planet before they found it. 

Fast-forwarding the tape, the four of them had watched the sequence of events unfold, watching as Barney was at the foot of the cavern before pressing play. Piling in closely to Russell - to his dismay at the ranges of body heat near him - did they watch as the former security guard entered that cove with Alyx, overlooking the various paintings among the walls.

“Oh my god…”

“See, I told you.”

“ **_Russell, are you recording?_ ** ”

“ Just began. ” Russell stated, shifting forward a bit as he felt a bit uncomfortable with them speaking into his ear, watching the recorded feed. Gordon was in awe the most; it reminded him of the Antlion caverns within the mines some time ago. Retrieving the extract for Alyx when she got injured by a Hunter and her life was on the line for them to save. Antlion husbandry is what the Vortigaunts said - an ancestral practice.

It wasn’t so much as a painting but rather stained glass inscribed into those very walls. Likely to have taken years to make, with the use of small glass pieces to make the images precise and outlined into the government man was a skill that many did not have. Certainly a wonder of who created this image, why and  _ when _ ?

“The camera doesn’t do it justice but… you just had to be there. Unfortunately, when I had gone to retrieve Magnusson, Alyx said it disappeared. I should have stayed behind to document it further but… it’s like herding cats with them. I didn’t want Magnusson getting irritated for leaving him behind, and I didn’t want Alyx to trail off without us.” Barney sighed, rubbing his nasal ridge as the stress was getting to him. Gordon offered a hand of support to his shoulder, patting him lightly.

“Barney, you’ve done everything you could for us in the past years. You managed to document some great stuff. I suppose the only effort left to really deduce is…  _ why _ you were shown this or why this was  _ here _ of all places? Elysium was going to be our sanctuary, give or take, and stuff like this - stuff hinting towards the past - isn’t normal to come by.”

“ You said that Alyx had a reason to believe that the Vorts made this. Did she say why? ”

“Something about finding a mural like this down in the QZ, the outskirts of it. It was before she met a Vortigaunt tucked away in some part of the canals.” Barney shrugged some, leaving Gordon to think about such a possibility. If a Vortigaunt left this behind, what were they supposed to decipher from this? Most of the mural was of the government man, in various places among their time frame of events. Alek gazed to those images, deep blue eyes darting from detail to detail. 

Why him?

Why was his image among those walls? What frustrated him was the lack of reasoning behind them. Yes, they were of past events, yet some were of events he’s never even  _ witnessed _ before. Was this due to the fact that he lacked much of his abilities? If Vortigaunts indeed had depicted him in these scenarios - why couldn’t he  _ himself _ remember them? Time did not matter to him, memories flooded by the millisecond on a split occasion previously. Now for the first time ever, or at least a few times since his prompt blast from the past on the Borealis, his mind drew a blank.

Blank, nothingness, no fulfillment whatsoever. And that  _ scared _ him. Was the faces he saw depictions of his old self attempting to return to his physicality? To return him to those old ways and erase what shape he had left? An empty cask of a human being, who lost his soul and transparency, was now receiving mixed and aggressive messages from that apparition. A total takeover was inbound, and he had no idea what to expect.

Pain? Sacrifice?

“ **_Death?_ ** ” Alek had spoken out loud, before pausing as the others had looked to him, wondering what compelled him to say such a grim word when overlooking the time lapse. The government man lightly shifted in place before looking upwards as he heard a loud thud. Right, Eli was still within his quarters - perhaps deciding to wreak havoc once more. However, Alek had decided he had enough, and made his way back to the hab suite. Gordon was quick to follow, wanting to make sure a fight didn’t compromise the bureaucrat’s already injured head. 

Surely by now it was starting to scab over; he didn’t want it to be re-opened.

Alek entered the hab suite once more, overlooking the debris left behind as he gazed into the office room. Eli had kicked over the computer screen, supposedly frustrated with the lack of finding a code. The government man crossed his arms as Eli pointed a finger at him, almost threateningly yet in an accusatory way. 

“This is your fault. You locked me out.”

“Wait wait, Eli. What do you mean he locked you out?”

“The damn bastard must have set a timer on the computer for it to completely block me from looking at the files. And there was  _ plenty _ on there. Files on all of us, guaranteeing either survival or death and making priority tabs on who’s who. Now I can’t access anything, and I still don’t understand how  _ any _ of you can allow him to still be here! He  _ wants _ us to die! He sent us on this damn deep space travel just so we can have false hope!”

“ **_Why wait the 100 years? I could have killed you_ ** **_long_ ** **_before this, Mr. Vance. There wouldn’t be any reason needed to be given._ ** ” Deep blue eyes squinted; already fed up with the way he was being treated by such a character. Gordon touched his shoulder, in attempts to cool him down and not escalate things further. 

“Because you wanted all evidence to be destroyed! That’s how all governments work - as long as it takes for the job to be done right. Now we just wasted time. We will never find the code and it’s all because of him. You have doomed us all. If he’s going down, he’s taking us all with him.” 

“ **_I’m getting real sick of your shi--_ ** ” Shrugging off Gordon’s hand, Alek stormed forward to the other, fingers curled into fists before he was promptly pulled back by the physicist, restraining him as Judith and Isaac kept Eli from enduring another fight. They were completely falling apart; what other option did they have now? 100 years in space, with no contact to Earth or potential help. In all likely scenarios, they were positively screwed.

“ **_Your anger towards me isn’t just stemmed from me ruining your future anymore. It’s now a personal reason. You despise me just for the hell of it, now. You hate that others have grown so close to me because I’ve shown them a reason to. You won’t even listen to your disciple and the warnings he announced, just because he’s closer to me than anyone else. News flash, Mr. Vance… I don’t intend to let Gordon die just because you lack the complacency of your life. In fact, while you believe my stance to be selfish, I don’t intend to let anyone die. Read the files all you want, because you’re reading into the past. Point your goddamn prejudice finger somewhere else where it counts._ ** ” Managing to silence the other, Alek had then stood to manage his frustration and stress, letting Gordon keep a hold on him. 

“ **_Stop pretending to hate me for a reason that’s long been dead. I get it - I’ve yet to pay my own dues to consequences. Stop reminding me. I already know. Pay attention to more important details, Mr. Vance. And that’s controlling your own internal panic. I’m sorry for Azian and her non-predetermined death. What more do you want from me?_ ** ” The government man watched as Eli kept quiet, heterochromia eyes continuing to glare at the other before turning their gaze to the floor at the mention of Azian. Gone too soon, and only left in memory.

“ **_I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but there’s one I do not intend to make again. Letting someone decide their fate for them. I rather throw myself to the fire than dangle someone over it._ ** ” Feeling his hand get held, Gordon glanced at Alek as he held his hand tightly, despite the onlookers to his and Eli’s argument. Russell and Barney had come to see what was going on, as the thrum of the engines filled that distant silence. The clock ticked along those seconds, being wasted for useless fights instead of banding together in this time of need.

The eight of them felt grim and unsure.

If there was no code to be accessed on the computer, what else could they do? With the computer monitor on the floor and partly shattered, it would be hard to attempt to read what was on it again - unless Russell hooked it up to the main server to read. Then again - could the Undulatus handle different computers at once? Would there be a battle of the processors? He was still searching through the databases for information, yet lacked any specific solution to be found.

“So what do we do?” 

They had removed themselves from that debris littered room, gathering in the cafeteria as it seemed like a better space to brainstorm in. A cluttered room made for a cluttered mind. Alek folded his hands together, staring down at the coffee cup before him - now cold and glossed over with an old skin from sitting out for too long. Separation of the cream or sugar within - the fat molecules entering the stage of rancidity from being exposed to oxygen. 

Not like he wanted to get another coffee from the A.I. machine, after what happened with the trash compactor. He never told the experience to them, as he felt it wasn’t necessary to cause yet another panic that their own equipment might also be wanting to end them. Taking off his hat, Russell had then rubbed his face, obviously tired from the constant hours of looking at binary and ASCII codes on a small monitor, as well as making sure their lives weren’t compromised. Either by space travel to Elysium, or their own structural integrity in it’s orbit.

“ I would really like sleep to be in order. It’s got to be… what… 3am Earth time at this point? We’ve been sitting here for the longest amount of time and no one’s said anything. ” 

“We did have a long day… would be nice to get some shut eye.” Judith lightly rubbed her own face to keep herself awake - dark circles now coming in by the ten fold. Another day has passed, yet who was keeping track anymore? In space, time didn’t feel like it existed, and especially if they were waiting for an event to happen - virtually non-existent. 

“We can’t waste anymore time. At this point, we have to pull all-nighters. Every second counts.” Barney lightly ran his fingers through his hair as he explained. He was due for a haircut, yet it seemed rather plausible that such a change wouldn’t matter at this current time. Deep blue eyes continued to stare down at the coffee cup in front of him, hands folded and sitting on his philtrum. He was kept far away from Eli, to maintain a comfortable distance, as well as to prevent another argument. At least it was working; Eli hadn’t said one word to the other since the office room debacle.

“... Can we try and rewire the scout ships to form a sort of… habitation ship that can house all of us? While it’ll be more cramped than the Undulatus - we might be able to escape the gravitational field of the black hole enough to break through the hold.” Judith glanced over to Russell, who simply put his hat back on and shook his head.

“ That would take too much time. We’ve got another day left, at least. Making a big manufacture like that would take a week, even if we had all hands on deck. We have to make sure it can withstand constant bombardment of background radiation, as well as other objects like asteroids. Oxygen filtration system that won’t fail on us, and a precise navigational system. If we find another planet like Elysium, we don’t want to burn up on entry. There’s a lot of things that go into space travel, a lot more than you know. ” 

“What if we already had all those things in one?” Perking up to the voice, the eight of them had exhaustedly turned to the young Vance, watching her enter the cafeteria. She looked like she had been previously asleep - perhaps decided to take a nap with D0g after she got back from Elysium. Though, what sparked confusion to them is what she spoke of. Already had all of those checklist items in one? 

“What are you talking about Alyx? The Undulatus’s manifest only lists 3 scout ships. Nautilus, Normandy and Opportunity.” Gordon sat up straight some, despite his eyelids feeling heavy from their lack of energy. Alyx shook her head, lightly shifting on her feet as she was the only one to have gotten proper rest compared to the rest of them. They looked like practical zombies, yet no one made the effort to get up and make them a cup of coffee.

They were going on sheer will alone.

“That’s why it’s not listed. Because it’s not a scout ship, it’s an actual ship.” 

“ **_Go on, Ms. Vance._ ** ”

“Down in the storage room, I was hanging out with D0g, just going through boxes to see what I could find of use. Maybe a tool or something. Well, I stumbled across some boxes that were… labeled, in strange ways and wouldn’t open to Gordon’s crowbar that I found. So I had D0g tear it apart and realized that all the boxes were hiding something underneath. A doorway, or some kind of maintenance room, like how they fix vehicles from under? Well I went inside and… I found a ship.” Alyx shrugged lightly, gazing at the lot of them as they stared to her.

Silence, and nothing more. What did she say again? With their brains working at half-capacity, they simultaneously tilted their heads to the side, almost as if to get her to repeat what she had said. Once she had, did they return to that silent thrum of the reactor engines.

Before evidently erupting into mass realization and a collection of noises that would be most similar to the sound of a door screech. Some of them had risen up from their chairs, looking at each other as they tried to process again of what she said, almost still in denial that she said another ship was among them.

“Oh, I always  _ knew _ you were the explorer of the family!” Barney had approached and wrapped his arms around her, pressing kisses to her head, leaving Alyx to make a face of disgust and uncertainty of why she was surrounded by all of them now. It was a little uncomfortable, as their eyes stared down at her, almost demanding for more information to be brought to their attention. 

“ How big is it? Where is it now? Can you get inside? ”

“Is it safe? It’s not a fake, is it?”

“ **_Can it support all of us?_ ** ”

“Woah woah, okay, slow down people! I can’t answer all your questions at once! Look, I thought maybe you guys had already known this ship was here, seeing as how you were looking at the mainframe and all. But… depending on your reaction, I guess I misjudged that judgement.”

“ This is incredible! If this ship can house all of us, we’ll be able to get out of here unscathed! No more being trapped in the bear’s cage! ” Russell had taken Alyx’s hands, shaking them as if his life depended on it. In a way, it sort of did - she may have potentially found their only way out by accident. Still, it might have just been the sleep deprivation talking, but they were way beyond excited without knowing much of the details yet. Just like Elysium - they saw a pretty good-looking thing but it could turn out to be false hope in the end. 

“There’s still a problem. I tried gaining access to the ship, but it says I need a code.”

“ Oh no - we’re doomed. ” 

“ **_Hang on, Russell. A code? Is that to get inside or to man it?_ ** ”

“I guess both? I couldn’t really get inside, but I could open the compartments, though. It’s not super big like what you would expect being on the Undulatus, but it looks roomy enough. Almost like a little getaway ship for vacations or zipping through the cosmos with or without caution.” The 9 of them had all looked to each other. While the idea of them still having to search for a code was rather unsatisfying - the effect of their potential escape still loomed on the horizon.

“ Did you know about this, at all? Please tell us the truth. ” Russell glanced up to Alek, as all eyes were on him now. He could feel the subtle glare from Eli, as if he was waiting to see if he was right. Though, the government man simply shook his head, as he had no clue that this ship was on board. It began to confuse him - why send them into the dead zone but still have an escape vehicle to potentially use?

Did his employers not know this at all?

“ **_There’s no cameras down there, correct?_ ** ”

“Not that I saw. Why?” Alyx blinked lightly as the other turned around to pace, deep blue eyes darting along the swirls in the floor. Oxfords echoed in that silence, despite the crew wanting the captain to make a decision on what to do. Turning on his heel, the government man then settled his eyes on the Freeman, as he too awaited for what he had to say. Lightly swallowing the pool of saliva in his mouth, Alek then returned to a respectful posture.

  
“ **_Show us._ ** ”


	21. Taciturn

With the flashlight beam examining potential nooks and crannies within, Russell pressed his face to the glass as he sat atop the hood of such a ship. Roomy, lacking in damage to its structural integrity. Alyx had found a diamond in the rough; practically it could save them and even their robotic companion who stood nearby her. The daughter Vance, Barney, Alek, and Gordon remained in that storage, watching the decryptor overlook the vehicle, awaiting anything he had to say. Good news or bad news - at this point, they’ll take  _ any _ sort of information. 

Pulling back from the glass to save his nose from conforming to it’s smooshed position, the hacker glanced down to the dashboard of the interior. Lacked any sort of Combine technology; no, this was  _ man-made _ . Yet, who had built this, and why? How did they hide it away in the Undulatus without anyone making note of it? Alyx was right - a ship like this wasn’t listed in the manifest, however it did go by a name. On the exterior plating was the gentle lettering of a font that would be considered as Roboto Mono.

_ ALT0STRΛTUS _

“So, how does it look?” Gordon stepped forward, watching Russell click off the flashlight once he figured of having enough examination. He sat there, almost in awe - yet perhaps it was still due to the sleep deprivation. The hacker took a moment to collect his thoughts; unsure if this was indeed a dream and he was whisked away to that land or if what he was seeing is indeed real. It exists - he had to pinch himself to clarify. 

“ It’s all I could ever want for Christmas. This ship is big enough to suit all of us. I don’t see anything that’s even remotely torn apart or dismantled. What surprises me is that this ship is even here, among us, and we had  _ no _ idea that it was. Who do you think put it here? ”

“Does it even  _ matter _ at this point? It’s a ship! It can get us out of this place!”

“ Now Barney, we still have every right to be skeptical. While it may look clean as a whistle on the outside, there’s no telling how the interior circuits or fuel directors are. We jump into this ship all of a sudden and fire it up, we might just promptly explode ourselves. ” Russell sat up and lightly fumbled with the flashlight in his hand, as the former security guard crossed his arms and gave a heavy sigh. Anxiousness was starting to set in - everyone would be counting on them to give them the green light on this ship. If they came back with bad news, there was no telling how they would react.

“It’s got  _ solar panels _ exterior walls on this thing, it doesn’t  _ need _ fuel. We’ll just convert starlight and get the hell out of dodge. What did Carl Sagan say? It’ll be like light sailing. Anything to get us off this damn ship.” Russell sighed and looked at the top of the ship, spotting the solar panels, along with other different equipment registered. Radio antennae? Satellite dish with conjoining sound speakers? Why have the sound speaker?

“ Barney, I know you want to get out of here, but we need to check  _ everything _ . Space travel isn’t just getting from point A to point B and expecting everything to be smooth. This ship needs to withstand everything deep space can throw at it. We can’t test that unless we have a code… and a will to live. ” 

“Then let’s go find that damn code and--”

“ **_SHHHHH!_ ** ” Pausing as Alek suddenly shushed them, the four of them turned to the government man, watching him hold his right-hand finger up to his lips. Silence filled the storage room, with only the internal thrum of the Undulatus’s engines, as well as D0g’s muffled beat of life and inquisitive chirps. Deep blue eyes examined the space around them before settling on one particular corner of the room. Snapping his fingers to get Russell’s attention, the bureaucrat then pointed downwards for him to get off of the ship. Blinking lightly in concern, the hacker then slowly got off from the hood, wondering what the other was doing and why they were forced to be quiet.

Lowering the finger from his lips, Alek then snapped his fingers again to get Barney’s attention, directing him to walk to the back right corner of the room. Staying silent, the former security guard confusingly did as instructed, before Alyx too was instructed to do the same, yet only her direction was to the back  _ left _ corner. Counting the seconds, the government man then snapped again to get them to stop walking, holding his first in the air. A military signal - to hold their position. 

Slowly lowering his fist, Alek then gazed over to the bearded scientist, who quirked his eyebrows in a questioning expression. Gordon then watched as the other pointed to his own ears. Wondering what that meant, the bearded scientist then relaxed his face once the other straightened his posture.

_ Listen. _

“ **_This ship is useless. Look at it, the thrusters are bent out of shape. We’ll be flying in circles before we can even begin to fathom our immediate destruction,_ ** ” Folding his hands behind his back, Alek had begun to speak, garnering confused looks from the others as he still wanted them to be silent, “ **_We would be fools to think this is remotely our savior. We should spend our time doing productive work, like finding the code to Undulatus’s mainframe network to gain back controls._ ** ” 

[ _ \--controls _ .]

Widening their eyes to the repeated phrase, the four of them glanced to each other in panic before hearing Alek snap his fingers again to vanquish their immediate reaction. He then began to search into a box, pulling out some old remedies and rations that were long useless for them to use in their potential and instead brought out an old whiteboard and dry erase marker, popping the cap off and writing a message.

“ **_I don’t care if Eli says any different to this - this ship has no potential whatsoever. We’d kill ourselves quicker than any black hole._ ** ” 

[-- _ hole _ .]

Pulling the marker back from the board, Alek had then turned it around and showed it to them, panning it from Russell’s perspective, to Gordon’s, then to Barney and Alyx - watching their eyes turn from confusion to a deer in headlights. While the cameras weren’t on them 24/7 anymore, the government man was the first to spot the inconsistency of the lack of interference. What he had written on the board had shocked them to their very core.

**_THEY’RE LISTENING._ **

Turning the board back to himself, Alek used his arm to wipe away the message before setting it down, snapping his fingers to get Alyx’s attention, beckoning her forward to him. Slowly approaching up to the government man, she froze in place as he leaned down to her earlobe, hazel eyes glancing upwards as he whispered.

“ **_Go back upstairs and tell the others to remain silent and only speak like how I am to you now about this ship. We are being broadcasted,_ ** ” Nodding lightly, the daughter Vance stepped away before blinking as she was pulled back, “ **_Do not let them panic. Perceive everything as normal. Remain conversations as normal - just don’t make mention of this ship. Only write if you have to._ ** ” Nodding again, Alyx had then turned to leave, trying to seem nonchalant as she swallowed the saliva that pooled in her mouth.

“You jinxed it, Barney. I’m out of here, I can’t deal with this.” Alyx shrugged lightly before moving to the door. Snapping his fingers to Barney, Alek had motioned the former security guard to follow the daughter Vance, to which he complied and left after her.

“Come on! I didn’t jinx it! Can you blame me for wanting a solution?” Trying to play it off, the former security guard closed the door after himself, leaving Russell, Alek and Gordon within the storage room. Gazing to the two of them, the government man then motioned his head to the ship for them to examine more.

“ **_We can scrap it for parts. If we have to, it could provide a bit of a barricade to us once the Undulatus starts being ripped apart._ ** ” The bureaucrat then shook his head, indicating that he was lying, pointing to the designated lock on the door. They needed to get it open, however without the code, it would leave them stranded. Picking up the whiteboard again, Alek then wrote with the pen, motioning for the two to have a conversation - so there wasn’t awkward and suspicious silence.

“ Uh, I guess we could. Could buy us a little bit of time. It’ll shield us from being exposed to the vacuum of space immediately, though it won’t last very long. Maybe a few minutes since the pressurization would potentially crush us like a soda can. ”

“Nice imagery, Russell.”

“ I’m sorry to be morbid but it’s the truth. Space is very unforgiving. ” Russell lightly shrugged before looking as Alek had shown them the whiteboard once more. 

**_WE NEED TEAMS TO SEARCH FOR THIS CODE. WE NEED TO RETURN UPSTAIRS TO TELL THE PLAN._ **

“Yeah… I guess you’re right. I mean, I’ve been on the Borealis and that was whirling through space. Or, wait… it was different dimensions  _ and _ space. The  _ point _ is, that Alek’s right. We’re wasting time standing around here when we should be looking for the code. You said it was a million-number sequence. Is that even remotely possible to find in other computers? The one in Alek’s room got destroyed.” Motioning his head for them to leave, Gordon watched as Alek placed the whiteboard down, following after them as they made their way to the door.

“ Possibly. I still could probably render a virus to make it easier to find. I’ll just take your standard old virus, freshen it up a little like a nice Easter ham and cook it full of information. ”

“ **_Again, with your imagery. How does that help us see anything relative to what we’re discussing?_ ** ”

“ You two are so uncultured, it’s _staggering_. ” Russell stated before heading out of the room with each other, still trying to maintain the nonchalant nature of their conversations - the kind they would usually have. Yet, in the back of their minds, concern was settling in. They couldn’t keep this up the entire time, can they? What would the other crew members think? Who was listening to them; probable to make a correct guess. The government man followed them back upstairs, glancing momentarily as Barney waved them over to the control center of the Undulatus from the doorway.

It seemed the other half of the crew gathered there on accounts of what Alyx told them, or rather to check on their current status position. Drifting ever-so closer to the point of no return, lacking in time they presumably had left to live. Another day, before the pull would begin to place stress on the Undulatus. As Alek had entered, Eli shot him a look, crossing his arms. Deep down, the government man knew he was responsible for the silence they now had to maintain, before speaking up.

“Alyx told me that you disregarded the ship. Mind telling all of us  _ in your words _ upon why?”

“ **_Certainly. The thrusters are heavily beaten up, likely had been damaged in the process of bringing it on board. It’ll do more harm than good to use it,_ ** ” Approaching towards a hard light projector, the government man turned it on before beginning to write in mid-air with his finger to showcase to them, “ **_Despite this, the decision to scrap it is more useful to us than trying to repair it. If it has damaged thrusters, we’ll waste time in making repairs. We only have a good day left before the Undulatus starts malfunctioning due to stress._ ** ”

**_WE’LL SPLIT INTO TEAMS TO FIND THE CODE TO GET THE SHIP ONLINE. LOOK EVERYWHERE BUT MAINTAIN CONVERSATION AS NORMAL._ **

“So we’re going back to looking for the main controls. Any idea where to look?” Judith had chimed in, lightly crossing her arms as she read over the message once he finished writing it. Slightly awkward, then again - making note of it could compromise them. It was a wonder what those that were listening would do, in the event of catching them trying to escape. The government man then erased the previous message and began to write again.

“ **_My guess is, any computer in sight. You find a computer, you search it._ ** ”

**_GORDON & BARNEY: SEARCH LOWER LEVELS - LOADING BAY._ **

Glancing over to the former security guard, Gordon gave a subtle nod to his buddy before giving a thumbs up to Alek as he then began to write again. He motioned for them to keep talking, in which Russell jumped in - stating that just looking at every computer at the same time might slow down the Undulatus’s main server, and to be wise when looking up information. They didn’t want to cause an overload. 

**_RUSSELL & ISSAC: SEARCH MEDICAL BAY - SURROUNDING LABS. ALYX & JUDITH: SEARCH STORAGE ROOM._ **

Alyx inhaled lightly when she was paired with Judith, glancing over to the researcher before glancing away to save herself the trouble of making eye contact. In a way, she cursed the government man for creating a team consisting of her with Mossman, yet she knew she couldn’t back out of this one. Alek continued to write as they muttered amongst themselves, trying to fill in the silence; wondering if they would ever find a time to presently have a conversation that  _ wasn’t _ forced.

**_MAGNUSSON: SEARCH RESIDENTIAL SUITES._** **_ALEK & ELI: SEARCH CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS._**

Widening his eyes, Eli had then glared as the other had paired up with him upon a last-minute decision. He seemingly forgot that he and the father Vance were members aboard this ship, and scribbled their names on the board rather roughly. If he didn’t want to be on a team with him - why make one in the first place? The government man gave a heavy sigh before turning towards the crew. 

“ **_Search well for this code. It could be between our survival and the unforgiving circumstances of singularity. We’ll keep in touch via radio if anybody has found anything._ ** ” Deep blue eyes gazed to each of the crew members; in a way, the message rang clear. It  _ was _ between their survival and unfathomable death - the least they could do was pull their weight in search of it. While it was going to be tough staying in character, everyone had the same agenda. While some teams despised their partners and  _ lack thereof _ , it would only be a matter of time before they’d come to a close. 

Holding up his hand before they had decided to leave, Alek then began to scribble on the hard light board again, leaving the crew to blink in confusion. Was he…  _ drawing _ ? Was this a time to be doodling? Once he had stepped back from his work, did Gordon slowly curl his lips into a smile. The image was of a hand; the palm holding the very symbol that became a part of their lifestyle. Of survival, continuance - resistance, the Lambda. The crew glanced at each other before collectively taking their fingers to write their names out, before Alek had finished the writing with a word he had come to recognize amongst them.

**_RESIST._ **

Taking a step back, the government man overlooked the image and the surrounding signatures of each of them, hearing their footfall fade away as they left the room to accomplish their tasks. Whether they liked it or not, it still needed to be done. Eli had gone without him, hardly wanting to spend another minute in the room when they should be working towards their goal; Alek had yet to move an inch.

Whatever had been going through his mind had halted him in place as deep blue eyes settled on the hard-light board. This was now a resistance takeover; they were truly alone out in the middle of cosmic perpetuity. He stood alone in that room, unsure of what moves to make now that their situation was growing grimmer by the second. This mural before him that they have created - was it their last standing message? Despite all their efforts, and potential cues of their survival growing slimmer, would this piece of art continue on? 

Even while the Undulatus would be ripped to shreds, a small part of him wished for this mural to stay intact. They had gotten this far - would be a waste of energy to create this and have it destroyed the next moment possible. Deep-ocean blue eyes skimmed over the names that were written; would they too be forgotten? For the first time - in a long time - did his name feel weird to speak again. Alek J. Seyit, the supposed captain of the Undulatus, made possible by the request to his employers for the humans to seek refuge among the stars.

Now shattered, torn apart, and likely morbid.

In a way, the government man only felt a limited amount of responsibility, even though much of his hand had stirred the pot. Guided by his employers, pressed to make a decision that would destroy them all. He could not fathom what that previous recording held, or rather what that mural down on Elysium transpired for. Created with the same intent of being left behind for others to witness and collect their own source of information.

No, this was it. There were no others, no viable solutions to ensure their safety, security and survival. Was this…  _ fear _ , that had struck within him? The unknown, the  _ complications _ of the unknown - he had never sought out these feelings before his soul became detached. And his soul  _ was _ detached - aiming to regain that physicality in any shape or form. Had it really been such a long time since he was human or even the similar aspect of being a human? 

He could breathe normally, talk relatively normally, and have the same concerns that each individual aboard this ship had. The urges to charge after the Freeman, to pull him back to safety - yet none of them were safe. What safety could he prescribe? The comfort of his arms - useless if he wasn’t made out of indestruction. The hour had clicked for a new day, the early hour clicking away the seconds to the very same countdown they despised to hear the tick. 

Disgust, anger.

Fingers lightly swiped against each other, stringed lines curved and sensing along the others for a clue on what he truly was. Those swirls contained his signature, formed in the womb, given a title at birth before ultimately being shoved aside and drafted. A war no one and everyone wanted to be apart of - for what? What purpose was for perpetual fighting? Each side were defending themselves for different reasons, yet why should their lives be thrown into the mix? They didn’t start it; why should they try and finish it?

Understanding the complexity of the human mind wore him thin and exhausted.

Deep blue eyes returned to that mural in front of him before slowly drifting upwards to the clock that consistently gave a silent alarm. A klaxon to only hear within the mind -  _ death, death, death approaches. _ The faint whispers, the gentle thrum of the reactor engines finally snapped him to realization. Why was he still here? Likely Eli had gone to his destroyed quarters without him - a permission he was finally granted despite unlawful entry beforehand. 

He was right - what did it matter anyway? Yet, while his computer screen was destroyed, it still didn’t terminate them looking at the files. Glancing around the room, Alek had then begun to unhook a computer screen from one of the consoles, unscrewing them out of place before carrying it under his arm. While he would rather scold the father Vance for destroying something they could have still accessed, he remembered the very words the Freeman told him over and over. 

Don’t make things any worse than it was.

“I’m sorry, Alyx.” Pausing at the words, Alyx glanced over to the research assistant, unsure if they should even be talking to one another. Deep down, she didn’t  _ want _ to talk to her, based on the fact that what she did wasn’t all forgiven and forgotten. Returning her vision back to the box, the daughter Vance hesitated to speak before eventually opening her mouth. Normal conversation - was all, right?

“For what?”

“Putting your father in danger, those times ago. Had I known Wallace--... Dr. Breen, was going to send Eli to the Combine Overworld, I would have stopped him long ago. It was a sudden decision that I was ignorant of the possibilities about.”

“So you’re  _ clearing your conscience _ on the account of us being near death.” Alyx quirked a brow as she searched through the crates for any computer parts, data chips, or just a series of numbers likely held the main key for the Altostratus - the ship that would save them all. Judith slowly stood upright to save her back from aches, turning to Eli’s daughter. Considerably young, unlike those years ago; it was fascinating to see the human mind grow and adapt to surroundings. Unfortunately, not the type of surroundings they wanted to be in.

“Am I wrong to try it?” 

“... Honestly, I don’t have the energy to fight you anymore. I rather focus on our attempts at getting the code, alright?” Sighing heavily, Alyx heard the other turn back around to dig into the crate, pausing in her own search of technological bits. While it was awkward, the daughter Vance couldn’t help but feel… relieved, in some aspect. To have Judith apologize to her - legitimately, felt a little unnerving at first. This situation before them was drastically changing their way of thinking, and this was showing for it.

“... But I appreciate you seeing the wrong in your actions. It’s a start.” Mossman had then lifted her head and gazed over to the daughter Vance, who was pulling out different materials and examining them. A small smile had creeped along her lips, before she too continued to search for such a code.

“ Well will you look at that, the medical bay actually cleans up nicely when it’s not ultimately destroyed by a human meltdown circumstance. ”

“I certainly hope you’re not blaming Alyx--”

“\-- No no no! Of course not! God forbid my reaction if I was in her position. Guaranteed, we did miss out on a few bottles of penicillin and some good cough medicine, though I’m sure none of us will be having colds anytime soon. Knock on wood, just in case. Ah, there’s no wood. ” Russell hummed and walked aimlessly around the clinic, unsure of which corner to start from first. The code they were looking for was a 8 number sequence, to fit into the mechanism for unlocking the Altostratus. Certainly a lot better than the  _ million-number _ sequence, yet they still had to pretend to look for such a number.

They were being listened to - that was shocking in itself. Maintaining a normal conversation when they knew of Alek’s employers' eavesdropping was harder than it seemed. They wanted to speak about the ship; perhaps they still can. Russell took a dry erase marker from the board on the wall, writing down a message for his partner, which happened to be Isaac Kleiner. Guaranteed, they had not exchanged much greetings in the past before they came on board the Undulatus, yet great minds think alike. Working towards the same goal to leave was their current, reliable source of maintaining a good standing. 

_ SHIP - SOLAR PANEL POWERED. RELIABLE? _

“Superstition, Russell - I’m sure we’ll be fine regarding illnesses. As long you stay hygienic. We have a quarantine bay if needed to prevent spread to the other crew members.” Kleiner read over the message before giving a small adjustment of his glasses and a thumbs up before he too wrote his own message on the board, limiting the amount of squeaking the marker was doing on the smooth material. 

_ BACKUP FUEL RESERVE POSSIBLE. WE’LL TAKE A LOOK ONCE WE GET INSIDE. _

Getting a nod in response, Russell then booted up the medical bay’s computer system, hoping to see if he had search through the files and binary to assess any sort of rogue information that didn’t belong. Would it be far-fetched to say that all information was collectively shared from the Undulatus’s main server? While it would be easier to look from there, suspicion must be limited. Despite this, at least the decryptor managed to investigate some files of their crew members’ previous excursions to the exoplanets.

Symptoms they came to assess about the human body being exposed to such elements. Not entirely fun, however better than to log the autopsy, rather than just simple  _ turn your head and coughs _ . Of course, Alyx didn’t _ do _ that, would make for some awkward conversation - even more awkward than trying to force their own at the current moment. 

“ ... I know this is kind of morbid to think about, but which part of the Undulatus would be absolutely decimated when we cross the event horizon? I’m thinking the roof would tear off first. ”

“Russell.”

“ I’m just saying! I’m speaking from a scientific point of view, not a humane point of view. Yes, we still have a chance to find the million numbers, but imagine the destruction. It’ll be like witnessing our own little supernova! ”

“Stop.” 

“ Right. Still morbid. Definitely have to work on that. ”

“You just have to find a place for everything, Russell. Talking about destruction before it happens… isn’t entirely it. Though, I can understand your enthusiasm. No one has ever gone to the bear’s cage of a black hole and lived to tell the tale, it is a wonder if our science books are relatively  _ accurate _ with information about what it could be like.” Smiling lightly as the other agreed, Russell had gone back to searching through the medical bay’s authorizations and files, as Isaac had begun his search in the various books left on the shelves. 

“This is hardly my field of expertise. What am I supposed to find that signifies _anything_ relating to what they’re talking about?” Magnusson mumbled to himself, sighing as he went through another suite to find the codes. However - going through his colleagues things wasn’t something he  _ ever _ thought he would do. It was creepy, uncalled for, although it was for good reason. He tried to avoid touching unmentionables, dumping out drawers onto the floor and using his foot to sift through the materials. Most were miscellaneous - likened to hygienic soaps or simple razors.

He happened to be in Barney Calhoun’s room, as he had previously checked Alyx’s - with limitations - his own, and Eli’s. He was moving down the bend of those suites, yet not finding anything in particular for what was needed. Moving to another drawer to dump out onto the floor, the scientist halted in place once folds of paper came out. What is this? He couldn’t exactly see what was among those pages, promptly causing him to set the dresser aside and pick it up.

Scientific Weekly?

Was this some kind of newsletter? He never questioned Barney’s intellect - well, except a few times, or rather many - on accounts that he was just a security guard from Black Mesa who had no qualified credentials to be in a lab  _ whatsoever _ , perhaps he was proven wrong of Calhoun’s interest in the field of physics and the urge to heighten his conversation to match that of the other scientists on board. He figured Freeman would be the one to strengthen his brain cells, yet it was admirable that the former security guard was making headway to recite information on his own.

Perhaps he should bring it up the next time they get acquainted for another launch down to Elysium, if that were even possible within the next 24 hours. Would the code even be down there? In the supposed caves that Alyx stated had painted murals on the walls? Drawing his thoughts away, Magnusson opened up to a bookmark that Calhoun had previously established, wondering what possibly he was reading to acquire the knowledge on now.

What he saw wasn’t exactly what he expected.

Magnusson stared at the page; naked women glistening with what he hoped to be sweat. A workout not related to any sort of gym - unless you counted for public settings of such an erotic activity. The scientist simply dropped it from his hands, realizing what Calhoun may have done in his down time with this magazine in his hand. Keeping his hands in the air, the other had simply turned on his heel and left the room without another complaint.

Nope.


	22. Opposites Attract

“ **_Try not to ruin the monitor this time, it’ll make our search a lot faster,_ ** ” Alek stated as he finally removed his smushed cheek from the desk after plugging in the new computer screen, while Eli sat in the chair he upturned. Previously it had been tipped over from the earlier rage, yet he couldn’t expect himself to stand for however long it took to find the damn code. The father Vance simply rolled his eyes, passing that scolding over his head as he did a hard reset for the console. He was still locked out, considerably, yet hopefully there was a way to bypass it.

Eli glanced over to the government man, watching him pick up different files from the surrounding shelves of his quarter’s office room, skimming through them for any sort of key list of suspected entries for the Altostratus. 8 numbers; it was all they needed. Waiting for the computer to finish loading up the encryption and passages, the father Vance simply shook his head, hardly liking the idea that he was paired with him. Was it intentional? If it was, Alek must have something to say. Yet, he wouldn’t expect to get one lick of information from the other - to play it off like it was something he didn’t know.

Either he didn’t know or didn’t want to tell.

“... I think Gordon’s a fool to be alongside someone like you. He was always so quiet - soft-spoken, even after the Resonance Cascade. Now he’s speaking his voice and it just happens to be influenced by your side of the spectrum. How could someone like him throw the past to the side and vouch for you, after what you have done to all of us?” 

“ **_Are we to start this again, Mr. Vance?_ ** ” Setting down the file, the government man glanced over his shoulder, obviously in no mood to contradict the other. It seemed like Eli  _ wanted _ another fight, but for what purpose? It was a waste of energy; energy that they currently don’t have. It was well late into the night, none of them had gathered the courage to sleep off their anxiousness or anger. Like Mr. Calhoun had said - every second counts. Why should those seconds be directed towards bringing up the past yet again?

“I wasn’t the one who started it. I’m simply finishing it.”

“ **_Must you tread onto territory that doesn’t need your presence? Gordon’s choice is his alone - I’ve already told you that. For you to assume that I had something to do with it, bewitched him if you want to call it that, is insulting._ ** ”

“Oh, nice to know that you  _ can _ be insulted. Seeing as how this is your fault in the first place that we’re here.” Eli glared at the other before typing on the computer once the hard reset was done, inhaling as most of the files were corrupted, or likely were going to be fully corrupt. He had to work fast, expectations to find the code were considerably high, based on the amount of time they had left. However, their low-capacity brain function due to lack of sleep made things even more difficult to pinpoint such information or solution to their problems.

Humans were both a blessing and a curse.

“ **_Eli, we can sit here and fight all day long if we weren’t even the slightest close to our inconceivable death. Seeing as we are, with less than 24 hours to find that code, I vote for dropping our vindication for another time. At this point, I see your attempts to get a ruse out of me, and it’s not working anymore._ ** ” Alek turned back to the file within his hands, deep blue eyes skimming along the papers for any sort of indication of their savior. Nothing of the sorts; simple phone numbers registered with those individuals lacked the correct amount to be placed into the Altostratus’s lock. 

“Don’t you dare call me that. You don’t get to call me by my first name. You have tried to get a ruse out of us, for  _ several years _ , and you expect it to not get reciprocated?”

“ **_So this is just an act of revenge, then? This isn’t about Gordon at all. Your internal hatred is fueled by the sheer notion that Gordon had chosen me instead of choosing for the good of all humanity. You question why, but I’m not the one you should be questioning. What compelled Gordon to choose anything in his life? His career, his stances, his intellect, his direction to swing in - I didn’t force him to choose those paths. Much like his relationship with me. I care for Gordon, whether you like it or not, much differently than any other person here._ ** ” Alek set the file aside and grabbed for another, hearing Eli angrily type on the keys as listening to him was torture in itself. 

“ **_No, this is a personal matter. You fault me for the unexpected death of Azian._ ** ”

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ mention her. I’ll kill you.”

“ **_You want to bring up the past, yet when it comes to you, it’s the total opposite? Make up your mind. I admit, Azian’s death wasn’t pre-determined, yet then again - most of the deaths within the Black Mesa Research Facility weren't garnered either. It was survival of the fittest - simple as that. Part of my responsibility is supplying the resources to cause that mayhem - indirectly providing the perfect environment of the inevitable. I didn’t pick and choose. If I did - the paperwork you see now upon these shelves would even be lesser to look at._ ** ” Alek turned to the other and motioned to the shelves, ignoring the sharp glare he received when doing so. While it was true, Eli didn’t want to give him the benefit of being right - he  _ hated _ what the other had put them through; Azian wasn’t the straw that broke the camel’s back - it was him manipulating his daughter into a contract she knew nothing about.

“You took away everything that was important to me.”

“ **_Indirectly. Yes. I’ll admit that. What more do you want from me? Besides my death, because in the next 18 hours or so, that idea will come to fruition for all of us. To stand here and argue with each other grows that possibility unless we do something about it._ ** ” Turning back to the shelves, the government man took down another file to skim through, as Eli had gone quiet - his fingers just hovering about the keyboard. It was as if he had forgotten all skill; a child who was left without instructional pamphlets. Slowly sitting back, the father Vance had then reached into his jumpsuit’s pocket, glancing at the item he had pulled from that chasm.

A burnt picture of him, Azian and Alyx - their beautiful, young daughter. What he wouldn’t give to get back to those basics; Azian making her breakfast and coffee in the morning while Alyx was playing with her blocks and noshing on some fruit. Healthy, young, less temperamental. She was a good baby, the best he’s ever come across, and he couldn’t be prouder of the woman she grew into. The Combine had taken away most of the childhood he wanted her to have, where he could worry over her skimmed knee instead of worrying if she was ever going to come back from scavenging. 

They lived like rats for years, and under the boot of the alien empire for those 20 years. The idea that Freeman just made it worse did cross his mind a few times, yet deep down he knew it wasn’t his fault. Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, forced to undergo a situation he had no control over. The words spread far and wide to the resistance - why was Gordon  _ here _ , of all places? As he glanced up from his photo to the sound of a few files dropping from the shelves - did he know who  _ had _ placed him there.

Broad backside, yet dressed more comfortably in comparison to his other uptight - strict fashion. Dressed to impress, for whoever goddamn knows what. Difference - in nature, thinking, posture even. Now he was… he was like them, and Eli didn’t want to stress that notion. He despised that the government man was now like all of them - living like rats, but now under the boot of his employers' reign. Glancing back to the computer as the files yielded no results of an 8-number sequence key, the older scientist simply closed his eyes as he was locked out yet again, no doubt to finish the corruption to limit their chances of freedom. 

Silence felt awkward; leaving Alek to partly glance over his shoulder. The other was unmoving, likely reflecting on his thoughts. Either that or thinking of new ways to keep their opposition going. It wasn’t until the sight of him rubbing a thumb over the photo of his family left the government man to wonder if he was mourning. Heterochromia eyes opened to gaze to the face of his wife, uncovering it with his thumb. 

“... She did everything in her power to protect Alyx, I know that much. Like a sixth sense, or a second nature - mothers are equipped with them. They know when something’s wrong and they do everything they can to act accordingly to change the outcomes. She told me she had fears of that test, but I didn’t listen. Now I paid the price for not doing as my gut told me. She sacrificed everything for me and Alyx, yet I couldn’t pay my own debts.” With a gentle sigh, Eli had then encased the photo within the palm of his hand, wishing the ability to extract those lost beings within. 

“... I should have listened to her when I still had the chance. Yet the whole world went to hell and I relied more on others than myself. She’s probably scolding me up there, her usual phrase of ‘I told you so.’ Yeah… she sure did. And now to have Gordon act the same way as I did… I suppose it’s a never-ending cycle.” Eli lightly placed the photo back to his pocket, closest to his heart. Alek slowly turned towards the other, deep blue eyes studying the weathered man before him. The years were never good to him, and even now he felt accurate to that same change. The same stress that tumbled through time kept consistent onto their looks and behaviors. Exhaustion; the need to curl up and handle the worst at another time.

Life wasn’t finished in the ruinations.

“ **_Will you really prevent your colleague, whose fault was none his during the Resonance Cascade and the indirect murder of your wife, prevent him from making choices that keep him happy? You have worked with him ever since he started there, never begged the question on his credentials because you knew he had what it takes,_ ** ” Setting aside the folders, Alek approached the desk, resting a hand on the mahogany wood, “ **_Why question him on his choice for a partner? Dr. Freeman is kind, respectable - has never felt more strongly passionate in his work than the people in your crew. He has never steered you wrong, has he?_ ** ”

“...” Eli slowly gazed up to the other as Alek lingered by the desk. Of course, the closeness between them at the current moment rendered some slight awkwardness, depending on how they treated each other since they first ended up on the Undulatus. Heterochromia eyes simply glanced back to the computer as it wanted another code to unlock it; the urge to kick it off the desk once more was willingly charged yet not aggravated enough to do so. The older scientist did another hard reset, hoping the files weren’t too corrupt to look through. 

Would have been wiser to team up with Russell - looking through corrupt files was like sawing into wagyu beef. Intricately designed, beautiful marble binary that was ripe for the picking. Eli softly sighed as his thoughts were being directed towards that of food - perhaps this was the reason the decryptor’s words seemed morbid or sporadic all the time. Was Russell hungry? Is this what hunger does to the human mind in parallel with the thoughts of their potentially inevitable death?

“ **_... I don’t plan to ruin Gordon’s life any more than it already is, if that is what you are thinking, by being his apparent mate. I may have taken Azian from you, and for that I’m sorry. While I can’t pay my dues within our current situation, you can take my words either way. Forgiveness or not, it’s never my choice to insight it for my own accord. If we can just focus on the important task, and that’s saving the remaining aspect of your past life - which is Alyx - you will help me find the code._ ** ” Leaning closer to the other, deep blue eyes studied the other, obviously knowing that they were still being broadcasted and eavesdropped on.

“ **_... We still have a chance in all of this._ ** ”

“...And you’re confident about that? Don’t you know who we’re up against?”

“ **_I know plenty. Aren’t you willing to do whatever it takes to keep your daughter safe?_ ** ” Eli glared at the other upon the question yet softened that expression - considering that it was true. He would do anything to keep Alyx alive. Unfortunately, that also meant making a deal with the devil if he has to. Seeing as he previously did, would it be any different? A continuous cycle to be never-ending - running around that circumference in hopes there was a corner. There was the possibility of running into even more dead ends around those corners, however what good was it if he didn’t seek out different options?

“Seeing how this computer is now filled with corrupt files, I guess we better find an alternative.” 

“ **_You trust technology-based archives despite their roles to be against you. Like that of multiple space travelers before us - having information on paper is a lot more reliable. Computers can malfunction and corrupt data; the only thing paper can do is rip and tear._ ** ” Tossing a file down onto the desk, Alek had then moved back to the shelves, taking a few folders at a time to skim through. Had to be more efficient somehow, right?

Eli simply huffed as the file was dropped down before him, before taking the folder into his hands and opening it up to gaze at the information inside. However, to his surprise, it wasn’t information of his coworkers or old colleagues from Black Mesa, or even those years before that. He glanced over the document before looking up to the government man, who was side-glancing him - a small, gentle smirk to curl on his lips before he returned to his own task at hand. The father Vance inhaled lightly before heterochromia eyes gazed back to the file within his hands.

It was Alek’s.

“Still nothing. Man, I tell you, looking for this code is like searching for a needle in a haystack… has that been said already?” Barney lightly scratched his head, trying to pinpoint if such a phrase was said or not. They had been at this for a clear hour now, digging through old documentations and scientific equipment that was present within the loading bay. Of course, they hadn’t forgotten their mutual friend’s employers keeping a clean ear out for them, as then and again they were reminded of their broadcast. Hearing their voices subtly repeated was enough to strike small fear in them.

They were exhausted, hardly in the right headspace to watch everything they had to say - as some of their words slipped out before they had a chance to really reflect on what they  _ actually _ said. Which they had forgotten at times, hoping that whatever came out of their mouths wasn’t the information they were trying to keep secret. Still, the thought was in the back of his mind - if Alek’s employers were smart, they’d already know of their plan. It was only a matter of time before they would come to find their search fruitful yet too late. 

“I don’t remember. We were all so… exhausted, that we don’t know who’s talking anymore.” Gordon shrugged lightly as he examined a few undersides to some test kits within the loading bay, even going as far as to open up every single package he could get his hands on. It was practically like opening Christmas presents, only with tougher wrapping and no one was there to collect the leftovers into one, singular bag. 

They were the true MVP.

“Sure could use a coffee right about now--” Barney paused his words, blinking as he found a lone cup of coffee on top of a tool box; he didn’t remember that being there. The bearded scientist stopped in his search as he heard his buddy stop mid-sentence, glancing to what he was potentially looking at. A cup? Of coffee? Down here? Thinking back, the Freeman couldn’t help but let out a snort. So  _ that’s _ where it went. 

“I wouldn’t drink that if I were you.”

“I’ve drunk worse.” The former security guard shrugged and moved over to the coffee and opened the lid, gazing inside to the contents within. Spotty, likely fat molecules beginning their slow ascension to the surface from the cream for rancidity. Barney leaned to sniff at it some; while it did have the faint smell of coffee beans, roasted so pristinely in the middle of a chocolate forest… it reeked a lot more to cause the dark-haired man to gag.

“Goddamn it. Who even left this here?”

“That… would be  _ me. _ I forgot where I put it, when retrieving the recording from Alek’s helmet some time ago. I wondered what happened to it - then again I wasn’t really in the right headspace to begin with after what he told me. 18 hours of static; enough to put your coffee down and forget about it after 2 weeks.” Hearing his buddy gag again, Freeman rolled his eyes as the former security guard lightly swirled the mocha-colored liquid inside, watching the fat bubbles stretch and elongate before returning to their previous form.

“That is disgusting. But honestly pretty amazing that it held up for this long. I expected mold or something like a Cthulhu to be growing in it.”

“Well, we  _ are _ in the loading bay. Perhaps it being exposed to the vacuum of space prevented the drink from oxidizing and going rancid faster. And Cthulhus aren’t real, Barney.”

“Oh, and  _ Bigfoot _ is?”

“His name is _Daryl_!” Gordon defended that cryptic creature, remembering the conversation that Russell and Alyx had within the medical bay - after her meltdown. It was honestly pretty cute, and Gordon had to keep the rumor alive. For Alyx’s sake, since she wanted to start calling him Daryl as well. If they could keep this happy, little memory going - then that’s all they’ll ever need. Hearing his buddy chuckle and finally toss the old cup of coffee away into the nearest trash, the physicist lightly stretched to relieve his back of the aches from bending over.

Forest-green eyes surveyed the floor, venting in as it was littered with plastic wrapping, and various equipment and machines that had yet to be used for scientific processes. Surely, some of them would have been used on Elysium, but he doubted another trip down there would yield some helpful results. While a million-numbers were hard to imagine correctly fitting into the Undulatus’s main control system database, finding 8 numbers was even harder. Would it be wise to do it in increments; one-one-one-one-one-one-one-one, then one-one-one-one-one-one-one-two?

They weren’t sleep-deprived, they were actually  _ insane _ . 

That would take forever, unless whoever made the code actually wanted to make it easier for them to escape - which  _ would also _ be suspicious. What surprised him was the fact that this ship completely passed under the radar, from all of them - even Alek. Surely he would have known this was here, depending on how this was his employers’ ship. Then again… maybe he didn’t  _ want _ to let his employers know that the Altostratus was brought on board. 

Which led to the thought again - could Alek potentially be their saving grace, despite putting them in harm’s way in the first place? Quietly thinking to himself, the Freeman couldn’t help but to smile as he remembered the words spoken about him. He refused to let Gordon die, yet it wasn’t just him. He refused to let everyone on board die - that’s why he was working hard to care for everyone.

Sure, it was awkward in some aspects, but could one really blame him?

The government man lacked the previous ability to lend help while under the guiding hand of his employers’, for it was seen as taboo, or potentially ruining the data statistics of their survival. Ruining a perfect catastrophe. Yet deep down, Gordon felt like he gave assistance in various ways, even if they couldn’t exactly pinpoint where it came from. Anonymous; to prevent watchful eyes from seeing the truth. Subconsciously, the Freeman slid his hand into his jumpsuit pocket, fingers lightly fumbling with the small item within. 

The lucky charm - they sure could use some right about now. A small smile was still curled along the physicist’s lips, garnering another smug expression from his buddy nearby. Leaning against a couple of crates, Barney watched as the other quivered some, almost excitedly, or enduring a lush memory that occurred between him and the supposed captain. He could only imagine; that particular memory was for behind-closed-doors only.

“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?”

“... Just about what he said.” Lightly inhaling as he was caught deep thinking again, Gordon tried to wipe his mind free of distractions, digging through more scientific sample kits to check their serial numbers. Still, too many numbers - and wouldn’t fit in the correct spaces for the key sequence. If only it was a simple four-number sequence instead, it would be like trying to unlock a cabinet from the locker room in the gym, or potentially the government man’s private stash. Yes, he knew, practically the bureaucrat kept it close to his heart. Meaning that he kept it inside the bedroom at all costs; Gordon may have done some poking around while Alek was asleep.

He was just curious.

“What did he say?”

“... You know… all that stuff about not wanting to let me die. Even everyone else on board. Like, if he truly was still bad, why say those things? And he said it so sincerely. I know a lie when I see it, but he wasn’t lying then. I’m sure Eli isn’t all too happy to be paired with him to search for this damn code but… I’m hoping they can make amends. We can work more efficiently that way.” Gordon shrugged and tossed some more packaging aside, looking at the various test strips and their serial code on the side of the bottle they were in. Still not the right amount; what were they missing?

“Gonna be a tough chance for that - knowing how Eli is. We best hope they aren’t fighting dirty or scratching each other’s faces off.”

“Now stop. Eli’s not going to do that. Sure, Eli despised Alek to the point where he’s ready to fight him on a moment’s notice, but during a time like this I doubt he’s going to waste time. Or at least Alek is going to maintain level-headed to prevent making things any worse.” Gordon slowly reached into his pocket yet again, bringing out the icosahedron that was dangling from the chain. He had kept it on his person ever since he got it - refusing to let it go or spend a minute on some shelf somewhere.

“Did he promise you that?”

“Well… no, but I feel confident that he takes my word into consideration. He has been ever since we woke up, so I doubt he would go against it. Alek’s been so… passive, so I just feel somewhat relieved he’s actively avoiding a fight. After all, look where we are. We’re stuck down here trying to find a code, running down the timer and we’re not even quite sure how to possibly come up with the… million-number sequence.” Gordon faded his words some, as they both knew it wasn’t what they were looking for. Keeping quiet about the plan was their only source of safety.

“Right. Even so, we’ve been together for 2 weeks - emotions are getting stretched thin. I’m surprised Alyx and Judith hadn’t had any more squabbles than what they used to. They were no different from Eli and Alek.” Barney gave a light shrug, moving some boxes aside as he emptied them out of equipment, reading the numbers imprinted with spray paint and stencil on the side. Not enough numbers; null and void.

“I’m… a bit surprised too, to be honest. Thought we were going to hear more cat fights.” Gordon lightly snorted as he joked, leaving the former security guard to chuckle and swipe away more plastic, gathering them into one giant tumbleweed of environmental waste. What could they even do with this amount of trash? They could build a bubble to float across the swimming pool near the gym with the amount of plastic they had. Well, as long as it was going towards fun, instead of choking space turtles.

If space turtles even existed. In that case, it was majorly awesome.

“Also, don’t… joke about cats, I just now remembered what happened before.” Barney sighed; that damn poor cat. It will continue to haunt him for the rest of his days, unless something new comes along. Which might happen, after all, they were slowly gaining speed towards the event horizon, who knows what horrors await their bodies while being suppressed in supergravity. Would their limbs be pulled apart? Would they enter some sort of subterfuge state and all bones in their body would be crushed into a fine powder, perhaps even to a microscopic scale before being sucked into the universe’s drain, circling into oblivion?

Barney paused his thoughts; perhaps he was  _ more morbid _ than Russell was - or even getting way too influenced by him. Most likely the latter solution of his problem. Then again, sleep deprivation brings out the most terrible yet most genius of ideas. The former security guard would know; making gross alcohol in the basement of his mother’s garage seemed like the perfect idea to start a business. Then again, it  _ would _ be a business if it didn’t taste so bad. Perhaps it was wise to clean the tub he filtered the liquor into first. 

Had the taste of old hag and hair. 

Great brand name, but a terrible product. He wouldn’t give it 5 stars himself. Barney glanced over to the physicist as he continued to fumble and rub over the supposed lucky charm Alek had given him. They really needed some luck right now, leaving the former security guard to think that object can act like a genie lamp.

“You’re so in love, dude.”

“Shut up… I just like holding it. See? I told you it was a comfort object. I feel at ease whenever I hold it.”

“Yeah well, can your  _ comfort object _ point us in the right direction on how to locate the code? My dogs are barkin’ and I would  _ really _ like to take a nap.” Barney yawned wide; no coffee, no energy drink, not even a sugary candy bar could possibly keep him going long through the night. Sleep was looking really sweet right about now, yet they couldn’t just drop everything and take a 5-minute nap. No, a 5-minute nap would likely turn into 50 hours with how exhausted they felt.

Forest eyes gazed over the icosahedron within his hand, fingers tenderly rubbing at the metal casing as the gentle blue glimmered within the light. He should really attach a better chain to it; speaking of a chain... Gordon reached into one of the crates, unraveling a string from the many rolls tetris-ed within. Using his teeth as a cutting tool to get the right length, the physicist had then attached it onto the charm itself, hanging it up into the air to glisten even more in the artificial light. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Yeeha, sure is…” The former security guard gave another big yawn, deciding to give up on searching as his eyes began to go cross-eyed alone from fatigue. He needed to crash, and soon found himself to sit down on the floor and lean against the crate. Shooting Barney a dirty look as the other was ready to enter the realm of sleep, Gordon returned his vision to the lucky charm, letting it gently sway from the tender twitch of his arm as he held it up to the light.

“If only you could show us the way. Come on… show us how lucky you can be.” 

“Are you talking to inanimate objects again…?”

“Shush, Barney, I’m concentrating.” Gordon had huffed to the other before forest eyes studied the charm dangling within his hold. Fingers pressed together to hold the elaborate string, the physicist continued to watch it sway and rotate from the force he was supplying to it. If only a literal genie would emerge from such an object - to point them in the right direction; or better yet... 

To actually whisk them away from this godforsaken ship.

The physicist prayed they would find it soon, or at least some remnants of that code among the ship. There was no way the Altostratus was just another false hope; a lie in a bed of lies for them to lie on and allow the pricks to sharpen into knives. To dig into their backs and end their subsequent nightmarish hellhole. Slowly closing his eyes, Gordon only repeated one phrase when his mind;  _ show us the way. _

What way that was, unclear.

Forest-green eyes re-opened to that delicate gift hanging from his fingers, before pupils widened with slight dismay. Something… was inside. Furrowing his brow lightly, Gordon had brought the icosahedron closer to his line of sight - close that he could see the tiny details within that geometric shape. Lines scratched into the object for the tiniest of detail, yet something else was scratched on the inside. As if gazing into a mini-universe, Gordon gave a heartful gasp upon the sight he finally saw scratched within.

Lifting his head to the noise, Barney had given an inquisitive hum, watching his buddy look back to him like a deer in cosmic headlights. He questioned him, wondering what had shocked him to his very core. It wasn’t until the physicist held out the charm in the palm of his hand, did tears drop from those forest-green, cosmic eyes.

_ I found the code. _


	23. Tenebrous

He ignored his name.

Gordon felt like he couldn’t be stopped, not after the discovery that had come before them. Barney was quick to trail after him, as partly the Freeman seemed upset - perhaps angry - that the code would be hidden inside the very thing that comforted him. They marched straight through those neutral halls, ignoring such looks they were given as some of the crew members were calling it quits with the search. They were too exhausted - as their eyes were failing the desire to look at another number, let alone the signs that pointed directions for specific places among the ship.

However, to see Freeman - practically full speed-walking past their locations - garnered the slight confusion. He honestly did look like he was angry; did Barney introduce another bad joke to him? After all, he was trying to get the other to slow down, or at least slow enough for him to catch up. Fatigue was leaving a large trail along them, sleep was definitely in order even though sleeping at this current time was the worst thing they could do. Wasting time wasn’t an option.

“Gordon! Wait!” Barney had vented in as he tripped some on the stairway, before eventually picking himself up as the two approached the government man’s quarters, entering inside. Making his way to the office, Gordon watched as Eli and Alek had turned around to his presence, confused that he was here on short notice, as well as no notice whatsoever. Had he found something? The former security guard panted lightly as he approached the doorway, watching his buddy advanced the bureaucrat with swiftness.

Alek had stepped back some, unsure if Gordon was going to hit him - yet those thoughts dissipated once the physicist had pulled him back, smashing their lips together into a passionate kiss. Eli made a face before slowly looking to Barney, as if to question him on whether or not the Freeman hit his head or something. The former security guard simply shrugged, panting lightly as he tried to regain his breath. Obviously, they may have packed on a few pounds since the first day of travel, and likely hadn’t gotten the desire to actually use the gym upon the Undulatus.

“To be honest, I thought he came up here to deck him.” Barney shrugged again and sighed, slicking his hair back to prevent sweat from sticking those strands to his forehead. A definite haircut was in order, yet now was not the time. Pulling back some from the kiss, Alek stared down at his supposed lover, quirking his brow in a questioning expression as to why Gordon came all the way just to give him a kiss. Well, he wasn’t  _ complaining _ , but they were assigned tasks to do. However, the look in Freeman's eyes said it all - concern, relief, upset, anger, thankfulness; all colors of the metaphorical rainbow.

**_You found it_ ** . 

_ I did. _

Holding up the icosahedron, Gordon had shown it to the government man, much to his surprise. Inside? How is that possible? He then took the lucky charm from his hands, delicately holding it up to the light before gazing inside the gem. Deep blue eyes studied that 8 digit code, before glancing back to the physicist as he too saw it. Alek overlooked the object within his hands, unsure on what to do. He didn’t expect them to find it, let alone this early. He figured it would take several hours before they’d search in more inconclusive spots.

Alek then held up a finger to his lips to the others as they watched him, wondering what they should do now. They were still being broadcasted, and needed to remain nonchalant. Lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, the government man gave the lucky charm back to Gordon before picking up a folder that sat upon the desk, taking out a marker from the cup near the computer.

“ **_I’m calling off the search,_ ** ” Alek had begun, before motioning with his hands for the others to react. Barney gave a heavy sigh, Gordon gave an inquisitive hum, and Eli gave an annoyed scoff, prompting a question as to why. Why call off the search, when they haven’t found a single correct number yet? “ **_I’m exhausted. I’m sure all of you feel the same way. A moment’s rest is in order, to gain back our strength._ ** ”

**_WE NEED TO GATHER THE OTHERS. QUICKLY._ **

“That’s... why I came up here to talk to you about. All of us are exhausted, sure you can probably function a lot better than us, but we can only take so much. So, if you need me… I’ll be in my suite.” Gordon took the marker from Alek and began to write on the same folder, carrying the lucky charm within his hand.

_ MEET ME AT THE ALTOSTRATUS. BARNEY NEEDS TO GET RUSSELL. _

Showing the folder to Alek, Gordon had then turned to Barney, pointing at the name he had written down. Reading over the information, the former security guard had then given a thumbs up, lightly rubbing the back of his head to remain in his character. 

“Finally, some peace and quiet. I’m outta here, wake me up when we’re near a second apocalypse. Coming, Eli?” With the former security guard leaving alongside the older scientist, Gordon was now left alone with the government man, hearing their footsteps fade away and the door to close behind them. Taken aback by the sudden kiss to his lips from Alek, the physicist moaned lightly before pulling back; the gentle smack to softly echo within that enclosed space.

_ I  _ **_love_ ** _ you. _

**_I love you._ **

The two had mouthed to each other, as Gordon grinned happily, unable to contain the excitement that they had finally found what they were looking for, jumping up to embrace the other tightly. Alek kept a hold on him, relieved that such a code was finally found - they truly had a lucky charm after all.

After some moment of tight embrace, Gordon had then let the other go, gazing down to the lucky charm within his hand. After so much time of pain and torment, could this finally be it? Could they be saved? Not wanting to waste a moment more of time, the physicist had wrote another segment of words down onto the back of the folder, before taking a step back for Alek to read - examining his face.

_ I’LL GO ON AHEAD. IT’LL LIMIT SUSPICION. _

“You sure could use the rest too. You look exhausted.”

“ **_Hm, I definitely am. A couple of hours, is all I need._ ** ” Getting a nod of confirmation to the secret message, Gordon had then made his way to the door, with Alek following suit to see him out. He couldn’t help but examine his backside - despite the bulky jumpsuit hardly leaving anything to the imagination. However, he knew what the Freeman was packing; sure would have been nice to spend some more quality time. Yet now, business was booming, the doors were open, their life may start to hang in the balance if the Altostratus was available for transport. 

Could they get away in time?

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

“ **_There’s bed bugs?_ ** ” Alek glanced over to his mattress, leaving Gordon to snort lightly in amusement, forest-green eyes closing to his concerned tone, “ **_Am I to expect that you won’t be… sleeping with me?_ ** ”

“In a messy room like this? You can’t be serious. Maybe clean your room a little, then we’ll see where that gets you.” Gordon grinned before motioning with his hands that he needed to get going. Making a small coo of thought to remain the character, Alek had then nodded for him to go, letting the door close after Freeman had turned and left. Sighing lightly, the government man then gazed back at the disheveled destruction within his hab suite; it sparked minimal anger now, seeing it like this. Sure, Eli had no jurisdiction causing this much damage to his personal space, yet would it really matter now?

If the possibility was open, the Altostratus would be their new home. Still, the thought was there in the back of his mind - how long would it take to get it up and running? Let alone find out how to drive it, make sure it had enough power to escape the gravitational hold of the black hole, and if so - how long would it take to find another suitable planet for them to inhabit? They couldn’t expect to remain in the Altostratus forever, right? That ship was even  _ smaller _ than the Undulatus.

Cramped spaces with a bunch of scientific prudes didn’t sound all too enticing, especially if one of those researchers previously wanted to kill him. They would be practically breathing down each other’s necks while on the Altostratus - it was a slim chance to handle it better there than on the Undulatus. Gazing around his room, Alek felt… saddened, almost. Despite it’s ruined state, the memories were still there; if there  _ were  _ any significant memories to account for. Aside from his lay with Dr. Freeman, the comfort of the room brought him peace and quiet. 

Something he hadn’t experienced in a long time.

Taking in the beige-colored walls and the gentle flicker of the light against the sparkles of glass along the floor, the government man lightly flexed his fingers in thought. Should he clean this up, just for old times’ sake? To relive that comfort before he would be forced into a tight space with even colder colors. Humming lightly, Alek had then turned back towards the door before pausing as something shifted behind him. A piece of glass? Did another piece finally scrape off from the nature display? Looking to see where it came from, the bureaucrat blinked as it was stood perfectly upwards in the middle of the room, likened to some dagger playing a balancing trick. 

Deep blue eyes squinted in confusion before widening into shock as the glass flung to his direction, impaling him in the abdomen. Letting out a choked grunt, Alek slowly gazed down at the shard of thick glass sticking out of his stomach, before looking upwards to the sound of footfall. Phasing into view was… himself. Dressed accordingly in the navy-blue suit, eyes glistening like the very same dagger pierced into his body.

_ No… not again... _

Collapsing some against the door, Alek had then choked out again as a telekinetic force squeezed his throat, lifting him high towards the ceiling, pressed flat and parallel as his doppelgänger glared up at him. Blood seeped from his wound, caressing the bladed glass on the way down to absorb into that dirtied linoleum, just before those shining Oxfords of the bastard he made acquaintance. Grunting at the pain and the lack of breath to fill his lungs, the pale man was forced more against the ceiling, as the very room they occupied crumbled apart, likened to a flame on a piece of paper.

Levitation was now held to no bounds, as he was lifted higher and higher, before being evidently dropped onto his front, sending that glass deep into his abdomen, and to poke out through his back. Gagging and coughing up a bit of blood, Alek made a small noise of heightened pain, glancing up to the being who presented himself within that void. The same face he saw within that medical bay, was now introduced full-force, suit and all. Looking into a mirror, if that mirror had been long accustomed to gazing at the past. 

Shined shoes had directed themselves to his face, examining him - disgustingly, at what he had become. The bottom of the Oxford had pressed against his right cheek, before evidently kicking his vision away, rendering Alek to snap his vision to the other direction, coughing lightly as the warmth spread with that same pain. Panting lightly as his exhaustion wasn’t helping much to keep his eyes open, the pale man followed the sound of the other’s footsteps, hearing him circle. Intimidation - never using his voice to break that icy silence.

With a sharp intake of air, the glass protruding from his back was now roughly pulled out, leaving the captain to call out in pain and roll onto his back, curling up some as his nerves were practically on fire. No, he should have left it in. If he wasn’t bleeding much before - he was bleeding heavily now. Alek shakily pressed his hand over the wound, at least to limit the amount of blood loss that could potentially kill him.

However, he knew the other wasn’t done yet. Was this punishment? Did his employers know they were lying? They could have potentially seen through their charade of lies, of finding the million-number sequence, and instead the code numbers for the Altostratus. But how? How did they know? Was his doppelgänger another pair of eyes for their malevolent plans? 

Or was this Alek’s fault?

Deep blue eyes watched as the government man continued to circle the ex-soldier, the glow in his eyes to never cease that distant glare. Laying on his back to keep the pain subsided, or at least momentarily, Alek grunted lightly as small twinges would spark up every now and then, almost in time with his beating heart. Life; it had been quite a while since he felt the heart within his chest to a full extent. His previous days, he lacked a beat - unfruitful or unneeded in that state. Why would he need to be reminded of being alive? 

His life belonged to his employers. 

Panting quietly within that void, Alek was now left alone - the government man that circled him had phased from view, as if done looking at such a pathetic mess. Elongated stars had begun their gentle flow through that perpetuity, yet something else sparked within. Flowers, yet not of the kind situated upon Earth that he came across so long ago. No, they differed, cosmic entities bound with the shapeless design of something extraterrestrial. Xenian? No, also differed from that familiar borderworld. 

For what it could belong to, what realm or dimension, was unclear. Nonetheless, the  _ beauty _ presented was far more worth the pain it took to see it. They sprouted by the thousands, merging into one another with no care, only adding to their petals of transparent colors.  _ Why was he shown flowers _ ? Images flashed by his vision of the previous recording he had long since forgotten of his disappearance. A different world, a place that felt even  _ colder _ than the void itself. 

His world, wasn’t it? That world that had subsequently turned their back on him - simply for not conforming to the perfect individual. An employee to the employer who lacked understanding of the company code or conduct. Torn apart, put back together and studied; blood now seeped to coat the petals of those pellucid flowers. Breath growing slow and concentrated, Alek took hold of one into the palm of his left hand, deep blue eyes now attaining their maximum will to remain open. 

“ _ The same distant eyes that spoke out to the Freeman’s once spoke out through yours. _ ” 

Lightly quirking a brow to the voice that smoothly gathered into his ears, Alek slowly shifted his head to gaze at those who had approached. Old enemies, but not of the humane. Allies to Dr. Freeman, but also once enemies to him in the beginning. Black Mesa - another place of survival of the fittest; now but a simple crater in the ground, perhaps even less so. The Vortigaunt stepped forward to the injured, obviously keeping distance due to their past destruction and dislike of one another. Kept far from Freeman on accounts of his crypticality, and uncertain plans of being friend or foe. 

“ **_You… know nothing…_ ** ”

“ _ We know enough. _ ” Elongating his words, the Vortigaunt waved the flowers away that had begun to drift in longevity, creating a small barrier within that buoyancy to shield the government man within - a barrier to disrupt any potential mocking that were to come from those coterminous beings. Alek shifted lightly before grunting as a sharp pain was delivered to his movement, ceasing him in place. 

“ _ Granted the ability to change one’s fate, yet written into another that will never be broken. You have promptly let in the contamination - on false promises. _ ”

“ **_... They… they weren’t false._ ** ”

“ _ To the one who it was promised to. Outside eyes remain ever vigilant, yet undisturbed. A fool’s bargain cost him more than just his life - but his dignity. _ ” As those flowers continued their multiply, the Vortigaunt continued to wave them away, watching Alek clutch at his wound, blood-caked along his fingers despite his attempts to stop it. Energy was fading fast, yet he doubted someone would come to his rescue quickly. They never wanted to in the first place.

Those faint whispers spoke of their dismay towards the government man; questioning their motives of dragging him from the wreckage that was the Borealis after it’s final warp. What good did it give them? Another mouth to feed? Another mind to listen to?  _ Why _ should they listen? He placed them into danger at first glance, caring only about their impressive survival, paying no mind to lack thereof. In his thoughts, they were a simple piece of paper - stamped with dismissal, inconclusion, or the efforts of persuasion to be paid off; hired.

For him, an illusion of free choice. Work for them, or die - simple as that. Yet… they died either way. It was a contract not written with the client’s best interest, but the proprietor. Now, he was perhaps feeling the other end of the stick - stuck straight into his abdomen before evidently being pulled out like some splinter in the forgotten universe. Parallels; left alone to fend on his own - back to square one. Shifting lightly, Alek grunted softly in pain, feeling the warmth of his vermillion to spread up his backside. 

“ _ Your fate was of similarity to the others, yet vastly different. What more could you have asked - for a better way to die? _ ”

“ **_Your meaning is… impeccable, yet discouraged. Why approach… me now, on accounts that I am an enemy to your kind?_ ** ”

“ _ A vast distance separates us yet we see our similarities as one. Forced to conform to rules like the Nihilanth that bounded our chains to him - we understood your plight. For we are bound by chains… but you, bound by life. _ ” The Vortigaunt glanced to their wrists, overlooking the damaged skin caused by such restrictions. The years of constant rubbing, pulling, digging and scratching to remind them who they were under the metaphorical boot of power. Red, glistening eye gazed back at the bureaucrat upon the floor; the vermillion that pooled in iris gathered the same around the non-man.

“ _ What do you wish to establish among that crew? What else do you have to finish? _ ”

“ **_You are mistaken in meaning._ ** ”

“ _ Then elaborate. _ ” With a strong pulse to enter his heart, the environment had changed around him, despite his presence still being upon that floor. Blood had seeped back into his body, frozen in place yet hardly froze his life’s end. The government man was presented to be in a hallway, klaxon never giving up their relentless screams and echoes of what had occurred within that chamber; the subtle vibrations of the Spectrometer feeding into his frame and exiting through teeth chatter. Black Mesa - oh, how could he ever forget?

“ _ What meaning can you give us, to assess what damage you have created for our worlds? Death and destruction lay among you as you are - yet your words are non-apologetic. How has that come to be? _ ” The Vortigaunt glanced down the hallway, still lingering over the bureaucrat - who was now dressed in his navy-blue suit; an outfit that had become symbolic of his appearance in their previous standpoint. A hand laid over his abdomen, of where the glass shard had entered and left him, blue rayon soaking what fluids he had to offer.

Sweat lined his brow, dripping down the sharp curves of his face, glistening in that red hue that seemed intimate to prior experiences upon the Undulatus. Blue seemed darker within that red, almost purple - shielding that sanguine stain that gathered on the formal attire. Injured, yet dismissed. None offered a hand to help; he was amongst the dead who can tell no tales. Yet the last thoughts in their mind was  _ why _ \- why could he have done such a thing to them? The blame gathered to him like moths to a flame, burning rich and bright like a source. 

Yet he was the matchstick head in comparison to the sun.

“ **_I’m afraid… you’re asking the wrong person upon those inquiries. Apologetic words will slip by unnoticed to those whose ears are closed. You want me to… r-raise my hand and take blame. You call our paths similar, yes? Surely you would raise your hand and blame the death of those who line these halls out of your own accord and not your proprietor. Those chains among your wrists would have been lies too._ ** ” Alek vented in harshly as the environment pulsated and changed again, delivering subtle pain to his wound as he was dropped upon the borderworld of where the final fight went down.

“ _ Will you blame your own for these happenings, then? Loyalty would mean nothing to you if such. _ ”

“ **_You were loyal because you had to be. I was loyal because I was forced to be. The similarities between us remain stagnant and sloshed with disease but the flow is still current. Loyalty was everything - it meant you were alive. I wouldn’t doubt your agreement to that statement, yes?_ ** ”

“ _ Then what will you do now? You know what is to come. _ ”

“ **_I will--_ ** ” Pausing his words, the government man vented in lightly as the environment changed once more, dropping him into what he could describe as a mirror realm. Reflections coinciding with one another; white and bright - leaving no trace of shadows other than the figures that walked amongst them.

Likened to animals in cages, they smashed against those mirrors, cracking their finish in threats to be unreleased. They snarled, bared their teeth, nails scratched the shined aluminum - eyes glowing with the desire to kill. He was an experiment gone awry, many times, all collectively wanted to return as one. It  _ frightened _ him. He shifted his foot in slight concern to the bodies underneath him vibrating the floor, as those figures too wanted the last piece of him.

No sounds came from their mouths other than the snarls and begging whimpers to be let out and seek destruction. The Vortigaunt gazed at the thousands of the government man within those transparent walls, desperate to return to such a body and wreak havoc - devour him like a meal they were denied over and over. The glass continued to crack and bend to their constant wails; ruby eye returned to gaze at Alek upon the floor, who was slowly diminishing in his own energy to keep fighting exhaustion.

“ _ Will you let them die? _ ”

“ **_... hm…?_ ** ”

“ _ The others. The Eli Vance and his descendant, despite your ruination of their lives by taking the mother? _ ”

“ **_... no…_ ** ”

“ _ The Isaac Kleiner and his colleague Doctor Magnusson? Will you let them be ruined by your mass of divinations? _ ” The Vortigaunt watched as parts of the glass barricade began to crumble onto the floor, disappearing into dust likened to sand in the desert. Familiarly - the New Mexican desert laid within. Deep blue eyes blinked lightly in their fatigue, before the government man had opened his mouth.

“ **_... n-no…_ ** ”

“ _ Mossman, Calhoun, Russell? _ ” Closing his eyes, Alek gave a small shake of the head, his ears filling with the noise of franticness, almost as if his alternates were lacking time in returning to the body upon the floor. To be as one, parallel and return the effort of what had been lost those years ago. Glass clinked onto the floor as more broke off, yet the Vortigaunt remained still and hardly taken aback by the threats lingering around them. He had the ability to get away as needed; as for the other… the chances were slimmer than the dimension they occupied.

“ _ Freeman? _ ” Deep-ocean blue eyes opened to the mention of such a name, pupils dilating as images of such a man passed by. Those who threatened to break through the barrier ceased their snarls and clawed reach to the government man, growing silent as Alek stared up at the ceiling, watching those mirrored images begin to warp and distort.

“ **_Freeman…_ ** ” He whispered out - the memory of his first kiss to the bearded scientist was prominent, within those neutral-colored halls, the paint stripping away like embers, floating off into the distance. He didn’t care if they were watched - what was done  _ needed _ to be done.

“ **_... Free… man…_ ** ” He whispered again, left hand keeping still on his abdomen to keep the wound from spilling more of his remains, as the memories fluttered by; thousands of photographs of their intimate night replayed or the subtle touches and tender gazes they have shared outside of that bedroom. Frantic violins and distorted pianos warped that space, threatening to turn those mirror images into waves like the ocean and send him lost within. 

Lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, Alek could no longer see the Vortigaunt within the peripherals, for he most likely lacked the dedication to remain in such a realm at the last moment - a destroyance more beautiful than an atom bomb. The snarls returned along with the breaking of the glass, growing loud and destructive, as on the other side of the spectrum were the lost beings that wanted to gather. The holes grew bigger, sharper and defined; those began to file out, squeezing through like water being released from a dam. 

There were more than just thousands.

They stumbled over each other, the screeches no longer human and humane, the possibility of rupturing eardrums were extravagant. Despite so, Alek tuned them out, listening to the conversation that him and Freeman had on the first day. The flirtations and the expression on the physicist’s face was something to never forget - even on the verge of death. How could he ruin his life? Send him to a place with no mercy, or even threatened to when the choice came to it? Work for him or die,  _ work for him or die _ \- simple and destructive to morale.

It had been a long while since those same words were spoken in relative meaning. The warfield was never to be taken with a light heart, or it would go missing. He cursed those who made choices for others, yet he followed their footsteps either way. For what? What was his purpose? Why be put on this miserable marble if his hands weren’t worth anything other than the gun it held? A young man beginning his life of murder and mistreatment - a written will and signed over to the higher-ups to place any and all values into their unfamished and sterile hands.

Work or die.

“ **_Death would have been easier…_ ** ” The government man whispered amongst himself, the weariness taking over his body like the morphine that kept the Freeman alive during those trials and tribulations. To see him fight in that facility, or that reigning tower peeking above the clouds, watching them like a hawk. What difference would it have made in comparison to the same distinction between him and his employers?

“ **_... easier…_ ** ” Closing his eyes some, Alek felt the ground beneath him rumble with the jagged footsteps of his alternates, all rushing to get a piece of him, tripping over each other and lessening their chances each to get the most. There would be no balance between those thousands, no equality - no truth among them that they will get their fill no matter what. The government man remained on that floor, releasing a small chuckle, deep blue eyes slitting close to a sliver as his mind began to shut itself down. Death would be easier, if only he had a chance to correct it. Nonetheless, he lacked the ability, since they first woke up, and this would bring him back.

He would be dead, but still alive.

With another image of the Freeman to pass by his vision, the environment soon crumbled around them - the floor bursting into pieces as if too much-added weight had been established to glass, dropping Alek from that realm and into another void - vantablack and lacked the elongation of stars. It wasn’t until the sound of his name being called crashed him through the floor of that desolate nullification, and back into the room he was left in.

The quarters upon the Undulatus - and the mess left behind, created by the Eli Vance. Alek remained on the floor before taking a deep breath and rolling over onto his side, vomiting up a few pieces of glass that had surprisingly prevented his insides from being shredded. Panting lightly, the government man glanced down to his body, inhaling in deep at the attire that remained of his past self. Deep blue eyes narrowed before the bureaucrat slowly stood up from that messed ground and debris. Overlooking the room, the former soldier simply let out another chuckle to the ship’s gentle creak and groan, as if to remind him of who still had the upper hand.

  
“ **_Fuck you._ ** ”


	24. 20 18 21 19 20 14 15 15 14 5

“ _Idiot._ ” Gordon smirked lightly to himself as he had left Alek’s quarters, so that the sneaking suspicion wouldn’t creep upon them like a spider’s web. Now to finally have the Altostratus’s codes within his hand - certainly there was no chance to falter. Their lives were likely saved, as the physicist could only dream more of their haste escape. Hand in hand with the government man, gathering on board with the others as his employers had no clue of such a plan.

At least, he hoped.

The bearded scientist avoided the remaining debris laid scattered along the stairway, blinking as the crew members were gathered within that neutral hall. They stared to him; their faces weathered yet relieved to hear the key to their survival was now close. The remains of their resistance party exchanged looks to one another - as they knew exactly what had to be done. Supplies needed to be gathered, the ship accounted for the extra weight and the hopes of the navigational system still in working order. Even if it wasn’t working for the Undulatus, like hell it wouldn’t be working for their last remaining hope. 

They promptly split off in different directions, each with a task given without so much as guidance handed to them from either Gordon or their supposed captain. Yet, that authority wasn’t going to be used - not anymore. Alek was one of them now; their previous observer and fate changer was a part of their collective problem. Surprising, at best, but accepted. Amongst them, the idea that the bureaucrat didn’t dare to stop them in their search - even gone as far as to split them off into groups to discover it - how could they see him as the enemy in the room? 

They could finally see why Gordon became so attached. He was charming, intellectual, and… dare they say _caring_ ? He _cared_ about them, shockingly. While he did place them here first, their situation was made dire because of him - yet the strong feeling of understanding was peeking within that interest. Who _was_ he? _Why_ was he screwed like the rest of them? Gordon watched as the others took off down the opposite halls, as forest-green eyes gazed to the icosahedron within his palm. The code was in his possession the entire time; despite the overwhelming sense of relief came confusion.

Why? _Why was it in his possession?_

Hearing the footfall of a pair of boots, Gordon glanced up as Russell returned to him, handing him a small note. Taking hold of it, the Freeman then unfolded the wrinkled paper to see what it had on it. A small message - Russell suspected that Alek’s employers would assume they were going to bed, thus needed to _act_ that way. Go to their quarters, open a door here or there, then make their quiet escape. Forest eyes glanced up to the hacker as he received a thumbs up, before watching him take off down the hall of where the residential suites were. In a way, he _did_ have the right idea - would limit more suspicion if needed. Turning on his heel to follow such a plan, the bearded scientist then paused when a lone frequency filled his ears, echoing out through that hall and leaving the ceiling lights to flicker.

Forest eyes blinked some in confusion as they overlooked the fluttering light, as the change of atmosphere quickened the pace of the hair on his arms to raise. The environment felt… empty, dull and barren, as if this ship was promptly left abandoned. A certain _tick_ in the back of his head only left Freeman to become defensive, a fight or flight response to occur. He felt watched, despite the holes upon the walls to signify that the cameras that had been there - were no longer. A feeling; a deep, _dark_ feeling began to rise within his chest. Yet he couldn’t understand why.

He felt… _angry_ . Discouraged, perhaps, but an insane _rage_ to build its peak atop the tallest mountain of lies. Lungs began to take in air, in rapidity, and fists began to close. Fingers dug into palms well enough to leave marks, and potential cuts to slice free the vermillion trapped within. Lucky charm still maintained within, Gordon approached the nearby wall, tearing off some piping that caused the steam to spray out in torrents. How he could have acquired such strength was beyond him, yet the sweat on his brow was now prominent and the frequency that intervaled out in number sequences left the Freeman to move down the hall under those flickering lights.

“ _20… 18… 21… 19… 20…_ ” He whispered out, steps echoing through that neutral hall that slowly began to bleed into familiar territory. The white corridor turned into beige, and reddened, the lights and frequency glinting in time with the parallel klaxon of an experiment gone wrong. Everything had indeed gone wrong, Gordon wiped the blood from his brow with a gloved hand - now established wonderfully into the long awaited H.E.V. suit. How he hasn’t worn such an item in a long time, now begging to be used within his dire situation. 

Pipe replaced with his previous weapon of choice and first glance, Gordon lightly shifted the crowbar within his hands upon the sudden spark of kinetic, green energy as he slowly trekked along the corridor of one of the office complexes. Blood laid among that carpeted floor, yet no signs of the body it belonged to. Could it be his? Would he _want_ it to be his? Swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, the Freeman shifted his glasses momentarily to adjust his hazy vision, wondering which direction to take as he came across an innumerable amount of intersection of hallways. 

Similar to a multitude of straws interlacing with one another, the hallways looked more like a weaver’s basket of paths than an office complex. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Was Black Mesa the place of his ruination? Would it? Gordon picked one path to tread wise through, the klaxon alarm ringing through his head at certain speeds consistent to a jackhammer. A sensory overload, unknowing of where the main source came from. The universe felt like it was tearing itself apart and placing itself back together - stripped free of unity and organization, and to a more means of sporadic uselessness.

_He_ felt useless. The bodies the blood had belonged to made their presence known, however none of them were in contact of bite marks, missing limbs or gunshots. Instead, holes driven in by a blunt object - and the more he shifted the crowbar within his hand did the blood of the living become caked to his undead hands. He had murdered them; his colleagues. For what purpose? To end that inconsistent, constant barrage of noised frequency, reminding him of just how worthless he was. They all had familiar faces, the faces of his _family._

“ _14… 15…_ ”

He whispered more as he stepped over the bodies that lined the fun-horror-house halls; the office complex bleeding into another familiar terrain indistinguishable of the warehouses occupied in Black Mesa. He remembered the military crates and the helicopter stored away for uselessness, believed to think such a vehicle would provide the benefit of the doubtful eyes. They never had a chance, why should it still matter? Forest-green eyes gazed up the tall ceiling before pausing in place as he heard a shift of a boot.

“ There he is! Get Freeman!  ” The grunts presented themselves, releasing their trigger to spray certain amounts of bullets toward the physicist before their aim would become lacked and also sporadic in such a universe. Gordon took upon himself to duck behind cover, taking account of his own emptiness void of weapons. Weapons, yes, however the items to shoot them with were never to be found. Wielding just a crowbar, a small voice in the back of his mind spoke of the denial that such a scientific man would _ever_ escape hell with just a construction tool. Yet, another would deny that denial - believing he could make it work. 

Instead, Freeman fled, too heavily outnumbered and pinned down with minimal coverage to view all of who trailed him. He burst through a door, presented with the outside world as jets flew overhead, ringing his ears of their close proximity engines to screech out. The song of a Stuka, in the form of a modern-day hell scream. The devil was after him, yet the devil took many forms that day. Military closing in, Gordon continued his flee - busting through another door and straight into another part of the outside - sun setting and deserted land bathed in orange and crescent yellow. 

Despite previous blue skies, Gordon only had one thought upon his mind. Survival; gaining momentum in his steps, the bearded scientist wiped more blood off his brow, the sting of sweat mixed with vermillion to enter his eyes and coat his lashes with the raged moments. The HECU too were gaining upon him, garnering a response of a hail of bullets toward his direction, to end the nightmare and be done with it. A cleanup successful in the midst - priority number one. Bursting through another door, the physicist took time to close it behind him, barricading it with a few shelves and chairs, flinching when the door was smashed against.

“Someone, go around! Get inside!” Hearing their muffled calls through the door, the Freeman stumbled back some, activating his flashlight as he was left in the dim dark shroud of a proverbial basement. Forest-green eyes surveyed the equipment left behind; snow gear? In the middle of New Mexico? Familiar snow gear, nonetheless. Frequency in tune with the beat of his heart, Gordon continued to back away from the door he forbade entry against, hearing the military run against with their shoulder or provide kicks to their foot. 

Deciding to leave the scene before they could squeeze their way through, Gordon left through another door to his right, squinting his eyes to the bright light that blinded him within before settling their volumetrics. A long hallway, likely belonged to a hospital yet devoid of people too. He broke into a run, trying to reach the ever expanding end of this post-apocalyptic universe, yet to no avail. He would be running a clear marathon before his sanctuary would be established. He tried the doors, rattling their knobs to establish any alternate route he could cascade into. 

No avail.

Panting lightly as he began to run again, his heels crumbling the metaphorical glass made mess from the medical bay, Gordon caught sight to a blue door. Lonely, within the middle of the intersection. He gazed around it, left and right, before flinching as those other halls were starting to slam close. Either he would be trapped within their grasp or the door would provide release. Making up his mind at the last second, the Freeman had burst through, into the struggled hold of the military soldiers, each with familiar faces attuned to his family.

“ I got him! I got him! ” Growling and calling out in frustration, Gordon tried to pull his limbs closer, to rip them away from their hold in attempts to swing his crowbar. To be knocked free, another escape attempt failed. Smacked with the butt end of their rifle, the Freeman collapsed to the floor, panting heavily as his equilibrium was ruptured and the dizziness to make the spin more rapidly than the funhouse tunnels. His tool was ripped away from his weak hands, body forced to lay upon his back as the room rolled and weaved like intermittent pixels.

The walls dripped with them, as the soldiers circled him like wolves to a prey. Forest-green eyes tried to keep them steady in his aim, making sure that none of them dared to catch him off-guard once more. The whispers that filled the useless room, hardly came from those HECU marines, breathing out in time with those frequencies that filled his head with pathetics. Would have been easier to submit him to loyalty in the chamber at the first moment of collapse, swift torture straight and delicious to be delivered. They examined him, from head to toe, before eventually the main leader had stepped forward.

“Bring in the others.” The supposed father Vance commanded, as all of them glanced to a doorway that was constructed on the wall, releasing the supposed prisoners inside. All bound by zip tie and cloth gags, they stumbled forward, beaten, and endured their own previous torture. His family - the ones who woke up on the Undulatus with little chance of survival since the very beginning. The practical nightmare happening now would remain true - yet one had been missing. 

Just who was that _one_?

“Start with the youngest.” The HECU Marines brought forward Alyx, shoving her to the floor and placing a boot on top of her head to keep her in place. She struggled and pulled at her restraints - hazel eyes unsure of what might befall her within the next seconds. Her double, the HECU Marine Alyx Vance, released a sack full of rusty knives from her hold, taking one out that remained the only cleansed blade of a surgical tool. Trying to get up, Gordon grunted hard as he was kicked in the stomach to stay down, watching as Alyx’s doppelgänger neared with the weapon, threatening to cut her wrists.

“It’s your choice, Dr. Freeman. Should she die? After all, she caused you so much trouble in City 17. She’d be far better off dead than alive.” Panting lightly, Gordon examined her face; young, weary, afraid. She was forced onto her front, as tears seeped down her cheeks and soaked into the cloth that gagged her, or puddled onto the floor - spreading the extravagant colors of vermillion in pixelation. The physicist grunted lightly as the blow to his stomach rendered him useless with words, leaving him to shake his head to grant the young woman life.

She was too valuable to lose.

“... Then how about the oldest?” Kicking his own double forward, Eli landed straight onto his knees, feeling the barrel of a gun to point straight at the back of his neck. These places… recognized as how he previously died to an Advisor. Same context, different enemy. If that enemy had been truly themselves. 

“ _15… 14… 5…_ ” Gordon whispered again with a stutter, grunting hard as his stomach hurt - before clenching his eyes shut as he was doused with what he established to be gasoline. The burn in his eyes limited just what he could read of his old colleague’s expression - fear, no doubt, but understanding? Was it understanding? If he had decided to kill him, it would be comprehensive - due to his agreement to allow the test to be made that started the whole mess. Yet, he was not the supplier and hardly ever was. Frequency prominent in his ears, the physicist remained on his side, breathing in the fumes of that fuel that would burn his very soul to a crisp.

“One has to go. The choice is yours.” 

“ _Trust…_ _no… one..._ ” Gordon whispered out the translated message of that frequency, before raising his leg to kick away the HECU Marine, gathering himself onto his feet despite him being piled onto to be subdued. The physicist growled out as the weight was too much to allow his movement, as the walls continued to bleed their pixels and reveal the voided world on the other side. However, this void was different.

Unlike of where he had previously been placed into stasis for those long 20-years, the intervaled frequency grew louder as those walls crumbled apart, paint stripped off like the years had definitely passed, a practical timelapse set to fast-forward. Within that shroud of darkness was the peaks of light, interweaving tesseracts of dimensions colliding with one another to create their own realms of uncertainty. The room tore apart, like the black hole had already struck, sending the bodies that kept him subdued to wither away into that same dust, and for his family to remain frozen in time.

If there was such a definition of time.

Gordon slowly gathered himself onto his knees as the weight upon his back was promptly lifted off; forest-eyes gazed within that shroud as the frequency never stopped their intervals. Likened to heartbeat, the physicist stood onto his feet, wobbled and still dizzy with the last true hit he received. What realm was this? It felt familiar, distantly, yet no memory rang true of this elaborate set-up. Breathing in deep, forest-green eyes examined the pixelations that dripped and mosaiced their life in dimension. Was he to view this recording as nothing more than a far destination? 

Taking a step forward, the physicist then grunted as a force knocked him back to the floor, sliding along that translucence as if wax had been coated on those gentle, durable fibers of membrane. This was no Xen - no this was something else entirely. What it could be, remained in question, and for his consciousness to drift away once his travel finally issued a stop. Asleep, for who would know how long - only that the shove he endured felt warm and comforting, rather than the previous notion of anger or hostility. 

A motion of love.

“--on…? Gor..--ar me?” Weaving in and out of that conscious state, the words spoken to him vibrated his ears with uncertainty and mistranslation. As if he had learned another language, and forgotten the one he spoke with ease. Forest-green eyes fluttered open before closing again, vision blurred in that process of trying to beat the desire to submit in exhaustion. A warm hand came to his shoulder, a subtle flinch to occur as it was hard to differentiate such a gesture as gentle or intention to be hostile. 

Slowly he gathered the meaning of his life, opening his eyes to focus on the figures that crowded around him. Familiar in their stance, lacking in that wolf to surround prey. The one that had touched him was Russell - unfortunately he too had the same weathered look among them. Beaten, it seemed like, as dried blood lined the side of his face, dripping from underneath his acquired hat. To shield what, only his desired traits - the decryptor sighed in relief as Gordon finally came to.

“ Welcome back to the world of the living. Or, rather the ship of the living. ”

“You gave us quite a scare. We thought we may have lost you.” Judith stepped forward, setting down the bucket she had within her possession. The room they occupied was also familiar, as the crates stacked upon each other told a story. A barricade, almost, to keep something out or perhaps something in. The physicist regained his strength to slowly sit up, gazing at the faces that endured their own battles. 

“... What happened?” Gordon softly spoke out, glancing to the glass that surrounded his body. Where did such glass come from? Was this always here? Or had they gone through a battle during his unconscious state? Did that carry over into his sporadic dream of eternal futility? 

“ ... None of us really have an answer. All we know is that… well… we went through some plain, _deep_ shit. We gathered you last, but you wouldn’t stop fighting us. So we tried to snap you out of it. Might… account for a headache later, but can you really blame us? You halted for nobody. ” Russell lightly rubbed the back of his head as Gordon slowly stood up from the floor, glancing to the rest of his crew members. Barney had a black eye, Alyx was scratched all over, Judith looked like she crawled through a mineshaft, Eli and Isaac… the stains upon their lab coats were questionable at best. Russell looked beaten up just as much as the Freeman was… Magnusson was surprisingly maintained - perhaps ruffled hair.

“... They know. Alek’s employers know we’re trying to escape. It’s pointless to keep quiet now.”

“Damn it. Did any of us let it slip?” Barney lightly patted his eye with his fingers tenderly, wincing at the pain pulsing back to his prodding. Alyx then presented a cold-pack to his eye after removing his fingers from it, scolding him lightly for continuously making himself hurt. Gordon glanced to the others before his sight settled on Eli, who looked downwards to such a question. Forest-green eyes narrowed, before closing lightly. He didn’t want to assume; this is what they wanted, wasn’t it? To go against each other or have a big argument to turn them separate. Another game for them to witness from afar, as the Undulatus continued it’s trajectory.

Trust no one.

The physicist opened his eyes once more before he had turned on his heel towards the ship they were near. The Altostratus; their way of supposed safety. Would it be enough? Gordon approached the door and took out the icosahedron charm Alek had given him, inputting the code that they lacked to find sooner. _05-16-2000_ \- he had mentally prayed for his key code sequence to be correct. If it wasn’t, what were they to do? Firmly accept their death? One glance to the clock, as well as the flickering ceiling lights left the Freeman and crew to feel dread fill their minds.

Time was growing short.

Gordon inhaled deeply to calm his nerves before pressing enter, as the others collectively sighed in relief as a small beep in access was granted, playing into their ears like the sweetest music. Russell immediately stepped forward to overlook the ship with Isaac and Eli; main thing was first, and that was establishing the control systems. Did they have it, or not? The physicist remained outside of the ship, catching the attention of the father Vance as he watched the others enter inside and examine the Altostratus and for what it’s worth.

“I figured… _Alek_ would be here already.”

“... It’s to limit suspicion. But my question is _what in the hell_ did we experience?” Gordon slowly turned his attention to the other, the tender rage suppressed within making a slight note of presence towards the other. And by far already, Eli took notice of it - glancing to the Freeman and the burning forest within his eyes. 

“... Don’t make enemies with the wrong crowd, son--”

“--I think I should be the one telling you that,” A brief pause left them in silence as the others turned their distracted attention to the both of them. What was this? Why the sudden irritability from the both of them? It wasn’t like Gordon to start a fight with his old colleague from Black Mesa, “Based on the fact that we’ve all collectively experienced some form of transcendent bullshit that nearly ended us all. Why? Someone let slip of our findings.”

“Now I know you’re not looking at me--”

“--I don’t see anyone else to fit the bill. You hated Alek since the very beginning, would be like you to let slip of potentially a stupid plan.”

“ Gordon, where is this coming from? ” Russell stepped out of the ship, trying to drive a wedge in the metaphorical dog bark between them. The others gazed to each other in confusion and worry; shouldn’t they be focused on trying to get out of there, or at least see if the Altostratus is capable of flight. With the Undulatus creaking lightly to the strain, as a subtle reminder to their ticking clock drawing near the final close. Eli stared to the physicist, overlooking the various wounds on his face. It was as if he was staring into a mirror from the past - the moment he left that test chamber. Was this legitimate anger, or was this anxiousness finally settling in?

“Gordon. You _are_ influenced.”

“I’m not influenced. My choice has been with Alek--”

“--Not by Alek! By his employers! They’re watching through _you_ !” With silence filling the storage room, Gordon glanced to the other members who stepped out from the Altostratus, gazing to the physicist with concerned eyes. The Freeman vented and sighed in disbelief, crossing his arms, shaking his head. Influenced, by Alek’s employers? How did that come to be, if it _actually did_? This was some sort of trick - what the hell was going on? 

“... You honestly all can’t believe this, right? I’m not being influenced.”

“ ...It’s in your head, Gordon. ”

“I’m _not_ being influenced goddamn it!” Forest-green eyes gazed to each of them as they gathered around. Something felt… off. He couldn’t pinpoint what, only that it did. Why did it feel off? Was it true? Was this a lie? Was he being influenced? The way they observed him felt uncomfortable. Their _eyes_ were _off_. Quietly swallowing to himself, the Freeman then backed away when they stepped forward, his fight or flight response to activate in that mere second alone. What felt like an eternity of each of the crew members staring to the Freeman, did their demeanor change.

Taking another step back, Gordon flinched as the world crumbled away into that dissonant void, and his friends-- no, _family_ were decrepit and withering away like the 100-years of their travel had caught up to them in the span of 15 microseconds. Boney hands reached for the other, attempting to draw him into that shrouded nightmare, with such strength unparalleled to their current appearance. Intervaled frequency returned to his ears, deafening and loud; as he struggled in the hold of his inevitable past. 

They blamed him, cursed him, dragged him through that vantablack ever so closer to those mosaics and bleeding pixels, to what he could only believe was the indication of outline of a familiar terrain. The Anti-Mass Spectrometer - in its apocalyptic glory. Gordon grunted and muffled his yells through the hand that covered his mouth, as they presented him near the beam of light to act as a modern-day guillotine. 

“You’re not real! This isn’t real!” Gordon managed to yell out once the hand had shifted from his mouth, as the others pinned him down, holding his head to the transparent floor. Hearing the sounds of Oxfords, the Freeman panted heavily as he stopped his struggle, forest-green eyes gazing to the upper left as a familiar figure presented itself in that light, bathed in orange despite the blue hue of his glowing eyes and formal suit. A bureaucrat by trade - yet something else entirely.

“A-Alek… h-help me. Dear God, help me!”

“ **_... Alek? Mr. Freeman - Alek has been… long, dead. A choice made by his hand and his hand alone, despite what you believed to be forced upon him._ **“

“You’re lying… you’re a fucking _liar!_ He’s _alive_!”

“ **_Believe what you must, Dr. Freeman - however the truth will always be present before your eyes. He was weak - fragile, a piece of glass in a choke of concrete. The man you… loved? Hm? Was nothing of the sort. A gentle dream in the midst of inevitable destruction. It’s all… in your head._ **” Stressing his words, the government man gave a subtle smirk as he paced slow around the physicist, despite his struggles to grab at the bureaucrat. The inconceivable urge to wring his neck was all that was left in his mind, yet the fear of what could happen should his encased psyche come into contact with the unpredictable phase array. The intervaled frequency left a numbing headache within, yet Gordon sought to keep his focus on the man.

“I’ll kill you!”

“ **_You’ll only kill yourself. But that’s what you’ve wanted to do since the very beginning, wasn’t it? A man of science with no delectable taste in defensive actions - forced to conform to idealistic appeals of survival. Kill or be killed; adapt or be forgotten. You may have gathered the appeal of my eh-eh-eh-employers, but there will be always someone else to take your place. You’re not special, you never were._ **”

“You… fuck you!” Gordon then called out in pain as his veins felt as if they were on fire or shocked with consistent kinetic energy - an energy he hadn’t felt for the past 120 years, or even longer. Vortigaunt energy? No - similar in effect however. First, they were enemies, then they were allies. Shivering and twitching in the hold of his undead colleagues, the Freeman coughed up the vermillion that previously coated his brow, mixing in with his saliva as his mind tried to keep up with the thrum of pain. Curling his fingers as tears filled the lids of his eyes, the physicist grunted lightly as fingers came to his chin, as if to get him to gaze at his proprietor.

“ **_It’s all in your head._ **” Whispering again, Gordon then flinched as a gunshot sounded off within, snapping the Freeman awake and to flail his limbs as he was held down. Collectively the crew members gathered around him upon the floor, worryingly, trying to keep him from hurting himself or others.

“ Gordon! Gordon stop! It’s us! It’s us… ”

“R… Russell? Alyx, Barney, wh--...” Panting hard, Gordon covered his mouth before leaning away from the group, vomiting up what he could only recognize as the fired rounds of the gun that never existed. Rubbing his backside, Alyx frowned as the other had gotten sick, causing her to glance up to the others. What was she to do? 

“... Are you real…?”

“ Y-- Yeah, we’re real-- ”

“ _ARE YOU REAL?_ ” Gordon emphasized, leaving the others to pause in concern as the physicist gazed to them with tearful eyes. Just what did he experience?

“Gordon… we’re real.” Alyx settled a hand onto his shoulder, hazel eyes gazing into forest-green. She could feel the shakiness within his frame, the uncertainty of their fate. The thrum of the Undulatus’s engines remained in that uncomfortable silence, yet what came next rattled their minds to regain their focus. The ship creaked and groaned, as the ceiling lights flickered in their wake. Time was growing short, and with the Altostratus finally opened and examined over - they needed to work fast. Gather supplies, gather what they could without bearing down on the established weight limit. 

With the sound of the storage door opening, Gordon gazed to the figure that stood within the threshold - Alek. Weathered, bruised, a change of appearance to his former suit instead of his captain apparel. The Freeman didn’t know whether to be relieved or frightened at the sight of him, as the physicist slowly stood from the floor.

“A-Alek…” No words responded from the government man, as the Freeman slowly drew near before halting in place as the other had raised his hand. Hearing the cock of a pistol, the crew stood like deer in headlights, with Eli only to narrow his eyes in a hateful glare. Gordon vented in lightly as the gun was aimed to him and for Alek’s eyes began to glow their desirable blue.

Trust no one.


	25. Chances

Space.

The unforgivable. The unknown darkness that holds many secrets to the greatest minds of every generation. Stars, planets, nebulae, galaxies, pulsars…  _ black holes _ \- it's there. The cold vacuum, the empty silence. A place that doesn't care for any life, nor holds any virtue towards those who run across it. A place beauty one cannot fathom to miss. Yet, while there is space, there is also death.

Death.

_ Death. _

And more death.

How can one ever expect to live?

They remained in place, unsure of what to think or do as the event unfolded before them. Glistening in that flickering light was the barrel of the gun pointed straight at them; a hunter in the shield of wide-openness to a gathering of plain deer. Either they were bewitched to stay in place, or their limbs lacked the capability to put up defense. Alek was threatening them; with each gentle motion for them to move away from the Altostratus left their hearts to beat wildly in their chests, unsure of such a man’s trigger-finger. Would the possibility of the gun going off randomly skew their nearest vital organ, or will it draw the outside vacuum in, likened to a straw in a cosmic milkshake?

“I  _ knew _ we couldn’t trust him, and no one believed me. Now look at where we are. He planned to take us down from the very beginning.  _ Murder-suicide _ , whatever you want to call it!” Eli curled his fingers into fists, almost cursing himself for not delivering damage to the government man of what he could. If the black hole wasn’t going to kill them - Alek certainly was. A last big bang, going out to glory. However, Gordon couldn’t believe the situation before him. Forest-eyes desperately tried to seek answers within that deep-ocean blue, only receiving a blank barrier in the midst. A storm brewing, lost in that vast sea

“ _ Alek… _ ” He whispered, a subtle crack to leave his throat when the physicist called his name - flinching ever-so-slightly as the barrel was focused on him and him alone. Never in his life had he felt so threatened by a gun, and he had plenty shoved in his face all those years ago. The context was different, but vastly similar. They all wanted him dead - blamed him for the happenings of the Resonance Cascade. Now the very man - whom he made love with - was the provider, too. No words left the bearded scientist’s mouth, only breathless whispers.

_ Why ? _

“ **_Prepare for unforeseen consequences... Would these words sound familiar to most of you? Hm, unfortunately my observance of your crew rendered my eh-eh-eh-employers to seek other means of gathered analysis elsewhere. You are all_ ** **_useless_ ** **_\- to us. Replacement, after replacement, they have grown tired of the same… old… readings. Surely your… previous administrator, could vouch in understanding, as in regards to the test that brought you straight here._ ** ”

“You bureaucratic bastard--” Taking a few steps forward, Barney balled his fists before Alek shifted the gun’s aim to his leg, firing off a warning shot to piece the skin and house inside the calf. Calling out in pain, the former security guard stumbled to the floor, panting lightly as his own vermillion began to pool up from the wound and soak into the surrounding fabric. Their jumpsuits had yet to be changed - yet at this current moment in time, was it really necessary? The Undulatus’s walls began to creak more, as Judith slowly glanced up to the clock within the storage room.

They needed to leave, gathering supplies would take too much time in itself.

“ **_... Foolish attempts to stop me will only kill you quicker. Yet, half of you wished this to be, did you not? Your thoughts were clouded with the uncertainty of your pathetic life ever making a difference for something inevitable. Russell… Mr. Calhoun… Ms. Vance… even you, Dr. Freeman._ ** ” Pointing the gun as he read off the names, Gordon swallowed as the gun returned it’s aim back to him, as he desperately tried to stop his hands from shaking uncontrollably. His heart felt torn into two; was it all really a lie? Had Alek played him? To limit suspicion, or to just make it  _ hurt _ ?

“ **_You all assume everyone is fine and… accounted for, when their minds are easily distracted with the bait of reassurance. All it takes is one little phrase to send them over the edge. What that phrase is - differs from person to person._ ** ”

“Is that how they got you?” Illuminated eyes returned their glare to the man within the middle. The physicist swallowed hard as the gun repositioned comfortably in Alek’s hold, barrel at practical point-blank to his chest. A deadly cupid’s bow for the lonely heart. Inhaling lightly, Gordon ignored Alyx’s and Russell’s plead for him to stop, as they didn’t want to have a casualty. Not now, nor ever; even if they were minutes away from a cosmic death, they didn’t want to see themselves get picked off beforehand. Too much death was seen in City 17, and this would be no different.

“... Promised you life but in the context of chains? You were a soldier - soldiers write their life away, and for what? Just a slim chance of being home alive. A gamble in the world’s largest betting pot. In reality… once you signed over, you already lost. If not by the opposing force, then by the proprietors that spoke whispers into your ear of fame, glory, power; no, it never worked like that. To them you were dead. A casualty they had enough money to pay off for.” Slowly stepping forward, the Freeman didn’t dare to rush him - he didn’t  _ feel _ like it. Morbid thoughts made morbid actions, or at least more morbid thoughts to proceed with those actions.

His chest was now against the end of his life, should one decide the fate. Alek had decided his fate, many times, and this one would be no different. The government man kept his finger on the trigger - did he dare to tremble it? What felt like an eternity of silence, came Gordon’s hand to wrap around the slide of the pistol; cold, hard metal within the warmth of his scratched palms, never threatening to tear away.

“Pull the trigger.”

“ Gordon no! ”

“ _ Do it for good. _ ” Whispering within that cracked voice, forest-green eyes began to fill with tears, his hand to never depart from that gun. Illuminated eyes stared within, drowning in the salt that dripped from that life; the excessive whispers filling his head with uttered nonsense. The memories, the gentle tenderness of that night - would it too be gone? 

“ _ It’s your choice, not theirs. I want you to make the choice of killing me, Alek. Not your employers - you. But know this - after everything - you’re still their property. Killing me or the others won’t write your new history. It will only add to your old one. _ ” Quietly speaking, Gordon had then released the gun from his hand, pressing his chest more against the end of the barrel, as if to give him a clear shot to his heart. The chest he kissed and tended to, touched and caressed - only to leave a gaping hole of the choice he wanted to make.

The crew watched in anticipation and anxiousness for the shot to ring out to their ears, deafening and loud - and for their senses to be racked out of focus once the lifeless body of their colleague and friend would lay by the tips of the feet. It would be a lie if one examined the steady hand of Alek; it jittered and twitched slightly, as if to input Morse code or the after-effects of being struck by lightning. Why… why couldn’t he do it? The unfathomable urge was there - the anger and dismay mixed reaction deep within his stomach providing no other context other than uncertainty.

His facial expression held no truth to the gut feeling he faced - the tick in the back of his head was practically the only thing left to focus on. It was as if he blacked out yet consciousness rang true; Gordon’s face still held love. Why love? Why love even  _ him _ ? Can he not see the situation before him? He had a gun to his chest for god sakes! The unbearable itch to return to his old ways, like a plague or infection - was dehumanizing. They fought over his body like rabid dogs, just who was he now? 

“Alek.” 

That voice; the sweet, tenderness he had recognized drew him out of that deceit at the last minute, forcing Alek’s hand to raise upward and fire a round into the ceiling above. The crew jumped to the sudden shot, as the Undulatus’s alarms began to ring loud and clear, bathing the maintenance room in deep red, almost playing on the notion of blood spilled. It flickered parallel to the loud klaxon, a similar situation to unfold like the bowels of Black Mesa gone awry. An internal Resonance Cascade with the lone survivors; survival of the fittest.

“ **_... leave._ ** ” Through the silence of the alarms, Gordon gazed up to the government man, who still pointed the weapon towards the ceiling. Illuminated eyes dispersed and dimmed to their gentle hue of ocean, kept their aim to the following crate to his left. Words imprinted on it, a sequence of numbers only simplifying where the crate had been. A manifest documentation perhaps, this crate was allowed to be here.

But he - was not.

“ _ Alek _ \--”

“ **_\--I SAID LEAVE! … I don’t--... I_ ** **_can’t_ ** **_keep them away for long..._ ** ” Alek vented in and stumbled back against the wall, locking his arm above the head, hand trembling the weapon. The crew glanced up to it, almost afraid of it repositioning to their direction to start their stand-off all over again. He was giving them permission to leave; Eli took this opportunity to see if the Altostratus was in working order, going as far as to turn it on. 

Full fuel, with a proper indication of backup reserves made possible by the solar panel atop the hood. Spacious enough to seat them all, yet Russell had established a problem. The primary controls were locked to the Undulatus, despite this ship never being listed on the manifest for such controls. Would the systems even allow them to establish manual control and not automatic pilot? Remaining outside of the smaller ship, Gordon stared to Alek as he maintained his distance, seemingly like a prisoner in his own mind, and in pain while so.

He  _ was _ a prisoner in his own mind.

“ Bad news. The controls are like that of the scout ships; the Undulatus has full control unless someone stays behind to manually override them. We’ll be stuck on autopilot if all of us leave, which could mean we stay on trajectory with the Undulatus. Like a baby whale to it’s mother. ” Russell approached Gordon, taking minor peeks to the government man as he clenched his eyes shut. Internal turmoil, brewing and threatening to explode; the gun within his hand making the return of shakiness. 

“...  **_I will stay behind._ ** ”

“Alek, no--”

“ **_\--It’s the only way to beat them…_ ** ” Whispering quietly, deep blue eyes glanced to the lover he had cared for; the look upon his face hurt drastically than any war wound he had come to establish. “ **_... don’t be stubborn, Gordon. I would rather throw myself to the fire than d-dangle someone over it. You are too valuable to lose - not because of my employers, but because I love you. The c-choice is mine to make… now go._ ** ” Feeling more tears caress his cheeks, Gordon stumbled some as Russell gently pulled him back once Alek slowly removed himself from against the wall and turned towards the door.

“ **_GO!_ ** ” Being pulled to the Altostratus, Gordon whimpered and tried to focus on bringing a minimal amount of supplies as they dressed into their space suits, while also preparing the ship for the drop. D0g had dragged the ship to the carrier lock, giving a few chirps of indication that it was ready, once he heard the lock snap into place. Gathering into the ship, Russell placed himself at the wheel, turning on the basic readings to the console. Fuel reserves, limited weight balance, a will to live… the usual aspects of enduring flight. Yet this time, it was different; all of their lives were at risk.

  
  


Everyone strapped themselves into a seat, unsure of what the universe had to offer them. Would they find another Elysium soon? With their thoughts jolted out of them, the crew members collectively gazed at Russell as another alarm had gone off. They were knocked off the carrier lock, likely due to the strain the Undulatus was conforming to. Warping, twisting, distorting its practical matter, providing a strong enough force to unclamp the holders. Stepping out of the Altostratus, D0g chirped and knocked them back into place, making sure the clamps would hold just until their last launch.

Panting heavily as he left down the hall, Alek held his abdomen; a dull, sickly feeling to be left in place. The urge to vomit was wearing thin on his mind, as his mouth filled with saliva to protect what humanity he had left about him. A similar feeling he hadn’t felt in decades, or perhaps millennia. Stumbling to the main controls of the Undulatus, the government man collapsed against the console, feeling weak and unresponsive to his will. His abilities sparked back into his frame at once, a desperate exude of force to knock away the materials of the previous old world. Cups, pens, papers began to swirl around the room in buoyancy, as alarms cracked under unseen pressure; their elongated noise to fade from the environment.

Managing to get his fingers onto the console, the bureaucrat searched for the controls to be relieved, deep blue eyes flickering with illumination, threatening to harbor the last ounce of him. Vision going blurry, Alek felt his lungs drown in uncertainty, as his fingers halted their typing. Why save them? What had they done for  _ him _ ? Plenty -  _ was he sure _ ? Inhaling in sharply, deep-ocean blue eyes clenched to the whispers that filled his head, collectively administering the pain of certain defeat.  _ He could kill them all _ \- he didn’t want to.

He loved them.

He grew attached.  _ He wanted them dead _ \- no, never. It was his fault they were there in the first place,  _ the choice they made was all theirs _ . Alek vented in as the sickly feeling returned, the weakness to spread to his legs as he struggled to keep himself upright. The faces of his past collectively merged and displayed, almost threatening to return him to the fray, each snarling in transparency, like some 7-headed dragon. Employers to initiate their strengthening bond; _ a virus _ to be never cured. Items dropped and floated in anti-gravity, the internal struggle in need to be relieved and vanquished, to which direction? The choice was all his.

“ **_FUCK YOU!_ ** ” Screaming out into that oblivion, the shadow casted against the wall predicted the man’s fate. The end of the barrel to enter his mouth and fire away; his limp frame to collapse against the console, inputting sequences of code to be entered into the system controls, turning the Altostratus into its own driven state. Taking the cue, Russell had dropped them from the Undulatus once the loading bay doors were opened, hanging on tight as they were jettisoned out into that space, catching a few glimpses of the monster in the dark. 

Tendrils weaved and gathered around the ship they previously called home, tearing it piece by piece like scattered marbles dropped from the net casing. The destruction was phenomenal, likened to skyscrapers on their old Earth collectively tearing away from their foundation, to either burn up in the mass radiation or be swallowed whole with little difficulty. Gordon watched the catastrophe from the window, as many of them did, despite their harboring attempts to escape the hold. Like a drain in a sink, they were winding counter-clockwise along the accretion disk. 

From within, was eternal beauty.

Everything felt still, calmed, indescribably tranquil. There was no sound, no indication that the outside world was an apocalypse in itself. Ceiling lights flickered quietly, an abandoned ship left with no one important on board, except the floating evidence of previous occupance. The residential suites and their cohabitants’ belongings drifted outwards; the halls filled with memorabilia and the gymnasium pool water to gather in spheres. The laws had changed - had their chance to conform to nothing if not their original state. 

The sleek transference of that silence to gentle violins, sound could be seen, vibrating frequencies to jitter out in that environment as within the control room was the soft glint of light to expose the body floating within. Motionless, useless, as the outside windows cracked and shattered, exposing what anyone would believe to be the final destination. Death, nothingness, forgottenness.  _ He _ had been exposed, as the Undulatus crumbled to mere dust around him, yet his state - remained unscathed.

Distant eyes stared out through that void, no light held within as a beaded drop of blood slowly slithered down from his mouth, drifting into the buoyancy that lacked any indication of his whereabouts. A dead state - an unliked state, his ears picked up the echo of distant vague voices, disappointed or frightened. Who was he? What was his purpose? The violins halted their reverberating tone, as Alek was drawn in closer to that singularity. 

_ What good will it be? _

Stripped away of his matter, only the pixelations remained, as the void within introduced that gentle, intervaled frequency that caused much trouble to their lives. From forgotten beginnings to loose ends, his mosaiced body returned to that beautiful state of awareness, a subtle smile to curl upon his deadened lips. 

_ Plenty good. _

Body presented before that swirling, anti-mass, another force was exuded from his body to halt himself in place before he would succumb into it.  _ Everything had a purpose _ ; Alek slowly gazed around the dark shroud, tenderly turning towards the outer end of the black hole he entered from. Like gazing through a telescope, the stars delicately painted and elongated into modern art. Stars that held wishes once, before the subtle end had come to his presence. The government man soon returned his sights to the swirling somatic beams - powerful and delicately intertwining like the fingers gathered in the event of love.

An event he proudly had no regrets for. The name of the Freeman crossed his mind constantly within that nothingness, unsure if his help came to fruition or in vain. Delicately taking hold of the swirling anti-mass of a singularity, alternates fled from his pixelated frame; up, down, left right, crossways - directions never established to make their sporadic sense to undiscovered eyes. A smile still curled along his lips, Alek held the light with gentle intent before deep blue eyes had closed. The chance… he had to take.

A chance he  _ wanted _ to take.

Folding his hands together into prayer, and for his mosaiced mess to pick off into buoyancy, Alek had then spread his fingers into the gentle outline of a flower. Rebirth, reintroduction, purity - wounds to be healed and forgotten like he had been, years ago. The mural rang true, as memories of since their first step of life to the Undulatus, to the end - he could not predict their fate. With a bright light to shimmer off his shined outline, an intense flash followed suit, and for the government man to go with that gentleness; seeking darkness for the singularity to submit. 

A choice had been made.

Flooding their cabin with intense light, Gordon clenched his eyes shut to save his pupils from the burn, yet even closed eyes couldn’t prevent the overwhelming blindness as the black hole collapsed before them. A likened supernova unable to be documented, let alone witnessed by mere mortals as them. First came light, then dark - their lungs cut thin and free of breath. Were they dead? Was their escape futile? The background drone remained, yet Gordon couldn’t hear the call of his friends in agonizing pain;  _ would _ they be calling out?

With the gentle ticking of a clock, echoing and reverberating off of those walls, forest-green eyes slowly opened to gaze at the reddened numbers to their left. Early morning, perhaps - uncertain. Quietly shifting his limbs to re-acquire their occupancy, Gordon slowly sat up upon the bed. His mind felt blank, as if he slept for constant months or years, an internal hibernation despite the lack of season below the surface. Books lined the end table, half-read, given to him by his good buddy. Lightly inhaling and rubbing his face, the physicist remained sitting, unsure of what to think. It had to be a dream.

Yet, how was it so elaborate? Everything felt so real; the pain, the torment, the long years of fighting against a force he had no clue about. Green eyes studied the fabric that covered him, to keep him warm and comforted within the pleasant environment. Was it pleasant? Lightly swallowing the saliva that pooled in his mouth, tears began to fill his eyes, unsure if his reality was indeed truthful. He cuddled his legs, seemingly like a child who lost his way, or was far apart from any familiar territory or face of sanctuary. 

This was _Black Mesa_. Yet, why did he feel so sad? His mind began to forget just what he went through, yet the trauma was still there. Heartbeat sporadic and filled with anxiety, he tried to subdue his panic. That world he left wasn’t true, right? Tears rolled down his flushed cheeks, with seemingly no intention of stopping. Hyperventilating, Gordon brought the wool blanket to his mouth, inhaling the scent of perhaps yesteryear’s wash detergent. He remained in place, counting the seconds before his breath would return to deep inhales, instead of shallow unpredictability.

Frightened out of his mind, the physicist rubbed at his eyes before gazing upwards to the beige ceiling, examining over the details within. The swirls, the indication of craftsmanship when such a dorm was created to house this man of science. Taking a deep breath, the Freeman soon drifted his sight downwards to the corner of the room, halting his breath at the pair of eyes that examined him from within that shroud.

Illuminated, glowing with subtle desire; Oxfords soon made their shined presence as they stepped forward, revealing the government man that he only had mere glimpses of in his reality. Yet his dream world indicated something much more than just glimpses. Touches, caresses, emotions to be shared between them, even if the expression upon his face said differently. He was stoic, observing - familiar. Slowly removing the blanket off of his body, Gordon had gotten up from the bed to the sight of such a man, who spoke no words yet his eyes held the deepest truths. 

“You…” Gordon spoke out in softness, limiting the ache in his throat as his emotions threatened to get the better of him. The way the bureaucratic man stood there, within dim light, unmoving yet full of life - left the tender feeling of fright and uncertainty. What else had lingered? Something familiar in the sense of warmth, comfort - a longing over a distant past that was now carried over into present-day times.

Love.

“ _ You’re back… _ ” Whispered out in a cracked voice, the reality mixed with hallucination was only left with truth. That dreamworld was not a dream in itself, it was a failed repeat of what they had established time and time again. For the minutes to tick by would place that timeline into fruition, unless each of them collectively agreed to seek out different outcomes. If the government man was here - then that was the case. With a step forward from the bureaucrat came the step backward of the physicist, as tears began to roll down the forest eyes. Misty, foggy, an aesthetic to never be missed; and so he stared on, deep-ocean blue drunk in that beauty. 

“ **_... Are you afraid of me?_ ** ” Voice soft as silk, deep and reverberating into his soul, the physicist inhaled deeply to the other’s words, shakily rubbing his fingers together as his arms laid at his sides. A simple shake of the head took more willpower than any fight he overcame, whether it was years, decades or millennia that he took up those battles. Time felt stopped, or at least slowed to the point of - as Gordon looked on with a tender gaze. Returned in the favor, the government man lightly shifted the briefcase within his hold, the metal clamps to squeak ever-so-lightly.

“ _ No… I’m afraid of what I saw. _ ”

“ **_What did you see…?_ ** ”

“ _... please don’t make me say it. _ ”

“ **_Then I will not force you to… Whatever happened stayed in that perpetual state. For either you to reflect on, or for the… chance, at rebuttal._ ** ” The government man soon took another step forward, watching the language of the physicist’s body. He did not cower, did not respond to his approach with an opposite direction before he had taken another, and another. A gentle stride to the bearded scientist closed their distance more, and for shaky arms to finally wrap around Alek - leaving the Freeman to release a breath held in deep, providing the relief of life. He was still alive; they all were. Either in some degree, some other destination before they will slowly come together with the express purpose of achieving the same goal.

“ _... What about… your employers? _ ” Venting in, Gordon blinked and looked up to the other once he had pulled back some from the embrace, the distance hardly vast, yet the mention of such individuals left a cold air to drift among them. Deep blue eyes peeked into the soul of the man within his arms, before lips slowly curled into a smile.

“ **_I am my own employer._ ** ” A subtle silence lingered before a quiet huff of hot air and amusement left Freeman’s mouth, before the internalized fear dissolved away like cotton candy in water. Alek examined his face, a warm embrace to be returned to his cold exterior despite the physicist’s denial of such a claim.

“ _ I find that hard to believe. _ ”

“ **_You can find a lot of things hard to believe, Mr. Freeman. The question is… which one do you choose to believe?_ ** ” 

“... I believe you’re real.”

“ **_Then I am._ ** ” Whispering to the other, the bureaucratic man widened his smile as the other began to chuckle, drawing their faces closer together. Intimate, yet never daring to make the move first between either of them. Forest-green eyes locked with deep-ocean blue, as the physicist inhaled quietly to their closeness. Hands settled upon his broad shoulders, toes aching with the subtle stance of seeming taller to account for their height difference, Gordon then opened his mouth.

“ _ So we’re doing this again? _ ”

“ **_... Quite so._ ** ”

“ _... And you’ll be there? _ ”

“ **_I am here now._ ** ” Alek slowly raised his free hand to caress the physicist’s face as they exchanged their whispers; the touch he received left the bearded scientist to melt, likened to candle wax. How could one man ruin his life yet make his life so interesting was beyond him. He thought about the others - Alyx and Eli, Kleiner and Magnusson, Barney and Mossman, including the odd, grim yet comedic decryptor Russell. They would be there too, right? With the lift of his chin, Gordon closed his eyes as a kiss came to his lips, a sense of relief to the authenticity of it.

The kiss grew deeper, introducing tongue if they had to, a long time period had kept them long apart. Obsessively detached, forgotten in that sense of dread and decaying ruin of the Undulatus. Those memories were wiped clean yet suppressed in the back of his mind. Did they really happen? Was it really all in his head? As he was kissed further; no, it was. The feelings lingered across that plane of sporadic existence. Moaning quietly, Gordon and Alek exchanged more of their own intimacy, as the bearded scientist pulled back to witness the government man undoing the buttons upon his blazer.

“ _... Y-You’re going to make me late. _ ”

“ **_... You were late anyway._ ** ” Tossing his briefcase aside, Alek had slid the jacket off of his shoulders, wrapping his arms around the Freeman to carry him back to the bed. Lips never left each other, as the bureaucrat loomed over the other, hands promptly hurrying to undress what clothing they had as the clock upon the nightstand ticked over a new minute. Coming up for air, deep-ocean blue locked with forest-green, as Gordon was now shirtless and warm to the touch.

“ _... What? _ ” He whispered, hand trailing up the other’s arm in wonder as Alek stared down at him, almost in deep thought. Hearing the subtle sound of music to fill their enclosed environment, of what they heard within the captain’s quarters onboard the Undulatus, simply left the government man to smiling lovingly down at the other - illuminated eyes to glow with subtle desire, yet the emotion he finally figured the meaning of. 

**_We still have a chance in all of this._ **

[End]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you for reading my story - this took a lot of time and effort to produce something like this, and I hope I did it justice.


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